still anxious

still haven't heard back from Dannielle.   

I'm carrying on.  I'm feeling the nightmare qualities of 1998 when I was alone fighting the sisters, taking dad back and forth to the doctors and emergency, working to pay my bills, barely surviving mom's criticism and neglect.  ALONE.  

I didn't know it was still with me.  

now I have sympathetic friends and a legal team.  I'm breathing through the PTSD.  it's so hard reliving the feelings.  I let go and let God even though I want to run.  so I'm biking in the gym.  

I'm reading the original Gentlemen Prefer Blondes by Anita Loos 1825 on Gutenberg.org.  when my heart gets too heavy I have respite.  emotional vacation.  run away.

I finished a 300 piece puzzle after lunch w/Fred, Toki, Walter.  he got me extra goulash w/egg noodles.  

I love wandering aimlessly doing what I want after a lifetime of work I had to do.