PERCEPTION

EITHER END OR BEGINNING OF MONTH ANXIETY.  I WONDER IF IT'S MOM?  I THINK DAD LEFT EVERYTHING ON MOM.  NO WONDER SHE DIDN'T LIKE BEING A MOM.  SHE HAD A SON A YEAR OLDER THAN HERSELF.  ONE OF THE MANY REASONS I DIVORCED.

coconut donuts are my favorite.  i ate two hot dogs for lunch I didn't eat the buns didn't like them, had a donut instead.  that's interesting that donuts is acceptable to spell check but not the singular.  safeway clearance had 13 for $1.99 i dropped one wrangling the box.  the coconut is blue and white with funny too sweet eyes.  i'm a sucker for cute.

I JUST SIGNED UP FOR AARP VOLUNTEER WINE MEET 7/11.  IT KEPT MESSING WITH ME SO I SENT THEM AN E MAIL AND RECEIVED CONFIRMATION.  RSVP ONLY.

I GAVE MYSELF A SINUS HEADACHE.  TOO MUCH SUGAR.

ALL THE TIME IN THE UNIVERSE

ONE OF MY EARLIEST MEMORIES IS MOM DRAGGING ME ALONG RUSHING LIKE MY LITTLE LEGS MIGHT KEEP UP WITH HER ADULT ONES.  SHE ALWAYS YELLED AT ME FOR BEING TOO SLOW.

NOW I'M EARLY AND TAKING MY TIME.

LOVELY DAY.  I USED LAWRENCE LUCKY REWARDS, I WENT WALMART, LUCKY'S SARATOGA, HOMESTEAD SAFEWAY, ST J, SENIORS, ALL OVER.  I'M TIRED.  I ATE 2 HOT DOGS, MASH BUNS, CHIPS, LAST 2 STRUDELS.  OF COURSE 4 HALF HOURS SLEEP TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW DOESN'T HELP.  I KEEP GOING UNCONSCIOUS AND MISPLACING THINGS.  TOO SLEEPY.  SLEEP DEPRIVATION.

progress

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.  I LEFT THE TOP OF THE HALF OFF LAVA LAMP ON THE COUNTER.  I MUST GO BACK AT 9 TOMORROW. 

AND I LOADED $5 REWARD ON LUCKY'S.  I WENT TO DR CHUNG'S OFFICE FOR THE PAPER WORK FOR MY FIT KIT.  I REMEMBERED TO CHECK MY E MAIL ON THEIR WI-FY TO PICKUP MY FRIDAY FREEBIE AND CHECKED CLEARANCE.  I'LL GO 7 A M AND THEN WALMART 5 PURCHASES=$10 CREDIT 7/17.  BEFORE SENIORS.

DIME

I FOUND A BRIGHT SHINY ONE.  REMINDED ME TO WRITE AUNTIE.  I'M HAVING THE BEST SPRING SUMMER OF MY LIFE. 

OF COURSE THE BAR IS LOW.  FINDING THINGS THAT REFLECT SUCCESS IS GETTING EASIER.  I HAVE MY DVDS AND PROGRAMS, SNACKS AND TREATS.  I HAVE PEACE AND CALM.  TYGJ.

TIME IS FINALLY MOVING

IT'S ALWAYS SEEMED TO DRAG.  I'M HAPPY WITH ME.  BEING ME IS GOOD.  PEOPLE LOVE TALKING TO ME.  I JUST DO MY EXERCISES AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

BIG HELEN HAD HER DAUGHTER MAKE AN EXTENSION FOR HER BIB JUST LIKE I TOLD HER BUT DID SHE THANK ME NO.  OH, WELL.  SHE WENT TO A TAILOR WHO QUOTED HER $25.  I WOULD HAVE LEFT IT UN STITCHED TO USE ON OTHER BIBS BUT THEY DON'T THINK IN ADVANCE.  EVEN THE IDEA FOR A BIB CAME FROM THE NAPKIN I USE WITH MY MAGNETS. 

reviewing CIM

I'M HANGING OUT AT THE LIBRARY.  I PICKED UP HOLD AND MACDONALD BOOK.  I RECYCLED ADS AND FILLED H2O BOTTLES.

