NEW YEAR EVE

I'M FEELING A LITTLE SAD.  I'D LIKE SOMEONE TO SHARE IT WITH.  FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 20 YEARS I HAVE THE ENERGY TO FEEL LIKE DOING SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE.

WOW, I HAVE ENERGY.

I'M WATCHING TOP HAT FRED ASTAIRE AND ALL I CAN THINK OF IS YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN.

UP 'TIL 12;30

AWAKE 5;30 AND I'M HAPPY.  I WATCHED 'THE THING ABOUT MY FOLKS'. 

 I LIKE SEEING THE POSSIBILITIES.  WITH THE VARIETY IN THE UNIVERSE ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

I'M DEDICATED TO PLAYING.  ALL OTHER ANIMALS LEARN THROUGH PLAY.  I CAN TOO.

I LISTENED TO THE SECRET CD ALL DAY.  I FELT LIKE DANCING. 

CAREFREE DAY

RESTING FOR THE WEEK.  I EXERCISED 10;30, BOUGHT PANDA EXPRESS MORE FOR LESS.  OPEN NEW YEARS.  2.2 MILES.  HURRAH!!!

I CAME HOME WATCHED REVENGE PINK PANTHER AND ATE PANDA.  SO GOOD.  NAPPED IN CHAIR.  HAPPY BABY.

PLAYING

MUSICIANS PLAY.  MUSIC IS EMOTION.  THE SCORE OF A MOVIE CREATES THE MOOD.

MUSIC/ART IS EXPRESSIVE.   DENOTES THE INNER LIFE.  SHARES THE ESSENCE OF INDIVIDUALITY.  IS THE UNIQUE SINGULAR EXPRESSION THAT CONNECTS US AND MAKES COMMON.  THE 'I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT' 'THAT'S WHAT I MEAN' 'TOOK THE WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH'.

I WATCHED 'WHERE'D YOU GO BERNADETTE' MUSIC CYNDI LAUPER 'TIME AFTER TIME'.  TIMELESS.  AND 'BUILD ME UP BUTTERCUP' FROM 'THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY'.

I'VE BEEN DEPRESSED LIVING IN THE PARENTS HOUSE.  BERNADETTE LIKE 'SONG OF BERNADETTE' HAS VISIONS.  WE MUST CREATE OR DIE.  SO SOME PEOPLE CREATE MESSES NOT BELIEVING CAN THEY CAN DO MORE.

PITY REALLY.

5 PM I FINISHED WATCHING THE LAST BIG BANG AND DROVE TO CAMPBELL TO GET REVENGE PINK PANTHER ANDREW SACHS.  HAMILTON BURGER KING 2/1 NOT AS GOOD $6.11.  HALFORD SCOTT BETTER.

READY

CAR WINDOWS ICED 38 o.  I REFILLED H2O YESTERDAY CLEAR SAILING.  BEAUTIFUL DAY.  I GOT CD PLAYER TOGETHER.  WOO HOO....

I WENT TO WALGREEN'S SMOKES, $STORE MOUTHWASH AND CORN CHIPS.

I PASSED ON 24 HR, SHOWERED AT SENIORS AND BIKED.  WALTER SHOWED UP.  LUNCH WAS LITTLE TINY HALF CUPS OF CHILE, CARROT RAISIN, DINNER ROLL, ORANGE.  I HUNG OUT TALKING TO WALTER POINTING HIM TO THE FUTURE.  I LEFT 2;30 TO UNDER MAIN TO RETURN DVD'S AND PICK UP TEEN GRAPHICS.  I DECIDED ON BURGER KING 2/1 WHOPPERS.  ATE ONE, COOKED THE ONIONS, ADDED TO SECOND BURGER.  MAYBE LUNCH MAYBE BREAKFAST.

TALKED TO WALTER UNTIL 2;30.  HELPING HIM THROUGH HIS FATHER'S EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.  I ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO EMULATE HIS DAD AND THE FAMILY TRADITION KNOWING HOW IT ENDS OR IF HE WANTED TO LIVE HIS OWN LIFE AND HOW THAT WOULD LOOK, FEEL, TASTE, SMELL.  I TOLD HIM HE COULD FIND SOMEONE TO SUPPORT THE PAST IF HE WANTED.  HE TALKED ABOUT HIS SISTER.  I ASKED IF HIS BROTHER IN LAW WAS LIKE HIS DAD AND EXPLAINED HARVILLE HENDRIX.  I KIND OF ENJOY LEADING THE WAY AND SHARING WHAT I'VE LEARNED.

