FREE! to be

WHEW!!  I've never felt better.  I've had such a hard life.  they loved the way they knew unwilling to learn better, do better, be better.  I want better I'm willing to be the best I can be for my best life.  they chose suffering and wanted me to suffer with them.  they resent my wanting a better happy life.  they resent a better world.  

I'm watching Life of Pi 2012 film from a book published in 2001.  very artistic Ang Lee lots of hype too intense for me then.  

I cut off sleeves of 3 X to add as pockets, sorted some bags, shoes,face cloths.  

I'm reading Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent a guide for stressed out children.  it's Walter.  he's now my older parent.  

so far so good

I've been driven to avoid complaining.  I listened to my family jealously guarding their complaints.  no solutions allowed.  made me consider why hold on to a life supposedly unwanted.  laziness or ignorance or stupidity, unconsciousness.  whatever.  I decided to search for solutions.  

an opportunity to make this the best 4th ever-FREAK OUT Citi bill-paid July+Aug

subliminal works.  I'm feeling better about this holiday than ever before.

I can do what I want.  senior center is a job of being of service when possible.  I tidied an hour just using a trash bag.  I used to make a production out of it.  it's lovely 60 cool.  

started b'fast w/slaw added raw sunflower kernels.  and I nuked some oatmeal.  

I think my upset stomach is from mucus.  my nose is always stuffy mornings then it goes away.  

Oh! The Great Race is on.  Aiko 18 traded me to Roy for dates with his slimy friends.  I was 13 when she decided to have me clean up for her weekend all night parties when the parents went to gamble in Tahoe.  Aiko talked mom into double dating.  and so I was raped.  Roy took me to Reno saying we'd get married but he was too cheap for a room and we spent the weekend in the theater watching this over and over.  WOW!  I've come a long way.  survived a lot.  

I FREAKED.  couldn't find Citibank bill.  then I calmed myself and remembered I could call for card balance.  WHEW!!  the old me.  and I charged my phone.

I paid $100 Citibank on the way to Carl's Jr Cali XL.  I added avocado.

Star Chapter books reaching for the stars-Ruben's b'day

I found a bookmobile graphic novel.  15 minute read Super Roomies.  fun, fun, silly willy.  

lunch is better with Walter ignoring me for Fred and Toki.  he doesn't want a better life and that's OK.  I can relax and enjoy.  

I'm loving my life right now this minute.  

dinner green peas 3 T mayo, diced tomato, lunch potato wedges.  dessert 3 snicker doodles, small slice of Ruben's lemon cake, half small bag Maui onion chips.  

happy July-Bartolo yard

I'm playing all day.  lunch was back to mediocre.  Walter knows he blew it.  Fred was back from dentist.  I stepped back and Fred and Toki are connecting w/Walter.  

I'm puzzling. phantom stole puzzle picture again.  I biked and read Wodehouse.  HEAVEN!!  after mediocre lunch Fred, Toki, Walter knows he dissed me.  talked at Fred and Toki.  I stepped back.  I puzzled 'til 5.

I had 4 servings of banh mi pork.  finished it and discovered green peas I cooked and forgot in microwave w/mayo so good.  the perfect dessert.  I nuked corn bread mix w/butter and water OK.  satisfactory.  Krusteaz very sweet.  

life imitating art-Mallory retirement party-mailed weather and phone records 2024 to Koyama

 I'm reading P G Wodehouse Damsel in Distress and Soon needed rescuing.  locked her keys in her locker.  life following fiction.  

Walter too annoying ate the ban mi because I said it was the only thing I wanted.  I'm done he has left the nest.  

chrome overheated, crashed and I got it back

too much nostalgia watching Disney special.  I let go of the past.  

I've been suffering unduly.  I drank almost an entire 750 ml of grapefruit drink and my tummy is fine.  

Yippee!!

muscle spasms-4 to one again

 NAUSEA from intense pain.  I just realized the collision marks them against me again.  this is all about forgiving and releasing the family.

the four of them against me.  now I have my own team.  I'm not alone.  I have friends.  

took an hour in the tub under jets to relax my sore battered muscles.  

I'm sipping cherry juice I've had for months in my gym roller.  

I feel exhausted.  most of my life has been barely maintaining, keeping the wolves away.  doing what I want never existed before.  

fires make us cooler

I looked up weather 2/14/2024 shows rain not clear and dry.  

the air pollution from fires create overcast.  

I'm reading PG Wodehouse online and watching Blandings.  

Vibrations of Heaven.

cell by cell

I'm changing my life.  it's so difficult.  and painful.  eh, LIFE.  

I mixed beans rice w/chipotle chicken packet too hot.  added corn.  

listening to Louise is my anchor.  I picked up St Justin lunch at 10 am.  9:30 I decided not to think, just do.  I let my body lead the way.  I dressed and Sunshine was regaling everyone of Chris fighting with either Sandy or Charity.  then she followed Ruben to his truck begging like a giant T Rex baby bird for his lunch.  Bonnie cutting in line pretending to talk to me and apologizing behind me but not going back in line.  

I love the library.  so calm and comfortable unlike my childhood.  all the comforts w/out the criticism or insanity.  

I'm so blessed.  ate the rest of my spicy spicy spicy beans w/sweet pickles to cut the heat while reading PG Wodehouse on Gutenberg.org.   

HEAVEN.

looking for the good

it's no wonder I feel exhausted.  my life set me up for failure.  Louise teaches self love=success.

still anxious

still haven't heard back from Dannielle.   

I'm carrying on.  I'm feeling the nightmare qualities of 1998 when I was alone fighting the sisters, taking dad back and forth to the doctors and emergency, working to pay my bills, barely surviving mom's criticism and neglect.  ALONE.  

I didn't know it was still with me.  

now I have sympathetic friends and a legal team.  I'm breathing through the PTSD.  it's so hard reliving the feelings.  I let go and let God even though I want to run.  so I'm biking in the gym.  

I'm reading the original Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos 1825 on Gutenberg.org.  when my heart gets too heavy I have respite.  emotional vacation.  run away.

I finished a 300 piece puzzle after lunch w/Fred, Toki, Walter.  he got me extra goulash w/egg noodles.  

I love wandering aimlessly doing what I want after a lifetime of work I had to do.  

Whew! I've been depressed- called Danielle back 9:30 am left v mail

found a plastic quarter holder with $2.00 for my laundry.  my homemade trail mix hits the spot.  I ate half a pound of lunch fish at 5 am.  

I washed a filthy OXO 3.4 qt vacuum canister, I found by the parking lot, in the cafeteria washroom.  abandoned things bother me.  unloved like me.

I've been feeling unloved since the Valentine's Day collision.  I wonder if that's why Mit sent me a birthday card in Dec.  (cue dramatic music bah bah bum).  she's never done that.  2024 and 2025.  

I drove to Mission didn't have a 2 sided scanner so I went to Central and still not 2 sided printing.  so 4 sheets instead of 2 from copy tech.  good to know I can get copies from Consumer Cellular.  I copied license and registration myself.  

I puzzled 2 hours oh, my back.  home 7:10 pm.  

a new me every day-Sunny hot spot

I had fun on cat puzzle Francine chose.  I'm feeling anxious over lawsuit.  I decided to pick up my Sunny hot spot.  stopped at Ross new tankini $15 and lemon almonds $3.49.  Sprouts lemon cake $6 and samples.  I sat and ate some lunch fish considering using expiring CVS coupons.  too much done already, my feet hurt.  home at 6 pm.                                    Danielle called no questionnaire yet.  I mailed Wednesday so 4 business days.    

 

all green lights 5 minutes-24 hour hot spot

took my supplements and forgot to eat.  I keep granola bars with me.  too sweet I gave myself a stomach ache.  wearing my brace helps.  

and I forgot to charge my phone 73%.  I'm wearing navy shorts and pink spandex.  so comfortable.  pool later?

