i'm sitting in my car listening to kelly howell on you tube. a plethora of recordings. silver lining to covid cloud.
walked and stretched. got lunch and parked around corner. you tube kelly howell while computing,eating lunch. great!!
home 2;30 puttered. consolidating drinks, snacks etc. dinner i made ramen and salads added diced smoked ham. coconut dessert. love boat preempted by twilight zone marathon for new year's. oh, well.
wrote bills, planned next month.
i ate my bbq sandwich. i missed mr limpet again and discovered county has copy. i have 7 ready.
dollar tree caulk, craft magnet, juice, 2 jewel pens.
yesterday feels a life time ago. i computed but didn't hang. doing new things stretches perception. maybe that's why others think differently. they do the same things over and over and don't grow. you can do different things with the same attitude mind set and it isn't a new experience. doing the same old things with a new attitude mind set is growth.
$tore still no chips. 2 natural pizza sauce for noodles 1 m wash.
i'm listening to 'secret' on chrome. beauty. i ate my lunch in peace, tossed garbage.
i've been trying to complete scratchpath games since before 11 now 12;17. completed tires, 2 aarp sweepstakes. maybe i need a nap. i found a good reception spot. finished 1 pm.
i took bathroom break college safeway clearance 3 mini altoids for the tins possible hide-a-key 2.37, 2 poppy seed 4.98, corn swirl 1.25 off ends tomorrow so half price. too sweet and tough.
maybe county tomorrow. feeling tired. county on saturday with banking.
tylophora is now main stream. since 2003. i gave a plant to exploratory surgery nurse for allergy. works for asthma too. i did what i do best, connecting people. i surfed the web. i hope they discover shepherd's purse for tumors.
i realize and accept margaret wheeler's disdain for me. i now realize she's never even liked me. when i ran into her at senior center i was confused. she used me like alien and nit. i admired marge because of penelope keith british actress 'to the manor born' a woman dealing with hard economic times gallantly. despite master mind partnership for all those years i never saw how small her 6 foot frame was. i no longer feel impelled to return her stonehenge medal. it's mine now. i can go on without doubt. i don't want to irritate anyone.
i see people as greater than they are. it's me.
mom knew alien was lying mom taught alien and nit to lie to everyone especially themselves that it doesn't matter. another lie. but it does. lying creates dis-ease.
i'm listening to 'secret' on you tube. never occurred to me before. i can have everything i want. today's daily word; 'i take the best and leave the rest.' everything they've stolen from me i've lived without. maybe they're just garbage collectors.
i thinly sliced olive loaf used uv light on mold. toasted with cheese.
i cooked linguine added sesame oil, black seeds, sliced carrots celery. so delicious with chicken i could eat everyday. even betteer than chow mein. i'm inspired.
i started keeping spools of thread with matching bobbin and relized i'm out of snack bags. went to $tore one last uv and 4 aaa batteries if i gift it. 2 snack bags and clearance liquid ajax. i'll try anything once.
don't know what i did. i accidentally swiped and the menu disappeared. with yesterday's post. i refreshed the page and got everything back. whew.
the only thing i want is chinese food from s'vale safe way so i'm set.
i'm getting the hang of this new world. now we can get back to home reception.
loretta breuning; dopamine fasting.
quotable people; there are so many i know nothing about.
i feel wonder filled. this isolation is my childhood and i'm comfortable. makes me feel young. back in time.
finished can of soup with veg rice i cooked last night. most satisfying breakfast. arrived seniors almost regular time. just living. very good feeling. peace and prosperity. my childhood was so stressed with the arguing and tension. they gave what they preferred and many times i got the impression like ex they didn't want me to have what i wanted. alien went out of her way to break what pleased me best. mom and dad were jealous gods. nit didn't count 'tho i suppose she delighted in my unappiness too. it amazes me that anyone could find schadenfreude so enjoyable. makes me uncomfortable. upsets my stomach but that's probably what gives them dis-ease.
i've always been concerned i'd like it here too much. so far no chance of that. it's starting to rain big warm drops noon. did my walk and stretch. so pleasant. after 2 hours wanted to use bathroom went to college safe way closed. drove to home safe way 3 bathrooms closed. i walked store looking for chocolate cake and whip cream none looked good. came home. ate rice noodles chicken delicious. 3 pm still wanted cake and more noodles for tomorrow went maria safe way. chinese food gone. bought good looking chocolate parfait. delicious. dessert first. i still have rice and chicken.
