Seniors

everything is important to me.  I changed my slippers.  and I worry everything will be OK.  this has been my life.  I'm practicing being gentle with myself.  my picture as a toddler shows me with a furrowed brow.  

I figured out mom threw out everything because she had nothing and when angry at anything tossed our toys.  Aiko is the same.  dad loved giving everything away as long as it wasn't his.  so I barely had clothes on my back.  therefore the Cinderella complex.  I dressed in rags, did all the chores since before 8 years old.  no one to love since coming to the mainland at 4.  

so today I wore my sparkling gold antler headband.

life is good playing is better

I've never had a better time.  I swam tub broken I didn't care.  lunch Trudy brought cake brownies.  I scored Sunshine's left over chocolate and Boston cake.  sugar high tonight.  I'm using wet clothes for cooling whip creme.  

I puzzle Peace and Quiet.  I'm practicing normal.  I'm keeping the chrome.

I almost bought corn dogs when I have Krab salad home.  Whew!

playing with my toys makes me happy.  I'm wearing my gold antlers.  and using my sugar spoons and pickle forks.  More please.  

Friday last chance Chris B 5 crossing paths.  practicing forgiveness?  what's the lesson?  

I'm OK mom and dad hated me

I can release the constriction.  I needed to lie to myself to survive and I'm ready to thrive.  it killed them.  kept them from living.  hating me is hating themselves.

OH, WELL.  I rest.  

I got gas $5.60/gal.  I thought about it since the holiday is coming up.  the prices always increase since increased driving is anticipated.  

I'm pondering Chris Burgos.  5 times our paths have crossed.  last week I rode down elevator w/SCPD.  

whenever I feel like I need to act today the store ads were left.  there's always something I want.  

I walked Savers and found tiny silver 6 pickle forks and 5 sugar spoons $7,  12 purple hankies $6, gold rhinestone reindeer antler head band $5.  then salad, Krab w/potato, tomato.  $4 Tim Tam cookies.  

Walter's still running-wherever you go there you are

you can't outrun yourself.  drugs, alcohol, any of the -holics compound the interest not in a good way.  

I overstretched my shoulders against the corner

yesterday in the locker room after soak and stretch.  I woke with my right shoulder blade screaming.  I did my Dr Hume exercises and I'm a little better.  Dr Hume is working again.  

I tried red beans and rice w/chicken and veg 20 g protein from St Justin lunch.  

fixed denim 2 added longer hem and buttonhole.  and shorts.  

left leg cramp, stomach ache-I delivered vote ballot

all that walking and resting.  3 hours.  my body needs more stretching.  

7:45 green lights seniors much better.  someone took puzzle box left puzzle.  I'm puzzled.  just when I think I can't be surprised.

11 @ library.  I picked up St Justin saw Ruben, gave me his sandwiches.  deli ham gristle.  2+2 snicker doodles.  I'm drinking my homemade chocolate quick, turmeric, plant protein. 

2 pm Sammy gave me 2 Bikaji date nut candy bites and mentioned David.  BAM!  Sammy went to Sunny book sale today.  

I went to Village Green frozen dinner $7.39 too high I bought Jack in Box 2/$5 burger coupon.  

nothing on TV early bed and movies.  found Ed Asner doc.  

getting ready for school

I'm still feeling sad and rebellious.  my terrible two's.  I was too terrified to be terrible.  too much home violence.  

I love my supportive senior center family.  Paul, LLoyd's friend opened up sitting and listening for half hour.  

I considered exercising but I didn't pack shorts or shoes.  eh, next week.  

I forgot health fair.  I walked looking at everything.  Jon said I couldn't win again so I didn't enter.  I walked and rested.  Rx booth raffled tees and rfid wallets.  2:45 I hadn't won so I went and asked where to buy one she gave me my choice of red.  online $16.57.  

