2 days now when i awake. the raw half yam while delicious very fiber. cooked not as much. used crisper tray from tots. loaded free vitamin water. lucky's bought yogurt using expiring rewards. 8 cost me 25 cents. confused clerk 'til i explained. he said i'm good shopper. i try to be. ate nut bar b'fast i have muffins in trunk. it's nice not forcing myself to eat.
9 pm in bed i just remembered i toasted cheese breads i'll eat tomorrow.
after watching 'father stu' a welcome relief. turned into beautiful day. woke 7:30 dressed decided to take enhanced cilantro slaw for b'fast after swim. still hungry i ate flax muffin shared one with cody. he brought copy of 'puss in boots; last wish' and i found copy of prince harry 'spare'. i'm rich with reading. prince harry uses all the senses to engage the reader.
lunch was roast beef sandwich r/t red bell pepper fried fish. glad i ate before.
watching the fauna at central park sitting upstairs library. soccer game, maintenance men covering bocce lawn with plastic sheeting and canada geese. reminds me of nene goose of hawaii. charged chrome, gamed, read book, thought about always being second.
3 pm headed home detoured to dollar tree for gold duct tape none just silver and white. thursday delivery day butter pecan ice cream, mushroom swiss burgers, tater tots. i can have what i want even if i don't know what that is.
skin is still disturbed on my left hand where i jabbed myself with bread knife cutting loaf. i'm healing quickly. my metabolism is better.
font size reduced on its own. a little... i don't know what. disconcerting. getting to know myself is fascinating. i never had the time. i'm reminded of babies discovering the outside world i'm discovering my inner world. i was always threatened and told.
8 am first time i know i need my grandma. this free floating anxiety is finally connected.
steady rain 40 minutes to arrive seniors. took hours to load free vive 2 oz boost. just wouldn't load. tried many different ways before it worked. clearance everything loaf dollar, 15 kind bars $9. I showered, relaxed. lunch was good, company excellent, little gloria so aggressively chased man out of her seat, alex and toki. sydny, beeper and another chinese man.
still raining i went to the main underground parking lot. i can air out the car. i went upstairs, put my feet up, read paper, listened to the healing music, i relaxed despite my back. ready for home i went back to safeway for frozen veg $2.11 and yam $1.88 compared with $2.49 for potato. At home i ate senior lunch chicken and cilantro cole slaw i added protein snack pack. i nuked chicken skin. so good cracklin'.
the body rested the mind spirit at peace. i have so few good memories. the mind survival mode remembers the danger and trauma to avoid future possible accidents.
i'm watching 'all passion spent' memoir by vita sackville-west movie. disc scratched up skipping in the middle. i might read the novel. she led a 'scandalous' life. her online biography is amazing. the elderly are expected to remember and resolve their lives. she's a famous sometimes infamous author besides her ties to nobility.
got gas 9:40 am 4 spaces open i drove up filled tank.
1:40 completed border of tulip-'wishing' tree puzzle. what i want. i want to feel great, strong, healthy. better than i did preparents care. i set my auto pilot with this intention. home at 2 i was hungry from tiny lunch ate veg pasta soggy like lasagna with toast. i'm eating all breads, taken me 3 weeks.
i don't care about insomnia. as long as my body gets sufficient rest i'll sleep when i need it.
dinner 2 senior side salads with toast.
i picked up free small sugar free red bull and bought fruit chews. walked stores for exercise bought spam and chips lucky's.
the only way to a new life is through the old. no wonder i'm feeling so tired. being born every day is exhausting.
lunch good tiny sloppy joe. gloria, asian man, toki, diane chose to sit with avocado linda, alex, ron came late trying to intimidate me over joanie, little gloria playing her drama games. parkinson has a bullying component.
and detoxing is a process. i just need to schedule resting as part of detoxing. i came home after charging chrome so 2 pm planned rest. ate some pork loin with the zucchini corn beans. cut baguette to taste. toasted so good. ate a lot. part of exhaustion the body wants more fuel for energy.
i like not feeling pressured to compute. i'll pick up sunny combo by tuesday expiration.
tired all night restive finally decided to get up 9:15. ate chick stew olive toast at 6. dressed drove straight. dropped off 'belfast' picked up 3 movies and free book on sensitivity.
lunch dijon? pork loin. brussel sprouts, roasted white yams, slice of bread tasted ok. toki and i and 4 strangers. little gloria chose to sit next table and late alex joined her.