WONDER FILLED

I'M SO RELAXED I'M SCARED.  I'M NOT USED TO FEELING LIKE THIS.  I EXERCISED 8 FELT LIKE STAYING ALL DAY.  I CAN DO THAT SATURDAY.  I CHARGED MY CHROME, PUZZLED WITH THE CD ON.  INGE WAS GONE ON VACATION WITH MAURICE, IT WAS ART AND GERDA.  LOVELY QUIET, PEACEFUL.  I NEVER NOTICED HOW DISRUPTIVE LUNCH HAS BEEN. 

LUNCH WE WERE FIRST.  I HAD CHICKEN AND SALAD MADE QUINOA FOR DINNER.  I CAME HOME 3.  I DECIDED COUNTY LIBRARY SATURDAY, CITY LIBRARY TOMORROW. 

JUST FOR ME

I BORROWED 4 CHRISTMAS DVD'S FROM THE LIBRARY.  I MADE LOADED OATMEAL SUNFLOWER SEEDS PINEAPPLE CHERRY.  I MAY GO FOR CHOW MEIN LATER I MAY NOT.

I'M TOPPED UP ON THE SECRET CD.

I CALLED WALTER TO WISH HIM HAPPY CHRISTMAS.  I NOTICED CATHY TEXTED ME.  IT WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD.

I WENT TO CUPERTINO SAFEWAY AND NO HOT BAR.  I DROVE TO PANDA EXPRESS CLOSED AND MARIA SAFEWAY ACROSS THE STREET.  I DROVE TO TONG SOON $13 FOR 1 ORDER CHOW MEIN.  DELICIOUS.  ATE IT ALL 3 PM FOR LUNCH AND DINNER. 

I CALLED CATHY ON HER WAY TO PICK UP LO MEIN AND TO VISIT HER MOM. 

I WATCHED 3 DVD CHRISTMAS MOVIES.

JUST FOR ME. 

8 YR OLD DREAD

MOM WENT TO WORK.  I BECAME A LATCH KEY KID.  I HAD TO WAIT 'TIL AILEEN CAME HOME AND LET ME IN.  MOM WAS SO DESPERATE AILEEN AT 13 BECAME HER BEST FRIEND.  I REMEMBER THE STRESS AND ANXIETY OF MOM WORRYING ABOUT KEEPING HER JOB.  3 YEAR OLD MITZI WENT TO BABYSITTER.  SHE STARTED GETTING SICKLY AND WHINY.  EMOTIONAL LIKE MOM.

old musicals make me happy.  then and now.  took me away from home.

I GOT TO 24 HOUR 8;30 CATHY CALLED FROM HAWAII TALKING ABOUT HER WILD RABBITS.  I BLANKED.  DAD CATCHING AND SELLING THE RABBITS AT LAWRENCE FREAKED ME OUT.  SHE'S LOVING HAWAII.  HOPEFULLY SHE WON'T MIND THE HEAT IN SUMMER.  TALKED FOR 9 HALF MINUTES.  PHONE STARTED CUTTING OUT. 

LUNCH PORK CHOP, POTATO, CANDY CARROTS, PINEAPPLE.  LOTS OF LEFT OVERS.  I HAD PORK CHOP AND CARROTS FOR DINNER.  PINEAPPLE FOR MY OATMEAL.

I MAY HAVE CHINESE OR BK TOMORROW.  I'M FREE.

LITTLE ME

MY LIFE IN THIS HOUSE WAS CONSTANTLY THREATENED.  MOM SAYING SHE'D KILL ME AND I WAS BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING.  EVERYTHING BAD AND EVERYTHING GOOD WAS MADE BAD.  MOM DAD SISTERS COULDN'T JUST ACCEPT HAPPINESS.

LIFE WITHOUT FEAR AND ANXIETY WASN'T LIVING TO THEM.  AND THE SISTERS STILL BLAME ME.  THEY'RE DOOMING THEMSELVES TO UNHAPPINESS.  THEY'LL NEVER TAKE CHARGE OF THEIR HAPPINESS AND CONTINUE CREATING DISSATISFACTION AND BLAMING ME.