Ruben gave me the last piece of Lucky's cake from Bonnie/Judy.  I gave Toki trunk fruit.  I released bread and old noodles to crows.

I love, love, love goofing off.  

3 pm lemon mousse cake and turkey tetrazzini soup (didn't drain the noodles).  I'm feeling so relaxed.  reminds me of falling asleep at the library and the guard waking me.  not anymore.  people eat and sleep anywhere.  and talking.  

a lot of resting.

taking care of me 24 hour fitness-HEAVEN!!--21/65

miss Vicky Jesus'sister has 24 through one pass.com from Kaiser.  Toki can get it.  

9 am sitting Cup lib auto return not online listening to Louise using city guest.  HEAVEN!!  

Asian man just gave me free 17.6 oz new Manuka honey Apr 2030.  I love the stuff.  online $50.

Oh that man from 24 Super in sunny vale parked next to me.  he'd buy a newspaper and trash r/t share.  I've seen him here weekends.  

and now to read Marla Gibbs.  more Heaven.  I returned and borrowed movies

I expeditiously picked up St Justin from Sandy.  cheese and PBJ.  perfect w/corn salad.  I bought a sale book bag $5 and single $1 of French and Saunders.  I finished 1 puzzle.  

seat cover-seniors I sit and read, my favorite thing to do-23/66

I can make over the jeans.  tool belt.  purse.  back pack.  

Fred, Toki, Walter lunch company good.  salads and sandwiches.  tiny cheese cake bites.  must be Father's day.  or Juneteenth.  Biden made it holiday.  

I walked college Safeway, bought $5 Jack Daniels pulled pork.  home with corn tomato bean cilantro salad.  

home 2:30.  

I'm excited like it's my b'day-25/66

warning lucid dream of older and young predator pretending to be contractors seeking prey.  my home remodel is almost complete.  don't allow in.  

I ate potato eggs I cooked last night at 5 this a m.  then thought and relaxed sans TV.  

I biked for half and half hours after the pool.  Candice asked my input on her difficult mom.  old Asians act crazy.  

I gave Walter birthday white willow contingent it works for him or return.  I reminded Fred brought a belt and I wanted cd player and Toki.  he didn't want jeans.  I can convert it to a tool bag.  

post office drop off 6:43 am-31/66-Barbara O

I've tried so hard to forget I forgot to list my injuries.  and car repair costs.  

my initial phone meeting w/Barbara O.  I remembered @ 12:50; hustled my chrome bag-phone from the locker room and questionnaire bag from car.   Phew!!  50 minutes.  she explained the process could take a year.  

poor Eric Togami.  he had to go through the trial 1998 and appeal 2003.  

I went to Panera redeemed $5 reward for steak melted cheese sandwich.  so good with coleslaw.  perfection.

bed 8:30 nothing on TV.  

determined to fill up $5.20-38/66

8 minutes to accomplish.  lunch meatballs extra Walter.  Ruben sandwiches chips juice.  I gave Paul LLoyd's friend ham cheeses.  

I sat with my pain then biked an hour processing sadness, getting it out of my body.  I still felt restless and used it to fill out the questionnaire a little at a time.  took all day.  made a copy of what I had at Mission then Central.  

decided I wanted beet from CVS.  and walked Safeway green olive 12 oz loaf $3 clearance and 4/$2 chips.

home 7:30.  pleasantly exhausted.  

back to work-39/66

I found the return envelope.  I'm more stressed than I thought.  I have no idea how it got across the room.   

just thinking of the questionnaire brings up MAJOR PTSD Eric and my parents and sisters.  the last almost 40 years.  HELL!  

everything I've avoided to survive.   IT'S BACK!!  like a horrible movie monster that won't die.  

home game show won't play.  early bed.  

Fitness 24-humid 77 %-48/66

I biked after shower.  I could take another.  nah.  fun playing on machine.

over to St J with a plan if not open corn dogs.  Ruben gave me his chips, yogurt and cookies.  I got a messy donut.  

central library Heaven copy room my car stays cool under parking.  I didn't have hi lighter so I puzzled 300 pc Disney SOUL.  

I LOVE BEING MY OWN BOSS!!  2 Jack Box taco I have tomatoes for dinner.    

beautiful-r'cvd phone records

left home 6:30 after rinsing car windows.  took my time enjoying the ride.  I filled 3 water bottles, returned to car I forgot my shorts.  found my hard rubber garden clogs.  I didn't miss them.  showered, washed socks.  biked 30 stretched 90.  filled 3 more water bottles changed from work out and put towel, pants, socks in car to dry.  

lunch with the family.  Fred, Toki, Walter 11:15 wandered looking for his counselor.  we all left early to minimize heat exposure.  Toki wanted vanda orchid lei for graduation.  

under main library.  and heavenly copy room.  woman came in for skype or zoom job interview.  hope she gets it.  I told Dino 'Camino' Medar how overqualified he is for senior center how we are blessed and he said his last Friday, Tuesday last work day.  job with Mtn View.  he's taking time to go to world cup LA Bosnia v Switzerland game.  I'm so proud of him following his heart.  

I just realized Eric and Frank bailed on purpose.  Rose.  mom died of a broken heart.  

wheel-jungle, a chic outfit

exercise the easiest drug-Wednesday 6/17 @ 1 pm-57/66

the fastest way to change chemistry.  I just noticed his name is Eric.  

I melted down talking to Eric Winberg when he asked about my level of upset.  I skimmed Eric's sad legal problems his dad Frank died 1998 while my dad Frank died 1999 and mom 2001 died.  I didn't tell him about my sisters' eviction shenanigans for the next 8 years and ongoing harassment.

Danielle Arena paralegal to Barbara Olsen will explain, fill me in re questionnaire.  

Walter is taking an interest in my problems.  I let him read all the papers.  his dad was hit by a car at Good Sam.  I told him I've got him beat hands down in the pain/complaint department.  maybe there's hope.  he said he can't change I said he thinks he's more powerful than God.  

seniors still pain full-and puzzle picture box top gone-59/66

insanity makes me sad.  my family.  crazy part of the family of mankind.  

the insanity gives me pause to rest more.  caution and discretion.  lunch with my real chosen family rewards me.  Toki took over Walter I can't tolerate now he's too immature, too selfish, too needy.

in the computer room I rest and listen to Louise.  I'm reading Gary Zukav, Linda Francis Heart of the Soul emotional resolution.  very specific directions.

I'm exercising to change my feelings r/t eating.  I biked 20 and stretched.  wow I'm stiff.  depression is like that.  

I decided Danny's recycle $7-60/66

with God everything is easy.  I'm feeling major inner quakes which means I'm totally safe to feel.  I'm feeling sick and horrible.  and this too will pass.  

I don't understand those wanting to keep everything the same.  preferring the known devil to gambling on a possibility of heaven. 

I'm feeling so angry.  someone messed up the television puzzle w/o order.  I'll forget it today.  I want to walk Savers and Grocery Outlet.  burn off adrenaline and cortisol.    

nervous NRG-still need to add car tag-63/66

I've missed soaking in the tub.  more than I realized.  I calm my nerves.

the toxins are leaving my body.  I felt so guilty not doing more for Eric when my dad was dying.  I don't know how I survived.  my mom and sisters attacked me as well as my parents.  CRAZY.  too much to deal with I checked out.  I've been AWOL from myself.

mourning Eric

I'm reading through the fire and trial.  he had it so tough.  I'm still astounded Rose charged him rent while he cared for his grandfather, attended SJSU and worked in the garage.  I still can't wrap my head around it.  makes my childhood seem like a fairytale.  

1:30 I felt tired.  my feet hurt and I filled my water and came home to rest.  I borrowed Who Framed Roger Rabbit and What About Bob?  I'm re watching Elsbeth.  

4 pm Belmont Stakes.  Golden Tempo Derby winner too.  

Wheel-70/66

I forgot yesterday so I did it first thing.  

