I'm embracing their fear

 I never feared driving mom did, I'm choosing again.  

simple physics-phone day

magnetizing love.  people love me based on their self love.  they can only love me to the extent they love themselves.  

Norton virus keep interrupting Mah jong game.  It's the virus warning me of itself.

I'm calling everyone to update my Scan One Pass 24 hour membership, CVS mail order catalog, Scan customer service, Delta dental closed.  Ariana the best 45 minutes researching for me.  I'm lying in bed listening to non stop Louise Hay, relaxing, reading, waiting for callbacks.  the best ever.  I called One Pass after 3 and sweet Roxy generated my gym number.  hopefully it works.  I put it in my phone.  

I remembered I left my wallet in the car after Carl's.  I felt so weak.  

magnets-paid citibank $72-still 25/60

I ate instant oatmeal.  dressed.  packed chrome and spot.

I drove to 24 hour with my plan.  no parking I paid Citibank and bought 2 Cali XL at SV.  back to 24 hour at 10:30 am parked and showered.  15 lbs lighter after a month away from the senior center.  I had a low blood sugar episode in the locker room dressing and no sugar.  I lay down for half an hour 'til I could manage.  15 years since the last one.  taking it slowly I was OK.  sugar free gum 5 calories mistake triggered another low blood sugar faint.

noon I ate Cali burger and removed diced onions.  best $6 burger 7.2 beef.

and I slept.  reminded me Enrico Caruso slept a month at a time in Rome hospitals for weight loss.  

roasts used to smell good

now they stink.  poultry, pork, beef, veg.  food is toxic and contaminated.

we've poisoned the planet.  no one escapes.  

just breathe=Sunny 26-25/60

2004 movie girl next door what were they thinking.  shallow Hal 2001.

I want to soak at 24 hour but so cold 39 degree at 7 am.  I'll wait 'til it warms up.  OMG now it's colder 37 degrees at 8 am.

my family stole my joy along with my stuff.  my life was charmed except for their curses.  toxic poison people.

I'm charging my phone and chrome.  listening to infinite Louise Hay.  re-reading looking backward by Edward Bellamy on Gutenburg.org that I read in college.  so full of emotion.

releasing Eric.  denying all the times he was literally green from alcohol poisoning and the times I'd drive us home from $5 K jobs he paid me $100 but split when he worked with the guys.  the fact that when Vanna White hired him he took the guys and didn't tell me 'til after it was a done deal.  

all the times 40 years Thomas cheated and betrayed me.  made me sick.  

Sunny 29/60 still hot spot

I want a hot spot over New Year.   

my muscles in my legs have relaxed after 25 years locked up.  healing can only happen in relaxed muscles.  I'm releasing the family poisons.  everyone I ever was close to confessed their toxic sins to me, made me the keeper of their secrets.

I'm eating salad.  mayo makes it good.  this is similar to when I was bed ridden but I'm not physically sick only spiritually.  and I can eat.  

I'm reading of Ernest Holmes and Charles & Myrtle Fillmore and listening to infinite you tube Louise Hay.  so good.    

Cupertino library- life ins and Vote mailed

I stopped thinking and judging myself, going one step at a time.  literally one foot after the other.  stopping and resting.

Louise Hay Christmas I no longer need to do everything to live.  I was threatened so much by mom, Aiko, dad I never knew my life could have joy.  could be restful.  

I drove to mailbox WF on De Anza.  feeling OK I bought salad krab at SV Safeway.  I asked about checking gift card balance first told no then clerk asked if Safeway and checked all 3 good.  still OK I dropped overdue Sunny book.  home 11.  

krab salad balsamic diced can peaches.