MIA-MAGNUSSEN TOYOTA

29, FROM CHINA.  ALL ALONE.  SO BRAVE.  I COULDN'T DO IT.  SHE'S DIVORCED.  SHE LOOKS 19.  SHE DROVE ME TO GET MY CAR HOME AMD TO PICK UP THE NEW ONE.

I'M BLESSED.

I WAS BORN HERE.  DESPITE MY ALCOHOLIC, SUICIDAL PARENTS I'M OK THANKS TO GOD AND THE KINDNESS OF PEOPLE.

I'M USING UP THE GROCERIES I BOUGHT WHILE BEDRIDDEN.  I SPENT SO MANY TEARS IN FEAR WITH MY THIEVING SISTERS.  I WAS AFRAID OF BEING WITHOUT.

I WANT MORE MONEY.  I WANT THINGS FOR MY FRIENDS.

I DIDN'T GO TO EXERCISE.  I SPENT ALL DAY BUYING THE CAR.  NEXT GET RID OF THE OLD.

ALLONE

FOR THE FIRST TIME I'M LOOKING FOR A CAR BY MYSELF.  AND I DECIDED AFTER TALKING TO DARYL AT SOUTH VALLEY AUTO WHOLESALE, EXPLAINED CIVICS ARE POPULAR WITH KIDS TO SOUP UP.  I WANT A COROLLA.  I THINK.

FALLOUT

I'M STILL LOOKING FOR A USED CAR. DARRYL SUGGESTED 2 P.M. R/T 1 AND NOW I'M GLAD.  I'VE BEEN SITTING IN MY CAR CRYING.  FOR THE CHILDREN, FOR MYSELF, FOR MOM HAVING TO WITNESS DAD'S FATHER'S SUICIDE. 

THIS A.M. I READ A NEWS ARTICLE ABOUT DR. ASPERGERS-NAZI CHILD MURDERER.

AND I JUST READ NEWS ARTICLE JULIANA FURTADO SUICIDAL MOTHER AND THE EFFECTS.  ME ALL OVER.  THE DEPRESSION, MOOD CHANGES, TRIGGERS.  OVER TWICE AS MANY SUICIDES AS MURDERS.

AND ANOTHER MASS SHOOTING 4 MINUTES AGO.

SINCE I CAN'T RUN FROM MYSELF, WHAT SHALL I RUN TOWARDS???

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

ANOTHER FATHER DAY MOVIE!!

THUR.6/28-BART MILLARD IS PLAYING CONCORD PAVILLION.

HOW'S THAT FOR GOD IN ACTION.

I PAY MY DEBTS

I JUST HAVE TO KEEP MY PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

THIS MUST BE FATHER ISSUES WEEK.

I ACCIDENTALLY RECYCLED WEEPING WEREWOLF MONDAY.  AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I FIGURE SINCE I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE.  I BORROWED ANOTHER COPY YESTERDAY FROM CAMPBELL LIBRARY.  I READ DRAGON OF DOOM.  ONLY TAKES AN HOUR TO READ.   

THE WEEPING WEREWOLF IS THE BOY'S MISSING FATHER.

AND IN THE MY TEACHER IS AN ALIEN (AILEEN) SERIES PETER HAS FATHER PROBLEMS TOO.

HUH.

I'M DOING ALRIGHT

I JUST HAVE TO REMEMBER:

SHE REFUSED TO TAKE MOM AWAY AND MOM ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. 

SHE COLLUDED TO EMBEZZLE.

SHE HAD THE NERVE TO COMPLAIN OF MISSING MOM AFTER I BEGGED HER TO VISIT MOM AND SHE WAS TOO BUSY.

SHE CONTINUES TO ASK ME WHAT I WANT SO SHE CAN DENY ME.

IT STILL HURTS-FATHER KILLERS

MIT CALLED WITH A BOGUS EXCUSE ABOUT JOB TRAINING.  SHE'S FEELING GUILTY ABOUT HER PARTICIPATION IN DAD'S DEATH.  AILEEN MANIPULATED HIM TO THE CHIROPRACTOR  AND MITZI AIDED HER IN DRIVING HIM TO DEATH.  LITERALLY. 

SHE WANTS ME TO THINK ABOUT SELLING MY HOUSE.  HER CHOICE TO COLLUDE WITH AILING AILEEN. 

AND MITZI IS STILL BEING MANIPULATED.  WHEN I MENTIONED AILING (AILEEN) SHE "LAUGHED" SHE'S TOO BOSSY.  DEFINITELY AILING AILEEN.  AND MANIPULATED MITZI.  LEARNED FROM MOM AND DAD.  I LEAVE THEM TO KILL EACH OTHER.

I HAVE TO EXPECT IT FATHER'S DAY.

EVERY TIME MIT STABS ME IN THE BACK IT STILL HURTS.  LOGICALLY I SHOULD BE USED TO IT BY NOW.  MAYBE SOME THINGS AREN'T POSSIBLE.  COME ON GOD.

I'VE DECIDED THE BEST REVENGE IS TO LIVE A LONG, HAPPY LIFE.

CALCIFIED THINKING-FATHER'S DAY 2018

SOMEHOW I GOT THE NOTION THAT IF I DROVE 3.4 MILES TO CUPERTINO FROM G2 I HAD TO WAIT UNTIL THEY OPENED AT 10.  THEN IT OCCURED TO ME I COULD DROP OFF MY DVDS AND LEAVE.  SO FREEING.