AILEEN'S LUMBER PILE THAT THE TODDS ARE ADDING TO FELL OVER DUE TO 2 4"X 4"X 5'.  SO I'D LIKE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT BUT MY BACK IS SO UNSTABLE.  OH, WELL.  NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.

BUT MY INNER CHILD FEELS DREAD.  BECAUSE I GOT PETROL PUT NEW TAGS ON CAR.  I'M WAITING TO BE PUNISHED.  THE FAMILY ALWAYS PUNISHED ME FOR ACCOMPLISHING.

THERE'S CIM AND GIFTS FROM CIM.  HUH,  GILDING THE LILY MIS-PERCEPTIONS CREATE FEAR.  ACCURATE PERCEPTIONS CREATE LOVE.   LIKE I DON'T KNOW.  MAYBE I'M HUNGRY.

I'M COOKING THE PORK TERIYAKI SHISH-KA-BOBS. I ATE SOME DARK CHOCOLATE AND DRIED PINEAPPLE.

SPOKEN WORD

AS I WAS WASHING REAR CAR WINDOW WITH WATER BOTTLE ALLAN PARKED NEXT TO ME IN SENIORS PARKING LOT.  WE TALKED FOR AN HOUR ABOUT A LOT.  HE'S NEW TO SANTA CLARA.  HE DECIDED TO GET AN ID AND I TOLD HIM HIS OPTIONS.  HE DRIVES A PRIUS FOR UBER.

I SAW HIM IN THE POOL AREA AND INTRODUCED HIM TO CATHY POUTY LIPS.  SHE SAID HE'S CUTE.

HE'S FAMILIAR WITH MUTANT MESSAGE DOWN UNDER.

HARVILLE HENDRIX

I'M UNRAVELING MY CHILDHOOD.  THE EXERCISES IN THE BACK DESCRIBE TYPES.  I OVER LAP AND MY COPING TECHNIQUES ARE DIFFERENT.  I DON'T QUITE FIT.

I'M ENJOYING AS TIME GOES BY THE ENTIRE SERIES.  THE DISCS WERE OUT OF ORDER AND I DIDN'T CHECK SO I WILL WATCH IT ALL AGAIN.  THEY REPEATED THE SAME EPISODES OVER AND OVER.

FOR NOW I SHALL REST FOR ST J.  I GOT SO MUCH FOOD TO EAT AND NO ONE TO CRITICIZE.

HOW CAN I FEEL LONELY WHEN I FEEL SO MUCH RELIEF AT THE LACK OF CRITICISM AND CONDEMNATION.  I CAN'T.  SOMEONE CAME BY YESTERDAY AND WENT AWAY.  NO PHONE CALL, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THE TRUCK.  ALL MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS HAVE BEEN CRITICISM AND CONDEMNATION.  I DESERVE SOMEONE WHO VALUES AND LOVES MY QUIRKS.  I CAN BE ME.

TODAY WAS FUN.  LUNCH WE WERE SERVED WAS CHICKEN SALAD, 3 EGG ROLLS, DINNER ROLL BUTTER, ICE CREAM CUP.  ALICE, GINNY, SOPHIA, I GAVE GERDA 4 BOTTLES ASPIRIN BIRTHDAY CARD.  I LOVE GIVING MAKING PEOPLE HAPPY.

I READ LIBRARY NEWSPAPER, CHARGED THE CHROME, MY PHONE.  I WAS HOME BY 5:30 ON A 90 DEGREE DAY.  I WAS OK AND COOLING OFF BY 5:30.

I FEEL ALIVE.

GEORGE MACDONALD.

I'M READING PRINCESS AND GOBLIN ON GUTENBERG.ORG.

I'M ENJOYING MY SECOND CHILDHOOD.  I'M GOD'S PERFECTLY IMPERFECT CHILD IN A PERFECTLY IMPERFECT WORLD.  TYGJ.

I FORGOT TO PAY DISCOVER YESTERDAY.  I CAN AVOID DOING THAT IF I SET A NEW DUE DATE.  OR PAY ALL BILLS AS SOON AS RECEIVED.  EH.  THEN WHERE'S THE EXCITEMENT.

