ready for another week

a new month.  july was difficult.  i watched sharon stone all i wish 2017 susan's birthday working title.  i was feeling old and depressed my back and legs especially sore from cutting kiwi.  i'm ok.    

3rd rock is more

a family of aliens is my family.  i never have to suffer again.  they are the perfect family.  they won't hurt me.  they hurt me to diminish and control me.  beat me down never built me up.  i can understand tina and ike turner.

i dozed 'til noon and ate a peach and italian beef.  i felt exhausted.  having the allergy tea every day and the swimming i'm de-toxing.  

watched avatar: way of water.  3 hours of humans destroying everything.  after ruining earth they set about killing Pandora.  another tale of greed.

lunch by jeanie

2 spam musubi crunchy in shell peanuts and blue/white crocheted scrubber.  8 am pools empty like having a private club 3 people 3 pools.  she had the entire 3 lanes of lap pool to herself.  4 lifeguards.  soaking in tub kid energy is pure clear.  adult energy can get dark murky stagnant set up for dis ease.

parking front of river mark safe way i stopped and shopped.  late for show 300 people for happy birds parrot show.  too crowded for me anyway.  i parked in first covered parking for library cool 67 degrees.  humid tho.  i bought 3 movies library mini sale and decided to eat musubi and feeling relaxed i added new registration sticker to back plate.  done and done.  

i'm feeling lovely relaxed now.  i was feeling so tense and guilty for having fun.  

finished puzzle, early home, slept better

i need more rest to balance healing.  

no lucky's freebie today feels weirdly unfinished incomplete.  7:30 e mail freebie corn chips.  went and bought delicious cherries.  played bingo resting for happy birds at Northside library.

home 3:30 looked for coke thinking about what i want from what's available.

lovely swim met becky-cathy de friend-no bartolo this month

sitting waiting for lunch.  except for my body coming unglued life is pleasant.  as long as i'm comfortable i'm ok.  i love watching people.  my own preserve.  

i decided i want to do wash sometime soon.  i love clean clothes.  and if i leave in soap may be moth proof.  tomorrow no pool.  or sat day pool and parrots at northside.  unlimited.  i spilled lunch on my raw silk shift.  

home early to rest more i noticed kiwi over grown onto roof.  took me an hour to cut back off roof.  no bart this month.  

this month almost done

thank goodness.  swimming everyday is shifting and healing my spine.  from the top of my head to toes.  lunch and puzzle.  stayed 'til 3:30 testing myself.  my stamina is better not good yet.  i almost fell.  i tripped too tired to pick up feet.  if not for wall i'd have hit the floor hard.  so i rested.  cleaned veg.  ate chicken, brussel sprouts, cornbread.

reliving 1996-2001

i'm watching 3rd rock the only joy in my life.  my escape from hell.  alien believed she was the devil.  she manipulated the parents like mom taught so professionally after a lifetime of practice.

getting back to normal

2 eggs chili and corn bread almost huevos rancheros b'fast.  i swam almost 2 hours.  all the hours i exercised, the pool is so much better.  

gerde drove in as i was going to put away my towel and suit.  she had her choice of parking spaces.  i love when the timing fits.

good day home at 4 for jay leno, you bet your life.

yay sunday! another 90 o day i don't care

i can do what i want.  i'm sorting and saving or tossing.  lots of pantry food is past prime.  and this heat isn't good for it.  it's been years since i've had any energy.  i've been dragging myself doing what i believed i ought.  i'm doing a little at a time and resting.  big lots freebie gummy can wait.  

cooked de-boned chicken.  forgot cinnamon.  oh, well.  i suppose i can add.  

too much sitting

 my back is complaining.  pool today.  

i felt great after so i went to st j pantry.  parked under central to sort and went upstairs to puzzle.  filled water bottles.  1 pm i was tired and still had groceries to put away.  i wasn't hungry too busy doing.  knew i needed to go home.  stopped shopped st just store.  i put groceries in garage parked in driveway.  looked for chrome wasn't in car.  i left it in underground parking.  immediately drove back and exactly safe.  

