Happy Halloween ME-COSTCO gas

for the first time I am calm and happy.  I've been manic but not happy.  my childhood of avoiding punishment was the extent of my happiness.

I pondered Costco gas fill up.  today less traffic.  $5.40/gal ave $5.90.  

seniors tub great.  done 9:30.  

Sandy is all alone at St Justin.  bare bones lunch no weekend bags.  no water bottles.  extra chips 4 oranges.

library quiet copy room 10:20.  I ate my lunch, read my book, my Wodehouse online, completed 200 piece planet puzzle 12-1.  feeling exhausted and sleepy.

stopped at Jack in the Box for triple Krusty burger and free fries coupon.  

napped 3-5 feeling better.   

WHEW!! Angelique then Wermaryl @ Trans America Life-PAID CITY

36 minutes to get paperwork re surrender and taxes.  800-851-9777.  ext: 4820982. 

I don't enjoy talking.  I am loving my unicorns glasses case I'm using for my phone.  shiny pink 4 rhinestones.  lavender lining.  

Walter is still a butt.  I told him I don't enjoy talking and he stupidly tells me I'm talking.  I don't like counseling his stupidity but I do it.  I don't like everything I still have to do.  I'm feeling VERY frustrated.  he did get me pasta meatballs.  

so I went to college Safeway looking for 3/$5 Friday beef spring rolls.  GONE.  I bought 1 pistachio pint ice cream 2/$5 and $60 cash.  scooted over to CVS bought multi 2 for 1.  not much on shelves. 

home Safeway also out of spring rolls I bought 5 cans Progresso soups for 2 and $60 cash. pistachio so good.  

I misplaced my medicare card.  I put my CDL in my wallet.  I searched the front of the car for an hour and gave up and found it in the sharks backpack in the house laughing.  

Envy not or else

Linda nurse envies me.  yeah right.  the story of my life.  I was meditating on the fact my parents hated happiness.  they punished me whenever I showed happiness.  in the tub I was meditating on the stupid insane arguments they promoted and how hard I've worked to change myself.  

Walter was in poop form.  took a whole pain pill and became a pill.  he blames me and I'm not having it.  he overdid causing himself pain and expects sympathy.  not from me.  I know he's smarter than he's acting.  I tried to share my bargains he said he's not interested in shopping.  I'm not interested in one up man ship.  OK.  

I'm capitalizing on rest and relaxation.  

8 pm medicare .gov has no specific details of the plans.  I need help.  good I signed up for hicap.  

misplaced life insurance no worry

I've been doing it for years.  I send a check w/o statement.  

jerk EX 2 left finished puzzle NOW missing corner.  I'm amusing myself elsewhere.  I'm reading my Wodehouse and McCall Smith.   

Target $20.43-Diane 1st Presby returned my RSVP

it was due Oct 1.  I was sitting in the tub mixed protein powder drink thinking of how expensive now and Target is reasonable when I remembered bill.  couldn't find it.  called Target 800-659-2396 talked to Eliuska Miller Indian accent in phone center probably in India 866-395-7475.  EH.  $1 overdue.  

I wore a sweater under a jumper when it was cold.  then after 2 hours stretching soaking I warmed up and I changed to a pink spandex tank.  

Thanksgiving Dinner 11:45-2 this year.  

I walked Target paid $20.43.  then Savers senior day Braun stick blender $7.69, pineapple shirt $3.49, white nightie $2.09 +tax=$14.56.  

Grocery Outlet bacon fried rice $5.99 and steak cheddar sandwich $2.49=$8.48.  YUM!!

arbitrary parking

I'm relaxing into my life.  I've never had the opportunity.  the family filled my life with jobs demanding attention.  stealing my stuff.  

Walter got me extra pork.  2 extra meals.  lunch portions tiny.  Fred has the flu.  Toki always remembers the comics.  little Gloria sat w/us.  

my arm feels swollen tight but no longer sore.  I soaked and stretched b4 and after lunch.  

I started taking magnesium in the morning and i'm feeling happy.  