I watched Franklin & Bash 3.  there is no 4th season at the libraries.  maybe Youtube.  

I printed Eric's obit and Frank's March 12, 1998 murderer's denied appeal 2003 of his 1999 conviction.  

Sunny 73/66-"Healing is sacred work".

Louise Hay.  I'm soothing my soul.  I love my rhythm of life.  lunch was Fred, Toki, Walter.  he's been taking home extra.  I got 2 bowls of whole wheat noodles.  

someone set out a 300 piece harvest puzzle I finished.  I put away the 500 Dan Craig castle into plastic bags, keeping the edge separate.  

Candice was helping Anne fill out forms.  I was just thinking of her and here she was.  

I want to try microwave scone and corn bread.   

And someone stole puzzle box top-PAID WATER, DISCOVER-74/66-DMV reg.

one tough little puzzle.  beautiful castle.  not as much fun as the cats.  

Walter is more receptive.  he still tries to deflect to hold on to his old life.  Fred, Toki make life fun.  

I redeemed Inge's recycle $6.  worked out perfectly.  7 am.  no one there.  

woke 2:30-6:30(77/66)called Jan @ Consumer copy of 2/14/2024 phone usage Paid Bartolo & mailed Life

I've started on the questionnaire.  I very carefully read it.  

my reward is the 500 piece Dan Craig castle puzzle by Spilsbury.com.  

June I'm renewing-78/66-Yamuna goddess-128/37

I ate the last tamale/2 eggs.  what a weekend.  my best yet.  

Life can be fun.  who knew?  

I'm stressing over reliving the collision.  I'm to fill out questionnaire.  ugh!

so I'm rewarding myself w/300 piece 19 cats puzzle.  funny expressions.  

Walter got me extra fish and zucchini.  I didn't want the bell pepper slaw.  I'm going to cook the salsa. 

waking with you tube Louise-80/66

perfection.  'Sleep in Peace, Wake in Joy' is the best recording ever.  I feel completely integrated.  I dressed all in black.  Eric death day coming the 13th.  3rd birthday.  

12:43 parked in the shade at the library.  I can hang or leave early.  I returned the hot spot and borrowed Jurassic Dominion and Rebirth.  and book Atomic Habits.

I decided to add scrambled eggs to spicy library tamales.  I considered polenta.  I remembered I had 3 corn tortillas.  Delicious.  

24 hour parking -Seeds of 250 years-Leta Cariel St Justin BBQ

9:30 not good parking.  people leave the hour and half hour.  I had to wait.  so 15 or 45 better.  

arrived St Justin 10:30 I chose PBJ and extra chips.  and eating makes me sleepy.  lots of sugar.  bliss reading, eating, resting, relaxing.  

ooh!!  I charged my spare phone 0%.  1 pm PA 'Seeds of 250 Years' lecture and food samples of east and west coast of early America.  pickled watermelon rind and old California tamales like fruit/hamburger, corn chips & salsa, watermelon 'shrub' drink.  interesting history of food.  

5 pm library closed I remembered I need fish oil omega 3.  CVS I bought Flax seed omega 3.  5:30 St Justin I drove around for parking.  I checked in and Leta was already in mass.  Beverly daughter in law working.  

Leta is a fire cracker of love.  best BBQ.  she visited w/everyone had 2 beers.  cheeseburgers perfect, variety of chips, most excellent strawberry, blueberry feta balsamic spring salad.  strawberry or vanilla ice cream cups dessert.  done by 7:30 I got salad and 2 wieners extra vanilla.  I ate so much.  

Bartolo next door Betty & Dave Todd 8:30 am-PAID CITIBANK

24 hour then Citi.  I considered paying B but I don't want to start a precedent.  I'll wait 'til Tues.  

lunch Fred and Walter 3 cups of coffee.  lots of extra food.  fewest people.

I'm thinking of the CSAA auto questionnaire.  I'm reading through it.  I want to print out copies of 2024 blog pages.  Monday.  senior center re opens Spring week.  today I'm resting in the cool overcast planning my life taking care of me.  maybe taking my own advice.  

feels like Saturday.

I almost lost my wallet, fell out of my fishing shirt pocket w/candy and 3 hours later was still on the library floor.  TYGJ.  I renewed chrome.  puzzled 300 piece Wysocki Americana I gave to Sammy.  

5 pm I was tired.  Safeway I bought 2 corn dogs, piece of German chocolate $2.50 and Angel food $2 cake, 4 mini chips $2.  

wheel late.  then Happy's Place and People Puzzler.  

Expansion Companion-Louise Hay

it's gently raining like Wednesday 2/14/2024 tesla collision.  still feels like an attack.  the injustice of suing Me.  my family.  

I let it go to God.  and tom too.  

b'fast of salad and pizza mac snack.   I walked Food Maxx after 24 Fitness.  nothing I wanted.  

lunch was lovely w/Toki.  Walter 5 cups of coffee.  he doesn't connect it to gerd.  oh, well.  Sunshie gave me 2 Walmart mini 

I finished Moana puzzle 2 pieces missing.  

home 5 pm for a change.  I found red envelopes I misplaced and I remembered black Buxton wallet.  exactly the same as red.  black was stolen at least 10 years ago so I stopped using it.  returned less $20 cash by mail from south San Jose.

feeling old fear and terror I choose Peace

Fear is trying to protect me.  the past, post traumatic stress is evolutionary protection.  there are no bears or lions.  

now today there's no one going to beat and torture me but me.  

one thing at a time.  I have to pay Citi, smog car, 24 hour resolution.  

I'm watching Harry Wild.  I've lived long enough to see odd women like me on TV.  Elsbeth.  

Smogged!!  I went after Gym.  resolved sort of.  no fingerprint scan.  I promised Gari brand new solar Nekko good luck cat I never even opened box.  I'm debating Mr Grumpy. 

lunch simply Fred and Walter.  no Toki.  she used to only bring Helen once a week.

at central library I did Walter puzzle assortment.  Disney Moana already opened incomplete 300 piece missing one.  

5 pm went to Savers nothing I wanted.  Grocery Outlet cheese crackers, 2 pizza mac snack.  home 8 pm People Puzzler.  bed 9:30.

place of joy-Tapawingo-Koyama & Costello Questionnaire

10/18/1999 Malcolm & Eddie season 4 episode 6 "The Tapawingo Witch Project".  and 2025 Tapawingo.  synchronicity.  

I planned on going to Savers until 24 hour Fitness cancelled my membership.  Minivia let me in because I was on file.  so human.  TYGJ.  onepass.scan fixed it 2 phone calls w/24 after senior lunch.  

Walter got me assorted Disney puzzles and fish rice.  Fred was his usual self.  

I went to central library to puzzle.  

too much stress.  and new stress.  I'm enjoying People Puzzler.  old me would have felt miserable would have wallowed in misery.  

So Happy

I've been sorting and organizing.  I decided to just relax in the cool overcast.  

I re scanned the TV and found People Puzzler tonight at 8 pm.  

I put together the over drive button that fell apart yesterday.  shifting was feeling weird.    I waited 'til the light was good to attempt assembling knowing I could always get Carlos to fix it.  I wondered what Walter's energy would do.  I figured out the button, spring, white plastic holder and wired clip.  

Freak out! Citi bill 6/10

update I thought I missed 5/10 payment.  I paid 4/26 using gas receipts.  

6 am I started sorting and organizing my swag from health fairs.  I've been watching Harry Wild PBS w/Jane Seymour.  after eating Panera salad I fell asleep 'til noon.  decided to go to central.  drove around waiting for underground garage to open late.  

central library heaven.  reading sorting relaxing.  Sammy left me date bite.  

I'm so mellow

I wanted salad for b'fast.  I caught every green light to seniors 7:50.  I remembered no St Justin Memorial holiday bought Panera day old salad too sour, baguette, chip cookie too sweet.  I swam half an hour then Sprouts girt card $29.97 mini turkey sticks, bone broth packets taste terrible I can fix.  lunch and puzzle at the library.  WONDERFUL.