5 years ago july i left gym suitcase on sidewalk at harrison distracted by traffic accident and depressed one year eric's tragic death.  this year a successful do over.  15 minutes left i went upstairs to puzzle calming down, sidney came over to share he lost his flash drive with all his records at the library or seniors.  i asked if he checked car, not yet.

bingo!

i love fridays now.  i wish every day was friday.  i decided i wanted to win and i did.  no money, a new wallet for my new money.  walter came to chat for a bit.  good practice i left gracefully.  he's helping me a lot.  gerda won cookies she gave me the rest of them peach crumble style from sprouts.  

anxiety is back-13 year marriage-parent care

while soaking away my cares it occurred to me.  

walter talked at me for hours yesterday while i puzzled after lunch.  i thank god i was relaxed.  he went on and on running his tapes.  i calmly explained over and over chickens are not as interesting as he imagines.  he needs to build his own flock.  feed store chicken people.  he keeps trying to connect to feel less alone.  he's using the chickens substituting conversation for connection.  if i can save him 10-15 years of research i'll be thrilled.  i'll have fulfilled my purpose.  improving myself and sharing happiness with one other person improves the world.  he's distracting himself which isn't healing just wasting time he could be enjoying.  i feel his pain.  helping him helps me.

i feel well

doing organizing.  arrived before 7 seniors like the new improved me.  maybe older and definitely wiser.  had some plaque.  if i want clean teeth brush 3 times a day after every meal.   last check up no plaque.  this time 10 minutes too long.  

i'm wearing della sandals.  my way of remembering her.  i just remembered overdue book at home.  there's always tomorrow.

i have all day to do what i want

i've worked so hard.  worth it maybe.  knowing is enough. 

i considered paying discover now i'll pay it after swimming.  i'm reveling in the luxury of knowing i can.  did it.  so pge and i'm done with bills for the month for the month.

swim delicious.  i slept relaxed in pool.  i've never been this relaxed in my life.  dentist cleaned and paid 300 for tooth.  puzzle at central.  home 5:45.  the time i started work at macy's putting myself through school and college.  

allulose healthy life sweetener

vanilla cheesecake-preheat 350 o 

beat 'til fluffy:  32 oz cream cheese, 1 1/4 cup sweet, 1 TBS lemon, 1 tsp vanilla pinch salt

bake 350 o 40-55 minutes, cool thoroughly

3 ingredient cookie-preheat 350 o

mix 1 cup nut butter, half cup sweet, 1 egg.  roll into 15 balls.  flatten on baking sheet.  bake 12-15 minutes.

ez ice cream in jar with lid mix:

1 cup heavy cream, 2 TBS sweet, 1 tsp vanilla pinch salt shake 3 minutes.  freeze 4-6 hours.

i believe 2014 when i fell was due to stroke.  entire right side of my body is responding to massage tub jets.  nerve and brains cells reconnecting.  kaiser did nothing peg did nothing.

on the way to cup library i remembered air @ tires tipped him $5 so hot 88 o and instant service.  picked up expiring today and avatar didn't show up hmm.  so hot inside.  charging devices.  

all young asian kids upstairs.  

home 3:30 things started falling breaking.   kind of spooky.  charging phone voice mails from care more and dentist.  i'm feeling sad another chapter ended, new one beginning.

relaxing into health

listening to sound healing since 5 am.  today's my day of rest.  i can go county tomorrow.  today is bag sale sunny i pass.  16 hours rest.

woo hoo pool love, love, loving it

seniors arrived at 8 favorite spot since only short stay.  finally found allergy tea 2 days in gym bag.  tub massage an hour.  detoured to yard sale i love seeing other people's stuff.  $2 for 2 spoons, sparkle mask. plastic, tiny pocket knife.  10:40 book sale only princess bride new features and new wrapped copy fried green tomatoes.  

i have to go sunny 1 hold expired 2 to pick up.  still half hour to charge on to sunny.  sitting by stairs long dresses a must.  ate my cherries from lucky's in cafe area.

