SPAGHETTI

T CALLED WHILE I WAS AT SRS TO INVITE ME.  I WENT AFTER ST J AND LIB TO PICK UP DVD AND FOUND DURRELLS IN CORFU. 

ISIDRO SHOWED UP.  I FINISHED READING LOVE&TARTAN DUE YESTERDAY.  MAIN LIB 2X IN 1 DAY. 

CAME HOME @ 5.  I WORKED ON THE STUFF IN MY CAR.  SO MANY TOYS. 

I AM TRULY RICH.

did my g2

GOOD DAY.  I WENT EARLY TO EXERCISE AND MONOPOLY.  LUNCH WAS GOOD.  LIBRARY HAD CHROME.  ST J WAS GOOD; NEW GYM BAG NEEDS WORK, TATTOOS FOR AUNTY, ANGEL CARDS, TWO DVDS=$8.72.  HOME PUTTERING.  LEFTOVER CHICKEN, MEATBALL, RICE. 

I'M A LITTLE MORE IN LOVE WITH HEAVEN.  IT'S TOUGH GETTING USED TO HAVING LIFE GO MY WAY.  LAST NIGHT I SPENT HALF AN HOUR CHANGING MY APPOINTMENT AT ATHERTON CAREMORE TO THIS SAT AT 1:30.  RUTH COLVIN IS AT MAIN LIBRARY UNTIL 3:30.  I CAN DO THEM BOTH.  I'M FEELING CALMER. 

I STARTED CLEARING OUT MY CAR.  WHILE I WAS BUSY TOKI DROPPED OFF APPLES AND A SLICE OF BLUEBERRY PIE.  I CALLED HER TO THANK HER AND SHE THANKED ME FOR DROPPING OFF THE MENUS.

LOVE AND TARTAN IS DUE.  I MAY KEEP IT OVERDUE.  $.30 A DAY. 

NEW, NEW, NEW.

sleepover

BACK AT THE RANCH.  T SEEMS TO BELIEVE I ARGUE.  I DON'T.  I WALK AWAY.

ARGUING IS A WASTE OF ENERGY.  THE ENERGY I NEED TO HEAL. 

SATURDAY I CALLED TO SAY I WASN'T GOING TO USE THE SF TIMESHARE.  T INVITED ME SUNDAY FOR HOT LINKS AND BAKED BEANS.  WE HAD 2XBAKED POTATOES AND BAKED BEANS.  VERY GOOD.  NO HOT LINKS.  I FINISHED THE CHERRY GARCIA. 

VERY RELAXING.  I TOOK MY TIME GETTING HERE, SRS.  I HAVE BAGEL IN CAR I MUST REMEMBER WHEN I GET HOME.

TODAY'S PICK UP DAY.  HOPE THE RAIN HASN'T SOAKED THE BINS.

oh, dear

I FEEL SO TIRED.  I THINK IT'S THE WEATHER.  I'VE BECOME EVEN MORE SENSITIVE.  MY BACK, SHOULDERS, LEGS ARE SO SORE.  ACHY, BREAKY.

I WASHED OFF ALL THE POLLEN BLOWN ON ME YESTERDAY AND I'M FEELING BETTER, JUST SO SLEEPY.  TODAY IS NOT SO WINDY AND IT'S RAINY.  THAT HELPS TOO.

I'M SO RELAXED I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM.  WHO I'M BECOMING.

I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO GO TO SAN FRAN.

feeling fragile

I'M STILL FEELING ALLERGIC.  AND I'M STILL BABYING MYSELF.  IT FEELS SO WEIRD.  I'M JUST NOT USED TO TAKING IT EASY.  FORCING MYSELF IS SO FAMILIAR WITH THE FAMILY FORCING ME.  A BAD HABIT.  LEARNED BEHAVIOR I'M UNLEARNING.  THE BEHAVIOR KEPT ME SICK FOR SO LONG.  THEY NEVER CARED FOR ME AND TAUGHT ME TO CARE FOR THEM AND NOT MYSELF.

IT'S BEEN SO EMOTIONALLY PAINFUL TO ACCEPT THE TRUTH.  IT WILL SET YOU FREE IF THE PAIN DOESN'T KILL YOU.