I scored 13 plastic county ruler magnifying bookmarks.

5 pm the library closed I decided to get CVS supplements and walked the store.  parked close to everything I walked Ross too.  bought salad toppings and sesame seeds.  then I wanted corn dogs but Safeway deli closed 7 pm everyday so I settled for clearance pumpkin pie $5.50, 4 2/$1 chips, spaghetti meatballs $1.99 dinner.  home 8 pm.  I've been playing 'til dark.  new behavior.  

last health fair this year

so good.  fewer vendors only took an hour so I walked around with Walter and Toki another hour.  I got everything I wanted.  

Walter brought his car tool checked my engine clean smog will pass.  

the thread and seam ripper came w/6 finger puppets.   fun fun silly silly.  

home 2:30 I ate the cake Sunshine gave me and napped.  rested and relaxed.  

Seniors

everything is important to me.  I changed my slippers.  and I worry everything will be OK.  this has been my life.  I'm practicing being gentle with myself.  my picture as a toddler shows me with a furrowed brow.  

I figured out mom threw out everything because she had nothing and when angry at anything tossed our toys.  Aiko is the same.  dad loved giving everything away as long as it wasn't his.  so I barely had clothes on my back.  therefore the Cinderella complex.  I dressed in rags, did all the chores since before 8 years old.  no one to love since coming to the mainland at 4.  

so today I wore my sparkling gold antler headband.

life is good playing is better

I've never had a better time.  I swam tub broken I didn't care.  lunch Trudy brought cake brownies.  I scored Sunshine's left over chocolate and Boston cake.  sugar high tonight.  I'm using wet clothes for cooling whip creme.  

I puzzle Peace and Quiet.  I'm practicing normal.  I'm keeping the chrome.

I almost bought corn dogs when I have Krab salad home.  Whew!

playing with my toys makes me happy.  I'm wearing my gold antlers.  and using my sugar spoons and pickle forks.  More please.  

Friday last chance Chris B 5 crossing paths.  practicing forgiveness?  what's the lesson?  

I'm OK mom and dad hated me

I can release the constriction.  I needed to lie to myself to survive and I'm ready to thrive.  it killed them.  kept them from living.  hating me is hating themselves.

OH, WELL.  I rest.  

I got gas $5.60/gal.  I thought about it since the holiday is coming up.  the prices always increase since increased driving is anticipated.  

I'm pondering Chris Burgos.  5 times our paths have crossed.  last week I rode down elevator w/SCPD.  

whenever I feel like I need to act today the store ads were left.  there's always something I want.  

I walked Savers and found tiny silver 6 pickle forks and 5 sugar spoons $7,  12 purple hankies $6, gold rhinestone reindeer antler head band $5.  then salad, Krab w/potato, tomato.  $4 Tim Tam cookies.  

Walter's still running-wherever you go there you are

you can't outrun yourself.  drugs, alcohol, any of the -holics compound the interest not in a good way.  

I overstretched my shoulders against the corner

yesterday in the locker room after soak and stretch.  I woke with my right shoulder blade screaming.  I did my Dr Hume exercises and I'm a little better.  Dr Hume is working again.  

I tried red beans and rice w/chicken and veg 20 g protein from St Justin lunch.  

fixed denim 2 added longer hem and buttonhole.  and shorts.  

left leg cramp, stomach ache-I delivered vote ballot

all that walking and resting.  3 hours.  my body needs more stretching.  

7:45 green lights seniors much better.  someone took puzzle box left puzzle.  I'm puzzled.  just when I think I can't be surprised.

11 @ library.  I picked up St Justin saw Ruben, gave me his sandwiches.  deli ham gristle.  2+2 snicker doodles.  I'm drinking my homemade chocolate quick, turmeric, plant protein. 

2 pm Sammy gave me 2 Bikaji date nut candy bites and mentioned David.  BAM!  Sammy went to Sunny book sale today.  

I went to Village Green frozen dinner $7.39 too high I bought Jack in Box 2/$5 burger coupon.  

nothing on TV early bed and movies.  found Ed Asner doc.  

getting ready for school-Julia Buxton wallet

I'm still feeling sad and rebellious.  my terrible two's.  I was too terrified to be terrible.  too much home violence.  

I love my supportive senior center family.  Paul, LLoyd's friend opened up sitting and listening for half hour.  

I considered exercising but I didn't pack shorts or shoes.  eh, next week.  

I forgot the health fair noon-3 pm after lunch  I walked looking at everything.  Jon said I couldn't win again so I didn't enter.  I walked and rested.  Rx Balance booth raffled tees and rfid wallets.  2:45 I hadn't won so I went and asked where to buy one she gave me my choice of red.  online $16.57-$39.99.  

Sunshine shared her violent family stories.  she wants to live in Valley Village.  me too.  surrounded by senior survivors.  

home 3:30 Ruben gave me St Justin lunch with salad and tomato, Doritos.  I napped.  celebrity jeopardy tonight.  

my stomach is processing my stored emotions-Asperger's-returned hot spot

the gut brain seat of intuition.  and now I know why.  I'm prey not predator and can approach in peace.  Frank 3 had a meltdown.  I argued w/God if I hadn't won the raffle I wouldn't have reached out.

Paul Lloyd's friend offered me choice of 5 packaged pastry I chose bear claw.  

Cody bookmobile.  

mom's 25 year death versary

hurts so bad.  even with everything else.  my stomach hurts.  I feel nauseated.  

Bartolo left message.  I told him every other month.  AGAIN.  same conversation for years.  family.  familiar.  

lunch w Frank 3.  like an ET alien.  didn't know anything, how he got lunch I don't know.  I secured him a menu and explained reservations.

Toki and Walter brain wipe.  I'm worried.  he's so self involved.  he doesn't get he's being a pain.  

I finished a very tough puzzle of very odd shapes.  pain vacay.  

Jack in the Box tacos.  I'm still feeling desperate for no reason.  all the family torture labeled 'helping'.

grilled cheese b'fast

" Louise-Standing up for myself"  I finally got it 4 pm.  I'm feeling the pain fighting my sisters.  

I won the raffle basket from Friday.  $30 Sprouts gift card, $25 AMC gift card, hiking poles, hiking trail book, trail mix, adult swim goggles, beach towel, yoga mat, coloring book, markers, beach tote.  

feeling sad and stressed out

the body remembers.  seniors I remembered 2 days until mom's death day.  

I called Eric Winberg San Jose office re Sean Koy.  he's sending survey (?) papers to fill out before lawyer discussion.  I don't know.

I puzzled 'til lunch Fred, Toki, Salome, Walter.  pool soak stretch 4:30-5.  Cup library then Grocery Outlet watermelon water $2.30,salad $1.49, 2 mini pizza $1.98, the last grilled cheese $2.99, imitation crab $3.49, 3 rice crackers $5.67.  FEAST.

more fun

my ribs are unlocking.  shoulder blades so sore.  

I'm enjoying the variety of life.  I'm watching Franklin and Bash, unconventional lawyers.  it's on TV too late for me to stay up so I borrowed it from the county library.  

I finished the strawberries, eating Salisbury steaks/goat cheese, resting and fixing dresses.  balance.  

I feel hope-Mary Consumer Cellular 611 fixed my phones- I PAID Phone and City

I found v-mail from Eric CSAA? yesterday 12:38 during fair re car, no case number no last name referred to email I told them doesn't work.  (Sean sent letter.)  so I reversed white page number belongs to Mariana (Maria) Fe Rivera 732 Kineo Ct, Oakley, Ca 94561.   left voicemail for Sean.  will call again Monday.

I love Louise.  so brave.  

I voted, a productive day.  

new behavior.  I didn't return anything.  I kept everything putting myself first.  

I shopped Grocery Outlet.  2 rice crackers $4, cheese balls $2, 6 Salisbury/$4, cinnamon $3, salad $1.49, strawberries 2lb/$3.99, eggs $1.29.

