dilip

my dreams have been vivid and deep.  looked online typical mythological good and bad.  like astrology.  

good day at the library.  no reception parking lot lunch pretty good.    

finally finished sewing

dress i started last year from some of mom's quilt fabric.  i've been too depressed and exhausted for so long.  i'm stiff and sore but the bone deep pain is gone.  the debilitating pinched nerves are released.  sometimes i even feel like dancing.  

i decided to wear it to library and remembered county had hold i didn't know how long.  i checked 3/5 and sunny vale closed fry day 4 a perfect day for county.  stayed 'til close and felt like gym 2.  wanted burger king 20 minutes for order 2/$5 big king dinner 8 o'clock.  i'm feeling very relaxed content 9:30 bed.

i want eggs

i spent the day resting watching anat healing napping.  woke refreshed 3:30 nothing on tv i decided to update chrome and look for value safe way eggs again.  left library closed at 6 and soaked gym 2.  store around corner no value eggs on to Maria store i decided lucerne store brand $3.49 at register discounted  to $1.93 advertised 4 u price.  hurrah!  home i heated quinoa melange added egg and cooked soft.  so delicious when i want.  sliced olive bread loaf delicious.  

making life what i want when i want it is heaven.

i chose to drive around library

i asked Trudy if toke is ok said she talked to her fine.  i haven't seen her awhile.  seniors day 2 pain free.  i'm feeling floating.  pain has been so constant the absence feels weird.  drove all around library after seniors and picking up free new gator lite flavor at lucky's.  stopped safe way homestead 2 clearance breads.  home dropped off.  

found parking space front of library ate listening to healing.  inside gamed and filled water.  

no internet

i love free money

checked wells locations at seniors.  sunny next to sprouts i'd forgotten.  finished lack luster gristly beef 2 broccoli lunch.  library 'til 3.  i went to sprouts used coupon for swedish meat balls and noodles for dinner found clearance chili and quinoa blend.  if good i can go back for more.  

world war 3 has started.  putin has invaded and trump is supporting him online in the hope of taking down america.  trump wants to be hitler 2.  like putin would leave trump in charge of america.  

wow it's cold.

 good space behind s v library.  listened healing ate my lunch.  feeling mellow yellow.  pch sent email i won $10 and it came in mail.  

best pres day

i spent the day relaxing waiting for inspiration.  i cooked linguine with can diced tomatoes.  lunch was tuna salad shredded lettuce on celery stalk.  sitting in my lounger i stretched my back.  lying in bed i rested.  i watched a silent Hitchcock movie and my Mr Rogers movie.  

watching the Louise Hay healing interviews the diversity of the people is amazing.  now i know how i'm off putting.  the combination of affect.  the enthusiasm and otherness.

decision 4082607575

i decided to go directly to doctor's office.  i'm using wifi.  happily listening to healing.  well, didn't think about it just came here.  

star wars do or try.  think or do.  Chung wants to be needed.  he wants to medicate me.  i don't want side effects.  i already spent 8 years on Vicodin with kaiser i don't want more.  i asked him if he had too many patients i'll get another doctor.  i only see him once a year at most so no big deal.  he only sets up appointments for me to go elsewhere any way.  i think anthem doesn't pay as much as other plans.  he's making more money now.  he used to want my business.  that's why he opted out 2 years ago.  he dropped Ginny too.  

feeling good i went to lucky's looking for the 100 bonus point pizza only veg.  home i forgot i had mediocre safe way meatloaf and baked ate half.  still feeling strong i went to main returned and rechecked out 'Stuber' still makes me laugh asked about ether net.  Monica so helpful looked for ether net adapter and hot spot willing to show me how to use it.  i'll become computer literate yet.

home 2 pm i rested and relaxed opened can of chicken corn chowder added can chicken.  

cup library

except for heat it's perfect.  so hot upstairs.  i have my feet up practically reclining.  heaven.

after seniors i decided to pay pge Walmart.  looked for engine clean and willow none said check mountain view.  found Valentine stickers 48 cents.  lots of fun stuff i didn't want.  since i was on SCB i continued first mega safe way then to Cupertino library return movies and happiness book.  and i forgot to bring box of disinfectants.  oh, well later.  i'll be back for hay request.  

i own heal my life.  book and dvd.  

i was so disappointed

dr. chung sent me for more x rays why not do the entire spine.  what a waste of my time.  he doesn't believe me.  maybe not my doctor.  he had the nerve to complain about his knee during my appointment while my entire body is wracked with pain.  maybe i do need to change doctors.  

