assassination JFK trauma

in school they wheeled in a TV to watch the aftermath.  and later the constant news.  besides the constant fear of nuclear attack because of proximity to Moffett Field Cuban Missile Crisis.  I'm dealing with the feeling.  all creation comes from feeling.  energy in motion=emotion.

for whatever this didn't publish and I lost my auto update.

oh, best lunch Sprouts clearance $5 6 oz mango, a little questionable jicama, $2 2 eggs and 4 oz cheddar cheese.  tossed the slimy cucumber.

had to sign into sweeps 4 times.  and I'm sleepy.  I have another hour 'til St Justin Thanksgiving pick up.  so no bag lunch.  my letter, ID ready.  

45 minutes.  I thought I was 17 minutes early but I was actually behind 100 cars.  I got some sorting done.  $30 gift cards.  the bag of groceries I wanted to check.  the whole pumpkin I declined.  

I sat in line reading "Hippopotamus" and decided to continue at library.  old me would go home denying myself the pleasure.  

'early to rise'-2 favorite dances; abundance and guidance

so relaxing.  I love taking my time.  I love that it's my time.  as a child I had to answer to everyone.  

new spot library fireplace.  I'm so sleepy.  turkey lunch I'm tryptophan ed out.  home in time for 'Murphy's Romance'.  

Bonny, Judy, Sunshine gave me half of Safeway black forest pudding ring 4 days outdated.  my b'day cake.

I called Scan and talked to Hector to apply.  7-10 business days.  around Dec 5.  Walter is supporting me in succeeding.  

city hot spot ready.  from 23/37 yesterday to available today.  I have 'til 12-2.  

I'm hungry

all the fruit.  I heated soup, potatoes, cooked 2 eggs.  

I'm feeling so relieved I won't have to go to Chase and Merriwest.  I misplaced my senior ID.  I took it off my fishing shirt just because.  not amusing.

I'm awed.  Paul, Lloyd's friend came and talked to me offered to buy me coffee Nodira gave me decaf, Paul declined free coffee.  we chatted his eye mole and castor oil he's off to get hair cut.  next time.  he's Never done this before maybe never again.  

I introduced Walter to Sheila from my falls class.  Excellent.  

I'm reading Mccall Smith in the copy room, charging, my feet elevated, posters to refocus my vision, listening to healing.  it's good that Lee has my chair.  

strawberry and coconut

b'fast.  Doing things I've never done before.  

I'm taking a spacer day.  I challenged myself with closing Chase and I'm being kind to myself.  

lunch was mellow.  Walter is calmer.  Fred and Toke and Salome with her drama.  I took the afternoon and read magazines.  

ready to go

4 am b'fast salad and soup.  I watched split second and took my time dressing still got to seniors 6:55.  

Walter was refreshingly calm and lucid.  1 cup decaf.  he got me extra potatoes.  he's learning how to be happy.  he has another med appointment 2:15.  

I mentally prepared myself for Chase closure.  Maryam was wonderfully patient.  asked about why the closure I told her.  her husband same b'day.  I said oh, stubborn she laughed and added sweet.  

still early I deposited at Merriwest then Sprouts clearance red white blue fruit 2/$7 and $2.99 chick sand.  

hot spot works better unplugged.  I found a nickel in upstairs copy room.  David showed up and I figured out I've adopted predator behavior and freaked that guy.  a lamb in wolves clothing.  

another day filled gas $1 more so much easier traffic

I collected gas treatment put next to me in car and forgot to add.  I stopped gas pump had to start over after adding.  never did that before. 

Native Americans believed crazy people were touched by God.  I agree. 

 

what I wrote about getting a v mail at 8 today to pick up the hot spot I got yesterday disappeared.  

The Trouble With Jessica is another movie making light of suicide.  makes me tired.                                                                                                and the blog is malfunctioning.                                                                I finished kitties puzzle while entering sweeps.  no allergies today due to rain.  it's so beautiful to just be.  no hurry or scurrying.                                I talked to B Jackson an hour in the tub.  he may be aspergers.  probably, I love my flock.  Walter was to remind me Toke and Fred cancelled fish.  I reminded him.  