I'm living my teens

I was always under siege so I never had a childhood.  I was persecuted by bullies after we left Hawaii at age 4.  I can remember landing in SF at night on the beautiful fairy lights of the airport runway.  then waking the next morning to a cold gray love-less world of disappointment.  

my body is physically vibrating as stored abuse leaves my tissues like rising dissipating steam.  

my pain and fear is dissolving.  I'm breathing, calming myself and owning my healing.  

senior Saturn Day-Flu shot CVS -Co Q 10

Gail and Gohan working Halloween at the park.  I shut off timer light for Halloween.

I soaked stretched then St Justin lunch.  library copy room 2018 quarter (Eric) bought 2008 Corolla.  I prayed for help.  I'm feeling fragile.

I watched the kids party train and lots of booths.  and reading the new Alexander McCall Smith the Big Cats Dance Party.  good October holiday read.  

I almost fell caught myself, didn't go down and I'm OK.  

freedom

I need more exercise.  I want fun exercise.  

I'm puzzling w/o a plan.  just haphazard like a monkey typing Shakespeare.  LOL.  like EX 2.  like EX 1 ego games.  a mini rush.  

I want the world to be better.  making myself better improves the universe.  

I walked Savers an hour after Cup library.  Grocery Outlet lasagna and 2 rice crackers.  

home corn bread and corn and chips.  tomorrow meat loaf and chicken black bean corn.  

scary Dateline at 10 pm.  after jeopardy and wheel a family of murderers.  such evil in the world.  I can't understand or accept the insanity I give to God.    

must be the rain messing with the internet

20 minutes to figure it out.  I'm still freaking when anything happens.  

I have no urge to do puzzles.  NEW ME.  Ex 2 came I shunned him.  I want to do something different.  

I gave Cody bookmobile peaches, cookie, milk.  returned Atomic Habits.

lots of extra chicken corn black beans lunch.  Fred, Toki, both Glorias, Walter.  I feel so relaxed.  

I want almond joy ice cream.  

I walked Savers 2 hours silver tag 4 sets steel chop sticks, Carrie Fisher/Debbie Reynolds movie.  

Grocery Outlet 2 rice crackers, the last cran passion juice, ice cream full of almonds.  

I've never ever eaten ice cream 2 days in a row before.  

perfect parking 7:40

I could feel it.  found phone #2 in living room.  I wasn't sure.  eh I had no idea.  

soaked and stretched 2 hours.  tiny lunch chili, cornbread, carrots, broccoli stems.  I planned on Grocery Outlet steak cheese sandwich and almond Joy ice cream dessert.  

lunch was nice with Fred, Toki, Walter, little Gloria.  3 pm I went to Savers walked 2 hours 4 movies silver tags.  

I watched first hour of Dolly Parton tribute then bed.  

cleared back car channel of debris

30 seconds.  I used long tongs and a box.  2 hours soaking stretching.

lunch Fred and Walter.  Inge has 2 computers so I printed a map to her house.  I thought about Nations pie and almost forgot I want Savers seniors and Grocery O eggs.  The Toshiba egg cooker works great.  

I pre shopped Grocery Outlet walking looking at everything.  

I walked Savers good exercise.  I bought 40 red envelopes $1.63 half off blue.  

Grocery Outlet I got 18 eggs/$2.19, salad $3.49 and steak cheese sandwich $2.49.  and the clerk looked like Awkwafina.  

oh so happy reading Wodehouse online.  

wheel-fully qualified

my back is shifting

and I continue therapy.  

I gave Walter the butter-red lettuce from Sunny Sprouts clearance.  he got me extra chicken disguised as cabbage tomato.  Toki always remembers comics.  I think Fred had his hearing test.  

someone left a bag of small beets.  Yippee!!

first time glad to be alive in 75 years-dime from Uncle Dickie gym parking

so new.  I didn't feel like fast food.  Toshiba soft egg cooker.  24 gym lots of parking 10:15 despite baby swim classes.  

Sunny shady parking packed 'til 12:30.  I moved car.

Sammi losing his mind said Sunny book bag sale NOT!  just as well.  I remembered to return puzzles.  outside returns down.  inside as well.  old school staff.  

2 hours 300 piece challenging puzzle.  read half of Can't Wait ti Get to Heaven.