GRIMM-senior health fair

best one ever.  Mallory worked so hard organizing and setting up.  I visited every table and got lots of goodies.  Walter had his counseling so I got his  card and picked up his lunch.  he visited me puzzling after lunch 3 times.  the most he's engaged with the senior center walking around all the tables.  

Walter appreciates me.  Paul was excited by all the people and gave me 2 wrapped pastries.  

home 3:30 tired I ate carnitas salad and lemon pepper burrito.  I fell asleep watching GRIMM and woke up at 7:30 thinking it was SAT morning.  I checked the chrome book and was surprised.  I felt restored.  

Oprah hi jack

you tube interview of 'A New Douglas Stuart Novel'.  huh.  Spirit.  

Diana' second car event this month reminded me to charge my phone led me to Toki message dental cancel lunch.  

I'm enjoying puzzle I decided to postpone pool 'til after Cody bookmobile.

so perfect taking my time in pool wringer broken, going to lunch after 11.  Walter left early to walk.  I puzzled 'til 2:30.  

I decided to pick up Sunny hot spot.  then I stopped by Chipotle for carnitas and Trader Joe's cheesy puffs and raw sunflower seeds.  next to each other in the strip mall.  

home 4:30.  

so many choices

yippee! seniors I'm doing a Josephine Wall beautiful romantic puzzle.  I'm doing it to enjoy not self distracting because of physical or emotional pain.  I'm managing.  even with the threat of being sued I'm OK.  she's not biologically related to me like my 'sisters'.

home 3 pm.  stopped at BK no Whopper Wednesday in May so I used coupon for 2 Jr + 2 fries meal.  so satisfying.  watched Jeopardy and Wheel then bed.  

Jack 75 years taco Tuesday

there's one by Savers senior day.  Woo Hoo!!  across Homestead.  

I found 2 dresses and jersey headbands I can make wrist wallets $15.  Grocery Outlet has new food.  pepperoni grilled cheese and steak stew, avocados 49 cents, salad.  

home 6 pm for a feast.  

Walter Sr-Star Wars Day-PAID Bartolo $70

home 3:30.  feeling exhausted.  emotional clearing.  

I gave Walter $25 container store gift card and season 7 Big Bang Theory.  to ease the pain of missing his dad.  distraction of new behavior.  and being able to lessen his pain helps me feel my pain less.  

and I reminded him of my embryo evolution theory.  how some people are stuck short of development to full human being.  he's still upset with Nahyoung.  he got me chicken soup.  his idea of rebelling.  

and Fred and Toki are encouraged to get on with their lives.  so a good day. 

A productive day.  

I love Louise

sleeping, waking is happiness with her affirmations.  such positivity.  

watching the Librarians it's all about the relationships.  Walter doesn't have that.  he has no desire to be a part of people.  his dad isolated him like mom isolated me a form of abuse.  he may be afraid.  I learned by watching shows.  I love people.  I love watching shows.  I love watching people.

I let go-PAID DISC-ZERO PGE

how did I miss Table 19?  2017 movie.  uplifting on so many levels.  

bit by bit, cell by cell I heal.  

seniors 7:50 I soaked and stretched.  St J Gloria I shared Walters specifics of grieving and PTSD.  she gave me her donut, bagel, yogurt.

my fascination with Grimm has to do with the monsters walking around.  the people stuck in evolutionary stages as lizards, wolves etc.  never being fully compassionately human only looking human.  explains a lot of questionable behavior.  and why God allows it.  

I felt so sleepy I left the library 2 pm.  I considered paying Bartolo but I'm no longer forcing myself beyond my limits.  new behavior.  

my stomach is finally healing from 1972.  

mom's b'day-I AM BLESSED-best mom day

and I honor her.  I added little veg soup can to rice w/lunch chicken.  OK.  I'm craving chocolate drink.  

I drove back home for county returns.  I left them by the front door.  +.4 mile.   

PCH no free sweeps.  I'm listening to Louise.  my good addiction.  the culmination of 75 years.  

I want the rest of my life of ease and comfort.  

and I keep learning.  if I click on the year I access all posts.  or month by month is visible.  

I started 750 Fancy Cats puzzle.  lots of cats.  

Walter is trying to get kicked out of lunch throwing a hissy fit.  Fred and Toki trying to help.  

drove to Cup picked up 4 Librarians, Elsbeth, etc.  I had to turn in Louise CD.  I decided I wanted $5 Safeway.  tried Maria old corn dogs tried 24 hr Safeway none bought chips, back to maria Safeway 2 fresh corn dogs from bottom.  DINNER.  

home 5 pm.  Sunny hot spot pick up 5/8 same as city return.  

I don't know-bookmobile-death versaries coming hard-new gal Soon

Walter is in excruciating pain running from it.  can't it's within.  his talking babbling is a futile attempt to distance himself but it's inside.  been there done that.  I sat hugging rocking myself 'til it eased.  took a few sessions.  

he got 2 peas and carrots then later Hilde put out plates he acted for himself later offered me 4 X portion lunch.  he's going for broke.  I'm praying he doesn't over do.  

internet was down for several hours.  no hot spot.  public was fine.  

I resumed Sunny hold today at 17/59 and says available tomorrow.  I have city spot 'til 8th.  

seniors

easy letting spirit.  I enjoy sitting in my car watching the folks waiting for opening.  

Gohan and Gail new staff Dino's office.  Denise new nurse.

i love my lunch buddies.  they make my life worth living.   I'm enjoying my life.  

dinner was Wednesday whopper added avocado and lemon mug cake.  

Savers tomorrow.?  

very good lunch for a change-Koyama & Costello

beef broccoli brown rice.  seniors 7:13 am.  finished puzzle soaked and stretched.  

I started new puzzle and rested.  met newbie Oren dissed autistic daughter Lydia 25 living at home he's an autistic idiot. 

homeward I detoured to Chipotle for carnitas on gift card.  stopped at Sprouts for clearance grilled salmon.

home 4 pm letters from Unity and Koyama & Costello.  what to expect it could take 2 years.  

Walter and I his "yeah, but"=Abbot makes me Costello.  the new Assot & Costello.  

EXCELLENT!

seniors 7:45 am time to settle my soul and plan my day.  so good.  I puzzled, soaked and stretched.  lunch with Fred, Toki and Walter tied.  hamburger actually tasted good.  

I took my time with election online info.  'ballotpedia'.  I filled out my ballot after researching everything I could think of.  so home 3:30.   

Jamie Ding was railroaded.  Ken Jennings is so obvious.  

CVS? PAID CITI --1,004,104,886 PCH tokens-

Best Day!  Sunny dollar tree 2 fish oil, jeweled hair clip, gem pen, 2 b'fast wraps, $6 pink plastic clogs, tapioca pudding, gas treatment, English muffins, pineapple bits, propel 20 oz $2.30=$23.57.  didn't need CVS.  

home 9 am.  rest and reward.  watched Ghosts then My Fair Lady 1964 taught me the value of knowing the English language.  watching PBS I'd noticed class distinctions.  

frozen PBJ and rain

seniors 7:50 fed birds.  

frozen treat so yummy.  messy like a child made the sandwich.  still yummy.  sitting library fireplace eating PBJ St J lunch all the strawberries for dessert.  copy room occupied.  so I can see the Int'l pool remodel.  cool overcast keeping people away.  I feel so relaxed I was falling asleep.  borrowed 3 movies. 

I went to Baptist rummage.  found so many fun toys.  $13.  lotions, shampoo, magnets, binder clips, new pill cutter, toy basket, makes me happy.

home 2 pm raining.  I stopped at Jack in Box for 4 tacos.  so satisfying.

watched TV 'til 7:30 bed.  

remembered fill up gas forgot my phone

there was little traffic for a Friday.  I drove in filled up $50 and senior center.  

lunch good Walter freaked out when Fred promised a router and went to shower.  I had to talk Walter down like Aiko.  exactly like Aiko.  huh.  

