free yogurt

loaded lucky's freebies.  so dark out i'll wait take my leisurely time.  i used to feel so guilty and heard mom in my head criticizing.   they made my life miserable.  i was the scapegoat the designated sufferer to make their lives easier.  

disturbing dream

8-9 yr old boy in war zone scavenging sticks for firewood and potato peelings to rinse and cook for food.  i can pray for peace and comfort and send him love.  if it's me i'm loving myself, if a symbol i'm sending positive electrical energy.

carol kultansky and southern cross taught me electrical energy=prayers can be projected and produce results.  she brought me to a psychic demonstration.  we were the first ones there and the instructor asked us to participate in an experiment demonstration of directed thought.  she'd lecture and i'd stand at the back of the classroom thinking first negative then positive thoughts at her signal.  using muscle testing she proved the physical effect thoughts make on the body.  mom was right about what people think of you matters.  what christian science mary baker eddy is based on.

Bart came over filled 2 extra bins from next door.  he cleared side yard.  he's amazing.  Monday his truck totaled hit at Monticello school signal intersection car turned into him.  i promised him $70 Monday.  of course he wanted more but i specified i could only afford without hardship taking money from elsewhere.  he's using his sedan.  i suggested church prayer focused electrical energy for bigger better truck and health improvement.  

exquisite day

toke brought me calendars, stickers, xmas cards.  she's so thoughtful and considerate.  i told her i'd adopted her and true as replacement sisters.  they've appreciated me unlike the evil step sisters.   

i'm enjoying swimming more and more.  i may actually put my face in the water.  dollar tree i bought 10 sausages, 5 jewel pens, 2 jerky.  then good will senior discount day i found my winter water proof gym bag $8, 2 comfy fab tops.  score! 

tomorrow

do nothing 2 i watched eternal s finally and west side story and crawdads sing.  so many examples of life is a bummer and few examples of happiness.

i actually didn't do it.  the charger cord was bent from plug.  short i didn't do.  

i cooked taters using tots package.  delicious if i do say so myself.  and i do.  i made spaghetti with cream cheese and sauce so delicious.  

i learned critical path management from roadrunner cartoons #1711 post

wile e. coyote planned intricate traps that never succeeded in trapping and eating the bird.  i learned how important it is to plan to the conclusion, consider all possible results.  

i had a dress rehearsal.  i considered gassing up decided tomorrow.  i'm resting today.  cooked eggs taters in tortilla.  

assembled climb cart my neck feels strained.  made eggs taters avocado burritos.  fun day the day before sun day.

tired

it feels like a long week got a lot done.  probably tired from the pint of butter pecan ice cream.  so worth it.  heaven takes a lot of focus.  concentration on what i want.

heavenly

i paddled the pool an hour.  it was hard accepting gravity coming out.  so i played at the puzzle table b 4 and after lunch 'til 3 mission library picked up combo and gamed 'til 4:45 went looking at college safeway decided on dollar tree.  hamburger and tater tots, vienna sausage, small cans of jellied cranberry, flour tortilla, beef ravioli,  pint butter pecan ice cream.  the most i've ever spent.  so good.

and now i'm watching 'designing women' and 'becker'.  

am tire

re programming working.  after lunch i puzzled til 3 went to mission library to check disc and fill out city's recycle survey.  am tire perfect.  drove home back roads relaxing.

truc, anh, anh or bamboo, brother, brother

vietnamese father, autistic son, mother.  i gave dad walks ever day around senior block the temple g book 'thinking in pictures.'  i wondered why i bought it and now i know.  the resources at back the best part.  

sitting senior center very smoky air.  24 hour conditioned better.  poor air quality exhausting.

home i rested 2 hours watching special features 'fawlty towers'.  don't know dinner.  

eh, 3 % battery crash

new experience.  and i recovered my settings.  i stayed in bed 'til 7.  that's 13 hours of rest.  i feel not good but fair.  my body needs it to heal.

