cathy called got card today.

she called and thanked me.  her sister is needing her more.  she paid her niece's plane fare for her visit from chicago.   makes her feel good.  i'm happiest when we're all happy.  

new behaviors

i'm watching 'bewitched'.  this morning was 47 degrees too cold for me.  i cooked and ate burger and felt so cold i called cancelled lunch at 9 am and called toki so she wouldn't worry.  i slept taking c and cold meds.  

i checked nob hill if i want anything.  thought about gas at costco.  nothing, no one more important than my health.  i finally get it.  i'm finally living it.

toki left comics, doz croissants, 2 cans chick broth on porch.  she called just after i wrestled front door picking them up.  

still feeling sick

i haven't been sick in a long time.  it's depressing to feel sick.  i think it's my lungs detoxing from a lifetime of smoking.  i quit 2019/2020.  my sinuses detoxing too.  

i miss the world of clean air, food and water.  

what will happen to people forced to adapt to such conditions.  adapt or die.  

good night's sleep

makes all the difference.  i'm still feverish taking c and willow.  the 7 year old dollar tree cough and cold meds working well.  

checking toyota  parts open 7 days 12 hours.  takes pressure off.

resting and relaxing watching cooking and 'arsenic and old lace'.  i watched 'igor' for the hundredth time.  still a perfect movie.  

major post nasal drip

not surprised i got sick.  it's been a long time.  they keep the senior center very warm.  the colder outside the warmer inside and vice versa.  

i had a massive nose bleed from a sinus infection.  i'm taking dollar tree 7 year old med.  still works.  

too much stress caught cold

i'm coughing sneezing runny nose.  i'm taking vit c.  and babying myself.  my feet got cold watching celebrity jeopardy and wheel.  it was cold.  

hooray!! hot spot city.  picked up.  we got extra lunch because of alex.  hill prefers the men.  i'll charge book then home rest.  and i have 6 bread.  

dream of english setter

dolly my loving self.  key broke in trunk lock.  i called carlos.  sophia gave me bag of dried and canned beans and rice i dropped off and 2 sandwiches to ricardo.  i called dealer 3 day back up my key in stock with transponder(fob).

swam and puzzle

 feeling better.  i needed the shock to the system of shots.

i'm feeling terrible

could be the rain.  i keep reminding myself i'm better.  feeling sad is a step above numb.  my stomach upset.  i've been here many times before never gets easier.

i made it to seniors.  puzzled 'til i felt strong enough to swim.  two too loud males in tub i swam in warm pool 'til they quieted.  puzzled 'til lunch.  feeling so tired.  i finished owl puzzle and went to lucky's prune for clearance.  bought $5 white hoodie 3 tickets and lady ahead of me gave me 24, one instant winner and 3 board pieces.  i felt so empowered i continued on to nob hill 4 clearance coconut water, 3 salad dressings, salad mix, grass fed beef, used $5 coupon.  ate salad and tuna.  i'm loving salad.

sitting eating sprouts sandwich

i bought 24 movies for $5 from the book sale.  and library is hosting light saber lessons.  sat relaxing listening to healing 'til 2 closing.  

i swam this morning at seniors and puzzled.  bought sprouts' clearance turkey sandwich and then bakery special whole cherry pie half blueberry.  

home i watched jamie oliver got hungry made quick mac & cheese added tuna, ate half then game shows 'til bed 8:30.  

sunday-i slept 'til i was hungry 7:30 am ate remaining mac b'fast.  slept more 'til 11:30 time for lunch made ramen skip tuna & salad mix.

i feel like a rebel

i've never had such freedom.  i changed settings display size.  diana asked me how to dim her smart phone screen.  i don't know how i told her go to settings choose display and talk to inge who owns a smart phone.  library gives classes.  so i went into chrome settings increased size and totally new graphics showed up.  i'm loving it.  changed my phone display after calling cathy thanks for halloween card and stickers.

i remembered fry day freebies at 7 am went to lucky's, loaded caffeine sparkling ice.  tried to buy sale candy like last week no go 2 week time element.  oh, well.  6 monopoly tickets.  3 times tickets 'til 31 end.  i'm still resting from wed too much exercise.  my back and arms not loving me today.  nu-step arms and legs work out.  

i went to store for salad found 2 sale dressings.  delicious.  updated chrome.  

93 today moderate=bad air

5:30 even worse air.  i stayed seniors 'til 2:30 90 degrees to main library 'til 6:30 dropped off veg,beans, rice and picked up jellied cranberry, mustard, grill sauce.  i'm having more fun doing what i want.  