FEAR AND ANXIETY HAVE PERMEATED THIS HOUSE FOR MY LIFE.  THEY'RE FINALLY LEAVING.  LIKE EVERY PLACE I'VE LIVED I RAISE THE VIBRATIONS.  MY NEIGHBOR RADIO AVE NOTICED AND COMMENTED.  SHE'S THE ONE WHO TOLD ME OF THE PREVIOUS TENANT'S METH FIRE.  WHY THE CARPET DRAPES PAINT NEW.

I DREAMED ART ARMSTRONG GAVE AWAY MY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS AND BUGSO COMFORTED ME SO I COULD GET THEM BACK.  WE'RE SITTING IN A LARGE AUDITORIUM.  THE CENTER FOR PERFORMING ARTS.

I'M ENJOYING EASING DOWN THE ROAD.  I'M GETTING SO COMFORTABLE DONG MY THING. 

what i need

I HAVE WHAT I NEED TO SURVIVE.  I WANT TO LIVE AND THAT TAKES WHAT I WANT.  I WANT LOVE, COMFORT, LUXURY.

I LISTENED TO THE SECRET CD ALL AFTERNOON.  I WAS READY TO DO AND SPENT THE DAY BEING.  I WATCHED HOT IN CLEVELAND AND SLEPT A LOT.  YESTERDAY I WENT TO EXERCISE AFTER RESTING AND DID LAUNDRY SO TODAY I GUESS I RESTED.  I MADE MAC AND CHEESE IN THE QUICK TUB.  ATE THE ENTIRE BOX FOR LUNCH AND DINNER.

HAPPY BABY.

rested

I SLEPT 10;30, WOKE 3;30 WATCHED HOT IN CLEVELAND.  FELL ASLEEP DREAMED DAD IS RIDING A BANANA SEAT BIKE DEAD HEADING ROSES FRONT YARD.  I ATTACH A PLASTIC BAG TO HANDLE BARS TO COLLECT HEADS.   I HELP PEOPLE.  IT'S WHAT I DO.

I'M RESOLVING MY EMOTIONAL ISSUES.

WOKE 10 ORGANIZED SUPPLEMENTS FOR WEEK.  WARMED POTATOES AND TURKEY.  YUM.

2 PM I WENT TO ARQUES AND WASHED MY HAIR.  I DECIDED TO GO TO FAIR OAKS LAUNDRY AND DROVE PAST WOLFE WITH A PARKING PLACE AT THE FRONT DOOR.  SO I WENT IN AND WAITED FOR A FREE MACHINE.  MAYBE 10 MINUTES I PEOPLE WATCHED.  I CAME HOME AND ATE THE REST OF THE CHRISTMAS TURKEY AND POTATOES. 

I'M HAVING THE BEST TIME TAKING MY TIME.

SLEEPLESS IN

MOMENTOUS NIGHT.  AFTER AN HOUR ASLEEP  I WOKE WITH A DREAM OF MY CAT WANTING TO BE PICKED UP AND PETTED.  AND THE EVERLY BROS SINGING 'I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHY YOU WALKED OUT ON ME.  I'M SO LONELY EVERY DAY.'

I'VE LIVED A LIFE OF SACRIFICE GIVING UP EVERYTHING FOR THE GREATER GOOD.  TAKING CARE OF PEOPLE WHO NEVER RECIPROCATED.  GIVING UP ALL I LOVED.  LOSING MY PASSION FOR LIFE.

I'M DONE.  I CAN LIVE FOR MYSELF.

I CAN'T FIND GIFTS BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE THEM.  THE SOCKS AND A D CREAM.  I FOUND DRINK MIX, TURMERIC, MIXED NUTS. CHIPS.  I WENT TO 4 $ STORES AND SPROUTS, CO LIBRARY BESIDES G2.  I CAN WRAP AT LIBRARY. 

FEELING ABOMINABLE

I'M WATCHING THE SPECIAL FEATURES.  BOOK MOBILE HAD IT.  I FORGOT I WANTED TO SEE IT.

I DREAMED I HAD A BIG WHITE BOARD WITH MY PAST.  MY FIRST INCLINATION WAS TO ERASE BUT I WANT TO REMEMBER ALL I'VE LEARNED.  SO I GOT ANOTHER  NEW BLANK BOARD TO PUT IN FRONT.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY.  I GOT HOME EARLY TO ENJOY.  CHRISTMAS LUNCH WAS GREAT.  TURKEY, STUFFING, CRANBERRY, VEGS, GREENS PECAN CRANBERRY PEAR, ROASTED RED POTATOES.  LOTS OF LEFTOVERS. 