THAT'S WHAT CHILDREN DO.

I'M DOING MY JOB OF RAISIN THE VIBE.  I WATCHED THE CHICK-FIL-A CONSTRUCTION FROM THE GROUND UP YESTERDAY.

I'M FEELING SCARED

TODAY WENT SO WELL.  I EXERCISED EARLY WITH ONLY ART PRESENT TODAY.  GERDA WENT GAMBLING AND INGA IS OFF WITH MAURICE TRAVELING. 

I FORGOT TODAY WAS MAYOR'S STATE OF SANTA CLARA ADDRESS WITH PANERA BOX LUNCH 3, GOOD COFFEE CUPS LIDS 3, BOTTLE WATER 6.  I LIKE LISA GILMORE.  SHE TALKED ABOUT THE LITIGATION WITH THE NINERS AND PLANS FOR THE CITY.  THAT'S WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING FOR LAWYERS.  SHE AVOIDED TALKING ABOUT EX MAYOR JAMIE MATHEWS WHO EXITED UNDER THREAT OF AUDIT 2016. 

I WAS INSPIRED BY THE TRANSPARENCY AND PRINTED BY MYSELF, FILLED OUT AND MAILED THE SENIOR WATER EXEMPTION.  I PAID PGE DUE TODAY.  I FEEL LIKE I'M BACK ON TRACK AND AFRAID SOMETHING LIKE MOM WILL PUNISH ME FOR HAVING IT SO GOOD.

THEN TOMAS ACTUALLY SHOWED UP WITH THE LAWN MOWER HE PROMISED.  WELL, THAT'S ONE.

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK

SOMEONE PARKED UP AGAINST THE BACK OF MY CAR.  I WAS UPSET AND TOOK PICTURES.  MY BUMPER WAS OK AFTER THEY LEFT.  DAILY WORD IS LET GO AND LET GOD SO I DID.

ART AND GERDA PICKED VEG LEFTOVER, I PICKED FISH.  I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY DID THAT.  THEY DIDN'T ASK HILDA.  I HAD CHEF SALAD BECAUSE THE FISH WAS SMOTHERED IN RED BELL PEPPER SAUCE.  I WASHED IT OFF.  FISH DOESN'T DO IT.

I WENT TO SPROUTS FOR THE COUPON AND BOUGHT JERKY.  ESPECIALLY FOR DAYS SENIOR LUNCH INSUFFICIENT.  LIKE TODAY.  I WANT SOMETHING BUT WHAT.  HMM...

HOPE

I'M STILL EXPERIENCING THE FAMILY FEAR LEGACY.  AND MY NEUROPATHY IS HEALING SO MY BODY IS HURTING MORE WHICH I'M MANAGING WITH EXERCISE.

10-1:30. 3:30-6.  I FINALLY FIGURED OUT I HAVE TO BE EXHAUSTED TO BREAK DOWN MY DEFENSES.  OTHER WISE THE LOVELY WALLS OF DENIAL THAT PROTECTED MY MIND FROM INSANITY CAN'T BE BREACHED.

I DID MY SHOPPING AND ENTERED PCH CONTESTS.

DAY TERRORS

FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER MOM AND AILEEN PERSECUTED ME.  ALL THROUGH MY LIFE.  I FELT LIKE A SALTED SNAIL.

THE TORTURE HAS BEEN STORED IN MY BODY AS A PROTECTIVE TOOL THAT I NO LONGER NEED AND THE BODY MEMORIES ARE LEAVING.

I'M SO TIRED OF CLEARING THE PAST.  THE MESS HAS BEEN ARMOR I NO LONGER NEED.  AS A CHILD I HAD NO RIGHTS.  I CAN PROTECT MYSELF NOW.

IT'S HARD WAKING UP TO FEAR EVERY MORNING AND HAVING TO REASSURE MYSELF I'M SAFE.  NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO ENDURE TORTURE.