2 pm upstairs main libray i've been resting legs up back relaxed. blogging is boring. i've learned to love boring. no drama, trauma, crises.
1 pm. main library. gave extra choc pecan pie to bookmobile cody. whew!! i don't have to eat 2 pies. i want everyone to have their heart's desire. i don't know what i'm doing.
tired at 3 home heated chick stew with senior lentil rice and pecan pie. repaired bag. my heart's desire.
very relaxed evening. cooked chicken quarters stewed drums with free pico de gallo, baked thighs removed skin seasoned replaced skin sprinkled ground cinnamon. stripped meat off bones discarded into plastic. i'm feeling very efficient. nuking the skin made it like candy. i ate it for dinner.
very rainy windy went to seniors 9 am. considered sprouts too wet. good gathering. swam, showered, relaxed. little gloria, diane, alex, toki. d brought banana bread blueberries. made alex take rest home. stopped sprouts 2 tables of specials coconut macs, straw choc chip cookies tons of sweets i bought 2 choc pecan pies and jamaica drink. $5. on to main. parked under. safeway peas almonds. home 4 pm piece of pie. heated stewed chicken balsamic olive oil with everything bread. finished beets peas mayo almonds dessert.
terrible storm tv reception oh, well. maybe towers out. advised to keep everything charged.
i'm feeling very relaxed or maybe tired. so emotional dealing with life. i connected with city internet and lost all my settings, clicked on pch window and all came back. magic.
what a weekend to process.
too wound up from yesterday but worth it. i'm worth it. i did so much. sat 3 hours, filled water bottles, put everything away, tolerated crazy person, and bartolo at 5. didn't have brace on so restive night.
dropped off picked up cup drove back way avoided traffic to 24 gym 1. the first i started going to. i was done 12:03. went and walked gym 2 safeway bought soy wasabi almonds no slivered. sunny library too bored booksale. waited 'til 1. puzzled 2 completed dropped off hot spot picked up combo wanted to watch 'fancy pants' home. combo didn't work tried calling drove back to sunny told same rigamarole. if it doesn't work best to return saying nothing next person on the hook.
i'm insulted more than the cost. in all my years i've never abused library property.
mom loved a sicko. makes her a sicko. she never corrected his actual b'day. she had his birth certificate. why did she have me read it?
i woke thinking it was friday. yuck.
10:30 all checked in library for income taxes. already picked up panty at st justin. left it up to God. underground closed so went st j first. pick up easy most there for lunch. this is the more relaxed road. family taught me stress anxiety. parked under main opened so i'm parked in shade.
lisa came over to say hi crazy brazil woman interrupts trying to bully into doing her taxes outside the scope of free taxes. keeps insisting crazy things to coerce filing which is impossible. tells me i can't drink my water calls me bitch. ahh, my older sister. chuck lorre posits on one of his vanity cards do unto others as you'd have them do uno you; what if you're a masochist.
so great sitting by outlet charging. kyeong leon kim doing my taxes while i blog and game.
home 2 pm i hadn't eaten didn't miss it. ate dal and pork. whew tired. put everything away. watching 'dragonquest' 2009 movie i'd never seen. amazing.
my back, neck, shoulders so stiff sore.
i'm following my resolution to pay my bills early. didn't plan, just drove to walmart. i got there early 7:45 customer service opens 8 activated my preloaded medicare mastercard by phone. it was so easy. i used a coupon to find a reds eye vitamins. i think that's why my nails are better. better nutrition. bought a back brace too. stopped at lucky's free peach flavored crystal geyser water and clearance pork roast. amazing my lunch family never noticed bargains are all store perimeter. then detoured to inge's picked up recycle $6.65 at danny's. full day before seniors. showered and played on puzzle. lunch just like mom's canned corned beef casserole without the sugar. destined to be diabetic with all the sugar and salt. i think what doctors assume is genetic is more behavioral. people tend to continue to eat like their parents. habit.
after lunch i finished the puzzle 1 pm and came home to rest. ate leftover lunch slept 3 hours tired and sugar. i baked roast with tumeric, ginger, garlic salt for 2 hours at 325 came out tender. sliced like butter.