90 degree day

i stayed in.  i puzzled, i swam, i got bored after lunch and biked for half an hour.  my legs are sore.  i stayed at seniors 'til 6:30.  tomorrow seniors closes at 3 central my go to.  

i couldn't reward myself

no cream pie or pot salad so i cooked potatoes in sun day chicken fat.  i bought lettuce salad mix $1.98 at nob hill.  and entire complex is wired.  

i am poised for victory.  wheel.

and tonight potatoes chicken in thai dressing on lettuce.  

called quest and citibank

taking care of business.  healthcare is big business.  i called lisa quest diagnostics re fit kit she said computer generated cards wait 3 weeks.  they pay $75 to get mammogram but so much work.

i called citibank customer service for rewards check ignored online instructions.  too much work to register then sign in, forget it.  not worth $29.  beth said 7-10 business days for duplicate.  i don't know or care really i'm doing due diligence.  

do i want nob hill choc cream pie and mustard potato salad?  i can check for wi-fi.  

i feel so much better wearing glasses and no eye strain.  i'm not as tired.  and my back continues to change.  

eclipse

it's perfectly still as if the world is in awe.  no noises, everything muffled.  animals asleep.  darker, cooler.

i picked up 2 viewers from park side door of library.  printed w/ today's date and next total eclipse 4/8/24.  i watched 8:50-9:50 from seniors parking lot.  i swam brian in tub 10:30.  i waited 'til 11:10 no idea why 'til toki arrived.  i'll give her eclipse glasses later.  considered brian, nah.  i was hungry went to st just no Charity next 2 weeks so i picked up pantry groceries and asked for sandwich, whole grain creamy cheese and deli chicken.  best ever usually boring white.  3 toaster b'fast minis my 3 pm snack.  i'm a happy baby.  

i love my 2 books.  audrey, and paul newman.  so different and engaging.  coming home i was feeling let down depressed.  heart failure is from sadness loneliness.  attaining goals are a let down.  need fresh goals.  

got my spot

took 2 hours waiting for the shady spot.  i paid discover making sure to cover life check.  

i get to process feeling old family stupid inferior labels.  i didn't enter wheel phrase and 3 pm home from bingo i remembered with the option of rectifying by running to lucky wireless fidelity.  nah.  fresh bingo donuts made everyone a winner.  i had a piece of sprouts' fresh cherry pie bought this morning after picking up free drink and dressing from lucky's.  i was hungry the anxiety went away.  i almost got stuck in elevator.  man and his son helped me descend stairs.  bingo buddies. 

i tried and sprouts has wi fi too.  i wonder about nob hill.  i'll have to check.  i drove to 24 and too late for wheel.  good reminder for fan friday.  

tomorrow partial eclipse show at central park side 8:30.  i'm excited.  

i remembered

i'm better.  i clipped my keys to my gym case and after 10 minutes i remembered.  i started poker playing dog puzzle.  i swam an hour and back to puzzle.  good chat with cody he wants to be part of my family.  i told him brian my psychic twin and cody looked left out.  i told him he was family too and he was happy.  i found 4 great movies.  ghost and mrs muir, stuber, 

gerde came in early hurrah!  diane came in early and sat with us.  she fell and didn't tell anyone else.  she was visibly shaken.  

i'm remembering to use my left leg while driving my tailbone is on fire.  my left hip is painful.  it's different.  

bingo puzzle

1 pm done.  dino likes seeing them.  

driving is absolutely the worst thing for backs.  exercising my left leg is finally freeing up my energy.  it's been 25 long hard years.  taking care of my parents broke my back and nearly killed me.  if it wasn't for my back i would have walked away from everything.  i would have run as fast as possible.  this is as fast as i can go.  my horrible sisters could have had it all but for their apathy and stupidity.  of course i would have remained content with my denial of my hellish existence.  

doctors really know nothing on how backs work.  they only know what hospitals tell them.  unless they live through it they don't know.  

toki got lots of oranges.  today's chimichurri chicken and beans not good.  i added chicken to flavorful soup.  i threw away diana's left overs.  not good.  no one else wanted them either.  toki took cole slaw.   