I'M TAKING BACK MY WEEKENDS.  MY CAREER IN RETAIL REQUIRED MY WORKING WEEKENDS.  MY THINKING MADE EVERY WEEKEND WORK.  NO MORE.

I LIKE WAKING UP AT ALL HOURS.   I CAN SLEEP WHEN I WANT.

TODAY AT G2 I TRIMMED MY NAILS.  BLISSFUL TIME.  I DON'T HAVE TO BE ANYWHERE ANYTIME.

I NEVER IMAGINED AND YET HERE I AM.

I HAVE FOUR DIFFERENT BAGS OF CHIPS TO SAMPLE.  MORE BLISS.

I CAN HAVE PORK CHOPS OR HOT DOGS.  MY CHOICE.

MY DAD'S THINKING AND PROJECTION ON ME.

LARA CROFT

I NEVER IMAGINED THE REMAKE WOULD BE A FATHER'S DAY MOVIE.  TOMORROW.

i walked to the store at 6 am for $.97 a lb strawberries.  i started sorting through the camouflage.  i'm able.  Wonderful.  I just have to remember to pace myself.

I was watching Mr Rogers Neighborhood on toddlers and noticed how seniors are in reverse gear.  So much for Benjamin Button.

I'm staying in so far.  Following guidance.

I'll go to the library tomorrow.  I have to return things.  i'm so jazzed Cupertino opens at ten and then over to city.  And Lucky's is 2X rewards.

WAHHHH!

I'M FEELING FRUSTRATED.  I HAVEN'T FOUND MY CAR YET, I HAVE TO RENEW CHROME AT LIBRARY, OH I REMEMBERED HAPPY BIRDS TODAY AT CENTRAL.  I HAVE TO DECIDE ON WHAT TO HAVE FOR LUNCH.

SO MANY CHOICES.

I FINALLY DECIDED ON DOLLAR TREE BASCOM AT 8 A M.  ON TO WALGREEN'S MERIDIAN OUT OF STOCK, 24 HOUR SHOWER, SAVER'S I USED THE $5 COUPON, CAMPBELL LIBRARY DROP OFF PICK UP-BOOK SALE, WALGREEN'S SMOKES, SAFEWAY HOMESTEAD RB SANDWICH, ST JUSTIN, LIBRARY CHROMEBOOK EXCHANGE-WAITED FOR HAPPY BIRDS PARROT SHOW 1;30 TOO FULL, CAME HOME. 

HAPPY HALF B-DAY

WHAT DO I WANT?  I'VE BEEN WATCHING MR ROGER'S NEIGHBORHOOD.  THE GOOD DAD TO SO MANY INCLUDING ME.

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?

WHAT DO I WANT TO BE?

TODAY THE BOOKMOBILE COMES HERE.  THAT'S ONE. 

I CHARGED MY ELECTRONICS.  TWO.

I FORGIVE MYSELF

AGAIN.  I CAN'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR NOT BEING LOVED.  NOT MY FAULT. 

IF I'D BEEN ADOPTED I MIGHT HAVE HAD A CHANCE.  I'D HAVE GROWN UP WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  BEING THE FAMILY DOG HAD SO MANY DISADVANTAGES. 

AND NOW I HAVE TO LEARN HOW HUMANS INTERACT.

I DESERVE LOVE.  I WANT LOVE.

LOVE IS GOOD VIBES.  LOVING MYSELF IS THE BEGINNING OF RECEIVING LOVE. 

SIMPLE PHYSICS.

I'M DOING MY SUNDAY THING

I WENT G2 AND STOPPED AT NISSAN SV.  CAR STILL ISN'T READY.  IT'S IN SHOP.  THEY DON'T OPEN SUNDAYS 'TIL 10 AND IT'S TOO HOT 88 o's.  SO I WENT MARIA SAFEWAY ONLY BOUGHT 3 DONUTS.

AT LUCKY'S I GOT MAC CHEESE FREE.  THE COUPON WOULDN'T WORK AND THE LINE WAS PILING UP SO HE ERASED IT.  BEEF SHISH-KA-BOB $3, 2 SALADS $1.49 EA.  I TOOK IT OFF STICKS AND BROILED IT.  DELISH.

I DID A TINY BIT OF CLEANING.

SATURDAY TV REVELATIONS

I JUST FINISHED WATCHING A SOUTHERN YANKEE/RED SKELTON 1948, MR. PEABODY AND THE MERMAID/WILLIAM POWELL 1948.  SATURDAY MOVIES I SAW AS A CHILD.  I'D CLEAN HOUSE IN THE MORNING AND WATCH MOVIES IN THE AFTERNOONS.  MOM AND DAD SHOPPING OR VISITING THEIR FRIENDS, A& M OUT WITH THEIR FRIENDS AND ME HOME ALONE.

SUCH A TREMENDOUS FLASHBACK.  I PICKED UP THE DVDS FROM THE LIBRARY YESTERDAY. 

MY HISTORY IS COMING BACK TO ME.  SUNDAYS EVERYONE WOULD BE HOME AND I'D READ IN MY ROOM I SHARED WITH M.  THE SERVANT IN THE ATTIC WHILE THE FAMILY ENJOYED THE CLEAN HOUSE..  UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS.  I'D BE CALLED FOR MEALS.  DON'T EAT TOO MUCH OR TOO LITTLE AND BE HUMILIATED.

I NEVER HAD A HOME OR FAMILY.

A HUGE HOLE IN MY LIFE.  WHOLE.

hurray! JUNE!

MOM'S BIRTH/DEATH MONTH WAS A TERRIBLE EMOTIONAL VOLCANO.