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amazing.  i've never tasted chicken like this before.  tastes like rinsed canned mushrooms and cornstarch.  so oily.  and 'beat' salad.  canned sliced beets finely diced raw onions.  mom and dad would love it.  i'm eating around the onions.  still gave me tummy ache.

i mailed life insure after writing down phone numbers from phone so i can start using new phone i got fry day.  i finished reading 'beauty of living twice'.  most enjoyable autobiography in a long time.  returned city copy to main due yesterday.  and finally 'gretel and hansel' film.  what a downer.  i carried it in my bag for a week.  i forget things i don't like.  things i like i remember forever.  

i'm sitting at the concrete picnic table at mission noon.  i called and booked 2 pm computer at seniors.  i just want to hang out.

i went to mission for connection.  svp still unsafe.  lovely sitting in shade on concrete picnic table.  1:30 i went to college safe way but nothing.  now i'm waiting at seniors.

did my computing.

wo something happened

it got messed up somehow.  so i deleted and new post.  i have twin child posts.  they show up on working page posts but not the blog.

chrome shut down cut me off.  i'm at mission.  i did big bang, aarp, scratch, lotto, quiz.  

i'm emotionally exhausted.  

veronica to the rescue

i tried calling for replacement booklet yesterday closed.  got it handled 2:33 min.  whew!  life is so painful when every little detail weighs so much.  no wonder i have back problems.  the weight of the world.

i did nothing yesterday

i could get used to it.  retirement.  i watched tv, snacked, napped.  it felt good.  so different from my usual life of discomfort.

seniors is another job.  doing what is mine to do.  i checked out hope thrift online.  12 or 16 miles away.  i don't know.  i feel obligated because ray told me about it.  backsliding.

and free soda, ketchup or mustard.  i feel obligated.  stupid to refuse free.  i feel trapped like a bug in amber. 

i'm watching 'greatest american hero' marathon.  andre the giant.  from 'princess bride'.  he always seemed so gentle. being an outsider i have a lot of empathy for the weird.

daily word trust

fear and doubt are contagious.  the pandemic is the outward appearance of the fear and doubt.  

so silly-looking car aarp

parking open today.  i came for bookmobile and they're already here.  i returned everything.  cody and aggie for aquilera=eagle.  i forgot i had some returns in car already.  when i returned them i saw gerde driving through lunch pick up.  told her reopening 7-1.  12:17 parking still open.  so they're no longer locking up from 12-2.  spoke too soon blocked incoming.  

i called raymond left message.  checked my bills next month.  good me.

autos.aarp/usedcarsforsale next car.

potty at the park

back main.  late opening today i booked time seniors computer 2 pm to try film that won't play at home.  i didn't try portable.  that's an idea.  and auto update is working today.

it's so heavenly to sit reclining, relaxing.  watching the world.  it's not the work or wear, the body heals itself.  must be the emotional damage.

i asked sydney about his hand.  nothing new.  then he asked for the other picture i deleted.  oh, well.  still no thanks.  

i drove 1.1 mi college store for clearance none.  seniors parking open 1:30.  cup and s v back to open already.  

i tried 'transformers' disc and it worked.  skipped 1 hour in i could still watch it.  home 3 to watch 'love boat'.  my dream life cruising.  

ruminating

very good.  i tried sending photo again success.  today this post is updating on it's own.  i don't know.  sydney never even called to acknowledge let alone thanking me.

i was going to good will and remembered they don't open 'til 10.  i didn't feel like waiting came to seniors.  did my games, just relaxed.  wanted corn from nob hill and bought 3 beets with tops $2.69 dinner tonight.  2 corn 40 cents.  i asked about nob hill survey email with weird letters and numbers.  i'll call tomorrow.

home 12:30.  i washed beets and cooked one.  i used the bag from 99 store for the other 2 beets.

i was very tired.  i napped after eating beet for half hour.  i didn't know how tired i was 'til i woke up.  i didn't feel tired.

i cooked one beet root and tops, yam and 2 h b eggs for dinner.

making it happen wof 

back main

dollar store, lunch, cup library, nob hill, home.

what a weird day.  syd asked me to take a picture with my phone and send him a picture.  i called consumer cell paid 5 to add text message still wouldn't go through.  oh, well.  maybe other phone?  

online nob hill almonds $5 moon day i ordered and paid online.  called to see if i succeeded.  yes!   

drove to cup library picked up 2 books couldn't remember almond pick up time.  went early ready bought clearance hemp oil and slice chocolate cake.  i'm so good.  

the errors pages due to changes in formats

and energy is still shifting.  i dreamed ex and tom last night and confronted the fact they couldn't love me if they never knew me.  

everything is behaving weirdly.  resetting. i thought my eyes were getting worse but the type reset from medium.  i have yet to play my first game of word finder.  error messages keep coming up.  and i keep trying.  2 hours.

still a lot of traffic for father's day.  

