auto update

 playing with getting it to function.   yay! I did it.  

I know I should eat-BBT 2013 season 7

nothing I want.  I toasted a bagel topped with spicy tuna.  

Chuck Lorre talking of universal health care and possible pandemics.  2019 from Trump.  

The Heart Principle

masking burnout.  the hero deals with too many issues and over loads.  I think my lack of joy is from keeping myself contained for too long.  I'm still learning how to manage my autism.   

dealing with my grief over my family.  they can only love themselves.  anyone different is hated and feared.  

I have to eat

Yuck, nothing is appetizing.  I'm feeling paranoid Mits sent me a b'day card 10 days ago before I got sick.  

I toasted a muffin topped it with mild chili tuna.  yesterday I retrieved coffee tea from car.  so good.  

I called St Justin asking they mail me gift cards.  I don't know.  the old me forced myself to suffer.  family loyalty.  pride?  ego?  all I know is they insist I suffer.

reading Helen Huang I'm having an Autistic Exhaustion.  my nerves are worn through trying to fit in be what they want.  

I'm reading Helen Hoang

 I have enough energy to hold up a book.  HURRAH!!  

lucid dream of oldest son shot gun mom on stairs-Hiratas care package

I can't admit Aiko and Mits killed mom and dad.  it's keeping me weak and sick.  thinking about it hurts my back.  I know in the pit of my stomach it's easier to be sick than admit the truth.  having Mits crying to me when she doesn't mean it.  makes me sick.  

I've eaten an egg.  I hope I keep it down.  everything makes me cough.  my sore throat from my post nasal drip is better.  

I'm drinking the CBD water.  I finally found my car keys.  I didn't find Citibank bill I found overdue property tax I paid online with Disc.  so exhausted only a small bottle of water.  

I'm feeling weak only because of the weight of the family secrets.  

cancelled senior lunch called Toke

I always push myself.  I  can't do that anymore.  like staying attentive.  I must pay attention be aware.  Toke took couple days off when she felt tired.  I waited too long.  

6 pm I found her 1:30 call re her washer down and wanting suggestions to laundromat.  I called as she got home.  

still coughing paying bills Disc-cell-city

I'm thinking of Kyochan/Amy.  she always had a delicate way of doing things.  

still sick coughing and sneezing

still coughing

I went one day without coughing.  must have been the air conditioning.  the only respite is in the shower.  too much air pollution.  

Walter got me another extra fish.  and I bought a roast beef bag for lunch.  I feel so relaxed and calm I could sleep.  Ruben left another bag.  

so cold

after lunch I got gas.  it's too cold mornings.  my hands are chapped from the cold.  it's 55 degrees 66% humidity.  I'm out of practice.  I found my copper fit gloves to wear.  the egg salad sandwich was good.  celery and sliced red onion I could remove to cook later.  

it's been so cold I filled the gas tank after lunch.  too cold to go in the morning.  I've been using the heater and letting the car warm up.  19 mpg.  I went to dollar tree for cough med and 2 dinners, big burrito for b'fast.  

wow! lovely perfect 46 degrees 87% humidity

10:30 St Just choice of ham cheese or PBJ.   PBJ please with chips.  

I did my soak and stretch at seniors.  played on the puzzle at least 4 missing.  and at the library copy room eating, reading and relaxing.  

celebrating today!  

I have cough gel caps

I didn't think to pick up at the dollar tree and I already had.  thanks to Safeway monopoly I have tissues.

no Toke Walter remembered my b'day with assorted dark chocolates.    and I made sure I got extra lunch.  couldn't get our regular table, got bumped from Inge's table ended up with Ruben.  the ladies gone.  Joe the veteran tried to snake the pineapple I set aside for Toke on her place mat telling us he thought I gave it to him.  in his dreams.  Fred and Walter looked at me when I took it back.  I never argue with the stupid or insane.  it makes me stupid and insane.  then I gave it to Fred.  Joe loved telling Walter everything Walter is doing wrong.  when we left I suggested Walter adopting Joe, he declined.  progress not perfection.

sitting in library copy room so much better than out on the floor.  cozy listening to music.  I can charge everything on power strip r/t struggling with floor outlets.  I counted the chocolates.  OCD 16 dark, 17 darker, 17 salt almond.  

I left the library at 2:30 and picked up yogurts, 2 TV dinners at St Justin.  what timing.  home to take care of myself.  the cheese raviolis were OK, the hamburger was good.  

reading of Elvis Presley

he hadn't pooped in 4 months.  amazing his doctors did nothing.  just kept giving him more pain killers so he'd keep coming back.  

Ruben left his bag lunch outside so I gave him 2 milks.  

so lovely to rest at the library.  I puzzled an hour and the copy room was free.  I read.  then the dollar tree Christmas decorations.   shelves are stocked.  no presents.  I'll check the Sunny $ tree.  

I have a cold

Walter insisted he choked on his coffee.  Liar.  his brick in the wall to his happiness.  I wondered about his congestion.  oh, well my resistance will be up.  immunity.  

I'm starting a London puzzle from Sunny.  clear vibrant colors.  man was working on it.  

I picked up and redeemed for $7.58 including my cans and glass.  

last of turkey cranberry-paid life insure and Bartolo

I added to ramen b'fast.  watching Split Second I love seeing people win. 

I saw a lone parrot crying in a senior tree.  took off flying north west.

Marie button holed Walter upstairs after lunch.  I almost forgot to pick up hot spot from central.  I remembered I had to return the Secret CD.  I checked both out.  I'm sitting there and she gets a rabid look and says I told her he was having a hard time with his dad's death.  WHAT A PREDATOR!  trying to feast off his pain.  manipulate and control.  I told her no I didn't.  it's none of her business.  he's being normal.  she be crazy.  

my auto update stopped.  Marie Jinx.  Inge at lunch informed me her recycle is ready another Jinx.  

beautiful day!  63 degrees.  

Freaky Friday musical worst movie I've ever seen.  Alex Desert the only redeeming quality.  the music, lyrics, lead singers sickly sweet and stomach turning.  actually.  

I went to Sunny Sprouts walked store bought tomatoes.  I returned movie and hot spot, found Queen Latifah movie Bessie.  I stopped at Nob for salad mix and dinner.   home I removed some lunch bags to the garage for recycles.   

turkey, mash, cranberry b'fast-DD PERS 11/26

one more meal with ham and egg burrito.  

after everything I did this 4 day weekend I went to bed at 7:30.  I needed the rest.  

I enjoyed stretching despite my stomach hurting.  I thought my back would hurt.  the pelvic girdle.  relaxing helped.  

I stayed talking with Walter 'til 1 then considered if I wanted to go home or enjoy the library.  I returned Tina Turner.  I have 4 holds ready.  pick up tomorrow when I renew the secret.  

I checked my new Direct Deposit from PERS started 11/26 Wednesday r/t 12/1 today.  5 days early.