almost forgot to watch 'lopez vs. lopez'.
i've been alone my entire life. i don't feel anything awake. i feel ok. i had leftovers for b'fast and i'm looking forward to today.
will the heaters or air conditioner be on at seniors i don't know. free swim days the only time air conditioners on. taking my time.
i loaded freebie visited 2 stores none. oh, well. found clearance apricot organic preserves.
seniors i showered and new puzzle. lunch ok company excellent 2 glorias, alex, toki, diane. leftover black bean soup, chicken, diced potatoes, broccoli bits. puzzled 'til 3 home 'young sheldon', 'you bet your life' 'adam 12.'
i'm so blessed. so many are suffering from the rain storm wind damage.
i'm shook up. spent part of last night and this morning online looking at high school yearbooks. my body had major post traumatic stress. started releasing all the terror and pain i suppressed to survive. i have '66 and '67 but not '68-'69. looking at my classmates i can see the pain and tortured souls. i don't know if i'll ever look again. i don't need to, all part of healing the past.
good day. swam, read my book, lee bought rice fish soup and 3 shrimp shumai. i don't know why. delicious dinner. i am blessed.
only took 100 years. asians suffered the same treatment as blacks, latinos.
took my time put out recycle 9 am. seniors showered taking care of me. i mixed castor oil into shampoo.
ate too much chips and cookies soothing myself. stomach and back hurt. like usual. old sadness and abuse leaving body. i think at this juncture robin williams and other celebs kill themselves not understanding the procedure and dreading it continuing forever. suicide isn't a solution only a postponment. i started researching suicide at 8 when i found the executioner noose in britannica knots. 13 rope turns and steps to gallows. cats cradle.
chrome 4 coding locked up. took 20 minutes to turn off and regain settings. planned on consulting sunny vale library for city computer then thought of googling locked chrome fixes. tried control alt 4 off held 4 seconds turned off. it had been phasing for a few days i was warned. the outrageous costume page i clicked on hijacked and locked it up.
maybe once a month i sleep through without waking multiple times. waking feeling rested.
spent the day restoring my body. gentle stretching lots of napping watching 'young sheldon' season 1. i actually feel i have some energy. i adjusted garage light short stuck on all night. went out to car sunny day to retrieve bucket of herbs.
chrome locked up i was able to release it, get it working.
until this morning didn't occur to me dreaming and finding herb such a miracle. and yet my back screams at me like my parents used to do. loaded picked up free lucky's chips and sale tate's extra crispy macadamia cookies. considered gym swim. nah. sprouts cookies bakery special to share chocolate easter bunny for toki. seniors rainy i read ladies very relaxing. lunch good with family. sunny vale 350 puzzle done hour half. i went gym2 safeway picked over. maria i bought 2/$5 pizzas clearance everything bread $1. home 4 i baked both ate 1. one for tomorrow.
came home yesterday peony shoots suddenly 4 inches tall. cody and bookmobile right on time. i swam half hour. tried new coconut oil shampoo. we'll see. gave me idea of adding castor oil to shampoo, lotion, everything. no puzzle so i'm computing and charging devices. lovely quiet.
lunch good turkey mash sandwich. company good little gloria, gloria, toki, diane, alex. rainy decided sunny vale library puzzle. stopped sprouts lavender elderberry 99 cent drink mix, 25 cent water. going back to car noticed shepherds purse in planter strip. got bucket from car easily pulled 2 plants hung in backseat. finished puzzle 3:30 home 3:48 missed young sheldon answer guessed right one.
opened lentil soup added veg and faux crab 2 cheese toasts. cooked eggs and burger not hungry tomorrow b'fast.
eh, i over did. yesterday, such a beautiful day, sunny clear bright. i've been setting out my clothes the night before. i wore gold crochet and chiffon over raw silk shift i made. and feeling pretty. i realized i bought 2 of each in case ruined or sisters steal. i won't mourn or be disappointed. i've done my due diligence. swam an hour in tub playing water park ride. lunch good. i was so hungry i ate diana price's banana. gloria, little goria, her friend julie, diane, toki. alex came very late no one wanted to add him to our table so he sat next table. after resting and digesting i decided to puzzle at sunny. harry potter 300 pc 3 d harder than i thought. at 4 i had enough stopped at nob hill for frozen healthy choice tv dinner. i like the steamer dish. clearance 3 broccoli cheese sides $1 each, gummy black forest big box $5. bed at 9 pm.