80 o but so humid.  well i'm feeling frustrated so home to watch concentration.  i'm thinking about finishing the games at sv library.  

i ate tuna salad lettuce wrap, delicious apricots from toke, h b eggs, chips, cookies.  so good.

holy moly-weird energy

i couldn't connect internet at park so i went front main no stable connection.  i drove behind main and sat benches to connect so slowly.  i postponed p g e and freebie.  county returns.  maybe tomorrow.

i had to shut down and i'm resetting my pages.  freak out minimal.  having been here before.  well, not quite here.  it didn't lock up.  just every page was corrupted.  so i left as guest and it shut off.  i reset blogs and mail back main.  i can always come back.  chrome format is different.  

took me awhile to get to sunnyvale.  i couldn't decide route so i just drove.  i looked for olive too soon at wolf and drove the scenic route.  then i get to library and city hall remodel detour.  so i drove around parking lots.  by the time i decided where to park it was 10 am time to enter.  i checked blog and sv asked for accept i did and here i blog.  good thing too, computers here updating no access.  i brought my back pillow i don't need ergonomic chairs.  hurrah!!  medium signal all day.  wow!

i brought my lunch just like my early days at senior center.  today is better.  i'm better.  i'm listening to healing.  i tried to buy cds and couldn't navigate website.  oh, well.

been seniors an hour

$tore and here.  i walked stretched gently.  i'm being gentle with myself.  too hot to eat i ate half.  i have weekend food in cooler.  i considered paying p g e and picking up freebie silk oat milk but tomorrow better and i can drop county movies.  i'm pacing myself.  success.

sitting. 87 o

i confessed to cody my overdue.  i returned and picked up from bookmobile.  i've never done this before.  i'm celebrating my normalcy.  

if it's this hot june i wonder what august will be.  i remembered my cooling and it's working.  

change for the better

in my opinion.  90 o+ today.  i saw this morning on news list of centers open and googled online times and locations for entire county.

this morning i binge watched speeding through slow bits.  came to seniors 10:30.  i walked, stretched picked up and ate lunch.  i waited in car an hour 1 pm for cooling center to open.  last year august cooling centers.  starting very early this year.  

i thought of bring 'live twice' and decided if i wanted to read i have my blogs.  i'm surprising myself.  i'm so calm.  i care without obsessing.  

free from guilt shame worry.  1985 nora monaco said i carried the generation burden.  sin eaters.  i'm free.

detour construction.

and going bent on same distance.  my spine and hips very sore.  used to be my groin.  groaning groin.  so i'm healing.  main parked and walked waiting for young peacock using bars only when someone watching then playing on his phone hogging bars.  

i ate 2 drum for b'fast and i'm hungry.  seniors open lot 10:21.  i had gum walked stretched and hunger went away.  i went back to main no parking.  st just shade darryl gave me hour i didn't need homeless man did.  came home 12:30.  county film 4 days overdue didn't auto renew with others and i'm ok.  i'll binge watch season 11 'murder she wrote'.  i added more chicken to lunch salad ate 1:30.  

and i'm ok.  it's funny i was feeling not right before i found the overdue and now i feel ok.  i finished the aarp section on feelings.  

i'm feeling relaxed

and it feels weird.  i dropped off st just 3 bags of groceries i don't eat.  i'm sitting in the shade back main.  so beautiful.  seniors no internet i went mailed b'day cards, at college store i bought clearance pot pie returned to back main i got same shady parking space.  i used their computer to do games.  so much faster.  i sat outside with laptop for research.

i have whole wheat noodles i cooked this morning.  i've been cooking 62 years.  it was a fiasco, i was punished a lot as a child but i've learned how to do the most in the least time.  

today was supposed to be hot but southwest wild fires making things cooler here.  listening to 'release guilt shame anxiety' working.  internet interruptions ok.  4 times i reconnected.  i left 2:30.

i brought in bins.  rested.  i'm dreading cooking drumsticks.  i ate pastry, some noodles, pot pie.  6:30 i baked 8 and nuked 4.  we'll see which cooking method is better for b'fast tomorrow.  i made them plain so i can add bbq, balsamic, teriyaki or soy.   

i started reading 'living twice' autobiography excellent.  

ah, yes

i love shopping online.  i take my time and i have to admit i love not needing things.  makes me feel complete and powerful.   