LX gym wi fi

I reset post for auto update.  yay! me!  if I'd worn shorts I would bike and blog.  

at the library I saved $5 by not buying at book sale.  I picked up a hot spot.  young autistic boy/man rattled librarian.  I said he's probably autistic.  more and more of us.  we used to just die in attics and basements.  

I finished a puzzle and had an allergic reaction to woman's scent gave me stomach ache.  4 pm home is calling.  

I started inserting chrome 90 o fits better in bag.  doesn't pull roll over.  

my car = my mind-Brian Jackson back from Europe

he's another one not responsible.  he was riding a moped 4 am when the headlight went out he continued riding, hit a pothole, fractured his shoulder.  he plans on suing.  burned his knee hiking camping.  

I'm amazed how many people claim autism.  Elon Musk, etc.  I don't think so.  too greedy and lying.  I googled neuro linguistic programming and it went to autism.  so entertaining.  

I'm also amazed Dame Shirley from her writing and behavior was never diagnosed Aspergers.  Derek Shirley too so genetically Giles never had a chance in England.  

Apergers is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  lying makes us sick.  oh, why mom felt sick.  

I'm feeling so content.  my left hip hurts manageable.  I'm reading magazines at the library, relaxed.  I saw Diana P at St Just picking up 2 lunches.  my, my.  Trump was supposed to solve all her problems.  

Sammy gave me Costco almond cashew pecan bar.  so I can blame my nuttiness on what I eat-joke.  

so many death movies

it must be me.  the 'Good Half' Nick Jonas movie about how he reacts to his mother's death.  

my 1972 nausea is back.  I'm using my hematite shielding.  

you tube plays w/o hookup.  

Walter called his dad 'old man' and has become one.  I'm done.  he refuses to listen.  he got the knee shot to annoy me.  he knows it doesn't work.  just like dad.  I have one.  hurray! I don't want another.  

Walter confessed he had 2 cups of coffee and wasn't responsible for his behavior.  typical addict I told him he was responsible for drinking 2 cups knowing the effect.  he could have waited 'til after lunch.  spaced out 10 cups during the day.  drink 20 cups of decaf.  I warned him he'll injure, dehydrate himself, alienate everyone.  and he can't pretend he's stupid.  

Jane is back from her 3 week China trip.  I did a 100 piece puzzle of northern Cal and a family with kids liked and took it home.  yay! me!

5 pm pondering dinner.  

message dream of double suicide

 what does it mean?  

wheel of fortune solution wrong for the first time.  jovial not joyful guy.  

Walter in rare neg form.  I had to run to library before I beaned him.  talking to hear himself talk.  I told him I couldn't take it.  I don't want any pain.  he's a big pain.  he loves his pain.  

I miss Toke.    

Delightful

I'm feeling full of light.  what addicts search for fulfillment.  feeling full.  I can feel desolate at the same time fluctuating up and down the sine curve of life. 

Ruben left chips from St Just and Bonnie thought they were for her when I picked them up from outside in the planter.  if he wanted her to have them seems like he would just hand them to her.  she feels entitled and let the whole room know I picked them up.  she voted no for measure A.  she said because she knew it would pass.  CRAZY!  she voted for Trump's food cuts.  she wants less food.

still unhelpful.  I asked librarian to clean disc excuses not to do it.  what goes around comes around.  

confirmed auto update-Herman & Yanti, Louie & Ginny

9:02 sunny seniors 10 minute line.  maybe 'cause others closed.  

I showered at 24, went to Cup drop off then $unny had fish oil and frozen mix veg.  I still had half an hour I bought Sprouts clearance muffins and blueberry pie.  

Walmart has frozen BBQ pork fried for $6 reg price.  how much do I want it?  

I played at Sunny from 11-5 when David showed up after work I gave him my Xmas puzzle.  

PTSD

cycling through emotions feeling sick.  mom complained frequently feeling sick.  mitt too.  same same.  except I'm not connected to mitt.  or Tom M.  he left a message Sat 5:07 pm b-4 crisis.  and I didn't need him.  huh.  he was upset when I didn't need him yet he was never there for me when I did.  