stopped burger king happy me.  12:41 heaven first pkg spot.  delicious.   oh dear spacer bar was depressed.  i thought blog disappeared but cursor moved to bottom of page.  i guess back space moves slowly on purpose to avoid mistake erasing.  sunny vale library much hotter than city.  but open 'til 6.  grease not setting well.  charging sunny hot spot.  week left it weak.  i tried signing on for 10 minutes trying to discern first symbol.  tried cap O then Q then little o 'til i finally tried zero.  success.  found expired movie checked out.  sat and puzzled took break found clean copy new leaf walter matthau, elaine may classic all i wanted from sunny book sale.  i have so many movies.  

richest person has fewest needs.  finished puzzle home 5:30.

resting is good

picked up freebie, showered, parked new all day shade spot.  started new monster puzzle.  hilda held on to leftovers 'til late i got 3 turns.  bingo i won my 3rd choice 2 x polar bear t shirt.  huh.  first i wanted pen w/ built in magnifier, second 3 x red i love bingo t shirt.  

4th day swim

i'm feeling so tired but it could be the massive sahara dust storm blanketing the globe.  another effect of global warming.  

home resting i did a good job.

opened new page

i'm attempting to avoid malfunctioning page.  seems to work.  first time it occurred to me.  sydney in computer room asked me about walter who was at nurses station didn't want to talk to sydney.  he's telling me people are avoiding him launches into more past complaints won't do anything just wants to complain.  he wants his chickens to be his ticket to living.  nobody wants to hear every little detail as if his kids.  he's afraid of his future and refuses to do anything about it but make excuses to keep it the same.  it takes more energy to keep it the same with no return than making slight changes to increase chances for positive differences.

merriwest new hours open 10-5 posted on door

so later.  i went sprouts clearance.  paid target.  pool tub at 9 all for me.  paddled relaxed.  i'm almost asleep.  lunch ok .  probably better but i was so hungry i ate entire tortilla butter, pb, honey.  so i have lots to eat.  alex stomach upset he ate too much last night.  i know that one.  when we were young we ate everything and anything.  now we are discerning.                                                                                                                                                                                               

banking half done

i stopped at dollar tree 23 goli calm.  good clearance too 10.  and a penny.  withdrew chase  $1.49 everything bread at safe way.  debated whether home or seniors.  went mission cu no deposits.  parked seniors across best spot waited 5 minutes got it in shade.  

swam 45 minutes refreshing.  found quarter another penny.  lunch ok company excellent.  home early feeling a little tired from walking stores and swimming.  still have groceries to put away.  i forgot frozen at college safe way dinner can chicken, baked beans, corn.    dessert whole wheat tortilla, p b, butter, honey.  

banking maybe

beauty.  i'm sitting upstairs computer room digesting lunch.  ate a piece of plain b'day cake.  it's always someone's b'day.  

i paddled around tub 2 hours a new record.  talked to bran accident prone.  4 car accidents so far.  his magnetism is questionable.  i'm still resetting my levels.  i continue to reset.  my thumb healed so quickly.  fry day day bleeding sat day better.  physical proof new vibrations.  

maria not olviera came by.  she drove from vegas more power to her.  

an hour 15

i mixed medium, found 2 cans to plant plumeria cuttings.  readied bins to put out.  back and hips tight.  two hours resting waiting for back to relax.  took turmeric and hemp oil.  slept 2 hours.  felt better noon.  

doing housekeeping.  added cooked garbanzos to chicken tomato corn.  watched end of mr. hobbs takes a vacation.  now around the world.  

no idea for dinner.

not just cinderella

she was a slave.  i'm watching african american lives pbs because of tina turner and i'm realizing i was a slave.  no rights or humanity, treated like property.  abuse and torture.  my bleeding thumb is wrapped i pinched it in new hair barrette then i watch tina remembering picking cotton her fingers ripped.   i feel so connected.  

i'm forcing myself to rest.  i used the sardine oil to flavor my omelet.  toasted bread for p b raw honey.  

11 am i feel extra energy.  been such a long time i've felt this good.  years.  maybe 6 since eric died.  