oh, i'm yawning.
i've figured it out. i can save as long as i don't mess with the post until i have internet connection. i can update as long as i'm connected. when i'm out of the hot spot if i do anything but type it resets everything to the ether.
i'm looking for the words to 'god is better than football'. i started watching 'mary and max' about autism. anime. perfect for autism. people have so many thousands of cues to pick up on autists can't keep up and overload.
i walked park and stretched.
looking for panda express. i decided to go to maria safe way first to see about chinese food. checked clearance and used restroom. $6 two entrees one side. only had one chicken so i got noodles and double chicken. just as good. very satisfying. plenty for tomorrow. he heaped it full.
movie channel film noir so i watch 'monk'. i used to love it and now it seems formulaic and silly. i could watch dvd but i'll save it for tonight. the city dvds are due 1/29 so i have lots of time. next county due sat jan/2.
finally time is passing. it always seemed to go so slowly. i guess i wasn't enjoying myself. now i do what i like from my choices i'm happier.
i do love blogging when i have a new thought. or want to remember an old. missing george more than i knew and lamenting i couldn't be who he needed. 2003 was the operation and 2 trips to emergency. i was deeply in the midst of my life up to that point. brian called to tell me memorial january so cal. offered to drive down from his place. day trip lovely service. too sick to meet his relatives. eric and steph didn't attend. took me a month to recover from the effort.
pch is slow to allow time for the ads. so many ads. so i'll go back and forth between tabs.
picked up lunch and online checked safe way. flash sale progress soups limit 8 @ $.98 so i rushed to college store clearance 3 bags stevia half off and came back looking for hot spot. i'm back at seniors. mission library no parking in front.
2 pieces pumpkin pie and beef barley peas croutons for dinner. 8 pm 'holly dolly christmas' channel 5 weird when she's such a social person covid distancing is weird.
11;30 arthur is walking. i gave him one last year. chicken parm pretty good or i'm very hungry.
another experiment. i realized i can come to seniors later and walk after lunch pick up. i considered giving light to bea from library as city is rotating employees to keep them alert. walter showed up just in time. i computed a little and walked and stretched. life is mellower. had to use bathroom went to target and checked dvd players. walked to sprouts and bought pumpkin pie and clearance dry mustard.
for dinner 2 pieces pie, i opened can of progress wedding soup added amino and lunch salad. delicious.
tried internet too slow. sitting by seniors south side, parking not open yet.
autism sensitive hearing sight probably due to prey aspect. evelyn geraci probably best combination balance of predator/prey i know.
watchung noel coward is difficult for me. the human condition i find painful.
i've been praying for next door. she accosted me with not parking under my own tree to her discomfort setting out bins. i didn't know i needed her permission. so alien.
i'm praying about new back doctor too. so much is clearer to me now. injury ripples through the body like an earthquake travels. the deeper the tissue trauma the longer the symptoms take to manifest. i'm driving from seniors checking lucky's card balance. two clearance salads. ok, and walked cvs for dvd player.
good appointment. dr. masseh good listener. i have to get x ray she'll look for spacing and spurs. discussed many techniques.
watching cesar 911 he disrupts behavior with a haunch tap. then he directs wanted behavior. i'm learning so much.
when behavior is repeated electic pathway builds a myelin sheeth to protect highway. how we remember. muscle memory too. why addiction feels hard to correct.
i can go to sara lucky or main or seniors for internet. hmm... being skeptically cautious i want to check st j card balance.
humongous line blocking intersection. two lines. i don't know. maybe they don't have letters. i'm using library hot spot.
i'm excited. when i couldn't internet i jotted down 2 names from china tv news and they both work figuring out the brain. everybody has one. may as well know how it works.
trudie chalder phd. king's college. depression=chemicals
loretta g breuning phd. cal state east bay. neg biological survival set point.
daily word-i cooperate with the healing presence within me.
at least some of my post is saved. i can't get reception home so i'm wandering. the strongest is by kiely park apts. i'm sitting on the patio in the cold.
this happened another time and then reception came back. i'm forced to think differently. ouch.
auto save would be heavenly. i'm doing save each thought.
i still have gift card safe way for big choco quick. bought small at lucky all they had 3 x points this weekend.