don't know what i'm doing

don't know what i'm feeling.  i'm just putting one foot at a time.  maybe the rain.  started just after i picked up windfall fruit.  took longer than i planned no time for gym b 4 book sale.  23+ movies some double and triple.  all new some classic horror i never heard of.  

darryl retired sc main tech here at sunny.  2 pm i want to go home.  gym tomorrow.  checked out safeway zero.  raining harder came home drove past bethel church fair rained out.  remembered to take supplements.  feeling great.

bed 6 pm.

i decided i'm resting

i don't know for sure i think my hips legs hurting from spaghetti sandwich i ate for b'fast.  felt ok b 4.  i'm listening to healing feeling relaxed in bed.  i'm having a proper do nothing day.  my lethargy could be healing exhaustion i hope.

got up at 10 to watch 'any day' and eat.  i'm actually glad to be alive today.  wow, a new feeling.  watching tv comedies healing listening to you tube healing.  reprogramming auto pilot working.

looking for 'death at a funeral' sunny has book sale tomorrow.  the remake like the original puts the fun in funeral.  

sitting senior parking so relaxed sleepy

i loaded freebie silk oat milk and bought arugula.  swam and took home grocery.  traffic very different.  

time to bike and recharge.  i asked trudy if she wanted to race on the stationary new step she agreed.  trudy and toke are my true new sisters.  

i don't know

i'd be dangerous if i knew what i'm doing.  i changed the format so the tabs retreat and the screen is bigger.  i don't know how.  

gym great.  paid target bought clearance shower sandals and 16 oz crunchy pb.  gave code 3 bags avocado, 1 oranges apple.  5 new movies.  lunch with toke she bought me oxigen at westgate bevmo delivered 5 bottles and checked out the yard.  it's too much.  took off b 4 i could get to the door.  

2864 augusta ct fool proof

resisting change is normal.  hey!! i'm normal and unique.  

i'm slowly and surely coming alive.  i've been mourning a world i don't like and i need to focus on what i want to be.  i have to laugh.  the sisters were always asking me what i want so they could deny me exactly like ex husband.  and now they're ex-sisters.  i never put it together before it was too painful.  now i'm ok with it.  

now i know it's not the senior center it's the jennifer center.  she decided i can't watch 'any day now' on the gym tv.  she decided only bloodthirsty programs allowed.  so arbitrary.  like most of the women only using the pools are white she's whiter than rice.  next 2 weeks free not to general public.  i wanted to leave senior center money but i don't need to anymore.  it's the jennifer center.

so far so good

bart cleared front yard yesterday 4 hours.  he's bored and wants to keep busy.  so 2 months budget.  and 2 hrs today he showed up 7 am as i was leaving makes it 3 months worth.   

what i want on 911

i made 3 chicken arugula croissants for b'fast, lunch, dinner.  watched my 'any day now' and went to gym.  picked up hot spot sunnyvale library and loaded safeway flash sale most items gone.  oh well.  checked maria store no $1.47 peanuts nothing i wanted.  remembered i already have raspberry danish.  good exercise walking store.

i am as stupid as i look saturday

weird day.  as i picked up fruit gardener bartolo valadez driving stops asks for cactus fruit i say help yourself.  offers $35/hour for yard work when i tell him i can pay $70/month.  we'll see.  

i got rattled.  as i'm driving to gym police have intersection blocked off by cop cars.  i turn around 8:30 already on to st just.  change my mind at el camino proceed to gym.  showers appear full not.  abandoned towel on one.  white woman irritates me.  i wait for next available.  i don't care.  i'm not happy. 

bought $1 turtle magnet jumble sale 9:30 as planned.  i'm tired already.  i feel so sad.  possibly leftover from dad death.  and weather is dark weird leftover hurricane.  

noon walkabout.  got business card to look up info on net.  bv 2525 parkland ct.  lovely left 2 pm library closed 80 o.  chicken in puck oven done put away.  

sitting in back i feel like tough kid

this morning regular 4:30 wake up.  remembering fry day i watched game shows and went to gym checked freebie none.  paddled pool talked to new Fran.  left 9:30 to watch 'any day' and rest.  

