life imitating art-Mallory retirement party-mailed weather and phone records 2024 to Koyama

 I'm reading P G Wodehouse Damsel in Distress and Soon needed rescuing.  locked her keys in her locker.  life following fiction.  

Walter too annoying ate the ban mi because I said it was the only thing I wanted.  I'm done he has left the nest.  

chrome overheated, crashed and I got it back

too much nostalgia watching Disney special.  I let go of the past.  

I've been suffering unduly.  I drank almost an entire 750 ml of grapefruit drink and my tummy is fine.  

Yippee!!

muscle spasms-4 to one again

 NAUSEA from intense pain.  I just realized the collision marks them against me again.  this is all about forgiving and releasing the family.

the four of them against me.  now I have my own team.  I'm not alone.  I have friends.  

took an hour in the tub under jets to relax my sore battered muscles.  

I'm sipping cherry juice I've had for months in my gym roller.  

I feel exhausted.  most of my life has been barely maintaining, keeping the wolves away.  doing what I want never existed before.  

fires make us cooler

I looked up weather 2/14/2024 shows rain not clear and dry.  

the air pollution from fires create overcast.  

I'm reading PG Wodehouse online and watching Blandings.  

Vibrations of Heaven.

cell by cell

I'm changing my life.  it's so difficult.  and painful.  eh, LIFE.  

I mixed beans rice w/chipotle chicken packet too hot.  added corn.  

listening to Louise is my anchor.  I picked up St Justin lunch at 10 am.  9:30 I decided not to think, just do.  I let my body lead the way.  I dressed and Sunshine was regaling everyone of Chris fighting with either Sandy or Charity.  then she followed Ruben to his truck begging like a giant T Rex baby bird for his lunch.  Bonnie cutting in line pretending to talk to me and apologizing behind me but not going back in line.  

I love the library.  so calm and comfortable unlike my childhood.  all the comforts w/out the criticism or insanity.  

I'm so blessed.  ate the rest of my spicy spicy spicy beans w/sweet pickles to cut the heat while reading PG Wodehouse on Gutenberg.org.   

HEAVEN.

looking for the good

it's no wonder I feel exhausted.  my life set me up for failure.  Louise teaches self love=success.

still anxious

still haven't heard back from Dannielle.   

I'm carrying on.  I'm feeling the nightmare qualities of 1998 when I was alone fighting the sisters, taking dad back and forth to the doctors and emergency, working to pay my bills, barely surviving mom's criticism and neglect.  ALONE.  

I didn't know it was still with me.  

now I have sympathetic friends and a legal team.  I'm breathing through the PTSD.  it's so hard reliving the feelings.  I let go and let God even though I want to run.  so I'm biking in the gym.  

I'm reading the original Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos 1825 on Gutenberg.org.  when my heart gets too heavy I have respite.  emotional vacation.  run away.

I finished a 300 piece puzzle after lunch w/Fred, Toki, Walter.  he got me extra goulash w/egg noodles.  

I love wandering aimlessly doing what I want after a lifetime of work I had to do.  

Whew! I've been depressed- called Danielle back 9:30 am left v mail

found a plastic quarter holder with $2.00 for my laundry.  my homemade trail mix hits the spot.  I ate half a pound of lunch fish at 5 am.  

I washed a filthy OXO 3.4 qt vacuum canister, I found by the parking lot, in the cafeteria washroom.  abandoned things bother me.  unloved like me.

I've been feeling unloved since the Valentine's Day collision.  I wonder if that's why Mit sent me a birthday card in Dec.  (cue dramatic music bah bah bum).  she's never done that.  2024 and 2025.  

I drove to Mission didn't have a 2 sided scanner so I went to Central and still not 2 sided printing.  so 4 sheets instead of 2 from copy tech.  good to know I can get copies from Consumer Cellular.  I copied license and registration myself.  

I puzzled 2 hours oh, my back.  home 7:10 pm.  

a new me every day-Sunny hot spot

I had fun on cat puzzle Francine chose.  I'm feeling anxious over lawsuit.  I decided to pick up my Sunny hot spot.  stopped at Ross new tankini $15 and lemon almonds $3.49.  Sprouts lemon cake $6 and samples.  I sat and ate some lunch fish considering using expiring CVS coupons.  too much done already, my feet hurt.  home at 6 pm.                                    Danielle called no questionnaire yet.  I mailed Wednesday so 4 business days.    

 

all green lights 5 minutes-24 hour hot spot

took my supplements and forgot to eat.  I keep granola bars with me.  too sweet I gave myself a stomach ache.  wearing my brace helps.  

and I forgot to charge my phone 73%.  I'm wearing navy shorts and pink spandex.  so comfortable.  pool later?

Ruben gave me the last piece of Lucky's cake from Bonnie/Judy.  I gave Toki trunk fruit.  I released bread and old noodles to crows.

