I'm dedicated to having more fun. not having prior experience it's difficult to know how, when, where and what. determining what's fun for me was the toughest. I was always punished for everything. I had no idea of cause and effect. I had no idea what I enjoyed. I only knew the absence of punishment was heavenly.
I was constantly waiting for the next hit. major PTSD trying to minimize the pain. chronic anxiety and stress. I admired Tina Turner for having the courage to to admit the truth. no one brags about being abused. being beaten is shame filled. it means you either like it or have NO control over your life. being worthless and useless. I was told to my face by my parents that they wished I was dead. I was the cause of everything bad in their lives. and they taught my sisters.
admitting this I can feel my abdomen relaxing, the pain leaving.