What a Perfect Day.

stopped at Sprouts $23+ sage cornbread for stuffing so good, lettuces.  $V tree 2 bleach, 2 beef pot pies, 2 can 1 froze corn, pineapple tidbits, 2 bread butter pickles.  

dumped fruit seniors

I'm feeling old sadness erupting.  fat is the layer of insulation protecting us from stored pain.  get rid of the pain get rid of the fat.  

I picked up St Justin lunch.  dinner was 2/1 protein packs from library cafe $8.13.  steak, mozzarella, apricots.  

new behavior 25/63 PAUSED & (34/52 HOT SPOT READY PICK UP)-PAID PHONE, DISCOVER =Cap One Shay

changing my back.  I'm relaxing more.  the Betty Crocker puzzle was fun.

projected 90's next 2 days.  then next week it may rain Tuesday.  

Krusty burger for dinner and b'fast.  so good.  yesterday lunch said turkey burger tasted beef.  YUM.  the chocolate protein Ensure upset my stomach.  possibly too rich.  

I collected my Daily Word and election materials for November.  

this morning I was #34 hot spot and checking Happy's Place both were ready.  and Sammi gave me PBJ and hazelnut Trader Joe crepes.  

best time to park 7:30-25/63 & 37/52

#2 parking.   

so far I'm good.  as long as my books are found.  

oh, what to do.  despite the floury custard at some point I want it again.  eh, today or tomorrow.  

Wednesday 26/63 & 37/52

I can swim later.  

today's stew was chili.  EH.  

spot 40/52 & 33/63-Tuesday

lunch w/Toki & Walter.  Fred cancelled.  street blocked roadwork.  winner, winner, chicken dinner.  

listening to Louise.  HEAVEN!  I thought about Nations pie.  maybe tomorrow.  

I ate a cookie and want a nap.  sat on couches the envy of catty white women.  

remembered I wanted Savers and Grocery Outlet.  bought 2XL hood tent, fuzzy hangers, Frozen Elsa curtain 12.60.  bacon leeks fried rice 6, juice 3, arare 4, goat cheese 7, caesar salad 3.5.  

wheel- from way downtown

Energy deficit

serial killers lack the capacity of storing contact energy.  we evolved surviving in groups needing 'vitamin people'.  at some developmental point the compassion connections weren't made.  they kill to alleviate frustrations.  they're like rabid animals lacking self preservation instincts.  they know right from wrong and invite destruction.  

I read second half of LP Can't Wait to Get to Heaven.  perfect.  Elner Shimfissle is amazing.  

Holiday-simple gifts 8:30 am-Armando & Teresa Sunnyvale 34/63 lunch nutrition. Herman & Yanti-42/52 central

I Let go and let God.  decided to dress and go straight to Sunny.  arrived, parked 8:55 am after fruit pick up.  sat in car 'til 9.  Debi on vacation.  I flew standby.  they are now signing next week in advance.   this is a new procedure.   music started 10.  I contributed $.   Armando gave me milk, Teresa got me coffee.  menu chicken, broccoli tops, scoop of red potato German salad, whole wheat biscuit, milk, apple.                                chrome charging is weird.  there's a battery saver 80% auto default.  now I wonder if cord is OK.  it doesn't always charge when plugged in.   like a reverse trickle charger.

PAID Citibank Costco-43/52 & 38/64--Hygge(hew-guh) Danish well being

paying my bills feels good.  

comic con 2026 the 8th (2016).  skipped 2 years covid.  truly a FREAK SHOW.  copy room open.  I parked under central 10 am packed.  walked and picked up St Justin signed up for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  

free bottled water like the Manuka honey is hard to open.  

last night I mixed strawberry Quick w/protein powder.  so delicious.  

listening to Louise and reading Gut Feelings Dr Will Cole prefers R Plutchik 1980 Wheel of Emotions to Leary's Circumplex 1957.  food and feelings.  my favorite drug.  

hormetic-good stress cold shower

hot 41/64 & 44/52

SVP b'day.  I paid my $16.  cake and choc pastry.  and for Fred.  

wheel- pounding the pavement

celebrity-Lennon Parham

latest ever-43/64 & 47/52-target bill

I woke 7.  ate my 2 patties/cheese.  delicious.  