TODDLER TERROR

WE NEED LOVE TO GROW.  TERRIBLE TWO'S WE BEGIN TO ACKNOWLEDGE OUR SEPARATE IDENTITY.  WE BEGIN CHOOSING WHO WE BECOME.  FIGHT OR FLIGHT ABILITY DEVELOPS AS WE BECOME MOBILE.  FRUSTRATION WITH OUR LIMITS BEGIN.  LACK OF LOVE AND THE SEARCH FOR LOVE.

TERROR IS HELD IN OUR BELLIES.  AND UNRESOLVED TERROR RETURNS AS SENIORS IN DISTENDED STOMACHS.

I'M WORKING ON THIS.

I'M STILL RESOLVING MY ANNUAL CHECKUP.  OF WHAT I'M MOST AFRAID.

i'm having infant flashbacks to aileen stabbing me with safety pins.

STOOPID AHMED

THE SAME AS PHIL STOOPID.  BELIEVING THE BULLY.  VICTIMS DON'T COMPLAIN.  THEY LEARN TO DEAL WITH BEING MISTREATED.  BULLY'S YELL AND SCREAM AND CRY.  HOW STOOPID CAN THEY BE.

ERIC'S DAY

I'M FEELING UPSET.  MY HURT FEELINGS.  I'VE HAD TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF SINCE I WAS 8 SO I GUESS I'M TOUGH.  AND THOSE TRYING TO PICK ON ME, SCAPEGOAT ME FOR THE FIRST TIME HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND ARE FLOUNDERING TRYING TO GUILT SOMEONE INTO TAKING CARE OF THEM. 

ROSE V WENT THROUGH TWO HUSBANDS AND THE DOCTORS HAVE GIVEN UP ON HER CANCER DAUGHTER.  SHE HAS AN ODD WAY OF ASKING FOR HELP WITHOUT BEING OBLIGED.  PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE TO GET AWAY FROM HER.  SHE'S SO UNGRATEFUL.

FUNNY HOW I CAN SEE IT SO CLEARLY IN OTHER FAMILIES.  ROSE T DID IT TO ERIC.  HE WORKED HIMSELF TO DEATH TO PAY HER RENT WITH CANCER THE LAST 5 YEARS.  I FEEL SO SAD TO WITNESS AND NOT BE ABLE TO CURE HIM.  NOT MY BUSINESS.  I'M PRAYING FOR ALL OF US.

SINCE 8 YRS OLD

OK I GET CRANKY.  I'VE BEEN MAKING THE BEST OF MY LIFE.  IT TAKES HARD WORK AND DILIGENCE.

AND OTHERS GET JEALOUS.  LOU FERRIGNO FOR ONE AND JENN.  THEY EXPECT EVERYTHING TO BE HANDED TO THEM.

OLD TIMERS DON'T STAY LATE BECAUSE THE NUTS FALL OUT OF THE TREES.   REMEMBER THAT WOMAN WHO INSISTED I TREATED HER LIKE I HATED HER WHEN I'D NEVER SEEN HER BEFORE.  SHE WOULDN'T IDENTIFY HERSELF OR WHERE SHE THOUGHT SHE KNEW ME AND HAS NEVER BEEN BACK.

AND TODAY A WOMAN WHO INTERRUPTED MY CONVERSATION WITH GERDA TO TELL ME I'M WRONG HAD HER FEELINGS HURT I GUESS BY MY COMMENT THAT EVERY SENIOR IS AN EXPERT ON EVERYTHING.  WENT CRYING TO LOU FERRIGNO SO HE CAME TO ASK WHAT HAPPENED.  WE HAD NO IDEA.

MY FEELINGS WERE HURT WHEN SHE RUDELY INTERRUPTED ME TO SAY I WAS WRONG WHEN I WAS SIMPLY RELATING WHAT THE REPORT WAS.

OR ALMITA COMMENTING ON MY FAMILY BEING LOW CLASS OR HER CALLING GINNY A DONKEY.

WORD SEARCH

"LET'S DO SOMETHING.'  NOT.  I'M FEELING WONDERFULLY BORED. 

I REALIZED MOST OF MY CHILDHOOD WAS AWAKENING TO TERROR.  I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS THE SCARY FAMILY OR AUTISM OR BOTH.