i went to sunny vale remembering auto parts store but they moved to mountain view.  on to library i ate lunch listening to healing in the shade behind library since olive st still blocked off.  i gamed 'til 2:30 'love boat' a repeat i lay in bed watching 'vicar' 'til 4:30 pampering myself.  i shredded some lettuce to go with meatloaf.  i'm buying safe way fry day to compare.  panda next week.  moon day presidents day everything closed lunch covered.  i may go gym 2.  

intense productive

check engine light said time to give Carlos apples and oranges.  seniors good i chatted with Art, Greg, Inge, Gerde.  last second i called Ciro x-ray no appointments walk in only.  i took my lunch 11:30 tech had just left back 12:30 i ate in car.  12:15 i sat in office 2 ahead of me.  reception noted me i couldn't stand in line my right leg hurting unstable.  thank you.  same tech as last year good vibes.  since i was there i went to 99+ nothing.  on to dollar tree 3 gallons bleach finally.  i'll have to try auto store for engine cleaner additive.  tried grocery outlet nothing.  on the way to library i considered gym 1 no suit spinner.  i went back way Hollenbeck closed olive construction.  stayed 'til 4.  game shows and tonight college jeopardy hurray!  finished 1 meatloaf.  fry day safe way $5 i'll compare.  

cost co

3rd times the charm.   i warmed up the car and didn't have to wait.  drove directly up to the gas pump.  seniors i took my time organizing car and washed hair and stretched.  picked up lunch tables set up i sat and waited Inge showed up Toke told her last week Valentine meal ice cream strawberry.  chicken ok.  i went to nob hill for 2 meat loaf and special cherry preserves in Delft jar.  $21.99 i used $2 off coupon didn't take off mgr gave me cash.  came home ate chicken and spinach.  1 pm ready for 1:30 appointment.  i get there and i'm told he's no longer my primary care provider.  took half hour to straighten out from 2020 when anthem sent me letter and i called them to keep Dr Chung.  and he refused a handicap sign.  he wants more x rays.  oh, well.  it's harder and harder to walk.  exhausting.  it's getting cold again my inflammation is less with the willow.  dinner i had some meatloaf yum and the rest of spinach and green salad from lunch.  

happy healthy

library bookstore has copy of authentic happiness 2002 Martin Seligman for $3.  i want to check it out but the only available copy county.  book sale Sunday 13th Aaron's b'day.  i'm sad knowing what their childhoods were like.  like mine.  i pray for them.  

as i was leaving sunny i decided to go to county.  i went the back way avoiding traffic.  more because of super bowl sun day.  it's been awhile since i've been and took some time locating book.  i finally asked guard.  home 3:30.

Sabbath 2/12-  i woke 12 am, 4:45 am, arose 8:45 to eat and watch 'that's my mama'  marathon.  i have another mini cold.  must be from using community computer keypad.  boosting my immunity.  read entire book.  my obsessive satisfaction.  happiness movement named 1998.  i don't need to buy book.  

super bowl sun day-77 o best driving, shopping day.  back is messed up.  maybe from not wearing brace all day i don't know.  noon streets empty went to cost co for gas everyone at cost co i drove past to sunny library 12:30.  book sale 'til 3 i'm very early.  found 10 movies $5 my own copy Mr. rogers.  no Kelly Howell.  gamed just resting my brain.  i went back to cost co 4 pm still packed.  bought hot dog 2 sodas $1.63.  the gas station still packed i'll go back tomorrow.  

yay! dollar store

i did my new regular routine of computing at seniors after exercise so sunny vale gaming was shorter.  i admonished accent man.  he always talks look at me like he knows everything.  so what is he doing sitting in the library begging for attention every day.  rhetorical.  he was harassing man sitting 5 feet from him.  signs posted speak low voice only when necessary.  he has the entire outdoors to harass people but he won't.  bullies are cowards.  i'll pray on him.

i automatically detoured looking for engine cleaner none and found clearance 75% off 6 two pack orange hostess cupcakes my favorite flavor.  i went home ate 2 and baked broiled 6 drumsticks.  spent time unclogging drain from can tuna oil.  thought i'd neutralized but no.  what a life.  barely.  

toke brought me dozen butter croissants.  i saw her across street fresh from store.  she had groceries in car.  i called to thank and chat she didn't pick up.  still mourning her auntie's death.  

war pollution

the worst waste of resources is war:  the detonations, the fuel burned, the waste of human life, the crippled, maimed.  Putin is waging war against the planet.  he must think global warming is a joke to gamble the planet for his petty concerns.  and his people allow it.  they follow him over the cliff like lemmings.  he makes them feel alive until they're dead.

