CELERY WORKS

ANTHONY WILLIAM "CELERY CONTAINS SPECIAL SALTS".  SINCE EATING CELERY I'M SLEEPING BETTER.  7 HRS.  STRAIGHT THROUGH.

I KNOW THE CLOGGED SINK IS MY SELF SABOTAGE.  I KNOW THE CLUTTERED HOUSE/YARD IS THE REFLECTION OF MY PAST.  I RELEASE MY BELIEFS CLEARING THE WAY FOR A BETTER LIFE.  I RELEASE THE PAST.

MOST REMARKABLE

THIS MORNING THE MASTER BATH SINK CLOGGED.  I FOUND THE LIQUID PLUMBER AND WAITED UNTIL TONIGHT TO USE IT TAKING MY TIME.  I WISH DAVE HAD REATTACHED THE DRAIN AILING TOOK APART LOOKING FOR MOM'S RING BUT HE REFUSED SAYING IT WAS TOO OLD.  HE REPLACED THE FAUCET.  $700 TWO FAUCETS TWO U-JOINTS TWO YEARS AGO.. 

IT'S STOPPED UP FROM THE DOVE SOAP.  THE CLEANSING CREAM.  CAN'T USE IT ANYMORE.  I'LL FIND SOMETHING ELSE. 

THIS CHROME ONLY WORKS IN BED.  NO RECEPTION ANYWHERE ELSE.  HOW BLESSED AM I?

VERY.  TYGJ.  I'M USING THE LOUISE HAY AFFIRMATIONS.  EXERCISES FOR THE HEART, MIND, SPIRIT.

CARE FILLED

I'M CALMING MYSELF.  I FEEL SO GOOD AFTER TWO DAYS OF CELERY.  I WATCHED ANTHONY WILLIAM VIA LOUISE HAY ON YOU TUBE TO INVESTIGATE.  SIMPLY TO CHECK IT OUT AND NOW I KNOW WHY I BECOME OBSESSED WITH CELERY AND THEN DON'T FINISH THE BUNCH.

MY BODY CRAVES THE CLEANSING PROPERTIES UNTIL A LEVEL OF HEALTH IS ACHIEVED AND THEN I LOSE INTEREST.  I COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND IT UNTIL ANTHONY WILLIAM.

BY-BYE.  I'M HAVING FUN.

1:48 I GOT A V-MAIL FROM MEGHAN/LIBRARY I WON $50 GIFT CARD FROM LOCAL RETAILERS.  I CHOSE BAKERY.  MAYBE A DOZEN, LYFT, ITALIAN, JAPANESE, GREEK RESTAURANT, ETC.  PROBABLY LISTED ON LIBRARY SITE.  SO I HUSTLED OVER THINKING I HAD TO PICK OR THE SELECTION WOULD DWINDLE BUT SHE ORDERS THEM SO NEXT TIME I KNOW ALL ARE AVAILABLE.

I JUST DID TODAY'S WHEEL ONLINE.  IT'S LIKE LIVING IN THE FUTURE.  AND I PARKED AT ST J IN THE SHADE AND FOUND TWO JOURNALS.

ADULT CHILD

REPROGRAMMING, RE FRAMING, TAKES CONSIDERATION.  A HAPPY CHILDHOOD

IF NOT FOR...

MY FAMILY ABUSE I WOULDN'T HAVE MARRIED THE SAME AND LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT THE HUMAN CONDITION.

I KNOW I'M NOT UNUSUAL.  BUT OTHERS LABEL ME TO AVOID ADMITTING THEIR LAZINESS OR LACK OF SOMETHING.  ANYONE CAN DO WHAT I DO.  THERE ARE SO MANY EXAMPLES OF CHANGE.  SO MANY AVENUES, SO MUCH REWARD.  SO MANY PEOPLE ARE COMMITTED TO USING THEIR ENERGY TO TRY TO MAINTAIN THE STATUS QUO.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND.  DON'T THEY FEEL WORTHY OF A BETTER LIFE?

I KNOW I DO.

15 pennies

AND A DIME=QUARTER AT MLIB.  THE GHOSTS ARE HAPPY PARTYING.

I STOPPED BY THE NEW PARK AT 9 TO SEE IF WORTHY OF 10 AM RETURN.   NO.

I PUZZLED AND SWAM.  YESTERDAY SNACK BAR GAVE AWAY PBJ AND BANANA AT 4 PM.  AND I HAD PLANNED ON FREE SMOKED TURKEY/TOMATO SANDWICH SO I WAS SET FOR LUNCH.  I CLEANED CELERY AND DRAINED SOME DILLS.  YUM.

I STOPPED ST J FOUND PAPER TAPE AND TOY DISH RACK.  $2.18.  GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME.

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT THE NETWORK DETERMINES THE EFFICIENCY OF THE EXPERIENCE.  I HAVE TO KEEP SWITCHING TO SVP TO SAVE AND PUBLISH.  CSC PUBLIC IS JUNK.

I DON'T HAVE TO THINK OF THE LETTERS TO TYPE.  I'M A LITTLE SLEEPY, I JUST ATE 1 1/2 SANDWICHES, TWO PICKLES, TWO CELERY, ONE BANANA.  SO RELAXED.