6 am daily word 'fun'

my palindrome b'day.  i'll do, be my best.  'strangers in the night' dooby dooby do.  kiely park i stretched.  when computer reception faded i stopped at st just for freebies and tried zero internet signal.  2 fabric.  9:50 so i decided to stay for groceries.                                                                                                             i decided to use main computer for games and parked in back shady trees.  reversed in and best spot ever.  i can see clear across park.  and incline car seat tilted back is so relaxing.  i want to stay here forever.  bring me my food and potty = bliss.  

i used all the open water bottles i've found to wash the front windshield.  i filled spray bottle i'm so good.

blogger's doing weird things again.  oh, well.  

i got home 1:30 hour and half sorting putting food away.  ate pastry and senior sandwich lettuce tomato.

whew!  good productive day.  lots of fun movies on tv.

(second day nails)

someone is dropping nails in my parking space.  wasn't there in the morning when i left.  i walk around the back of my car every morning when leaving.  sabotage.  first day i thought it was left from fence repair.  but it's on the wrong side.  and new nails appeared after policing the area.

county automatically renewed my loans.  i don't have to deal with it.  i came kiely park after dollar store.  3 socks, 2 juice, 3 chips.  loaded lucky freebie and double points.  considered when to pick up.  after seniors.   stretched easily.  cruised to senior park quick pick up.  college safe way nothing today.  lucky's out of trout i bought green giant cheesy broccoli cauliflower, 2 mangoes.  onto homestead clearance toothpaste, water filters.  parked under shade at st just walked returned 2 movies, used computer main.  

home 2:30 put weekend food away using cart to unload car.  i keep reminding myself to slowly recover.  i'm feeling so enthusiastic i want to do.  i have to rest my body.  i 'm feeling generous and want to give away the freebie pro biotic but my body needs it.       

 

visited raymond

i moved ladder 8 am to see if i could do it.  i cut some ivy planning bins.  2 garbage cans 2 bins already filled.  oh what to do.  i dressed early watched 'laura', and '... she wrote'.  got to seniors 10:35 not open.  parked on street internet connection shaky.  practically no one to pick up lunch so i ate early went to college safe way and detoured to 99 cent store.  i was planning just walking and bought 2 blueberries, yams, echinacea, glucosamine, beets, daily vitamins.  so i ignored safe way.

on my way to main i passed v village pulled over called ray gave him blueberries, yam and beet.  parked in shade.  happy birthday 22nd.  we had a lovely visit for over an hour.  so i got to main 2 pm too late to use computer.  parked at st just in the shade and computed hour and half behind main.  

home i watched 'love boat.'  i borrowed 'the palindromists' dvd from book mobile not knowing why.  they read backwards like me.  the majority population lives life backwards.  cattle following the herd.  there is a palindrome puzzle community so they are accepted.  only individuals are singled out for ridicule but when you think about it what purpose do they serve, brain flexibility.  

i'm upset

fire crew came 8 am about a dozen.  2 hours front yard 2/3 back yard cleared.  i feel guilty, weak, a loser.  i can't take care of it myself.  well, calling for help is taking care of it.  i don't feel it.  i still feel terrible.  i need a contractor or gardener or help.  i've never been in this situation before.  i guess that's when people say aging sucks.  loss of independence.  we were created to depend on each other.  be fruitful and multiply and inhabit the earth.  i know it's an opportunity for others to be of service but......

i still feel terrible.

took all day to feel better about getting help.  my family built an immense mountain of negativity to isolate the family.  insane form of protection.  if we had stayed in islands i'd have had a normal life.  reverse racism.  not this tainted existence i've endured.

7:45 pm called fire station 888 agnews 95054 talked to ryan about honorarium i can write note thank you.  i have to drag med ladder under awning tomorrow since tall ladder gone.