i used disatisfaction w/bartolo to motivate me

i went seniors early so i puzzled 'til 8 to calm me and get me balanced.  I swam an hour and lady asked me if i wanted jujubes i said yes thinking the candy but she gave me a big bag of fruit chinese dates.  i puzzled 'til 11.  went to check in for lunch gerde early good girl.  diana shared lucky's pudding cake with everyone.  i washed fruits shared with everyone.  i love new things.  diana gave me pork chop and spinach.  alex and new lillian gave me lettuce salads and asian cole slaw i gave to toki since i have sprouts salad mix.  

cole slaw had no sesame.  i added oil.  i must have eaten all the seeds.  

perfect 66 deg overcast day-moon day-bad bartolo

sitting sunny vale patio.  i picked up salty sprouts honey ham multi grain sandwich $4.99.  i brought snacks.  heavenly.   

my left side is weak trembling while holding a water bottle.  probably the rose bush and kiwi i trimmed and set out green and garbage bins.  and dealing with front door lock sisters jammed.  i have to use the garage.  

it's always something.  gilda radner.  i wanted salad.  for the first time i went to sprouts it's 50 cents more and doesn't taste chem funny.  sunny bakery specials out afternoon, 3 types of cherry pie i bought no added sugar.  there were turnovers, etc. i was disciplined.  strong.  only 1.

bartolo came after pickup filled bins and left them in driveway too heavy to move.  left a wooden ladder in the middle of the backyard again. 

sunny patio eating my lunch

8 am too early sprouts specials not out.  clearance substantial satisfying turkey sandwich $3.49.  i did my swim at seniors.  commented on parade of champions.  saw jeanie wearing boot cast left foot ankle.  stopped back at sprouts bought $1.99 muffin assortment and apple turnovers not knowing if toki like jalapeno bread.  blessed gerde and toki stopped home to drop off pastries in expected 94 degree weather.  

sunny vale ok parking 10:30.  ate turkey hungry after exercise.  lovely 84 degree.  3 hours to assemble bingo puzzle.  kids program and later astronaut lecture.  doesn't seem relevant when the planet's burning up.  went out to car for soft boiled eggs re parked car to good shady spot under tree.  woman on puzzle table wearing bike helmet makes me laugh.  the danger of puzzles.  

bewitched series 127 hours.  whew!  audrey hepburn.  looking up her life.  

home 5 pm 91 degrees ok after all day air conditioner.  

i am unlimited

i am.  i forgot mit b'day until talking to cathy at sara lucky's.  she mentioned her mom and showed me her mom is her screen saver on her smart phone.  then i mentioned my mom the queen of denial.  and the family.  she said she was lucky she had good parents so why did her ex marriage implode like mine?  hmm??  if her parents were so good she would have followed their example and chosen better.  well, my mom being a queen of denial makes me a pretty pretty princess.  and without my horrible ex marriage i couldn't have seen the truth.

i'm loving myself.  louise hay was accurate that dis ease is a lack of love.  self love is the toughest when one has no examples.  

puzzled 2 hoursand after lunch maria gorit-brrr

i'm taking care of myself.  i can do it the best.  i know me.  i'm resting and exercising.  i tubbed late and went to lunch.  my stomach hurting like 1972 at least i know how and why.  i couldn't eat lunch, pork fried rice collard greens broccoli.  i brought 3 boiled eggs, easier to digest.  

today is supposed to hit 93 degrees.  i parked car under main 85 degrees and have my feet up.  hassock available just as i was getting situated.  i love when everything works together.  came at 2 to avoid talker.  

i'm trying to find out about gilbert teller.  penn gillete was on celebrity wheel and sounds like he's dead.  no news on big bang.  he had quad bypass last year.  

happy i saw brian class cancelled

we stayed 2 hours talking.  hindu christian interrupted to tell me what to think do and i told him the beauty of america is i get to think do be what i want.  as henry ford said if you think you can or you think you can't you're right.

celebrity wheel is anarchy. 

ptsd inherited?

 i swam and figured out ptsd from dad and mom when i quit smoking and mom attempted suicide taking dad's sleeping pills 3 years and it's been 3 years since i quit again.  the body remembers and signals danger.  i'm ok.  my back and neck has been popping and crackling.  i've been afraid of wanting nicotine and smoking again.  i can hardly breathe as is.

dad always got mean when afraid of winter lay off.  no carpenter construction no paycheck.  he took everything out on mom.  mom did the finances.  she banked her salary, we lived on dad's.  she had over 600 k when she died.  

remembering mom and her suicide

the body remembers.  the mind forgets.  3 years after i quit smoking, mom took dad's pills as an act of defiance.  and it's 3 years i quit again.