beautiful

left home 6:30 after rinsing car windows.  took my time enjoying the ride.  I filled 3 water bottles, returned to car I forgot my shorts.  found my hard rubber garden clogs.  I didn't miss them.  showered, washed socks.  biked 30 stretched 90.  filled 3 more water bottles changed from work out and put towel, pants, socks in car to dry.  

exercise the easiest drug-Wednesday 6/17 @ 1 pm-57/66

the fastest way to change chemistry.  I just noticed his name is Eric.  

I melted down talking to Eric Winberg when he asked about my level of upset.  I skimmed Eric's sad legal problems his dad Frank died 1998 while my dad Frank died 1999 and mom 2001 died.  I didn't tell him about my sisters' eviction shenanigans for the next 8 years and ongoing harassment.

Danielle Arena paralegal to Barbara Olsen will explain, fill me in re questionnaire.  

Walter is taking an interest in my problems.  I let him read all the papers.  his dad was hit by a car at Good Sam.  I told him I've got him beat hands down in the pain/complaint department.  maybe there's hope.  he said he can't change I said he thinks he's more powerful than God.  

seniors still pain full-and puzzle picture box top gone-59/66

insanity makes me sad.  my family.  crazy part of the family of mankind.  

the insanity gives me pause to rest more.  caution and discretion.  lunch with my real chosen family rewards me.  Toki took over Walter I can't tolerate now he's too immature, too selfish, too needy.

in the computer room I rest and listen to Louise.  I'm reading Gary Zukav, Linda Francis Heart of the Soul emotional resolution.  very specific directions.

I'm exercising to change my feelings r/t eating.  I biked 20 and stretched.  wow I'm stiff.  depression is like that.  

I decided Danny's recycle $7-60/66

with God everything is easy.  I'm feeling major inner quakes which means I'm totally safe to feel.  I'm feeling sick and horrible.  and this too will pass.  

I don't understand those wanting to keep everything the same.  preferring the known devil to gambling on a possibility of heaven. 

I'm feeling so angry.  someone messed up the television puzzle w/o order.  I'll forget it today.  I want to walk Savers and Grocery Outlet.  burn off adrenaline and cortisol.    

nervous NRG-still need to add car tag-63/66

I've missed soaking in the tub.  more than I realized.  I calm my nerves.

the toxins are leaving my body.  I felt so guilty not doing more for Eric when my dad was dying.  I don't know how I survived.  my mom and sisters attacked me as well as my parents.  CRAZY.  too much to deal with I checked out.  I've been AWOL from myself.

mourning Eric

I'm reading through the fire and trial.  he had it so tough.  I'm still astounded Rose charged him rent while he cared for his grandfather, attended SJSU and worked in the garage.  I still can't wrap my head around it.  makes my childhood seem like a fairytale.  

1:30 I felt tired.  my feet hurt and I filled my water and came home to rest.  I borrowed Who Framed Roger Rabbit and What About Bob?  I'm re watching Elsbeth.  

4 pm Belmont Stakes.  Golden Tempo Derby winner too.  

Wheel-70/66

I forgot yesterday so I did it first thing.  

I watched Franklin & Bash 3.  there is no 4th season at the libraries.  maybe Youtube.  

I printed Eric's obit and Frank's March 12, 1998 murderer's denied appeal 2003 of his 1999 conviction.