SO THINGS LIKE HIKE, BIKE, BUILD A FORT, BAKE A CAKE, SAIL, SCULPT, VOLUNTEER, SEW, SKATE, SLEEP, STUDY, TRAVEL, WEAVE, WHITTLE, WATCH TV, BOWL, HAVE A PARTY, ETC, HAVE NO APPEAL.
BEEN THERE DONE THAT.  I'LL BASK IN DOING NOTHING.  I'M STILL AMUSED TO THINK THE SOUND OF DOING IS FUNNY.  NOT DO-ING.

IT'S A MIRACLE I'VE TURNED OUT AS WELL BALANCED AS I AM.  A SENSE OF HUMOR HELPS.

I UNDERSTAND SENIORS NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING. 

I LIKE EXERCISING BECAUSE I ENJOY FEELING GOOD.  GOT TO LUBRICATE THE JOINTS AND WARM UP THE MUSCLES.

SPEAKING UP

FOR MYSELF AND OTHERS.  MOST PEOPLE DON'T.  PUTTING IT OUT THERE THEY MAY SAY NO.  SO WHAT.  I HEARD NO FROM MY FAMILY EVERY DAY. 

TODAY'S TEMP IS SUPPOSED TO BE 100.  I'M NOT GOING OUT TO CHECK.  I HAVE LEFTOVERS FROM LUNCH SO I CAN STAY 'TIL CLOSING, NO JEOPARDY, NBA PLAYOFFS.

 

EMOTIONAL=PHYSICAL

YOU CAN'T RUN FROM YOURSELF.  YOU CAN TRY TO HIDE BUT IT DOESN'T LAST.

THE EMOTIONAL ALWAYS BECOMES PHYSICAL.  I DID TOO MUCH YESTERDAY TO TRY TO AVOID EMOTIONAL PAIN BY CREATING PHYSICAL PAIN.  AND HERE I AM.

I STRETCHED IT OUT AND THE EXTREME 88 o HEAT TODAY HELPS.

I DID MY SUNDAY SHOPPING AND READ THE PAPER FOR A COUPLE HOURS.

I'M LOVING THE SLEEP SHIRTS I BOUGHT AT LOS ALTOS RUMMAGE.  EVERYTHING IS ALREADY DRY FROM WASHING YESTERDAY.

what to do

😇😬😃
I DON'T KNOW HOW I GOT THEM BUT THERE'S A BUNCH.  27.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THEM GO AWAY SO WE'LL SEE.

I WEEDED FOR AN HOUR. I MUST BE CAREFUL NOT TO OVER DO.  I FEEL PRETTY GOOD.  I ALWAYS FEEL GOOD DOING UNTIL THE NEXT DAY AND THEN THE SECOND DAY I MAY BE SICK.  I THOUGHT OF DOING LAUNDRY BUT (SIGH) ONE THING AT A TIME.  I USED TO GO UNTIL I FINISHED EVERYTHING I WANTED TO DO.  MINDFULNESS TAKES PRACTICE.  AND ALWAYS PUTTING THOUGHTS IN POSITIVE TERMS IS.......I DON'T KNOW.

OH, EMOJIS WENT AWAY.

I STRETCHED AND TUBBED.  PLAYED ON THE PUZZLE AND ATE AN APPLE.  I FELT GOOD AND DECIDED TO GO TO LAFFAYETTE WASH TO CHECK IT OUT.  PLENTY OF PARKING AND NOT TOO HOT WITH THE WIND.  I USED THE CART TO MINIMIZE OVER WORKING MY BACK.  I CHARGED MY CHROME SINCE I FORGOT AT SENIORS.  I PUT EVERYTHING IN ONE MACHINE.  WOW. 

WHEN A SPACE IN FRONT OPENED I MOVED THE CAR.  I DECIDED IF I HADN'T WASHED TO GO TO LIBRARY TO CHARGE.  OPTIONS.  AND THEN I REALIZED I COULD WEAR A WET SHIRT AND SCARF TO STAY EXTRA COOL.  SO PERFECT.  I FELT GOOD. 