#6. i came straight home and started calling. finally got everything straightened out 2 pm. dr chung without telling me sent authorization to a back pain doctor in campbell. eddie care more therapist had to tell me. i called dr chung 4 times before they said anything. then i called campbell they needed more authorization. more phone calls.
so frustrating could scream. i hate, hate hate.
got here seniors 10;32 #9. at home spent 40 minutes on hold trying to get physio appointment. do i want care more and the phone frustrations? ruth so cal finally said try afternoon.
i feel proud that i'm doing it. i haven't felt this good in months maybe year. i'm growing into my autism brain.
tried and tried. talked to more people. called dr chung to fax copies authorization to care more. called again and again. finally left call back.
maybe i don't have to go.
everything is working so slowly. the computer, phone charger. i considered the charger not functioning 100% so i'm trying alternate charger. could be old battery. i'm trying alternate phone.
only the best survives. it's like classical music only the best survives. the cream rising to the top. i'm watching astaire and rogers.
animal behavior is basic. when animals misbehave there are reasons. people misbehave and don't know why they do what they know not to do and do it anyway. alien ex and nit.
i left ex because i knew i didn't want to be part of the destruction and i was unequipped to do anything with the lying cheating self sabotaging going on. every 6 months he was afraid he'd get fired for over stepping his authority at work. he lied to two therapists for 2 years and i was done. he decided he was right the world was wrong and i gave my best that wasn't enough for him. i knew enough that somehow i contributed to the unhealthy codependency. i didn't know what it was.
cesar is so clear and precise in his observations and gets results. mammals learn and function based on programmed behaviors supporting survival. humans have intelligence to change their behaviors if they become aware. cesar lamented having to couple counsel the dog's owners.
i stopped a lifetime of smoking last year. no longer serves me. i used to need it. i was born to it. dad chained smoke. mom lit his smokes. quitting used to be difficult. free nicotine gum and covid isolation removed chaos. the physical and psychological need.
so good. i made 1 1/2 c mac in 'pasta and more' teaspoon salt add water first line 17 minutes. small diced one celery stalk grated small carrot. found safflower mayo 1 cup. 1 salt 4 black pepper large can tuna with water heaping tablespoon dry onion. half can drained black olives. drained pasta combined. so delicious i wanted to eat it all. i forgot to add peas. tomorrow. extra sweetness. i can make peas onion gravy rice.
i'm improving. i bought myself 2 cans dark roca almonds. i thought of making it myself but why. i'd like to make sweet wasabi almonds.
i'm having breakfast in bed. 2 helpings blueberry cobbler last piece crunchy chicken. perfect. flossed and nicotine gum.
relaxed all day lunch cobbler 2 b patties. dinner i wanted chips saw weekend food. ate onion grated carrot celery peas mac salad tuna i prefer. toasted sandwich b'fast tomorrow. catching cold from doc yesterday. sniffles itchy eyes. or maybe reaction dilating med.
dr mark was concerned optic cup last year but just normal for me no change. very strict office precautions staff member testing after family member tested +. finished at 10 am prescribed glasses choosing frames at 3 pm.
#10 car came home ate lunch put away weekend food forgot to pack county returns. 12;30 went lucky's freebie quaker oats. big lots heavy black slippers $12 and bras $10. fit great. tom called on way to cup library wished me happy birthday 'cause he got my christmas card. told him i'd call him back. dropped off darling buds, merry sitcoms, that girl, one foot, picked up 7 books dvds. called back tom told him auntie sent me $100 for my birthday christmas. reminded me uncle died 4/'17 and eric 6/'17. he told me noe died thanksgiving.
i remembered putting them somewhere varmints wouldn't find them. they were by front door. bought them monday. when i couldn't find them i wondered if i bought them. i remembered paying $2.97. i rinsed them 3 x. maybe in a cobbler. ooh, i can use creamer.
i'm wearing my k kids sweatshirt with my name. i've been saving them. time to wear them. fitting perfectly. uncle died 4/11/17 and eric 6/13/17. i wonder if everyone dies first half of month. dad 9/5 mom 5/13.
i took my time showered went seniors 10;30 #10. considered libraries came straight home. online county 3-5 today and main closed 'til january. online i saw main is closed 'til january and county hours 3-7.
i'm watching 'mildred pierce'. funny i never recognized veda was alien and nit. i've been so unconscious. despite all their machinations over the years. or maybe because of them. knowing mom's unpredictable violent nature i always feared she'd kill someone.
i cooked 4 burgers and blueberry cobbler. i used coffee creamer and pancake mix 2 eggs. so good i ate 2 burgers 2 servings cobbler.