I CAN UNDERSTAND DENIAL.  IT MAY BE CRAZY.  DENIAL AVOIDS EMOTIONAL PAIN.  EVENTUALLY THE BODY PAYS THE PRICE.

I WANT

I'M STILL RECOVERING.  I STAYED UP 'TIL 11:30 TO READ JOY.  SO WORTH IT.  AWOKE 5:22 AND TOOK MY TIME.  I STILL HAD ENOUGH GAS FOR ONE MORE DAY AND THE HOLIDAY PRICE CHANGES TOMORROW. 

AFTER SRS  I FINISHED READING JOY.  I COULDN'T RENEW THIRD TIME AND SAW ONLINE A COPY AT CUPERTINO.  I RETURNED CAMPBELL AND BORROWED CUP. 

THE SR HOT TUB IS CLOSED.  I CAN GO TOMORROW AFTER COSTCO GAS.  I COULD HAVE GONE TODAY ON THE WAY HOME BUT I'M BABYING MYSELF.

TYGJ.

PREZ DAY

VERY WINDY.  SO MY ALLERGIES ARE RAMPANT.  I'M VERGING ON CATCHING A COLD.  SO I'M RESTING, TAKING VIT C, BLOWING MY NOSE A LOT. 

I WENT TO G2, SFWY; SOAP, SOUP.  SV LIB RETURNED DVDS.  HOME BY 11:30, LUNCH CHILI.  FOR DINNER I NUKED BROCCOLI, GRAVY, TURKEY.  T CALLED 4:30 CHECKING IN. 

I HAD THINGS PLANNED BUT THE ICY WIND PRECLUDED MY PLANS.  I CAN ALWAYS DO CHORES LATER, I CAN PLANT THE AMARYLLIS TOMORROW. 

JUST PLAYING

YEAY!  I WENT TO G2, FOUND TV LIST, SAME HELENE SWIMSUIT, FUR HAT.  DECIDED TO GO TO MARIA SFWY FOR PHONE, SUNDAY PAPER, CLEARANCE; FOUND 4 FROZEN DINNERS HALF OFF.

LUCKY'S 3 BAGS CHIPS, FREE MCCORMICK SEASONING.  HOME UNTIL 12:15 ST JUSTIN I SHARED T'S BAG OF CUTIES.  LUNCH; MEATLOAF, POTATO WEDGES, SALAD, ROLLS W/BUTTER, ICE CREAM SANDWICH.  I BOUGHT ZERO AND WON $3 BINGO.

AT MLIB I WATCHED PADDINGTON.  A LITTLE THREATENING.  I DECIDED TO LEAVE AT 4 PM AND SOMEONE WAS LYING IN LOBBY.  EMT'S CAME.  I WENT POTTY AND FOUND ROLL OF BIN BAGS.

PRODUCTIVE DAY.  TYGJ.

i'm afraid

WHEN LIFE FEELS TOO GOOD I AWAIT DISASTER.  ALL THE PUNISHMENT FOR ENJOYING MYSELF WAS CONDITIONED INTO MY PSYCHE.  I MUST CONCENTRATE, GOVERN MY THOUGHTS.  MIND IS A TOOL.  I CAN'T ALLOW MY MIND FREE REIGN TO RUN OLD PROGRAMS.  I MUST STAY IN CHARGE.  THAT STUBBORN TWO YEAR OLD MIND.  I CAN DO IT.

my stomach hurts

I AWOKE 3:48.  I'M OK. OLD KINDERHOOK.  SRS SWELL.  AND NOW I'M HOME GETTING MORE REST.  I CAN CONSCIOUSLY MOVE MY AB MUSCLES.  HURRAY!!

I CAN SEE MY PULSE SO THE LAYER OF FAT IS LESS, I ONLY NEED TO TONE THE MUSCLES.  MY BACK AND HIPS HURT MORE, THE NERVES ARE ALIVE AGAIN.  WAHHH....