Walter got me extra Tex chicken stew.  

home 2 pm I remembered the rummage sale 'til 5.  I considered and decided tomorrow after the library.  I remembered the mug cake 3 T mix to 2 T liquid 2 minutes micro.  I chose Duncan Hines lemon cake mix like pudding and fresh strawberries just perfect sweet.  

I put the excess mix in a glass jar for easy access.  YUM!!  so good another please.  

442 reminds me of Eric's dad Frank WWII

I looked up sleep to see what we know.  actually OK.  

if not for my back injury I'd have walked away from the sisters troubles.  they knew that.  I've taken care of 5 people since I was 8 years old.  I'm done.  tuckered out.  they died in my life when mom died and all they wanted was money.  her death day 5/13.

lunch was fun Fred, Trudy, Kenny, Gloria, Toki, Walter.  he went off with Gloria after lunch.  takes the pressure off me.  

Walter came by to chat as I puzzled.  his dad 5/4 star wars birthday.  mom's death day 5/13 Eric's death day 6/13.  too much.  

I'd have to be insane not to feel depressed.

I bought 2 piece windshield shade from O'Reily $20 r/t $8 at Ross.  almonds India $16/3 lbs tomatoes.  Smart and Final strawberries $2.49/lb small avocados $2/$1.  

home leftover lunch Boston Cream from Paula.  extra mash from Toki.  

official Earth day-I Let Go

I feel unlimited at this moment.  

"ghosts" BBC the fresh authentic version 2019 vs 2021 US remake feels like left overs from the fridge.  Sam and Jay are cute and fresh the other characters caricatures.  

so many good comedies.  "Blithe Spirit", I Married a Witch", "The Canterville Ghost", "Topper", "the Ghost and Mrs. Muir".  "High Spirits".

I puzzled at seniors before and after lunch.  CSAA Sean Koy sent my case to their lawyers who will be in touch assuring me costs are covered.  

after lunch Trudy, Ken, Fred, Toki, Walter I went walkabout at Savers 3 bags of nylon suede yarn $7.50+ tax.  Grocery O I found new frozen dinner $2.99, peas $1.29, coconut water $1.99.  excellent.  

I surrender and I let go-Paid Disc, PGE

55 degrees.  driving in the rain is PTSD.  I am willing to follow Spirit.  

I called S Kohlwaies due diligence.  this time I'm healthy to deal with it.  2001 dealing with my sisters' would have killed me.  I was so sick.  TYGJ.

I walked Walmart and paid PGE.  

Sean litigation specialist 719-534-4903.  Colorado. missed his call and left message requesting info by mail if possible.  

I walked Savers found $13 dress and $6 shampoo before returning bath suit and shorts.  policy is exchange only clothes and shoes.  

Grocery O new frozen combo, 2 goat cheese 50 cents less than Walmart, $4 aminos exp 2027.  

Louise changed the world -->1,003,559,886 PCH tokens-PAID DISC-new OTC

she's my hero a s'hero.  she passed 8/30 2017 same year as Eric 6/13.  I was distracted.  he had lung cancer.  her publishing company Hay House is an example of faith.  

I think it was Isaac Asimov who chose to write at 3 am when the world was quietest.  I feel at peace.  

Walter dug up baby lavender so they'll survive.  

phone dream drama Mit called

the sick feeling is the pain from them embezzling mom's estate.  the scam elder abuse classes verified once the authorities notified prosecution is inevitable.  their harassment, my retaining Susan M Kanclier for a restraining order.  all the humiliation, physical threats, sabotage eviction feeling is back.  my fear they'd be jailed.  mom wouldn't want that.  my church choir visited county jail at Christmas not good.  

Karen Kuek is bringing all the pain back.  listening to Louise I'm healing my inner child, championing defending myself.   

despite this I drove to the Cup library returned and picked up Ghosts.  turned out to be the BBC series original version.  I checked Ross for car windshield cover, Safeway chicken $7, Michael's waistband elastic 3 yds $6.  all this in 2 hours.  

TYGJ--999,699.886 tokens--->1,000,059,886

REST ore.  the chrome crashed and restore came up.  YES! Please.  I'm using nicotine bits.  

I arrived seniors 7:50 am did housekeeping 'til open 8.  soaked stretched.  parked St J looked at rummage 9:45.  picked up lunch from Sandy extra chips donuts.  library copy room#1.  

I'm checking the accident report 2024 is so wrong I can't believe it.  so 3 against me.  Kuek, Lai, O'brien.  Burgos so wrong.    

makes me glad I won't have to put up with this insanity forever.  she's 3 years younger and complaining of loss of wages.  she's 72.  70 in 2024.

I googled myself and found 2 X's obits, Albert (Dini's second husband), her obit, Marjet Hans second wife, Mary Martinez last girlfriend.  

such weird energy-central hotspot ready-999,169,886 tokens 9:30 pm

yesterday still 26/37 and today ready.  TYGJ.  131 waiting.  

we are only limited by our minds.  997,934,886 tokens 8 am.  

I called voice mail to Stephen re Alicia sending e mail r/t fax.  not in office I hope he's healthy for both our sake.  

Walter is afraid he can't change.  God is more powerful.  all he has to do is want change.  

Walter's here to remind me of my wonderful future.  

I decided on spam sushi dinner and $5 cake square for dessert.

Call me when you(auto suggestion) Stephen Kohlwaies

Talked to Stephen @ 8 am will fax from CSAA office after lunch.  Alicia e mailed saying confirmation more secure.  then super Safeway peanut MM, stevia $4, 4 2/$ bags chips.  Savers orange tags b suit 3 pr blk pants, silver tag pkg new rolls 1 black 1 white elastic/$6.  Grocery O fish, peas, salad.  

SCORE!!

Happy Tax Day!!-PAID PHONE ONLINE-28/58 or 26/37

I started reading the summons(?).  I feel like a sad little girl.  

they stonewalled Stephen Kohlwaies to try to intimidate me.  he's requested these pages for a month.  I left detailed brentwood lawyer phone and fax numbers.  

PCH change today.  997,654,886 tokens locked.  $20 minimum entry.  I don't have money for that.  

1 pm PCH back 'til next month.  

I'm feeling exhausted after eh lunch w/Trudy, Kenny, Fred, Toki, Walter.  

GLITCH online-tidy trunk, fed birds- 29/58 Sunny-city 28/37-SHE SUED ME!!

I tossed old lentils.  so easy to cook.  

glitch paying city.  called couldn't fix it went to city hall deserted.  paid Disc just like always.  5 pm working fine.  

I bought 4 Jack Box tacos arrived home served papers from Karen Kuek.  suing me.  I called Stephen Kohlwaies CSAA already gone home.  Jason Soriano took my info very helpful.  S. Kohlwaies file requested info from Ryan @ brentwood no reply.  SHAKEDOWN!!  

I called Silent Unity.  

I'm remembering-31/58 & 29/37

I've used distractions to avoid feeling pain.  I don't need it.  I can manage the pain.  

found green car key in a lunch bag YIPPEE!!-35/59 city 30/37

bottom pocket.  I soaked and stretched.  I picked up St Just lunch sprinkling.  4 pm more rain forecast.

reading Feb/Mar AARP magazine p. 21 ad for boost oxygen.  CVS aisle 6 & 17.  I called 15% of battery charge.

Heavenly.  I decided on a J in Box 4 tacos dinner $3.69.  online remembered everything somewhat scary.  

home early I decided to reset straps on denim sweetheart dress and it went so smoothly I reattached the straps on seersucker dress.  

SENIORS!-38/59-PAID CITI

only took 75 years.  started raining after I waited at the front door.  I preferred not being crowded.  

brilliant day of puzzles and rest.  I finally decided to pay Citi and check out remodeled BK.  2 fish $6.  home at 4 pm.  earliest I've been home all week.  Citi has wi-fi too.  