INGE GAVE ME $ POT HOLDERS TOWELS, HELEN GAVE ME CANDY CARD.

FREE FROM DISTRACTIONS

I WOKE WITH AILEEN RUINING THINGS A LITTLE FOR A LONG TIME OR RUINING THINGS A LOT FOR A SHORT TIME.  MITZI RED AND BROWN M&MS.  THEY'RE DEAD TO ME.  I FELT SAD UNTIL I REMEMBERED I DON'T HAVE TO BE ANYWHERE ANY WHEN.

I'M FREE.  FREE FROM RESPONSIBILITY TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

I WENT TO DOLLAR TREES HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING FOR CHRISTMAS.  OH, WELL. 

SO MUCH

I WANT TO DO AND BE.  SIMPLE MUNDANE.  CLEANING HOUSE, YARD, DOING LAUNDRY.

I FILLED TANK WENT ARQUES 24.  TOOK MY TIME.  LOVELY.  WENT TO SENIORS 9;30.  PLENTY OF PARKING. 

I PUZZLED.  ART GAVE ME LITTLE BAG OF TREATS AND GERDA A TIN OF BUTTER COOKIES. 

I'VE BEEN LOOKING HAVEN'T FOUND ANYTHING YET.  CANDY IS CHEAP AND EASY.

OK DAY

LOTS OF AVAILABLE PARKING.  POOLS CLOSED.  SHOWERS CLOSED TOMORROW.  I CAN GET GAS AND GO TO 24 HOUR. 

I NU STEPPED HALF AN HOUR.  I COULD FEEL IT IN MY KNEES.  I DECIDED NOT TO READ AND FOCUSED ON ALIGNMENT.  I PUZZLED TO MY HEART'S CONTENT.  LUNCH WAS OK.  I ORDERED SANDWICH AND GOT THE CHINESE REAL CHICKEN SALAD FOR EXTRA.  INGE GOT ME FISH I GAVE TO ALEX.  SCHLUB GETS ONE FREE.  LIKE ART.  HE'S PICKED UP.

DO NOTHING DAY

I'M LEARNING WHAT I LIKE AND WANT.  MY LIFE HAS BEEN WHAT I DON'T WANT, AVOIDING PAIN, PUTTING UP WITH PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE.

DOOMED BY PEOPLE PULLING ME DOWN.  DRAGGING ME INTO THE MUCK BECAUSE THEY DON'T BELIEVE THEY DESERVE BETTER AND NO ONE ELSE SHOULD EITHER.  THEIR POWER IS IN THE BELIEF PEOPLE GIVE THEM.  ENERGY.  FOCUS.

I STAYED IN BED.  SO DIFFERENT FROM WHEN I WAS SICK FOR 8 YEARS.  RE FRAMING THE PAST. 

TRUST

I DON'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO COME THROUGH FOR ME AND THEY DON'T DISAPPOINT.  I JUST LEAVE. 

I'M THE ONE WHO SUPPORTS AND GOD SUPPORTS ME.

BOUGHT A RUG

IT WAS GREAT BACK TO NORMAL GERDA, INGE, MAURICE, ART. 

I DROVE TO CAMPBELL LIBRARY FOR 5 DVD.  I CHECKED PANERA LOCATIONS AND WENT TO BBB ALSO ON HAMILTON.  STOPPED AT SALVATION FOUND TWO SHIRTS AND LONG RUNNER CARPET.  CAME HOME WITH MY FREE CHERRY BRITTANY AND CHICKEN ALMOND APPLE SALAD SANDWICH,  DELICIOUS. 

GINNY TOLD ME ST JUSTIN WAS LAST SUNDAY LIKE I CARE AND SHE AVOIDED TELLING ME TUESDAY.  IT'S ON HER.  THEY'RE NOT FRIENDS AND THAT'S GREAT.  NONE OF THEM GET ME.  AND I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR THEM.  THEY'VE HAD 10 YEARS. 

FEELING 12/12 THUR.

SO GOOD.  I'M RESTING.