I SLEPT FITFULLY.  AWOKE 1:30 AND 4.

I DECIDED TO RETURN CHROME LATEST SINCE ON HOLD.

LOOK AT ME BEING ALL SHREWD.  I HAD ZERO IN 1992 ACCORDING TO THE CALIFORNIA OCCUPATIONAL PERSONALITY SURVEY.  I'M LEARNING.  I LOVE LEARNING USEFUL THINGS.  AND I HAVE FOUND EVERYTHING HAS A PURPOSE.

I WANT A NAP WITHOUT SLEEPING.  I REMEMBERED THE MODERATE AIR QUALITY IS MAKING ME SLEEPY.  LACK OF OXYGEN.  FIRES IN NORTHERN CAL, OREGON, CANADA.  AND CANADA IS PRACTICALLY ALL TREES.

IT'S KIND OF SPOOKY KNOWING THIS BLOG IS BEING VIEWED FROM AN UNKNOWN REGION.  I CHECK THE STATS FAIRLY REGULARLY.  MAYBE SPACE INVADERS.  OOOO....  MORE LIKELY SOME GOVERNMENT.  BORING.

DIARY

I'VE BEEN WRITING SINCE 1976.  MOMMA, DELORISE LUCAS, TOLD ME TO WRITE IN 1992 WITHOUT SPECIFYING WHAT.  IF SHE HAD ASKED I'D HAVE FOLLOWED HER ANYWHERE.  SHE SAID I WAS DOING WHAT I NEEDED TO DO, TAKING CARE OF THE PARENTS.

I HAVE TO MAKE MORE PAGES FOR MY PAPER DIARY.  I AWAKEN EARLY TO HAVE TIME TO THINK AND DO MY HEALING.  TODAY I DON'T RESENT IT.  I SLEPT 9-4:45.  TO MAKE UP FOR YESTERDAY'S 9-1.

1160 LSRd

A's DREAM OF CRITICISM.  MOM TREATING HER AS UNWELCOME RENTER FOR 3 DAY WEEKEND.  WOKE ME UP.  POOR UNWANTED THING.  NEVER FEELING SAFE, SECURE.  ALWAYS COMPETING FOR APPROVAL.  SUCH AN EMPTINESS.  NEVER FEELING GOOD ENOUGH.

HER TEENAGE YEARS LIVING DOWNSTAIRS IN THE COLD, AWAY FROM US, NO BATHROOM OR HEAT.  UPSTAIRS WAS COLD.  DOWNSTAIRS MUST HAVE BEEN FREEZING.  HAVING TO GO OUTSIDE TO COME UPSTAIRS.   M MUST HAVE LIVED IN TERROR MOM GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE.

UNTIL NOW I REMEMBERED ONLY THE GARDEN, THE LONG DRIVEWAY, THE WILD RABBITS, THE WINTER IT SNOWED, THE LILAC TREE, THE ORCHARDS ALL AROUND US.  THE FUN I HAD PLAYING OUTDOORS.  HAVING TO COME HOME FROM SCHOOL TO COOK DINNER AT 8 YRS OLD.  HAVING TO COOK AND TAKE CARE OF MIT.  NO WONDER SHE TRIED  TO RUN AWAY AFTER TWO YEARS OF LIVING LIKE THIS.  IF I'D BEEN MORE IMAGINATIVE, CREATIVE, ADVENTUROUS, AMBITIOUS, I'D HAVE GONE WITH HER.  I GOT PUNISHED A LOT FOR BEING A KID. 

I TALKED HER OUT OF IT BY VOLUNTEERING TO MAKE HER A PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH FOR WHEN SHE'D BE HUNGRY LATER.  I PUT IT IN A HANKIE AND TIED IT TO A STICK LIKE THE DEPRESSION HOBOS DID.  SHE HADN'T THOUGHT OF FOOD OR HOW SHE'D SURVIVE UNTIL THEN.  SHE WAS 5 I WAS 10. 

SHE CONSIDERED AND I TOLD HER SHE COULD ALWAYS DO IT LATER.  SHE NEVER DID.  I WONDER WHERE THE PARENTS AND OLDER SISTER WERE.  WE WERE ALONE A LOT.

I DID IT IN MY HEAD.  I READ AND PLAYED IN THE ORCHARD, BUILDING FORTS, SPACESHIPS, DREAMING IN THE CLOUDS.  I USED THE SCHOOL LIBRARY A LOT.

12:40 pm  ANOTHER TEST.  TERRY SAT NEXT TO ME.  IRENE/BILL, LOUIE, FILLED THE TABLE. I SAID WE'D GET ANOTHER SETTING WHEN ANDREW SHOWED UP BUT NOOOOO THEY HAD TO ADD A PLACE AND TERRY SAT DOWN BECAUSE WE WERE FIRST.  AUGH!!!!  SHE SMACKED OPEN MOUTH THE ENTIRE MEAL.  SHE WENT ON AND ON ABOUT EVERYONE MOVING TABLES FROM ANNOYING/NEG MAN AND SHE DIDN'T GET SHE'S ANNOYING WOMAN.

two

THIS A.M. THE SECOND THING TO GRAB MY ATTENTION.  MY BACK BRACE RACK BENT AND DUMPED ALL ON THE FLOOR.  I HAD IT LOADED WITH CLOTHES TOO.  IT TOOK MAYBE FIVE MINUTES TO SORT, REARRANGE,AND MOVE ON.