I just came when ready-38/59

I've always scheduled everything, not today.  I prepped car and came.  

I'm feeling powerful.  just me and Walter at lunch.  no buffers.

yum 3:30 finished Women artists puzzle treated myself to mini cinnamon coffee cake.  

my favorite dance-abundance.  

Seniors-Sunny 41/59 city 33/37

I mixed protein powder at home and brought to drink here.  very creamy vanilla.  my ADD may be a reaction to family abuse.  distracting myself.  

3:30 puzzling map of U.S. made of license plates.  finished 4:30.  now waiting for wheel solutions.  I want BK Wednesday Whoppers.  $3.99 maybe not.  requires app.  I still have 2 sandwiches, mac cheese, lots of food.  I don't know.  

today Savers I don't want to drive.  

new way to fix post revert to draft and republish-43/59&36/37

after connection interruption won't update without wipe.  

I soaked and stretched 10 am class in lap pool I enjoyed the exercise music Pocket Full of Sunshine(Igor).

Heaven.  lunch with my good chosen family.  and extra chicken tortilla wrap way better than hot lunch deli meat stew mushy carrot cauliflower.   

so I stayed and talked to Walter.  he's ungrateful.  so his improvements may revert.  I stayed puzzling and reading Dame Judy Dench memoirs 'til 6 wheel of fortune puzzle.  I bought BK bourbon Whopper Jr.  tomorrow Whopper Wednesday $3.99.  I added Vicky's avocado delicious.  

wondering 49/59-36/37 Bartolo yard just as I left-day#14 no hot

Vicky offered preferred avocados.  I took 4 she gave Inge bag 10.  HUH.

all books present and accounted for.  I've been looking for days and this morning TA DA!!  in the front seat I searched countless times.  

I stayed at seniors puzzling Goldilocks & 3 bears 'til 6 did wheel.  decided on SC BK looked for my wallet.  not in bags drove home looked in clothes.  called Discover Diamond no new purchases so probably misplaced, I froze account.  I called CVS OTC new card cancelled old.  THEN I found wallet in grocery bag.  I called Discover robot unfroze easy.  TA DA!!  I have to stop scaring myself.

I made a strawberry salad added chicken.  delicious.  tomorrow BK.  

Seniors!-53/59-37/37 hot spots-MAILED LIFE

I had a do nothing day.  I did repairs following my feelings.  so good.  I finished senior lunch left overs.  

I watched 3 hours of Hawaiian Rainbow & Kumu Hula.  made me think of X.  he never wanted to go to Hawaii.  he must have stopped there coming back from Viet Nam.  never occurred to me before.  don't ask don't tell.  

I soaked and stretched and entered my sweeps and wheel.  no St Just I picked up Safeway deli 2 corn dogs and $2.49 pork pie on gift card.  4 butterscotch cream soda $1.98+ CRV so delicious.  CVS magnesium on medicare card.  

doing my favorite reading and lunch at library.  so much of my life has been such hell.  it's heavenly now.  

awoke feeling energized-57/59-city 41/37 -PAID BARTOLO all dressed up at his house just getting home

I came to seniors early to feed birds.  I washed cake plate.   2 volunteer lavenders in planter strip.  

I called Sunny nutrition already 14 on wait list I could go for music Sunny library open regular 10/9.  

no Cody today Earth day at Triton.  maybe Savers.  

March 26 400K kitkat F1 candies 12 tons were stolen in Italy while transported.  I'm amazed.  

April fools-61/59+43/37

 Sunny plant sale Sunday 4/12 10-2.  Library.  

Ruben gave me yummy sourdough sandwiches 3 pm snack.  tiny lunch today.  not worth it.  Gloria asked about Sunny lunch Friday just checked open.  Salmon.  

Sunny 67/59 and central 43/37

no auto update and I don't care.  started to sprinkle just before driving to seniors.  I feel so weird.  my body continues to change.   

soaked and stretched.  lunch 3 bowls of extra veg pasta.  Fred and Walter no Toki.  Ruben gave me 2 St J sandwiches and Fritos I shared w/ Fred in an egg sandwich.  Cindy gave everybody cookies I shared w/Fred.

rest vacation in the library Copy room.  today is Savers senior day but I'm not feeling it.  

spingo-Central 45/38-Sunny 69/59

my idea for a healthier bingo.  spin bingo bicycles or standing table.  

Ruben gave me his Saturday snacks.  YUM.  no lunch extra so hmm..

microwave cup cake 3 T mix+ 2 T water.  60 sec.

I'm having fun doing what I want-72/59 and central 47/37

I'm using my energy to do everything I need to do.  listening to subliminal recordings I'm comfortably easily changing my habits.  

yesterday's writing disappeared and I'm calm and accepting.  the old me would have been upset.  I'm living in the now.

FIXED:  I had a preview I couldn't convert so I reopened the page and added using the preview option update when regular update wouldn't respond.  TA DA!!

I'm feeling like EMPRESS of the UNIVERSE.  I'm in the copy room eating my lunch and snacks, feet up, relaxing.  so out of my wheelhouse.  

day 5 still OK-74/59

hot spot central 48/37.  I've had 3 times Sunny.  food for thought.  

FROM PREVIEW:  lunch with Fred, Toki, Walter.  Salome showed up and made a point of sitting elsewhere.  later after Toki and Fred left she came over to say hi then walked away.  

Walter and I talked 'til Martin then I left for college Safeway $5 Big Shoulders pulled and boneless ribs pork delicious BBQ sauce with lunch mash.  desert chocolate cups baked in parchment squares from Sunshine.  and coconut water w/chocolate delicious and nutritious.

I'm loving watching my TV w/my feet up.  

#4-OK

I remembered to get gas.  Costco +$1.06/gal from 3 weeks ago $4.20.  Trump is crushing the American people for his takeover.  hitting the public in the wallet to make life horrible so he can 'promise' saving us lies.  

day 3 I'm OK-80/59

I'm getting used to freedom and I'm loving life.  I'm loving freedom.  maybe that's what keeps people unhappy.  the prison of the past.  

day 2 no hot spot-85/59

Walter won't admit coffee and chocolate candy b'fast isn't good for acid stomach.  

regular 8 am soak and stretch followed by beef broccoli brown rice coleslaw pretty tasty lunch.  I still want Grocery Outlet.  

I snacked and played at central library copy room.  I borrowed 300 pc Wysocki 15X21 puzzle to check and clean.  

Magnesium from the Dollar Tree-87/59

so good.  I read the soil is depleted of magnesium and I have more energy.  

soak and stretched.  lunch BBQ turkey burger tasty.  Fred, Toki, Walter.  Ruben gave me last piece of blueberry creme cake and container.  

"what you appreciate appreciates."  Louise.  

living room avalanche-87/54

this is the third area.  the front door laundry wasn't mention able.  and kept falling.  the kitchen mess is all a barricade against the sisters.  trying to camouflage my stuff amidst the mess.  

I'm better.  I slept.  I was concerned my back would react by keeping me awake.  I'm good.  THETA WAVES.

fun, fun, book sale despite heat 32/$5.  I parked in the shade and puzzled 1:30-5:30.  

front door shoe rack

fell apart and I didn't react.  I have a plan.  empty bin in garage perfect.

I bought a roast beef bag at seniors and picked up St Just.  I stopped to look at a yard sale and 10:21 no line for lunch and I got a weekend.  I checked the book sale again.  noon I bought 10/$5.  MY HAPPY CHILDHOOD.  

I considered Sunny, tomorrow noon book sale and return spot.  NEW ME!  

At home 3 pm I put garage stored boots in one bin and used the emptied bin for the front door shoes.  re-assembled plastic shelving and organized trash bags.  2 hours of sweaty work.  I did it.  delicious roast beef reward.