I SLEPT AND WOKE FROM 10 TO 6 WATCHING DVD.  FEELING TIRED I STILL SWAM AN HOUR.  GLENN WAS FEELING GUILTY EATING PIZZA YESTERDAY.  HE WOULDN'T LOOK ME IN THE EYE.  SUMI AND HARRY WERE THERE.  ROSE SHOWED UP.  SHE WAS QUIET AT LUNCH.  GERDA WAS GAMBLING AND INGE WENT TO LUNCH WITH MAURICE.  ALL THEY DO IS GOSSIP.

ROSE AND ELSIE DISRESPECT ME AND I WON'T BE INTIMIDATED.

I HAD 2 NEW DVD REQUESTS I PICKED UP AT CENTRAL.  I WATCHED THE FAREWELL.  SEEING PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE ME IS HEALING.  IT'S GOOD TO FEEL LIKE I EXIST.

book mobile day

i exercised early.  there should be an automatic capital after a period and two spaces.  oh, well.  su gave me one of her old blk/ gry dried food sweater with a red fibers xxl sticker on it.  like i wouldn't notice.  maybe someone else not me.  my sister.  the best part was the plastic bag.  but it stank up the car.  i put all in trunk.

gerda went to the dr. yesterday with copd.  she wants to go gambling tomorrow.  i re suggested chamomile.  horse to water.  i'm letting it go.  gerda gave me her fish.  i offered oranges i gave to helen.  elsie and rose wanted no way.

OUTSIDE SENIORS

I'M HAVING A DIFFERENT DAY.  I EXERCISED 9 TO MISS THE DOWNERS.  THEN I PUZZLED AND HAD A GOOD LUNCH BEANS, SLAW, MEAT W/ POTATOES, CORN TORTILLA.  THEN CATHY ASKED IF I WANTED 4 CASES WATER FROM COSTCO.  I WONDER WHY SHE DIDN'T RETURN IT.  THEN SHE ASKED FOR A RIDE HOME.  I TOLD HER I COULD CLEAR THE BACK SEAT.  SHE DECLINED SAYING SHE'D WALK THE 2 BLOCKS.  I WENT BACK TO MY TABLE ASKING IF ANYONE WANTED SOME.  INGE SAID SHE'D TAKE A CASE AND GIVE CATHY A RIDE TWO BLOCKS TO HER TRIPLEX.  HOW PERFECT.  SHE CAN GET HER OWN WATER.  I DON'T HAVE TO COME BACK TO SENIORS TO DROP IT OFF.

I CAME HOME EARLY TO EMPTY THE CAR OF THE CASES.  A PERFECT DAY.

I REMEMBERED TO PAY CITIBANK HALFORD DESPITE THE DISTRACTIONS.  I'M MYSELF ONCE MORE.  THE CAPABLE ME TAKES CARE OF EVERYTHING BEAUTIFULLY.

found sound buttons

I KEEP FORGETTING.  THERE'S A MUTE,  INCREASE, VOLUME BUTTON AT THE TOP. 

THIS KEYBOARD TYPING IS 75% RIGHT HAND BECAUSE OF ALL THE BUTTONS. I DON'T USE MY INDEX AS MUCH.  SO I KNOW TO BALANCE USE.  RIGHT ARM SHOULDER TOO.

TYPICAL TOM SAID HIS PASSPORT RENEWAL COST $16.  THAT WAS THE COST OF PHOTO.  HE FILLED OUT A NEW APPLICATION-BEIGE WHILE THE RENEWAL FORM-BLUE ISN'T ALLOWED IN PO.  RENEWAL IS MAIL ONLY NO EXCEPTIONS.  $110 CHECK OR MONEY ORDER PAY TO US DEPT OF STATE.  AND POSTAGE EXTRA.  TRACKING EXTRA RECOMMENDED.  ODD SIZE MAILING EXTRA.  PHOTO GOOD 6 MONTHS.  I'LL WAIT. 

 I DROVE OUT AGAIN.  NORTH SIDE WEIRD.  TOMORROW SUPPOSED TO RAIN I WENT TODAY. 

10-5

I WISH I KNEW WHAT I DID.  TO SLEEP STRAIGHT THROUGH IS A MYSTERY. 

all things considered

i just like the title.  i'm feeling tired.  the grand slam breakfast at 5 pm was a little late in the day for me.

I MADE TURKEY MARMALADE SANDWICH, BOUGHT CHIPS $STORE ONLY HAD ONE.  SPROUTS HAS 1 FOR/3 SALE KETTLE CHIPS.