12 minutes to connect

stressed out from last night phone call.  all warning signals going off.  i suppose it's good i'm reacting.  if i'm getting beyond the past i have to process the feelings.  i watched oliver sacks last dvd before he died.  he was given months to live meta cancer insisted on recording.  i think he was autistic.  sure has the characteristics.  

dollar store amber wash and pads 3 new chair pockets in pink purple green.  safe way water filters.  i went past good will open 10 too late.  

1:47 still early paid city bank and city.  i suppose i add car tags next.  i put the yard out of my mind.  

eric d'day 6/13

i'd forgotten but my body remembered.  i need all the help i can get now.  jason called twice 7:45 pm to give me time to get to the phone.  heads up fire men coming wed morning 8 am to clear weeds.

i visited eric as much as i could in the hospital.  3 times a week i fully expected him to recover again.  this time was lungs.  maybe from his garage burning to the ground.  i don't know.  he knew how sick i'd been.  when i was bedridden he came and smog checked my car for registration every 2 years.  like my very own brother.  and his mom rose is just like sister alien, a reptile in human clothing.     

raymond maes

i went to burger king on the way to seniors park to use last day coupons to pick up lunch.  b'fast was garden artichoke fresh mango and of course supplements.  i decided on croissant if only b'fast or bacon cheeseburger if possible at 9:30.  i stand in 5 person line and see raymond eating his b'fast.  i can't recall his name.  so i stare until he notices me, lower my mask wave and wait for recognition.  he has such a nice smile.  we chatted an hour.  he moved to a 1 bedroom.  gave me address and phone.  

went to college safe way no reason 7 clearance jerky, sliced almond, mound bar $20.  SCORE!!

1:30 sitting under the shade trees mission park 72 o .  cool breeze.  i don't care games are slow.  trunk full of food.

HEAVEN.  ray must be an angel.

talked to gay man from sf with juvenile pit bull for hours.  home 3:30 put out bins.  

woke at 5 pain free

miracle.  so i have to be very circumspect not to overdo.  i got parking in the shade back main after homestead safe way water filters clearance.  i went to change them and gone.  my sisters have been poking around.  i thought so last month.  but nothing concrete.  definitely gone.  the ones tom bought.

then i went lucky's blueberries.  same price as fruit veg store but only with coupon limit 2.  found bright shiny dime uncle saying hello.  

i drove to 

left shoulder

the arthritis in my left hand is from a new pain below my left shoulder blade.  today it's so painful.

1972 for 2 weeks i couldn't use my left arm after unaware i crushed my tailbone.  i was in such strong condition my muscles kept everything in place.  i was in the best condition of my life from dancing weekends 3-4 hours at sjsu warehouse.  i wore a make shift sling from a scarf until the aching subsided.  

it presents down my right arm and shoulder blade but it starts in my neck.  

prayer request

i over did again.  i'm still learning.  i woke up 3 am in excruciating back stomach pain.  took willow and 2 hours to get back to sleep.  i watched 'ray-last dragon'.  ok but lacking verisimilitude.  'igor' had it.  so, definitely wait laundry.

i asked at lib for advice on svp computer.  website says upgrading cells to streetlights.  researcher said svp for phones only.  oh, well.  i played my games, sweeps, read my emails.  

home at 2:30.  cooked last corn.  had cookies chicken.  rested relaxed.  tomorrow another weeek done.  

toki called to thank me for flowers i left sat day.  she took to cemetery memorial day sun.  god always has a plan.  

today is different-full moon different

gravity at work.  i can view and blog.  before only one possible.  today i can blog and view 2 separate pages.  go figure.  internet reception depends on many factors.

i considered laundry lovely cooler.  

nah.  i did a lot this week already.  came home after mission computing 6 clearance jerky 7 macadamia college safe way.  score!  went homestead safe way 2 half seafood salads for dinner.  

home feeling elated moved mirrors arranged living room.

looked calendar not full moon horoscope WRONG.

i forgot to open page-tuesday

i was already tired.  i had decided to postpone banking.  i wanted more corn and blueberries.  so dollar store tropical cranberry passion fruit , good will had half off sale yesterday today senior wire organizer and aqua coat hook.  seniors lunch pick up, corn from lucky's still early main lib drop off ate lunch.  

i wanted raya movie from cup lib drove homestead decided withdraw chase on the way.  remembered fruit market for blueberries cherries into cooler, star one deposit, cup lib computers open half to one to three if no patrons waiting.  an hour i was tired.  got home 3:45 forgot about "love boat".  settled in to rest.