I DON'T KNOW-STILL SHAKEN-See Adult

FALLOUT FROM TRAUMA-SAW AIL SATURDAY 1-2.

I THOUGHT I WAS OK.  YESTERDAY IS A BLUR.  I'M GLAD I WROTE ABOUT MY FEELINGS.  I'M FEELING SURREAL.  I WENT TO SAVERS AND LOST ALL SENSE OF EQUILIBRIUM.  I CALLED T TWICE.  HE WAS WORKING?  I SOLDIERED ON TO SAVEMART FOR MY FREE BACON CAESAR SALAD.  I GOT HOME AND RESTED.  I ATE THE ENTIRE SALAD.  IN TWO STAGES.

I SUSTAINED SO MUCH ABUSE.  THIS A.M. THE FRONT DOOR WAS AJAR.  WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR.  WHEN IT'S AJAR.  LUCKILY IT'S BEEN RAINING AND WARM.  IT WOULD BE JUST LIKE A TO HAVE M CHECK UP ON ME.

I HAVE TO BE CARE FULL NOT TO ABUSE MYSELF.

I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING SOUNDLY.  OR MAYBE I'VE BEEN WAKING WHEN DISTURBED.  MORE LIKELY GIVEN THE PAST HISTORY OF MY SISTERS.  GASLIGHTING MAY BECOME A HABIT.  THEY DID IT TO MOM.

YESTERDAY THE SIDE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED WHEN I GOT HOME.  SHE LIKES ACTING SNEAKY AND THINKS IT'S SMART.

IT MAY NOT BE ME.

WELL, TODAY OR TOMORROW I CAN GET MY FREE CHILI'S MEAL.

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

INTO THE NEW YEAR-MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE

TODAY'S DAILY WORD.

THIS A.M. WHEN I AWOKE I REALIZED I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY AND THAT AS A EMBRYO MY LIFE OF ASPERGERS WAS CREATED BY THE LEVEL OF STRESS HORMONES THAT NURTURED MY CELLS.  MOM AND DAD FIGHTING ALL THE TIME.

I COULD FEEL IN MY BODY THE MEMORY OF HOW I WAS BORN.  THEY THOUGHT I MIGHT BE BRAIN DAMAGED BECAUSE I WAS A BLUE BABY WITH THE HEART HOLE.

ANXIETY HAS BEEN THE NORM.  BEING RETARDED WOULD HAVE FIT MOM'S SENSE OF DRAMA.  SELF-PITY.  THE DESCRIPTION FOR MOM AND DAD.

SATURDAY THE 9TH WAS THE BEST!!!  I WENT TO VALLEY VILLAGE FOR THE JUMBLE TO FIND OUT IT WAS POSTPONED TO THE 30TH.

I CONTINUED ON TO THE SENIOR'S CENTER TO EXERCISE.

I THOUGHT I'D GO TO THE LIBRARY TO AIR DRY MY HAIR AND STOPPED TO SEE ST. JUSTIN'S.  THEY'D BEEN CLOSED.  THEY WERE FULL FROM BEING CLOSED.  I FOUND 7 DVDS-$1 EA, 3 SMALL PALLETES-$1, NEW MINI CAST IRON PAN WITH TWO BROWNIE MIX-$3, S/L ANN TAYLOR BEADED NECK TURQUOISE COTTON SWEATER-$3.  THE GENTLEMAN RANG UP THE DVDS AND PALLETTES AND GAVE ME THE LAST TWO ITEMS.  GOD IS GOOD.  THANK YOU GOD-JESUS!!!!

                              NO MATTER THE APPEARANCE KEEP ON.