I WAS UPSET YESTERDAY SC LIB KEPT SV WODEHOUSE FROM LAST WEEK AND I PAID $1.20 OVERDUE 4 DAYS.  I WENT FIRST TO SC AND THEN AFTER JEOPARDY AT HOME SV.

IF I HADN'T GONE TO SV LIB I WOULDN'T HAVE FOUND WAGONS EAST.  WATCHED IT AND THE SIMPSON MOVIE UNTIL I GOT READY FOR "SCHOOL".  I HAPPILY COULD GET USED TO THIS.

i don't know

i don't want to know.  I WANT SOMEONE TO KNOW FOR ME.  I WANT TO BE CARE FREE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE.  NOT STRESSING ABOUT SURVIVAL.

THE DIGITAL CONVERTER BOX REMOTE DIED.  IT JUST STOPPED.  I ENVY IT.  I KNOW THE OTHER SIDE IS CARE FREE.

SO TIRED

I SPENT MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD FEELING SAD, DEPRESSED,REPRESSED, SUPPRESSED AND TIRED OF CONTROLLING MYSELF TO NOT GET PUNISHED.  ANY ATTENTION BROUGHT PUNISHMENT.

AS AN ADULT I FELT SORRY FOR MOM AND TRIED TO BRIGHTEN HER LIFE.  SHE RIDICULED ME.  IT MADE HER HAPPY TO BELITTLE ME.  I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT BEHAVIOR CAN BE CHOSEN AS A VIABLE MEANS TO HAPPINESS.

I'M FEELING LOST.  MY  SINUSES ARE SO SORE.  MY ALLERGIES MAKE ME FEEL TIRED.  I COULDN'T SLEEP UNTIL 1:30 AND AWOKE EARLY 5:30.

T CALLED TO INVITE ME TO HEAT UP THE RIBS I BOUGHT FOR SUPER SUNDAY.  AFTER SRS I WENT AND ASKED HIM FOR HELP WITH CALTRAIN SCHEDULES FOR NEXT MONTH WORLDMARK.  HE COOKED VEGGIE RICE.   HE PRINTED OUT ITINERARY.

MY BACK HURTS.  I FEEL SAD AND USELESS LIKE I DID FLAT ON MY BACK 2001-2008  UNTIL I GOT A OFF MY BACK.  SHE HIRED PAT VORREITER TO HARASS ME AGAIN, REFUSED AN AUDIT.  ONLY STOPPED WHEN I SUGGESTED SIGNING OFF $700 K FOR THE HOUSE.  MITZI WAS AFRAID OF EMBEZZLING CHARGES AND AGREED. 

18 YEARS OF WORKING JUST TO KEEP LIVING.  IF I DIE ALL HER GUILT IS ALLEVIATED.

THE COMMERCIALS FOR ABUSED ANIMALS MAKE ME ANGRY.  WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN?  EVERY DAY MORE STORIES IN THE NEWS OF CHILD MURDERS AND ABUSE.

SO MANY TEARS

TOO MANY TO CRY.  I CRIED SO MUCH WHEN CONFRONTED WITH THE FACT MY PARENTS ANS SISTERS BETRAYED ME ALL MY LIFE.  I MISTAKENLY THOUGHT THE DEATHS OF MY PARENTS WOULD USHER IN A NEW ERA OF RESPECT BY MY SISTERS AND WAS BITTERLY DISAPPOINTED THAT THE MONEY GRUBBERS JUST WANTED ME DEAD TOO.

ALL I KNOW IS ABUSE.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE A HEALTHY HAPPY FAMILY.

I'VE BEEN SO FOOLISH.  I CAN'T BE STRONG AND HEALTHY WITHOUT THE TRUTH.

WHEN I CAN WITHSTAND THE TRUTH I WILL INDEED BE STRONG.  AND HEALTHY.

THE GOOD THING ABOUT BEING SICK, ON THE EDGE OF DYING IS MY NAILS AND HAIR DIDN'T GROW.  I NEVER HAD TO CUT THEM FOR 8 YEARS.  NOW I'M NORMAL.

PUTTING AWAY MY TREASURES

I'M HUNGRY.  I MADE CHILI SPAGHETTI, SPANISH RICE, PORK.  I HAVE VEG MEDLEY, BEAN SPROUTS, CHOP SALAD.  TWO LOAVES OF BREAD.