7/7

i waited in parking lot and paid my city bill to park best spot.  i took recycle, busy at 7:15 just opened.  within 15 minutes jam cleared.  only $4.41.  

stretched feeling nausea combo an hour sans brace, walter complaining and too many pretzels.  2 of his roosters have left.  they're birds what does he expect.  listening to him complain again doesn't help either of us.  lunch good.  strangers getting seats early.  forgot bingo 'til i saw dino.  i won 2 x.  rosary and assorted cookies.  i won last game hurray!!  helped gerde loaded walker.

ron came to lunch sat with alex next table recommended csaa for renewal car registration sat half hour 5 minutes sticker in hand.  a month to add to car.  still feeling enthusiastic went to big lots free sunscreen bought 3 curry completely out, lucky's chips $2.50 overcharged refunded cash no free soda.  risked overdoing paid citibank due monday.  home ate smoked sardines entire tin.  made broccoli edible.  

toki dropped off duncan hines cake mix and food she cooked.  

oh, yes it's thursday

showered swam showered.  i'm so looking forward to swimming 6 days a week if i want.

i saved toki and alex places.  a b kept talking about albert elizabeth not even bothering to learn their names.  no time for her.  i got 3 left over drumsticks so much.  tomato italian chicken.  

walter came by feeling lonely.  he's lost 2 roosters now pity party.  he didn't want roosters.  i reminded him he wanted hens.  his counselor didn't show probably full up on chicken talk.  i know i am.  i told him when he keeps repeating i feel like he isn't aware i'm here.  he treats me like a stranger when i've been here for him for years.

beautiful

 i loved having yesterday of rest.  i'm loving doing nothing.

i'm free

tina doesn't make a big deal about her leaving ike 7-4 -1976 the bi centennial but i'm feeling it.

i'm feeling so free i almost feel good.  aging gracefully takes exercising everyday.  takes a lot of work.  harder than a 40 hour job.  life is 24/7.  i harvested washed allergy plant set it out to dry.  planted plumeria is finally sprouting.  the sticks are already sprouted.  i'm planning potting allergy and plumeria sticks.  

completely overlooked movies i borrowed sunday from cupertino library   noon i realized i didn't know what i did with them.  found them in car.  sat there 2 days.  

i made ramen added lettuce salad seasoned with bragg amino.  so delicious.  

i'm so well trained.  i feel guilty for feeling guilty.  

walter jr is me-dream revelation

sins of the father.  mom told me auntie nancy named me when i was born not frank jr.  i was rejected neglected abandoned at birth.  they let me know i was a disappointment loud and clear.  i spent my life not knowing i was trying to make up for something i couldn't do anything about.  

dropped off bart money, sprouts clearance $21, 9 wasabi almonds, 8 jack fruit, 4 pretzels.  seniors best shady parking.  showered, started puzzle.  lunch half wrap filled with raw onions, small lettuce salad.  lunch leftover sample pork, rice, overcooked cauliflower, diced carrots i mashed with faux tuna.  ok.

lovely cool cupertino library 90 degree heat wave

i showered and stretched at 24 hour fitness.  women's hand held broken.  i washed pants and consolidated shampoos.  i checked out dollar tree sunnyvale had merc news.  stopped during pandemic it's back.  

i ate cob corn i brought and loaded muffin.  upstairs cupertino library not as comfortable as seniors or central.  i take lots of stretching breaks.  my stiff neck is affecting my sight or maybe the smog.  my sinuses are borderline migraine.  something new and different.  

i was remembering when i had to use the desk tops i didn't have borrowed chrome.  i couldn't relax or put my feet up.  i considered hanging out at target, sunnyvale has covered parking.  nah.

nam myoho renge kyo.  nam myoho renge kyo.  nam myoho renge kyo.  nam myoho renge kyo.  nam myoho renge kyo.  nam myoho renge kyo.

we're predators our eyes are in front.  when reading we need vistas to view to rest and relax our eye muscles.  we wouldn't need glasses.  we didn't evolve reading.  it's new behavior.

the purpose of complaining

it must serve a purpose.  i just don't know what that purpose is.  

tina turner love story.  when you're in pain feeling it is a luxury you can't afford.  you run fast and far.  i came home from one babysitting alien trip to a bullet hole in the bedroom door when i was married.  i haven't thought of him in years but i got a letter from pers today re information security breach.  funny odd what triggers pain.  my stomach feels queasy remembering him.  

i keep forgetting my sadness has substance.  i'm so used to being judged and condemned i learned to do it to myself.  i recognize and change my behavior.