maybe afternoon better. i kept in there finally 9;09 am 18 calls connected pamela in campbell said pay and i'd be reimbursed. hurrah!!
felt successful went to campbell big lots returned bras $37.15. walked store. then drove good will open. walked store. nothing i wanted or needed.
seniors 10;36 #9 walked park and stretched. maybe chili's free kid's and dessert. who knows. i went no online reception ordering so went home for freebie numbers online. ordered and paid online too an hour. easier than panera. picked up crispy chicken meal and kid's and chocolate cake vanilla ice cream. i'm set for dinner. ate senior fish and greens ok.
remembered to watch 'love boat'.
i need all the learning tools i can get. libraries now have books movies. main no requests. county is a-ok.
returned bra that didn't fit. weird same number as first that did. bought sage and rose gaiters. lovely keeps my neck warm. soft i can pull over my face. i love it. went seniors chicken good. home i considered buying another style didn't. i finally went through salad dressings in fridge. i had 3 opened balsamic i condensed to 1. 2 b b q sauces to i. and i'm fixing rip in book bag.
i got medicare bill i don't know to pay. i start soc sec january. auto pay medicare so do i pay? i tried calling. on hold hour and half. gave up.
and now i'm upset.
i got openly blamed for pearl harbor especially by men trying to manipulate me to their control. i wasn't even born then. 'darling buds of may' have the german version. one step removed. women use prejudice to build themselves up. so much wisdom and common experience in the series.
true to form after shower and laundry friday i went to bed 8;30. rested all day yesterday and couldn't sleep 'til 3. woke at 7 and started my day. terrible pelvic back pains took a lot of stretching.
decided i didn't need to do anything i didn't want to. i watched cesar 911. bike biting dog reminded me of being knocked to the ground from behind from boy riding to jefferson jr high and another morning woman in car hit me and kept going when i was 8-9 years old. my injured body not just from family beatings.
11 i went to denny's but no freebie grand slam. so i checked out big lots 2 bra sets one good. citibank atm still doesn't work to pay bill. panda express orange chicken walnut shrimp chow mein. sunny $tore 4 pineapple sun glass cases, 2 calendars, 50 cent dozen christmas cards. home lunch dinner rest. hurrah!!
napped 4;30-5;30.
the entire world is living my life. isolation. disenfranchised. being tolerated.
today, abuse stands out like a sore thumb. without the crowds to hide and confuse everything life becomes crystal clear.
bored with pch games malfunctions not enamored with news or 'murder she wrote' i dressed and went to campbell dollar tree. looked all over store for calendars, bras and leg warmers found clearance tall garbage bags 50 cents. realized i wanted big lots. .2 mile a world apart. walked store finally asked, no bras. $3 purse calendar 2 year. went to car and remembered leg warmers sock section. i found bras used my $10 off 40 coupon.
came home. thought about returning dvd. huh, i didn't think of mission. ate ok lunch and tried on bras. none fit comfortably. i have 'til 1.15 to return them.
i watched 'hope gap', interesting.
maybe i did too much yesterday after 4 days of rest. i used igor to sleep to and woke 6;30 terrified of being crippled like dad. i'm tense all over. healing only happens relaxing the body. tension keeps everything in place not allowing the cells to move. that's the neck tightness i have now, huh. the last part of my body to reclaim. the neck/head/mind. i focused on taking care of parents and ignored my body. i was taught i didn't own myself. i do now. yesterday's daily word 'free'. i owe nothing to anyone else.
yoga teaches re owning the body. consciously reconnecting. 'classsical stretch' takes the mind/body connection one step farther. peggy cappy recommends 90 % stretch to avoid overstretching and injury.
i'm learning.
driving to seniors i noticed check engine light. oh, oh. i got in line, called he was out test driving car said call back 15 minutes. i walked park stretched feeling pretty good. called back got voice mail. remembered i needed to pay bills. wrote life insurance. picked up lunch. drove to p o.
since i was close i went to car shop. carlos cleaned air sensor reset computer $20 i had cash. drove to chase withdrawal star one deposit. at library i ate bland lunch. picked up 11 movies. on to sunny dollar store 2 c cough drops, 2 packs socks, 3 stretcher bars. home 2;30.
rested, toasted corn bread, cooked sliced onion, added diced real carrot, diced potato, can of progress beef stew. diced raw radish. delicious.