11 i went to st just pantry.  left 3 bags avocados.  eggs, diced chick breast, ground turkey, veg, etc.  

back to cooling main redwood room 1 pm email said 7:45 am free coke 20 oz dreamworld.  left cooling 5:45 pm picked up weird tasting coke.  forgot free safeway sushi water.  next time.   

bookmobile!! i'm free! 105 heat

and all's right with the world.  code and family had covid immunity good for the year.   gave him half fruit.  other half toke.  she drove past this morning left croissants on way to cost co gas.    

gym 3 delightful.  paddled in pool 'til 9:30.  seniors 10 i was pleasantly surprised.  new movies borrow up to 20 now.

regular table taken lunchtime i sat in back charging and listening to healing.  i waved alex over and then toke.  she sat opposite at picnic style table.  i like it better than round.  more room.  i can spread out.

wow 5:30 i'm feeling timeless.  been upstairs main since 1 relaxing reading paper, watching you tube while listening to healing.  

truly horrible

dad's last week felt like my last week.  i got no sleep hauling him around from his fractured back, hearing him begging us to kill him, mom's suicide watch she tried it 1993, no sleep, working my independent contractor marketing deliveries.  i survived.  dad's brain surgery, eye emergency.  i survived it all.   

of course i feel exhausted.  fighting off the sisters just to survive since then.

library failed to open noon as posted on web.  i got spot i planned on.  i'm sitting 1;30 feeling the after effects of my 1972 stroke.  didn't have time or inclination then.  

black guard sucking up to stinky man sans father.  they both wore fishing beanies at seniors and smelled from 25 feet away.  

senior center crashed

arr 10:30 temp 105 o.  door open but no chairs.  typical.  noon 111 o in the shade. 

gym 7:30 am lovely cool.  9 am $tree.  9:30 parking lot rite aid/ patelco.  10 am got statement of ira  from capable young lady 10 minutes small bottle water.  if i were guaranteed her fine service i'd stay but no guaranty.  

blog i typed for half hour disappeared.  and red end session tag gone.  oh, well.  i'll have to update religiously.  i've eaten 3 of the 6 fish fillets Hilda gave me as extra.  one entire meal and 4 in a box.  i guess she doesn't like soggy.  i don't mind.  leftovers usually go to staff.  you can bet none of them pay the $3.  

main library 1 pm cooling center expanded from 3 pm.  listed on website as cooling center not open expanded hours.  tomorrow from noon to 7.  i'm using wet suit for cooling.  6:30 still 99 o car therm online says 104 o.  after all day guard commented no elevated legs on chair time to move.

crashed lost it. didn't update

woke black floater right eye time for dr.  or forgiveness.  listening to healing.  

came to main cooling to check it out.  4 people to start now 6 pm me and 2 clerks.  safeway arugula!!  remembered dollar store.  bought frozen and clearance cleaner there for 2 weeks.  i feel bad for  the abandoned.  me.

moon day 9/5 dad's 23rd death day.  none of them loved me.  the pain i stuffed down i'm feeling.  he led the way.   i don't understand knowing better and refusing to do better.  

i baked flour tortilla in toaster oven.  burned first one filled garage with smoke.  such crunchy goodness.

i put on my bathing suit.  5 pm i may go gym or main i don't know or stay home.  i'm wrapped in cool wet towels.

sitting 24 using their net.  102 o in the shade.  

ptsd dad's death 9/5

my stomach reacting.  my body reacts and then my mind remembers.  i'm doing without a hot spot.  dropped off combo mission library.  didn't find anything of interest.  talked to bee code sick.  book mobile cancelled by senior center arbitrary.  home rest and relaxation.  i'm looking forward to a lovely vacation.  

watching concentration

so relaxed.  hard time tuning tv heat wave.  brilliant day of exercise, banking free tea and water.