I love, love, love goofing off.  

3 pm lemon mousse cake and turkey tetrazzini soup (didn't drain the noodles).  I'm feeling so relaxed.  reminds me of falling asleep at the library and the guard waking me.  not anymore.  people eat and sleep anywhere.  and talking.  

a lot of resting.

taking care of me 24 hour fitness-HEAVEN!!--21/65

miss Vicky Jesus'sister has 24 through one pass.com from Kaiser.  Toki can get it.  

9 am sitting Cup lib auto return not online listening to Louise using city guest.  HEAVEN!!  

Asian man just gave me free 17.6 oz new Manuka honey Apr 2030.  I love the stuff.  online $50.

Oh that man from 24 Super in sunny vale parked next to me.  he'd buy a newspaper and trash r/t share.  I've seen him here weekends.  

and now to read Marla Gibbs.  more Heaven.  I returned and borrowed movies

I expeditiously picked up St Justin from Sandy.  cheese and PBJ.  perfect w/corn salad.  I bought a sale book bag $5 and single $1 of French and Saunders.  I finished 1 puzzle.  

seat cover-seniors I sit and read, my favorite thing to do-23/66

I can make over the jeans.  tool belt.  purse.  back pack.  

Fred, Toki, Walter lunch company good.  salads and sandwiches.  tiny cheese cake bites.  must be Father's day.  or Juneteenth.  Biden made it holiday.  

I walked college Safeway, bought $5 Jack Daniels pulled pork.  home with corn tomato bean cilantro salad.  

home 2:30.  

I'm excited like it's my b'day-25/66

warning lucid dream of older and young predator pretending to be contractors seeking prey.  my home remodel is almost complete.  don't allow in.  

I ate potato eggs I cooked last night at 5 this a m.  then thought and relaxed sans TV.  

I biked for half and half hours after the pool.  Candice asked my input on her difficult mom.  old Asians act crazy.  

I gave Walter birthday white willow contingent it works for him or return.  I reminded Fred brought a belt and I wanted cd player and Toki.  he didn't want jeans.  I can convert it to a tool bag.  

post office drop off 6:43 am-31/66-Barbara O

I've tried so hard to forget I forgot to list my injuries.  and car repair costs.  

my initial phone meeting w/Barbara O.  I remembered @ 12:50; hustled my chrome bag-phone from the locker room and questionnaire bag from car.   Phew!!  50 minutes.  she explained the process could take a year.  

poor Eric Togami.  he had to go through the trial 1998 and appeal 2003.  

I went to Panera redeemed $5 reward for steak melted cheese sandwich.  so good with coleslaw.  perfection.

bed 8:30 nothing on TV.  

determined to fill up $5.20-38/66

8 minutes to accomplish.  lunch meatballs extra Walter.  Ruben sandwiches chips juice.  I gave Paul LLoyd's friend ham cheeses.  

I sat with my pain then biked an hour processing sadness, getting it out of my body.  I still felt restless and used it to fill out the questionnaire a little at a time.  took all day.  made a copy of what I had at Mission then Central.  

decided I wanted beet from CVS.  and walked Safeway green olive 12 oz loaf $3 clearance and 4/$2 chips.

home 7:30.  pleasantly exhausted.  

back to work-39/66

I found the return envelope.  I'm more stressed than I thought.  I have no idea how it got across the room.   

just thinking of the questionnaire brings up MAJOR PTSD Eric and my parents and sisters.  the last almost 40 years.  HELL!  

everything I've avoided to survive.   IT'S BACK!!  like a horrible movie monster that won't die.  

home game show won't play.  early bed.  

Fitness 24-humid 77 %-48/66

I biked after shower.  I could take another.  nah.  fun playing on machine.

over to St J with a plan if not open corn dogs.  Ruben gave me his chips, yogurt and cookies.  I got a messy donut.  

central library Heaven copy room my car stays cool under parking.  I didn't have hi lighter so I puzzled 300 pc Disney SOUL.  

I LOVE BEING MY OWN BOSS!!  2 Jack Box taco I have tomatoes for dinner.    

beautiful-r'cvd phone records

left home 6:30 after rinsing car windows.  took my time enjoying the ride.  I filled 3 water bottles, returned to car I forgot my shorts.  found my hard rubber garden clogs.  I didn't miss them.  showered, washed socks.  biked 30 stretched 90.  filled 3 more water bottles changed from work out and put towel, pants, socks in car to dry.  

lunch with the family.  Fred, Toki, Walter 11:15 wandered looking for his counselor.  we all left early to minimize heat exposure.  Toki wanted vanda orchid lei for graduation.  

under main library.  and heavenly copy room.  woman came in for skype or zoom job interview.  hope she gets it.  I told Dino 'Camino' Medar how overqualified he is for senior center how we are blessed and he said his last Friday, Tuesday last work day.  job with Mtn View.  he's taking time to go to world cup LA Bosnia v Switzerland game.  I'm so proud of him following his heart.  