2 PM AT HOME I ATE SOME CHIPS AND CHERRIES.  I DRANK A LOT OF WATER.  FELL ASLEEP WATCHING TV.  DINNER WAS LEFTOVER SPAGHETTI & MEAT LUMPS.

GOOD DAY.

BRAIN

ACCORDING TO DEEPAK CHOPRA THE BRAIN DOESN'T DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN LOVING OURSELVES OR LOVING OTHERS.  THE PHYSIOLOGY/CHEMISTRY OF LOVING IS THE SAME NO MATTER THE OBJECT.  NON LINEAR. MORE IMPORTANT TO LOVE THAN BE LOVED.

THE MORE WE LOVE THE HEALTHIER WE BECOME.

THAT'S AT ODDS WITH HARVILLE WHO SAYS HEALING CAN ONLY OCCUR WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP.

MY PHONE IS TURNING ITSELF ON BEFORE THE SETTING.  SO I DON'T KNOW.

MY UTILITIES ACCOUNT IS BACK.  I CAN'T SEE THE USAGE HISTORY BUT I CAN PAY ONLINE AGAIN.  IF IT GOES AWAY AGAIN I'LL GO TO THE OFFICE AGAIN.

I GAVE GERDA THE JUICE AND CHAMOMILE TEA BAG.  SHE WENT AND GOT ANTIBIOTICS AT THE DOCTOR'S.  OLD PEOPLE NEED BETTER HOBBIES. 

I GOT EVERYTHING DONE FOR TODAY.  ALEX GAVE ME NEWS PAPER MY LADIES GAVE ME LEFT OVERS.  I'M SET FOR THE NIGHT.

MY HISSY FIT

I HAVE RESOLVED MY UNDERSTANDING OF APPEARANCES:
1) IT'S A SURVIVAL THING.  THE APPEARANCE OF STRENGTH AND HEALTH PRECLUDE ARBITRARY ATTACK.
2) ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE SIGNAL HEALTH AND STRENGTH FOR PROCREATION.
3) TALKING HEADS ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES NOT EDUCATIONAL.
4) PEOPLE LOVE SCARING THEMSELVES AND OTHERS.  MOVIES AND AMUSEMENT PARKS.

AFTER A HISSY FIT EPIPHANY.

HELEN BROUGHT ICE CREAM SANDWICHES.  HELEN WASN'T GOING TO GIVE ART AND I ANY SO INGA AND GERDA SPLIT THEIRS.  GERDA IS STILL CONGESTED.  I BOUGHT HER A JUICE FOR CHAMOMILE TEA BAG,  SHE WON'T GET IT FOR HERSELF.  I LOVE HER MORE THAN SHE LOVES HERSELF. 

WINCHESTER WAS BLOCKED WITH ROAD REPAIRS AND I DETOURED AVOIDING THE CONGESTION.  I DECIDED TO SWING BY LUCKY'S FOR O WATER AND DECIDED TO PAY CITIBANK.  THEN I FOUND CLEARANCE CHERRY ALMOND DARK CHOCOLATE BARS, GINGER DARK CHOCOLATE CANDY, ALOE MANGO JUICE, CANS TUNA.  I HAD TO GO BACK FOR THE WATER. 

AND I REMEMBERED DOLLAR STORE MOUTHWASH, TOOTHPASTE AND CHIPS.

I'M FEELING SUCCESSFUL.

WHAT I WANT TO DO.

I WANT TO HAVE CLEAN CLOTHES.  THE PHYSICALITY OF DOING LAUNDRY REQUIRES A STRENGTH I DON'T HAVE YET.  FRUSTRATION.

I ALSO WANT TO GO TO CAMPBELL LIBRARY.  AND I HAVE TO RENEW CHROME.

ACCORDING TO HARVILLE HENDRIX THE PURPOSE OF RELATIONSHIPS IS HEALING WHICH LEADS TO HAPPY.  DOESN'T FEEL QUITE COMPLETE.

NOT FEELING GROWN UP

I LOADED THE LAUNDRY IN THE CAR AND DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING IT.