TYGJ

WHAT A DAY THIS HAS BEEN.  I COULDN'T DECIDE SRS OR 24.  I LEFT AT 8.  IN THE CAR I REMEMBERED I NEEDED GAS.  DROVE RIGHT UP, FINISHED AT 8:30.  REMEMBERED ESTATE SALE PALM CT, SV.  STARTED AT 9-2.  THEY WERE ALREADY OPEN.  $4 FOR NEW BOX LT BRN SUGAR, CIGAR BOX OF SEWING NOTIONS CROCHET HOOKS, NEW CARD MOTIF APRON, ASHTRAY/$.50 CHANGE.

24 HOUR I EXERCISED, LUCKY'S 7 SEASONING, ICE TONGS, 3 BOTS WELCH'S SPARKLING, 2 AVOCADOS, BEAN SPROUTS, DOLE BACON/BLEU KIT, VEG STIR FRY. 

I CAME HOME, COULDN'T ENTER WHEEL, ATE SR RICE/VEGS, WENT TO MLIB, DID WHEEL, ON TO ST J $5.45; 4=7 DVDS, TINKERBELL MINI UMBRELLA, SHINY BRACELET.  WALKING BACK TO LIB I WAS TRYING TO READ MEDAL I BOUGHT THE OTHER DAY AND I FIND PEWTER ANGEL/FRIENDS ON BACK.

WHAT A DAY.  CALM AND EVERY THING ACCOMPLISHED.

WOWY,WOW,WOW

I REALIZED TO DAY I HAVEN'T READ MY DAILY WORD SINCE I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN.  I LOOKED ALL THROUGH THE CAR, I COULDN'T FIND IT.  I PUT IT OUT OF MY MIND.  I KNOW IT COVERS JAN/FEB.  I CAN ALWAYS LOOK ONLINE.

I'M SITTING HERE IN THE LIVING ROOM READY FOR BED.  I JUST FINISHED BRUSHING MY TEETH, WATCHING THE HITMAN'S BODYGUARD, I SEE A RECIPE I'VE WRITTEN OUT FOR TURKISH DELIGHT AND ATTACHED TO THE RECIPE; DAILY WORD BOOKLET.  I HAVEN'T MISSED IT SINCE JAN 21, ST JUSTIN SENIOR LUNCH.

I HAD BEEN TO AN ESTATE SALE SAT/SUN.  TWO BLOCKS AWAY FROM HOME.  I GOT MOTIVATED TO SEARCH ONLINE FOR MORE ESTATE SALES AND WROTE PALM CT IN DAILY WORD FOR TOMORROW 9/2.  HOW ABOUT THAT.  I DIDN'T REMEMBER.

THIS MORNING IT TOOK ME 20 MIN TO FIND MY GOLD ANGEL NECKLACE.  I PUT THE MAGNET CLASP ON THE FRIDGE.  I THOUGHT I'D REMEMBER.  EVENTUALLY I DID.

I'VE BEEN BLISSED OUT FOR TWO WEEKS. 

SURVIVOR

I COULDN'T GET INTO BLOGGER.  I HAD THE BEST DAY YESTERDAY BANKING.  I WENT TO CHASE AFTER 9, TRIED TO DEPOSIT MISSION CU BUT THURSDAY THEY OPEN LATE 10.  SO I DID MY SR EXERCISE WARM H2O POOL, SPA CLOSED.  INGA TOLD ME AT LUNCH HELEN 3'S SHOPPING BAG HAD A HOLE SO I TRADED WITH HER SO I COULD FIX IT.  I WENT BACK TO CU, MADE MY DEPOSIT JUST B4 RUSH HOUR.  I HAD TIME TO GO TO ST J AND FOUND NEW AAA CANVAS BACK PACK $2.  I HAVE A BACK UP BACK PACK.  I LOVE THE LUXURY OF BACK UPS. 

TYGJ.  I FEEL REWARDED FOR TRADING SHOPPING BAGS, POWERING THROUGH  A MEETING.