today i'm wearing rose top over long raw silk shift. 3 am lovely peaceful quiet. showered at 24 unlimited hot water. wore rose pink over yellow. dressing in the dark. considered changing, nah. seniors 9:30 very packed 20 minutes waiting, driving for parking space. washed found beads, spun briefs, charged devices, sharpened pencils, upstairs computer, relaxed. new me.
lovely lunch. gloria, little gloria, alex, toki, diane. because of alex joanne gave us extra fish. she hugged him and ignored diane and me then apologized.
sunny library puzzle harder than i thought. home 3:45 for sheldon game. peaceful evening.
check engine light out i think it's the gasoline. filled new tank monday.
costco i filled gas. busy not overwhelming like last night. i decided to be part of the herd. maybe 10 minute wait. senior parking full. took my time. showered, hung out. lunch ok company excellent. toki, diane, alex, 2 men. i'm feeling so comfortable, calm. went college safeway for bread and cheese then mission library looking for room to puzzle harry potter. none. gamed on their computer in ergonomic chair stretching back for 3 hours. picked up 'thundermans' 2.
home 4:30 forgot to watch 'young sheldon' game. i guessed right entry.
watching basic hula video from main. great hip exercises. the cowgirl skirts i sewed are hula skirts. a lot of pain and confusion of 4 year old me coming out. i looked up little grass shack, lovely hula hands on youtube and playing them body memory is releasing grief. we came here cali i lost everyone who loved me. i remember learning and doing the hulas with my family. line dances recalled the happiness i felt.
the sunny copy of 'ove' is scratched and skipping also. county cup has 2 copies who knows if any good or all scratched up. starts hanging suicide like my grandpa, dad's dad.
i'm waiting for my next chapter. going out at 3 is the warmest part of the day. the hills are still covered in snow.
gym hot tub, county lib success exchanged 'ove', on to sunny returned scratched 'ove' and borrowed young sheldon 1-4, new harry potter 3-d 300 pc puzzle. felt so good walked nob hill frozen dinner. drove costco crazy parking and gas traffic. home 7 pm.
watching 'young sheldon' 2021 fifth season is bringing back memories of how stubborn dad was to survive. we came mainland he was mid 30's. prejudice rampant. none in hawaii.
b'fast toasted last asiago foccacio nuked frozen chicken alfredo. i've been listening to continuous healing since returning home. i figured how to loop it.
12:30 i made grape yogurt jello it started raining in buckets. sounds like a freight train.
3 pm i decided to go to big lots free soda. walked store bought 2/$12 body shapers. walked lucky's for unsalted chips found free move coca cola in case. moved car to gym. showered no tub. went to sunny to pick up 2 movies. did what i wanted. perfect day.
so hungry. more the weather. i don't know how i lived.
i went to saratoga lucky's no free coke move no clearance. oh,well. seniors lots of hot water everything warm today. pools heated no one using. lunch good fish, slaw, yam, banana. i shared rocky road bites. main puzzle still trashed. read newspaper upstairs. i parked in back shade elevator still down. bought 2 safeway sushi 2 free waters 'krab' to supplement protein. nice balance.
12 hours of rest i feel ok. less than that not ok. i don't know if from my back injury or simply aging. my right hand tingly neuropathy. used to be just my thumb numb. as i stretch my neck everything shifts.
sprouts brownies no allergens all chocolate.
💖 my favorite day of the senior work week. i can tub and the library comes to me. then puzzle therapy. seniors bee puzzle. lovely quiet upstairs. the puzzle is gone haha. i counted gerde's change from her car i gave her $12 paper for her $11.63 coins. i enjoy counting money. i could go to vegas tahoe reno work in accounting. gerde wanted me to keep the money but she's not rich or i would. i'm being the busy bee.
main library i checked 'blazing saddles' i bought sunny book sale won't play at home works fine there. donut puzzle trashed. 'library cat' puzzle in bookcase i can take to sunny. bugs mites in box.
dollar tree lobster roll pretty good. plain patties, shrimp roll 2 b b burritos. i'm set for the weekend. supposed to be icy rain.
my right side throbbing. ouch.