IT FEELS LIKE THE WORLD WILL END IF I DON'T DO IT RIGHT WHATEVER THAT MEANS.  THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

IT'S COOLING OFF.  TYGJ.

AFTER LUNCH I LISTENED TO THE HEALING MEDITATION CD AND ACTUALLY FELL ASLEEP FOR 15 MINUTES.  I PONDERED GOING TO LAUNDRY, NAH.  I WATCHED GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2.  I HADN'T SEEN IT. 

I CAME HOME ATE LEFTOVERS AND CHERRIES. 

WALKMAN

SINCE THE RECEPTION ON THE CHROME BOOK IS IFFY I CAN LISTEN TO MY WALKMAN CD PLAYER.  I CAN'T CONTINUE TO EXPOSE MYSELF TO THE NEGATIVITY OF MARILYN AND HELEN.  STRESS I CAN AVOID.

THE HEALING SELF BY DEEPAK CHOPRA CATALOGS THE DAMAGE OF STRESS IN STAGES.  I'M JUST HUMAN.  I'M SO BLESSED.  I CAN DEAL WITH IT.  I HAVE TOOLS.

WATCHING ERIC AND NOT BEING ABLE TO FIX HIS LIFE WAS LIKE WITNESSING MY FAMILY.  MORE STRESS.  HELPING OTHERS IS HELPING MYSELF BY LOWERING MY STRESS.  WHEN I CAN'T HELP WATCHING SUFFERING IS HARD.

I WANT EVERYONE TO FIND HAPPINESS.  EVERYONE HEALTHY.

MY IDEAL.  I'LL SETTLE FOR ME BEING HAPPY AND HEALTHY. 

WHEN I WAS A CHILD I NOTICED HAPPY PEOPLE ARE KIND.  UNHAPPY PEOPLE ARE CRUEL.  IT JUST MAKES SENSE TO LIVE IN A KIND WORLD.

12:3- EVELYN CAME FOR A VISIT. I THOUGHT I WAS SEEING THINGS.  HUGS ALL AROUND.  SHE AND GEORGE WERE MY GOOD PARENTS.  I WISH IT WAS POSSIBLE FOR HER TO LIVE IN TWO CITIES.  SHE WAS SO ACTIVE BEFORE.  I LOOKED UP SHINGLE SPRINGS ON THE MAP.  UGH.

MINI TANTRUM

I'M TRYING TO HAVE MORE FUN.

I FEEL SO ANGRY.  ANGRY BIRD.

ERIC WOULD HAVE BEEN 63 TODAY.

UNDERSTANDING

"WITH ALL YOUR GETTING GET UNDERSTANDING".

I UNDERSTAND WHY MOM NEVER GAVE ANYTHING WITHOUT GETTING FIRST.  SHE LEARNED MOST PEOPLE DON'T GIVE.   THEY TAKE. 

AND MITZI ONLY GIVES WITH SOMETHING TO TAKE ALREADY IN MIND. 

AILEEN AND DAD GAVE HOPING TO RECEIVE ACCOLADES WHICH IS NEVER ENOUGH. 

I GIVE WHEN IT IS MORE VALUED BY SOMEONE INCREASING THE VALUE. 

I'M GETTING UNDERSTANDING.  TYGJ.

LAUNDRY RECYCLE DO NOTHING?

I CAN'T DECIDE.  I FEEL THIS ENERGY TO DANCE.  I'M REGAINING CONTROL OF MY BOUND MUSCLES AS THEY RELAX.  WHAT A GREAT FEELING.

I'VE BEEN SO TENSE FOR MOST OF MY LIFE.  RELAXATION TAKES VIGILANCE OR I AUTOMATICALLY TENSE UP.  NO WONDER I WAS SO SKINNY.  CONSTANT TENSION BURNS A LOT OF CALORIES.

FAT PEOPLE ARE RELAXED PEOPLE.  THEY DON'T LIVE WITH FEAR AND ANXIETY AS CONSTANT COMPANIONS.

I EXERCISED AND STILL FEEL GREAT.  WELL, GREATER THAN I USUALLY FEEL THE PAST 20 NO MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I ACCEPT THE BEST NOW.  BEST FOR ME.