LAST NIGHT THE CAN OF TOMATO SAUCE IN THE FRIDGE FELL ON THE FLOOR.  I ALWAYS WATCHED MOM GET SO UPSET WHEN SHE DID THINGS LIKE THAT.  I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY.  IT SPLASHED ON MY DRESS, THE BOTTOM SHELF, THE FLOOR.  I USED NAPKINS TO CLEAN THE FLOOR, WASHCLOTH FOR THE DRESS AND SHELF.  LESS THAN TEN MINUTES.  I MADE MY DINNER.  I WAS HUNGRY AT 5.  I ATE SPAGHETTI, ROASTED CHICKEN, MUSHROOMS, WITH COCONUT YOGURT FOR DESSERT.

I SPENT THE DAY AT SRS WATCHING NOTHING BUT TROUBLE DVD AND RELAXING.  I REMEMBERED I WANTED SMOKES FROM WALGREEN'S.  DROVE HOME.

I'M LIVING MY LIFE.  A SMALL BEGINNING BUT MINE.  NOT LIVING ACCORDING TO HABIT.  NOT ANYONE ELSE'S LIFE.  FORGING MY OWN PATH.  NO, FORGING IS THE WRONG WORD.  DISCOVERING MY BLISS.

MY LIFE BELONGS TO ME.

HUBRIS

TO BE OR NOT TO BE.  HAMLET.

I TOOK CARE OF MY PARENTS BELIEVING I WAS ABLE AND I WAS SO WRONG.  I WAS TOO INVOLVED AND THEY DRAGGED ME TO THE EDGE OF DEATH.  I WAS UNTRAINED FOR THE PHYSICALITY.  I WAS EMOTIONALLY UNPREPARED.  TOO CLOSE.  I COULDN'T SEE HOW THEY WANTED TO LIVE AND WOULD SACRIFICE ME IF THEY COULD AND ALMOST DID.  THEY DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE QUALITY OF LIFE ONLY THE QUANTITY.  GREEDY CHILDREN.  NO BEAUTY OR GRACE.

I WAS ALWAYS THE ADULT.

I'M HAVING A HAPPY CHILD EXPERIENCE NOW.  AND OTHERS ARE SO JEALOUS.  ALL THOSE WHO SIT IN JUDGMENT AND CENSURE WILL REAP WHAT THEY SEW.

THOSE WHO CELEBRATE MY HAPPINESS WILL PROSPER AND INCREASE.  IT'S UP TO THEM.  I HAVE NO CONTROL OR INFLUENCE, IT'S ALL THEM.

MY HAPPINESS IS MY ONLY CONCERN.  I'M COMPLETE.

I WANT

MY INNER-OUTER CHILD IS LOVING THE NEW CAR.  I DISCOVERED LIGHTS ON THE REAR VIEW MIRROR.  I CAN OPEN THE CAR AND LOCK THE CAR FROM BOTH SIDES.  EVERYTHING SEEMS TO WORK. 

FADING

MY FEARS ARE SURFACING.  MY FEARS OF MY SIBS STEALING FROM ME.  MOM PUNISHING ME INSTEAD OF DAD.  ENCOURAGING THEM TO MAKE ME THE FAMILY DOG.

I'M RELEASING EVERYTHING THAT HOLDS ME BACK.

BEST KID

I SLEPT GOOD DESPITE THE SMOKE FROM ALL THE FIRES.  OR MAYBE BECAUSE OF THEM.  LACK OF OXYGEN CAN MAKE SOMEONE SLEEPY.  I'M RESTED AND FEISTY.

I'M FEELING PROUD OF MYSELF FOR VISITING ROSE MARIE YESTERDAY.  GOOD GIRL.

I WENT TO CAMPBELL LIBRARY.  I'M GOOD.

YES, I AM.

FAMILY TRADITION

THE SUICIDE-ALCOHOLIC LEGACY IS TERROR BASED.  AS IT LEAVES ME MY LIFE OF PEACE BEGINS.  I FEEL SO DIFFERENT.  I'M FREE.  TRULY FREE.  MY LIFE NO LONGER FEELS LIKE A GIANT WEIGHT I HAVE TO CARRY. 

I CAN HEAL PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY. 

I'VE BEEN PADDLING IN THE POOL AT SRS A HAPPY, CAREFREE CHILD OF GOD AS I WAS MEANT TO BE.  LAST NIGHT I ATE CHOCOLATES LIKE A HAPPY CHILD AND THIS MORNING DREAMED OF THE CHILDHOOD TERROR LEAVING.  YESTERDAY'S DAILY WORD I RELEASE THE OLD AND EMBRACE THE NEW.

I AM MY NEW FAMILY WITH A NEW FAMILY TRADITION OF JOY.