I release the need to scare myself like mom

she made a point of terror to dominate.  I no longer need to generate fear to feel her with me.  I release my self sabotage to feel a part of my family.  I misplaced the key again.  Martha library security let me know she took to lost and found.  

it's working

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

88-86 degrees 4:30.  dad's real b'day.  Trudy saved our table.  Kenny invited Jane, Fred, Walter, Toki.  makes me so happy.

hurrah!!  new denim dress and used 100% cotton tie dye beach towel.  

Matilda movie-Gloria saved ur table

she gets adopted.  I believed I was adopted at 8.  the explanation of my step mom and sisters cruelty.  but I wasn't.  they were blood related.  depressing.  

lovely St Pat's Day.  Gloria better.  Fred, Toki, Walter.  Salome still resenting Walter didn't want to hurt himself helping her sat at the end of the table.  oh, well.  worst corned beef tough and fatty.  

I'm relaxing at Central 85 degree dry heat considering Savers senior day.  too hot.  I want Gro O salad.  

WOO!!  home at 8 pm.  salad and hungry man chicken, mash, corn, choc cake.  salad and strawberries $1.99/lb.

Dan Kennedy marketing mesmerism Russel Brunson highjacked Louise Hay

'send me on my way' performed by Rusted Root in "Matilda".

comfort

Trudy won poker yesterday.  soaked and stretched an hour.  watching the Oscars 'til 10 too late for me.  

and I just noticed I'm back to wearing white.  I'm wearing my new pale green/white seersucker summer dress and white tank.  Fred and Walter at lunch.  I forgot the corned beef at home.  I gave a dinner to Ruben and chicken to Elizabeth.   

I returned Maria Twitty's call, she's rambling like Walter stream of consciousness.  she hasn't grieved her divorce.  

I'm eating the 2 sleeves of PB crackers.  so satisfying.  the chicken was unsatisfactory.  maybe the diced red bell pepper affecting my arthritis.  

so glad it's Sunday

my towel and swim suit were still wet I brought them in and hung them.  

I started with a piece of apple pie, ham and cheese, another piece of pie.  

I decided to store my dinosaur and Disney back packs.  I'm re configuring my life.   I had 3 squeeze flashlights and one still had tags I'm giving to Leta with a valentine straw cup and turtle hematite stretch bracelet.  

and Leta went to her Anthony's b'day party.  and I won Bingo twice.  Marie invited me to sit with the senior center table.  Jane and Ed were their usual rude combative selves.  they insisted on more cards than they could handle then complained instead of concentrating on playing.  more an ego attention getter.  

BLISS-PI Day 3.14152-TOMORROW ST JUSTIN BINGO 1:30

I remembered 1) cottage cheese in fridge for b'fast with fruit cup                                    2) sandwich 3) salad for lunch dressing packets galore 

                          since St Justin is closed for parking lot construction.

I'm watching a remarkable Hallmark movie about dream weavers "My Dreams of You".  most romance movies are predictable, formulaic.  this movie felt refreshing restoring my faith in movies' ability to open vistas.  dove tails with my love for dream catchers. 

I stretched and soaked.  I walked college Safeway.  then I walked Sprouts bought turkey sticks, test juice, double crust apple pie $3.14 PI Day.  

central library copy room lovely eating Doritos with sandwich and salad.  I AM BLESSED!  puzzles galore.  

2 days in a row-I gave Mallory best friend Oscar this Sunday-paid phone & city

I now have fond memories.  Bob Hope theme song from "Big Broadcast 1938".  

I had tuna sandwich b'fast and slept in.  BLISS!!  

Fred, Toki, Walter all TGIF'd.  Sunshine asked me if I attended the Senior Suicide Focus group when I sat right next to her.

I remembered County returns and holds.  new return machines not hooked up yet.  I was directed to toss in a bin.  St Just construction blocked I detoured and walked Safeway Friday sale Doritos and Haagen-Dazs' lemon coconut sorbet 214% daily sugar.  

                                                 YIPPEE!!

Louise little blue book 1976.  listening and processing.  

Mallory meeting 1:30 pm

WOW!! woke up at 8 after falling back asleep after 3 am bathroom break.  I ate my lasagna and dressed.  half hour I was showering and in the pool.

Cody 10 am I walked a lot back and forth to my car for water, cards, snacks.  then through sorting cards I brought some to donate to the library bookstore.  I read and ate 1 1/2 tuna sandwiches.  lunch with Fred and Walter 2 extra lunches and tuna.  Cindy 2 PB cookies.  1:30 Senior Suicide focus group one hour $50 gift card.  Thomas, Sunshine, Inge, David, Martin, Vera.  interesting.  snacks strawberries and PB crackers, 2 waters.

I gave David the red bird wooden puzzle.  he showed up at 5.  Sammy was there early.  home 6:30 2 fish and fresh strawberries. 

Louise and lasagna

a great way to wake up.  25 minutes of heaven.  library woman asked about her again.  Louise went through hell to demonstrate creating heaven.  

Louise Hay Day.  10/8/26-8/30/17.  

Ruben gave me his lunch bag.  Fred, Trudy, Kenny, Toki, Walter still miffed Gil tried to corner him yesterday.  I had to laugh at the perfect example of how he creates his experience.  physics in action.  he gave me his tuna sandwich.  he and Fred are tired of 3 days the same lunch.  

I relaxed at the library 'til 4, walked Savers 2 hours then Grocery Outlet I bought the last coconut drink, home at 6.  

heading to seniors

this is probably the first time in history the masses have the possibility of peace.  and Trump has started WW3.  oh well.  

now I know publishing from post page loses my auto update.  

I'm feeling I don't know what.  scattered by an internal wind.  I must be resetting.  

Savers new red roller $4.20, new air fryer in box $17.49, facial wipes $1.40.  then Grocery Outlet $1.49 salad and lasagna $4.99. 

pay Citibank by tomorrow-PAID

listening to Louise I'm consciously using DST to manage my day.  I usually resent any and every change as an intrusion to my routine.  I see today as an opportunity to improve my schedule.  

I successfully changed setting from dark to light theme.  no idea how it reset itself to dark.  I expected it to reset itself, it didn't.  

DST+1

I changed my clocks.  I considered and discarded doing laundry.  I'm resting.  not even a library today.  

I'm feeling conflicted turmoil in my gut.  the love I received from my Hawaii family.  I remember.  it feels like my drought has ended.  I didn't need sleep supplements.  I'm dealing with my stored pain.  processing not avoiding with addiction.

I'm listening to Louise.  I'm watching "the Neighborhood" family issues are my issues.  

I've never enjoyed DST before.  

I decided to rest-paid Prop Tax

I'm practicing self care.  I sacrificed my life for the family.  Lita's invitation to St Patrick dinner at St Justin is helping me release the lifetime of feeling unappreciated, abused and humiliated.  I'm watching Alf 1986, Bob 1992, old time tv sitcoms.  

I'm sitting playing, relaxing, feeling like I wasn't allowed.  I had to stuff, swallow my feelings.  one cause of obesity.  eating one's feelings.  one way of changing chemistry ergo feelings.  

I am blessed Lita shared her beautiful, caring family with me.  they welcomed me with open arms, looked out for me, included me.  everything my parents denied me.  best food best family.  

where did it go

I wrote about the chrome freezing and half hour restoration, it disappeared.  and no auto update.  

I'm feeling guilty the chrome crashed family induced 'always my fault.'  we store these feelings in our gut = big belly.  

Lita Cairel traded phone numbers.  she was at senior lunch.  Bingo.  

I'm having a life for the first time.  no outside demands.  only my self induced pressure.  I'm resting more.  

Fun! Fun! Fun!

 no time for blogging.  

paid Bartolo-Savers Orange tags

lasagna b'fast.  seniors 8 am I forgot to get gas 'til after lunch .24/gal more from last night $3.96-$4.19 because of Trump's war.  we were warned.  

I decided to walk Savers chose 2 New backpacks $4+$5.  I deserve the best.