i pray for what i don't understand.  'with all thy getting get thee understanding.'  i send positive electrical mental energy to surround the thinking of self destructive people.  maybe the reason for my family tradition experience of suicide i can recognize the pattern.  since thoughts are electrical energy thinking and projecting peace is the most powerful thing i can do.  

i waited for toke

i computed picked up lunch and exercised late.   toke finally showed up very late.  said hi and on to library debating whether i wanted nob hill.  no, not today.  drove circle twice for parking.  better for engine.  right haunch horribly painful.  ate lunch in car listening to healing.  70 o day.  beautiful.  i borrowed 'Vicar of Dibley' entire set.  woo hoo!!

left 2 pm tired.  home rested in bed an hour.  decided on egg salad.  diced small cucumber and can tuna onion powder delicious with nut grain toast.  another toast dessert.  toasted slivered almonds.

fear is the third family tradition.  i can't accept wasting energy on what i can't control.  mom threatened to kill me so many times death lost all meaning except the end of harassment for me.  bullies are so fear filled.  Trump is the biggest bully so far.  he's bullied 40 % of the country into doing his bidding.  makes Nixon look look good.

check engine light

again slow down, notice.  i apologized to Carlos i forgot to warm up the car properly.  he reset for me.  i went to the post office first to mail auntie and Cathy's Valentine cards and to buy tiger 2022 stamps.  i called him from there if he needed anything.  no and he could check my car.  so accommodating.

seniors i did computing first feeling tired.  more emotional probably.  i've been feeling fear.  hope is something i haven't experienced before.  you must have hope to experience fear.  without hope the outcome isn't questionable therefor no fear.  i showered and stretched.

i think i get the difference in game show contestants.  some only do well against a competitor.  they use the energy of the rival.  on their own they sink.  don't excel.

i came home from sunny vale 3 pm bought cooked chicken strips from nob hill and lay down resting my back and legs.  constant pain is exhausting.  

being human=arbitrary

i took yesterday off.  so the car was rested warm 65 o i didn't let engine warm up check engine light.  i stayed up watching '3 coins in the fountain'  so i started the day tired.  soaked at gym 2 computed 3 hours.  tonight 10 pm bedtime.  i wasn't sure i'd stay awake that long.

sat 2/5

i unloaded the daily from the car.  i spent hours looking for the bag with 2 bananas.  i'd given up and today found i'd hung it on my lounger.  i was so tired.  i still can't tell.  i have 6 full bags from the front seat i have to sort still.  how i packed that much into that small passenger space i don't know.  a miracle. like fishes and loaves.    

yesterday after seniors i helped Gerde with walker, at main i picked up 4 new movies i requested overnight, dropped 2 bags groceries st just, then s v library.  

oh, thank God my back stomach pain is finally manageable.  took 3 half hours in back brace and now removed pain is escalating.  i guess i'll have to wear brace all day.  back of thighs, pelvis and stomach spasms.  1972 again.  funny how the mind can only focus on what hurts worst.  

Cathy called 6:30 pm asking me to send her stickers to i d her walker.  what!!  i asked her if she had return address stickers to use with her name and address to add phone number.  we talked 22 minutes.  her sister gave her some of her 20 k inheritance to pay bills.  

i'm having so much fun

old love the best.

after seniors i called Inge.  i wasn't yet hungry.  drove over asked if she'd eaten.  no.  i asked if she liked Panera for her birthday.  yes.  i drove my little corolla, her Mercedes in the shop for sensor light.  i had to clear passenger seat.  trunk and back seat.  we had roast beef melted swiss and for dessert for her b'day souffles artichoke for her and bacon for me.  she had a 4 year honeymoon.  

2/2  groundhog day- tcb  i let main over dues and banking wait.  after i picked up lunch Gerde drove in so i took out her walker and waited to replace after she picked up her lunch i encouraged her to support Inge she's very selfish and self centered.  i drove to Chase withdrew.  since i was there i stopped by St just 5 minutes before pantry close Chris got my groceries.  i got 4 extra pastries.  since i had 3 hours for main to open i took food home sorted put away.  watched last 15 minutes of 'medium' noticed i was hungry.  beautiful day i sat ate in car.  drove to deposit mission credit union and went to seniors again to compute.  2:30 headed to main.  Ben called Cody for me to say hi and checked in and out my 3 day overdue chrome.  i renewed my movies.  i decided to forgo sunny vale.  home i rested and feasted on panda express with added shredded lettuce.  ate 2 toasted almonds and pastry.