I just realized Eric and Frank bailed on purpose.  Rose.  mom died of a broken heart.  

wheel-jungle, a chic outfit

exercise the easiest drug-Wednesday 6/17 @ 1 pm-57/66

the fastest way to change chemistry.  I just noticed his name is Eric.  

I melted down talking to Eric Winberg when he asked about my level of upset.  I skimmed Eric's sad legal problems his dad Frank died 1998 while my dad Frank died 1999 and mom 2001 died.  I didn't tell him about my sisters' eviction shenanigans for the next 8 years and ongoing harassment.

Danielle Arena paralegal to Barbara Olsen will explain, fill me in re questionnaire.  

Walter is taking an interest in my problems.  I let him read all the papers.  his dad was hit by a car at Good Sam.  I told him I've got him beat hands down in the pain/complaint department.  maybe there's hope.  he said he can't change I said he thinks he's more powerful than God.  

seniors still pain full-and puzzle picture box top gone-59/66

insanity makes me sad.  my family.  crazy part of the family of mankind.  

the insanity gives me pause to rest more.  caution and discretion.  lunch with my real chosen family rewards me.  Toki took over Walter I can't tolerate now he's too immature, too selfish, too needy.

in the computer room I rest and listen to Louise.  I'm reading Gary Zukav, Linda Francis Heart of the Soul emotional resolution.  very specific directions.

I'm exercising to change my feelings r/t eating.  I biked 20 and stretched.  wow I'm stiff.  depression is like that.  

I decided Danny's recycle $7-60/66

with God everything is easy.  I'm feeling major inner quakes which means I'm totally safe to feel.  I'm feeling sick and horrible.  and this too will pass.  

I don't understand those wanting to keep everything the same.  preferring the known devil to gambling on a possibility of heaven. 

I'm feeling so angry.  someone messed up the television puzzle w/o order.  I'll forget it today.  I want to walk Savers and Grocery Outlet.  burn off adrenaline and cortisol.    

nervous NRG-still need to add car tag-63/66

I've missed soaking in the tub.  more than I realized.  I calm my nerves.

the toxins are leaving my body.  I felt so guilty not doing more for Eric when my dad was dying.  I don't know how I survived.  my mom and sisters attacked me as well as my parents.  CRAZY.  too much to deal with I checked out.  I've been AWOL from myself.

mourning Eric

I'm reading through the fire and trial.  he had it so tough.  I'm still astounded Rose charged him rent while he cared for his grandfather, attended SJSU and worked in the garage.  I still can't wrap my head around it.  makes my childhood seem like a fairytale.  

1:30 I felt tired.  my feet hurt and I filled my water and came home to rest.  I borrowed Who Framed Roger Rabbit and What About Bob?  I'm re watching Elsbeth.  

4 pm Belmont Stakes.  Golden Tempo Derby winner too.  

Wheel-70/66

I forgot yesterday so I did it first thing.  

I watched Franklin & Bash 3.  there is no 4th season at the libraries.  maybe Youtube.  

I printed Eric's obit and Frank's March 12, 1998 murderer's denied appeal 2003 of his 1999 conviction.  

Sunny 73/66-"Healing is sacred work".

Louise Hay.  I'm soothing my soul.  I love my rhythm of life.  lunch was Fred, Toki, Walter.  he's been taking home extra.  I got 2 bowls of whole wheat noodles.  

someone set out a 300 piece harvest puzzle I finished.  I put away the 500 Dan Craig castle into plastic bags, keeping the edge separate.  

Candice was helping Anne fill out forms.  I was just thinking of her and here she was.  

I want to try microwave scone and corn bread.   

And someone stole puzzle box top-PAID WATER, DISCOVER-74/66-DMV reg.

one tough little puzzle.  beautiful castle.  not as much fun as the cats.  

Walter is more receptive.  he still tries to deflect to hold on to his old life.  Fred, Toki make life fun.  

I redeemed Inge's recycle $6.  worked out perfectly.  7 am.  no one there.  

woke 2:30-6:30(77/66)called Jan @ Consumer copy of 2/14/2024 phone usage Paid Bartolo & mailed Life

I've started on the questionnaire.  I very carefully read it.  

my reward is the 500 piece Dan Craig castle puzzle by Spilsbury.com.  

June I'm renewing-78/66-Yamuna goddess-128/37

I ate the last tamale/2 eggs.  what a weekend.  my best yet.  

Life can be fun.  who knew?  

I'm stressing over reliving the collision.  I'm to fill out questionnaire.  ugh!

so I'm rewarding myself w/300 piece 19 cats puzzle.  funny expressions.  

Walter got me extra fish and zucchini.  I didn't want the bell pepper slaw.  I'm going to cook the salsa.