TODAY WAS SANTA'S PANCAKE BREAKFAST.  15 FAMILIES CANCELLED SO JOANNE INVITED ME FOR PANCAKES AND LINKS.  I EXERCISED AND DECIDED TO GO TO SPROUTS AND CENTRAL.  FOUND TWO CENTS, READ THE PAPER.  COULDN'T FIND YESTERDAYS.  I ATE PANCAKE AND CHIPS FOR LUNCH WHILE CHARGING THE CHROME AND PHONE.  FOUND MEGHAN MARKLE'S PRINCESS COLLECTION DVD. 

CAME HOME RESTED AND RELAXED AT 5.    ATE A SLICE OF FREE PIZZA AND WANTED APRICOTS.  I HAD CANNED PEACHES TASTED SO GOOD. 

LUCID DREAM-PROSPERITY

I VISITED WILLIAM IN HIS BUNGALOW IN HEAVEN.  DIFFERENT THAN ERIC'S HEAVEN.  I FOUND A MAGAZINE WITH A PHOTO OF THE UNFINISHED PAISLEY LATCH HOOK RUG I DONATED COMPLETED WITH A RED AND BLUE SEQUIN FISH IN THE MIDDLE.  HE'S WELL.

6;50 AT SENIORS IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.  CLOUDS AND SUN.   YESTERDAY WAS SALMON AND TURQUOISE SKIES.  TODAY ALL GRAYS.

LOVELY.

I'VE BEEN AWAKE SINCE 3.  THE BBQ RIBS I HAD FOR DINNER SO MUCH ENERGY.  I LIKE WATCHING DVD AND EATING AT LEISURE.  I MADE OATMEAL WITH HAM SLICES ON TOP.

I HAD THE BEST DAY.  WALTER REMEMBERED AND SPENT THE DAY AT SENIORS.  HE GOT ME A PASSPORT APPOINTMENT.  TOM CALLED SINGING AND SAID HE DID WALK IN AGNEW PO AT STAMP DESK.  NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.  4:30 DUE TO WALTER'S SUGGESTION I WENT TO ROUND TABLE AND DENNY'S FOR FREEBIES.  DELICIOUS.

I RECHARGED CHROME IN GYM AND WHEN I OPENED TO CHECK PROGRESS INTERRUPTED CONNECTION WIPING ALL SETTINGS. 

I'M BACK.

LOOKING FORWARD.

I MAY BE FEELING MANIC.  I FEEL GOOD.  I WOKE FEELING SORE WITH A STOMACH ACHE.  I DID A LOT OF DRIVING AND WALKING YESTERDAY, ATE THE BOURBON BREAD PUDDING 3 PM.  AFTER OATMEAL I FEEL GREAT.

TODAY COUNTY LIBRARY.  ON THE WEBSITE IT SAYS NO LATE FINES OVER 65.  WOO HOO!

THE TURMERIC IS WORKING.  I DRANK THE PROTEIN SHAKE BEFORE SWIMMING AND REALIZED I DON'T HAVE MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME BECAUSE GRANDMA TOOK CARE OF ME FIRST TWO YEARS AND UNTIL WE CAME HERE WHEN I WAS 4 I WAS EVERYBODY'S DARLING.  AT 8 I BECAME RESPONSIBLE FOR COOKING AND CLEANING AND REALIZED I BECAME CINDERELLA.  I WAS ISOLATED AND HAD TO BE STRONGER AND SMARTER THAN THE FOUR.

ST NICHOLAS DAY TOMORROW I HAVE FERRARO ROCHER CANDY.  MAYBE I'LL TAKE RASPBERRY COOKIES.

i want a world of respect

I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING.

WALTER SHOWED UP AND I GAVE HIM THE LOCOMOTIVE.  HE'S OBSESSING OVER HIS RENTING PAPERS.  THE CONTRACTS ARE IN SENIOR'S NAME. 

I LEFT AT 1;30 FOR VITALITY MEDICARE TO HEAR ABOUT THEIR BENEFITS AT 3 FLAMES.  HOUR AND HALF.  ONLY TWO YEARS EXISTING.  I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.  WE HAD DRINKS AND DESSERT.  I HAD BOURBON BREAD PUDDING W/ SCOOP VANILLA/WHIP CREAM. 

I DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING AT GOODWILL.  I'LL CHECK LOCAL.  THEY HAD $6 LEGGINGS.  PYREX PIE PLATE I MAY BE ABLE TO USE IN MICROWAVE BOTTOM.