Sunshine shared her violent family stories.  she wants to live in Valley Village.  me too.  surrounded by senior survivors.  

home 3:30 Ruben gave me St Justin lunch with salad and tomato, Doritos.  I napped.  celebrity jeopardy tonight.  

my stomach is processing my stored emotions-Asperger's-returned hot spot

the gut brain seat of intuition.  and now I know why.  I'm prey not predator and can approach in peace.  Frank 3 had a meltdown.  I argued w/God if I hadn't won the raffle I wouldn't have reached out.

Paul Lloyd's friend offered me choice of 5 packaged pastry I chose bear claw.  

Cody bookmobile.  

mom's 25 year death versary

hurts so bad.  even with everything else.  my stomach hurts.  I feel nauseated.  

Bartolo left message.  I told him every other month.  AGAIN.  same conversation for years.  family.  familiar.  

lunch w Frank 3.  like an ET alien.  didn't know anything, how he got lunch I don't know.  I secured him a menu and explained reservations.

Toki and Walter brain wipe.  I'm worried.  he's so self involved.  he doesn't get he's being a pain.  

I finished a very tough puzzle of very odd shapes.  pain vacay.  

Jack in the Box tacos.  I'm still feeling desperate for no reason.  all the family torture labeled 'helping'.

grilled cheese b'fast

" Louise-Standing up for myself"  I finally got it 4 pm.  I'm feeling the pain fighting my sisters.  

I won the raffle basket from Friday.  $30 Sprouts gift card, $25 AMC gift card, hiking poles, hiking trail book, trail mix, adult swim goggles, beach towel, yoga mat, coloring book, markers, beach tote.  

feeling sad and stressed out

the body remembers.  seniors I remembered 2 days until mom's death day.  

I called Eric Winberg San Jose office re Sean Koy.  he's sending survey (?) papers to fill out before lawyer discussion.  I don't know.

I puzzled 'til lunch Fred, Toki, Salome, Walter.  pool soak stretch 4:30-5.  Cup library then Grocery Outlet watermelon water $2.30,salad $1.49, 2 mini pizza $1.98, the last grilled cheese $2.99, imitation crab $3.49, 3 rice crackers $5.67.  FEAST.

more fun

my ribs are unlocking.  shoulder blades so sore.  

I'm enjoying the variety of life.  I'm watching Franklin and Bash, unconventional lawyers.  it's on TV too late for me to stay up so I borrowed it from the county library.  

I finished the strawberries, eating Salisbury steaks/goat cheese, resting and fixing dresses.  balance.  

I feel hope-Mary Consumer Cellular 611 fixed my phones- I PAID Phone and City

I found v-mail from Eric CSAA? yesterday 12:38 during fair re car, no case number no last name referred to email I told them doesn't work.  (Sean sent letter.)  so I reversed white page number belongs to Mariana (Maria) Fe Rivera 732 Kineo Ct, Oakley, Ca 94561.   left voicemail for Sean.  will call again Monday.

I love Louise.  so brave.  

I voted, a productive day.  

new behavior.  I didn't return anything.  I kept everything putting myself first.  

I shopped Grocery Outlet.  2 rice crackers $4, cheese balls $2, 6 Salisbury/$4, cinnamon $3, salad $1.49, strawberries 2lb/$3.99, eggs $1.29.

GRIMM-senior health fair

best one ever.  Mallory worked so hard organizing and setting up.  I visited every table and got lots of goodies.  Walter had his counseling so I got his  card and picked up his lunch.  he visited me puzzling after lunch 3 times.  the most he's engaged with the senior center walking around all the tables.  

Walter appreciates me.  Paul was excited by all the people and gave me 2 wrapped pastries.  

home 3:30 tired I ate carnitas salad and lemon pepper burrito.  I fell asleep watching GRIMM and woke up at 7:30 thinking it was SAT morning.  I checked the chrome book and was surprised.  I felt restored.  

Oprah hi jack

you tube interview of 'A New Douglas Stuart Novel'.  huh.  Spirit.  

