smoker's cough

all at once.  I never smoked much, just enough to balance the absence of second hand smoke.

today whew!

I paid prop tax.  I'm so tired.  the hardest job is to keep enjoying life.

I'm amazed how little people care about the only planet we have.  the planet we rely on for everything.  simple survival.  maybe mankind is suicidal.

I'm feeling exhausted.  I soaked, looked up KK re accident suit.  then picked up salad, gave John my soup and went upstairs 10 minutes to my appointment Bill gave away my time to girls standing in front of the center half hour.  good to know his lack of respect.  

I'm eating a hamburger I found yesterday under fruit veg.  2 min/3 oz patty.  12 patties=36 oz.  2 lbs 4 oz.  

and watching "Bell, Book and Candle" one of my favorite movies.  

I'm crying over my past

I haven't had the energy or inclination  to revisit 2001.  Glory brought up the pain of betrayal which logically I denied in order to function.  I don't need the illusion any more.  they're snakes I can leave behind.  I don't owe them anything.  

I called 8 am having written 9-1:30.  I'm more upset than I realize.  I'm too used to caring for others when I'm stressed I revert to times when my physical survival depended on others surviving first.  I'm better, not good yet.  nice 7 minute conversation regarding 1 or 2 topics.  They don't advise car accidents but lawyers' referrals.  so I want clarification on my family inheritance issues.  were they criminal, is embezzlement actionable?  would they have gone to jail?  for my peace of mind and heart I need to be able to resolve the actions taken and omitted.  all the vague sadness and depression have a source.

bread cast upon the waters.  I distracted myself by sharing dried Ramadan dates and encountered 16 truffles.

going through symptoms

I'd left the driver window inch open OK not wet though it rained.  I put out garbage and recycle Bart too late with green brought in bins.  

I don't know if I'm sick or processing the past.  I finally manifested a single pain point on the back of my skull.  Yay!!  and my nausea like the ocean comes and goes, ebbs and flows.  I can't tell if I'm in pain elsewhere.  I'm still congested and coughing.  

I'm stressed dealing with a Wednesday lawyer appt.  reminds me of sisters 2001 threats of violence.  

dog eat wolf world

that's what fuels the wars.  I can accept it today.  nicotine helps.  

I dressed and drove to seniors.  same o.  drove to St Just they have eggs I picked up pantry.  huge strawberry cheesecake sliced.  lots of veg, fruits, rice beans.  I forgot movies went to $tree for glucosamine only 1, c, biotin, d3, 2 riblet Mac for lunch and dinner.  I prepped broccoli.  delicious.  

Glucky's

I loaded free Garden 1 oz veggie sticks.  walked all around, asked store shopper, checked entire front end, then from the boxes in office I got first bag.  persistent.  whatever else I may be ultimately I get it done.  

I decided because of game shows libraries are weekends or after shows.  I love learning useful pleasant things.  

after lunch the puzzle trash b was sitting with her drink having thrown pieces around.  I asked if she could read English she said she wasn't eating I showed the drinks on the sign so the weasel knew.  then she said she needed the outlet I pointed to the one next to the chair she sat in all morning and had used, the filthy liar.  still no excuse for throwing the pieces around and ruining the puzzle.  I quit.  Mallory is mean, lazy doing the minimum to help who she wants.  she says she doesn't do anything she knows who to send them to.  

where would I prefer to be?

saboteurs

the puzzle was trashed.  gave me a chance to clean the table.  Mallory thought I'd done it I questioned her.  sticky from people eating and drinking 'cause it's posted.  bad immature people..

met Fong and Aya nursing students.  they assisted bingo and then BP.  

Glory came to lunch, didn't stay.  oh well.  I can only do what I can do.  I called left message she called back to say she went to get gas no heads up.  she doesn't seem very concerned.  she's looking for a place to live even tho I told her restraining order and no legal eviction.  I don't think she's listening.  she's got to do what she wants is just to cry and complain.

I deserve something special.  I'm having a horrible time processing the memories of betrayal losing my entire childhood.