LOVING IT

THE CHILD IN ME IS HEALING.  THE CHILD FEELS JOY AND LOVES.  MY CHILD WAS ABUSED AND SUPPRESSED.  SO I EXPERIENCE A LOT OF TOT DEPRESSION. 

I'M LEARNING TO LET THE CHILD FEEL JOY.  I CAN PROTECT MY self.

FREEDOM--------

OH, I'M LOVING SETTING UP THE PAGE AND GETTING TO IT WHEN I HAVE TIME. 

I'VE NEVER BEFORE HAD THIS MUCH FREEDOM.  TO DO AND BE ME ACCORDING TO ME.  ME.  ME.

ALL ABOUT ME.

NO WONDER THE DONALD IS SO FULL OF HIMSELF.  HE HAS TONS OF PEOPLE MAKING IT ABOUT HIM.

I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO ENJOY THAT MUCH SCRUTINY.  POOR LITTLE RICH WHATEVER. 

I'M FEELING-

ANXIOUS.  COULDN'T FIND MY HANKIES THIS A.M.  DON'T KNOW IF I MISPLACED OR WAS VISITED BY SIS/THIEVES. 

AN OPPORTUNITY TO TRUST.  TODAY'S DW IS INNER PEACE.  ANOTHER CHANCE TO IMPROVE. 

OH, WELL.

I JUST GOT BACK MY SENSE OF HUMOR.

TYGJ

SWEEEET!

THIS A.M. I LOOKED FOR MY T-SHIRT DRESSES.  GONE. 

THE $50 I FOUND AT THE LIBRARY, THE ROLLING CART $1.50 AT ST JUSTIN, SOPHIA'S PAN OF CORNBREAD, ALL GOOD THINGS COME FROM GOD TO BALANCE THE SISTER/THIEVES. 

AND TODAY 2X POTATOE SALAD I ATE IN CAR AT LIBRARY LEAVING THE ONIONS AND TRASH BEHIND. 

AND THE BAG OF SPINACH AND BLACK JOURNAL DUMPED IN PARKING LOT. 

TYGJ.

ANYTHING I WANT TO KEEP I HAVE TO STORE UNDER LOCK AND KEY.

THE GARAGE. 

SLOWLY GROWING UP

THE BEST WAY TO DO IT.

I ALMOST OVERDID YESTERDAY.  I'M CELEBRATING A BIG WIN.  I PUZZLED AND RESTED.

ALL MY T-SHIRT DRESSES ARE GONE.  SISTER/THIEVES STOLE THEM.  SO LONG MY CITRUS KNIFE, MY LONG YELLOW TIERED DRESS AND BROWN BUTTERFLY SANDALS, AND GARDEN TOOLS; SCYTHE, INCLUDING THE CUSTOM YARD DUST PAN DAD MADE ME SPECIAL, ETC., ARE THEY KNOW WHERE. 

OK.

ONWARD AND UPWARD.

I'M FEELING LITTLE

I'M A LITTLE TIRED FROM SWEEPING PEA SEEDS FOR NEXT YEAR AM/PM.  I'VE WANTED TO DO THAT FOR YEARS.  AND I CAN PLANT NEXT YEAR TOO. 

I PLANNED ON SAVERS WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT BALANCE.  I DODGED A BULLET.

MATURITY CAN BE FUN

I LIKE THE POSSIBILITIES MATURITY BRINGS.  THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO ENJOY.  SO MANY MORE THINGS TO DO AND BE. 

HEALTHY CAN BE FUN AND DELICIOUS. 

MATURE- ADULT PEOPLE MAKE FEWER MISTAKES.  THEY'RE WELL BALANCED, MAKE BETTER DECISIONS.  PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS, THINK THINGS THROUGH.

I PREFER ADULTS.

INCLUSION

ALL A CHILD WANTS IS LOVE=  RECOGNITION, RESPECT, FAIR TREATMENT. 

THAT'S WHAT LOVE IS.  SIMPLE, NOT EASY IN AN EGO-CENTRIC WORLD. 

I STARTED THIS ENTRY TODAY TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY self AND REALIZE THAT'S ALL I NEED.  EVER.

IF THERE IS NEED, LOVE RECOGNIZES AND FILLS THE NEED.

NOSEGASMS

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO SNEEZE.  I GUESS BODY FUNCTIONS ARE PROGRAMMED TO FEEL GOOD.  OTHERWISE LIFE WOULD BE TOO UNCOMFORTABLE JUST BEING.  EVEN WITHOUT THE GLITCHES.  ie., GENERAL MAINTENANCE, EVERY DAY WEAR AND TEAR.

HICCUPS

ONE OF THE SYMPTOMS I HAD IN 1972 AFTER I FELL.  AND THEY'RE BACK. 

I'M LEARNING EVERY DAY

I HAVE OVER 1 HUNDRED POSTS AND HAVE TO CHANGE THE CONFIGURATION TO GET TO ALL.  I CAN DO IT.  I DON'T KNOW IF I EVER KNEW HOW B4.  OF COURSE NOT, I DIDN'T HAVE THAT MANY POSTS. 