Diana' second car event this month reminded me to charge my phone led me to Toki message dental cancel lunch.  

I'm enjoying puzzle I decided to postpone pool 'til after Cody bookmobile.

so perfect taking my time in pool wringer broken, going to lunch after 11.  Walter left early to walk.  I puzzled 'til 2:30.  

I decided to pick up Sunny hot spot.  then I stopped by Chipotle for carnitas and Trader Joe's cheesy puffs and raw sunflower seeds.  next to each other in the strip mall.  

home 4:30.  

so many choices

yippee! seniors I'm doing a Josephine Wall beautiful romantic puzzle.  I'm doing it to enjoy not self distracting because of physical or emotional pain.  I'm managing.  even with the threat of being sued I'm OK.  she's not biologically related to me like my 'sisters'.

home 3 pm.  stopped at BK no Whopper Wednesday in May so I used coupon for 2 Jr + 2 fries meal.  so satisfying.  watched Jeopardy and Wheel then bed.  

Jack 75 years taco Tuesday

there's one by Savers senior day.  Woo Hoo!!  across Homestead.  

I found 2 dresses and jersey headbands I can make wrist wallets $15.  Grocery Outlet has new food.  pepperoni grilled cheese and steak stew, avocados 49 cents, salad.  

home 6 pm for a feast.  

Walter Sr-Star Wars Day-PAID Bartolo $70

home 3:30.  feeling exhausted.  emotional clearing.  

I gave Walter $25 container store gift card and season 7 Big Bang Theory.  to ease the pain of missing his dad.  distraction of new behavior.  and being able to lessen his pain helps me feel my pain less.  

and I reminded him of my embryo evolution theory.  how some people are stuck short of development to full human being.  he's still upset with Nahyoung.  he got me chicken soup.  his idea of rebelling.  

and Fred and Toki are encouraged to get on with their lives.  so a good day. 

A productive day.  

I love Louise

sleeping, waking is happiness with her affirmations.  such positivity.  

watching the Librarians it's all about the relationships.  Walter doesn't have that.  he has no desire to be a part of people.  his dad isolated him like mom isolated me a form of abuse.  he may be afraid.  I learned by watching shows.  I love people.  I love watching shows.  I love watching people.

I let go-PAID DISC-ZERO PGE

how did I miss Table 19?  2017 movie.  uplifting on so many levels.  

bit by bit, cell by cell I heal.  

seniors 7:50 I soaked and stretched.  St J Gloria I shared Walters specifics of grieving and PTSD.  she gave me her donut, bagel, yogurt.

my fascination with Grimm has to do with the monsters walking around.  the people stuck in evolutionary stages as lizards, wolves etc.  never being fully compassionately human only looking human.  explains a lot of questionable behavior.  and why God allows it.  

I felt so sleepy I left the library 2 pm.  I considered paying Bartolo but I'm no longer forcing myself beyond my limits.  new behavior.  

my stomach is finally healing from 1972.  

mom's b'day-I AM BLESSED-best mom day

and I honor her.  I added little veg soup can to rice w/lunch chicken.  OK.  I'm craving chocolate drink.  

I drove back home for county returns.  I left them by the front door.  +.4 mile.   

PCH no free sweeps.  I'm listening to Louise.  my good addiction.  the culmination of 75 years.  

I want the rest of my life of ease and comfort.  

and I keep learning.  if I click on the year I access all posts.  or month by month is visible.  

I started 750 Fancy Cats puzzle.  lots of cats.  

Walter is trying to get kicked out of lunch throwing a hissy fit.  Fred and Toki trying to help.  

drove to Cup picked up 4 Librarians, Elsbeth, etc.  I had to turn in Louise CD.  I decided I wanted $5 Safeway.  tried Maria old corn dogs tried 24 hr Safeway none bought chips, back to maria Safeway 2 fresh corn dogs from bottom.  DINNER.  

home 5 pm.  Sunny hot spot pick up 5/8 same as city return.