I remembered Citibank due today, left it on my steering wheel.  I decided to check Walmart's fish oil was too expensive I bought beets and used my medicare.  I paid $30 on PGE, got my flu shot, maybe covid shot next week.  

pharmacy said I needed 2 I got, pneumonia and shingles which gave me shingles.  

I finally remembered to google 'little rascals' no mention of orphans and Dame Steve died Aug 9, 2025.  

I was freaking out

I can't be the first person locked into the underground parking.  there were 4 teens loitering at closing time trying to get locked in.  according to the signs the library has CC TV.  

today I'm taking no chances.  I'm loaded with hematite and keeping on my bass shirt.  I'm emotionally exhausted.  

my black loafers are nicely softened.  I'm having a self indulgent day.  

SUNDAY-watching "OUR GANG" I never knew they were orphans adopted yet remaining family.  Auntie Katchan was rich I would have been loved and provided for dad was jealous.  

I'm feeling desolate and never loved.  

11/7

ooh, yeah.  I ate b'fast at 5.  I was hungry.  I made a huge celery, diced tomato, krab, grated cheddar salad.  didn't need dressing.  

I forgot p'nuts for Trudy.  she makes the best cookies and cakes.  Trudy and Ken were early.  Fred and Walter.  

I may drop off county 11/11 when closed.  parking will be excellent.  

closing time the library I couldn't find my car keys.  staff extremely unhelpful.  I called Csaa while walking to the car and the keys were in the passenger door.  oh me, oh my.

playing sweeps and puzzle-Tory

I definitely figured out the auto update.  

google keeps trying to take over city wi-fi.  keeps insisting unsafe.  boils my onions.  

Korean kitties puzzle a puzzler.  pastel colors are soothing and difficult to differentiate.  

Tory (Victoria) was fascinated by Dame Steve Shirley book, autism, I talked of Barry "Bear" Kaufman's son Raun's autism, Option Institute (Clyde Burton took a class $6 k in debt maxed out his credit cards), Dr Thomas Szasz, how I self diagnosed, etc.  

I googled Option Institute as of 12/19 it's autism all the time.  big change from 1983.

I'm so excited for the planet!  we are the evolutionary solution to global warming.

954=1000 pc puzzle-Sammy & David

might be Korean.  that Asian precision.  

lectins are in almond skin that I don't like or eat.  Dr Gundry.  

I got extra mash and soup.  I bought roast beef bag lunch and remembered last minute.  almost drove away didn't.  

library I changed from rain boots Uggs to "good" shoes to stretch.  I forgot glasses used Bates' method relaxation to puzzle and read Dame Steve Shirley.  

Heaven, 4:30 I went to car for senior chips and glasses.  

so pleasant Happy Tuesday to me

I'm loving the process for the first time in my life.  Today.  

Sunny nutrition open 11/11 Veteran's Day.  Nodira gave me superior snack bar coffee and HI chips.  best Halloween Ever.

I did sweeps, soak and stretch, lunch with Fred, Walter, Toke excellent fish and rice I tossed bad veg.  they all had salads.  I still have chicken for dinner and 3 rice packs.  

my feet are swelling from fun size almond joy.  

it's light no DST-paid Bartolo-he finally put out bins

I love it.  it's better.  I'm feeling OK.  and auto update is working.  TA DA!  I'm so early I don't know what to do.  I've played fire fighting catch up for so many years.  

my eyes burning from pollution.  and candy.  an opportunity to practice restraint.  

whee!

auto update works.   blogger post is not.  I just figured out I have to add November to see my post.  I can read the entire year.  makes me feel special.  

my right foot is finally getting back to normal.  a year last Valentines.  almost a year and 9 months.

I soaked after wheel and sweeps.  I almost prefer no hot spot.  

SUNDAY 6 am cooked diced potatoes cheese b'fast.  8 am I started looking for seniors Halloween goodies.  9 am I remembered movie 'Danny goes Aum'.  I looked 3 hours sorting found the movie realized the goodies were already in the kitchen.  5:30 I changed calendar and DST.