I returned autist book and Motherload movie to Cody.  I don't need ticket to library comic con Saturday if I want to go.  I don't know.  checking out the writers married couple Alex Derwick and Van Tran Nguyen.  

I baptized myself with my tea lunch w/Fred and little Gloria.  I'm so relaxed I don't care.  I got some paper towel and put a chair over it.  Walter so self involved never noticed me soaking wet.  

I'm researching Nation's burgers, pies, b'fasts.  my last passion.  

custard is flour less eggs.  not worth $8.  not $4.  

decided not to wait-46/64 & 48/52

far side shade OK.  seniors 2 men come at 7 leave by 7:30.  

I'm feeling OK.  I soaked stretched 8:30-10:30 am.  

I'm puzzling Sunnyvale Harry Potter hologram 7 missing.  

even better reading People Mag on Dolly.  no second pool today.  I prefer reading.  using the couches upstairs.  

Jack in Box Krusty Burger single, double, triple.  or chicken Treehouse of Horror.  

I saved 2 patties for tomorrow.  triple plus free coupon med fries perfect.  put county movie returns in car.  

wheel - a zesty dish

soaked 8:30-10-49/52 & 48/64

I wanted to stay longer but I was done.  

Joanne lunch complaining of 74 heat projected 94 today.  

Gloria brought me weekly ads from Mission Library.  

most beautiful sunrise-gas $5.90/gal

feeling OK.  Louise reminds me to breathe.  I hold my breath in anxiety.  PTSD.  

I puzzled 2 hours, soaked in tub.  

lunch Fred, Toki, Walter.  I asked Walter to get me another dental kit from Larissa and he took 2 and we ran back to lunch.  she was set up in the lobby.  she didn't know what happened.  

I puzzled and napped.  I ate leftovers at 2 I was so hungry from tiny lunch portions.  

back in the pool 4:30 to 6:30.  then Burger Queen.  so good! makes me happy.  

watching Space Truckers 1996.  goofy but fun.  my happy childhood.  

perfect despite heat advisory bad air-54/52 & 55/62

my clothes weigh lb & half.  dry suit half.  24 hour kids swim lessons.  

and I'm loving wet swim suit and towels in 94 o's weather.  

lunch from BK.  I considered Jack and Carl's Jr.   

ready trash-56//52 & 57/64-PAID Bartolo-Toki fruit

binned overripe fruit.  beautiful day.  60 o's.  perfect for me.  

and I have CSC internet in the parking lot.  WOW someone opened at 8.  99.999% late.  I left all extra fruit.  

and St Justin only 1 ham cheese sandwich.  Sandy gave me extra chip.  I have protein powder.  maybe adding chicken and diced fruit will make the packaged bean jambalaya palatable.  never too late to have a happy childhood.

Library heaven is my favorite reading and listening to Louise.  The Inflammation Spectrum Dr Will Cole and PG Wodehouse on Gutenberg.org.

I reversed direction in the copy room.  more comfortable.  

feeling OK stayed 'til closing at 5.  I'm better.  I dropped off on the way home.  made and ate tuna sandwich & chips.  

parking #1-57/52 & 61/64

I'm dedicated to having more fun.  not having prior experience it's difficult to know how, when, where and what.  determining what's fun for me was the toughest.  I was always punished for everything.  I had no idea of cause and effect.  I had no idea what I enjoyed.  I only knew the absence of punishment was heavenly.   

I was constantly waiting for the next hit.  major PTSD trying to minimize the pain.  chronic anxiety and stress.  I admired Tina Turner for having the courage to to admit the truth.  no one brags about being abused.  being beaten is shame filled.  it means you either like it or have NO control over your life.  being worthless and useless.  I was told to my face by my parents that they wished I was dead.  I was the cause of everything bad in their lives.  and they taught my sisters.  

admitting this I can feel my abdomen relaxing, the pain leaving.  

wheel bonus-full cookie jar

celebrity wheel-Matt Iseman

roast beef senior bag $5-Sunny 66/64 & 58/52

recycle money.  like found money.  I love finding money.  

Dan Craig 19 X 25 "castles" puzzle missing piece magically appeared.  

Gail was surprised.  tee hee.  

Fred and Walter got me extra lunch rice.  6 times what I was served.  3 pm I was hungry.  

wheel-improving our chances