I LOVE THINKING SILENTLY.  SO MANY THINK OUT LOUD.  IS IT ATTENTION SEEKING?  THEY WOULDN'T HAVE LASTED.  M OR A WOULD HAVE SQUASHED THEM LIKE THE BUGS THEY ARE. 

OH, MY ACHING BACK AND LEGS.  FROM TODAY'S YARDWORK.

I LIKE DOING, I FEEL POWERFUL DOING.  I DON'T GET HUMAN-SPONGES/COUCH POTATOES.  EVEN SPONGE BOB LIKES TO PLAY. 

TANTRUM!!!!

I HATE GOOGLE.  IT KEEPS LOCKING ME OUT.  I HAD TO CHANGE MY PASSWORD BECAUSE I FORGOT THE CAPS WAS ON.  USUALLY IT WILL SHOW IT.  NOT GOOGLE. 

I'M FEELING HOT AND TIRED FROM ERIC'S MEMORIAL SAT-15.  IT WAS 105o AT 5 PM IN MY CAR IN CAMPBELL.  AND I DROVE HOME IT WAS STILL 95. 

I'M FEELING SAD HE WAS 6 YRS YOUNGER AND SUFFERED SO MUCH.  5 YRS OF CANCER IS HARD. 

JAPS ARE HARD ON SONS.  AND DAUGHTERS SUBBING FOR SONS.  ME. 

THINKING OF MY LIFE

SO FAR IT HASN'T FELT WORTH IT. 

THE EXPERIENCES I'VE HAD ARE SPECIAL AND I'M SPECIAL AND IT STILL DOESN'T FEEL WORTH IT. 

THE CHILD ISN'T SATISFIED.  WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO FIND SATISFACTION FOR ALL THE SUFFERING?

MOM DID IT!

HER FAULT, HER FAULT!!

MY COMPULSIVENESS IS DUE TO HER CONTROL ISSUES.

SHE MADE ME THE PERSON I WAS, I'M MAKING MYSELF THE PERSON I WANT TO BE.

I DECIDED TO HAVE READY PLAYER ONE OVERDUE.  NOT ENTIRELY MY DOING.  NORTHSIDE HAS 3 COPIES AVAILABLE SO THERE'S NO REASON NOT TO RENEW THE COPY I HAD.  SO I DROVE TO NORTHSIDE AND CHECKED OUT ANOTHER COPY AND TURNED IN THE OVERDUE.  I.O.$.50.

I'VE NEVER DECIDED TO OVERDUE ANYTHING B4.  TYGJ AND SCPL FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO SOMETHING NEW.

YARDWORK

I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL TODAY.  I'M FEELING SO WELL FROM TOO MUCH YARDWORK THIS COOL 6 am. 

it's working

I PICKED UP THE ART AREA AND SAT AND READ FOR AN HOUR.  I SAW GARBAGE ON FLOOR AND GOT UP TO TIDY.  IT WAS $50 WADDED UP LIKE TRASH.  I LOOKED AROUND FOR THE MAN WHO'D BEEN SITTING THERE UPSTAIRS AND DOWN.  THEN I REMEMBERED I LEFT MY $ AT HOME.  I COULD GO OVER TO ST JUST 1:30.  IF I DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING I COULD TURN IT IN.  OR I COULD KEEP IT.  MINE.  I FOUND BURNER BIBS $1, 6 CDRS $1 FOR T.

FUNNY HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS.  I AM HERE TO BE TRULY HELPFUL.  LIKE DIRECTING A MOM TO THE PARKING SPACE BEHIND ME.  97o NOW.

SELF-SABOTAGE

TODAY AFTER SRS I WENT TO BK FOR $.79 H-DOGS, 2 , AND VALUE FRIES AND ONION RINGS.  AND IN THE TRUNK I HAD YESTERDAY'S CRAB SANDWICH.  ON ICE.

SO I ATE ONE DOG AND HALF THE SANDWICH.  RINGS, FRIES, JUICE. AND I ASKED FOR AND GOT A PAPER CROWN.

YUM!!!!

AND I REMEMBER TO WRITE MILEAGE AND EVERYTHING EXCEPT CASH (LEFT AT HOME IN PINK SAC).  SO GOOD!

WHEN THE INNER CHILD IS HURTING EVERYTHING HURTS.  THE INNER CHILD WILL STRIKE OUT AT ANYONE AND ANYTHING.  THE INNER CHILD HAS LEARNED TO SAFELY HIDE BEHIND AN ADULT FACADE.                 

AS I NURTURE MY INNER CHILD MY LIFE IMPROVES.  

DEALS MUST BE MADE AND KEPT SO THE CHILD DOESN'T RUN AMOK.  IT ISN'T ENOUGH TO MAKE DEALS.  TRUST MUST BE BUILT.  

IT'S 92o AT NOON.  AND I PLANNED THE M-LIB FOR UNDERGROUND PKG FOR MY CAR.  COOL AIR AND QUIET FOR ME.  LOVELY.  I CAN DO MY FAVORITE THING.  READ.  

I FOUND $50 ON THE GROUND.  SEE ADULT.

H/H/C

MY NEW NAME IS HAPPY, HEALTHY CHILD.  THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO AND BE.