I FOUND MY LITTLE PURPLE BAG.  I HAD PUT IT BACK IN MY GYM ROLLY. 

FREE TO BE ME

I SPENT THE MORNING FINISHING SECOND HALF OF PUZZLE.  AFTER LUNCH I SWAM AND STRETCHED.  WHILE GETTING DRESSED IN THE LOCKER ROOM I WAS SITTING PUTTING ON MY BOOTS.  WHITE EUROPEAN OLDER WOMAN COMES IN ASKING AND EXPECTING ME TO MOVE SO SHE'S CLOSER TO HER LOCKER.  MY LOCKER WAS IN FRONT OF ME AND SHE WANTED ME TO MOVE TO THE FAR SIDE IF THE BENCH.  I TOLD HER SHE CAN USE THAT SIDE.  THE OTHER BENCH WAS EMPTY.  JUST THE TWO OF US. 

SHE SAYS CAN'T I DO HER A LITTLE FAVOR.  I SAID NO.  SHE SAYS I DON'T OWN THE BENCH I MUST MOVE.  I SAID SHE DOESN'T OWN IT EITHER SHE CAN USE THE OTHER HALF.  SHE SAYS SHE'S NEVER BEEN TREATED SO RUDELY IN HER LIFE.  I SAID I CAN'T IMAGINE THAT WHEN SHE COMES IN A WHITE WOMAN EXPECTING THE REST OF THE WORLD TO REVOLVE AROUND HER.  I'VE BEEN TREATED RUDELY BY WHITE PEOPLE MANY TIMES.  SHE'S NOT SPECIAL OR USUAL.  PEOPLE ARE COMING IN AND SHE HAS TO POSTURE HER SUPERIORITY.  SHE SAYS I'M USING THE ENTIRE BENCH WHEN ANOTHER WOMAN COMES IN AND USES THE OTHER HALF.  SHE TELLS ME TO STOP TALKING I TELL HER HER FIRST SHE STARTED IT.  SHE CONTINUES COMPLAINING I'M RUDE I TELL HER IT'S HER.  SHE NEEDS TO STOP TALKING FIRST.  SHE SAYS SHE'S NOT TALKING.  JESSICA COMES IN ASKING WHAT'S GOING ON.  SHE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING.  JESSICA SAYS ANYONE CAN COME TALK TO HER AND LEAVES. 

BULLY SNEAKS OUT THE BACK GOES TO JESSICA'S OFFICE.  I STAND OUTSIDE WAITING FOR HER TO FINISH.  I TELL JESSICA HOW SHE UNREASONABLY EXPECTED ME TO BACK DOWN TO HER DEMANDS COUCHED IN FAKE RESPECT.  SHE'S NOT THE FIRST WHITE WOMAN TO FIGURE ASIAN WOMEN AREN'T EQUAL.  JESSICA SAID SHE GOT THE PICTURE AND SOME PEOPLE JUST CAN'T BE REASONABLE..  SHE APOLOGIZED THAT AFTER MY WORKOUT I COULDN'T JUST ENJOY IT BECAUSE OF THE TROUBLE MAKER.  I THANKED HER.

I HUNG OUT 'TIL 4:30 READING THE PAPER.  THE AFTERNOON WAS CLOUDY AND DRY LOVELY. 

4 AM

I GET TO DO WHAT I WANT.  I WANT TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT.  THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE IN MY FAMILY.

I HAVE TO REMEMBER ERIC IN HAPPY TIMES.  I STILL BELIEVE HE DESERVED TO BE HAPPIER.  HE DIED HIS FATHER'S DEATH.  CANCER.  WE BOTH HAD DADS NAMED FRANK.

SENIORS STEADY RAIN.  IT'S SUPPOSED TO CONTINUE ALL WEEK.  GLOBAL WARMING MORE GLACIER MELT DOWN.

BEAUTIFUL.  I CALLED CARLOS 2 PM AND IT WAS FINISHED, DIDN'T NEED DIAGNOSTIC.  HE CHECKED EVERYTHING CHANGED SYNTHETIC OIL FILTER $45, LABOR $100, AIR TIRES PLUS TAX $153 TOTAL.  ON DISCOVER POINTS.  CARLOS' FRIEND VICTOR DROVE THEM  TO SENIORS.  SO CONVENIENT. 

I PUZZLED 'TIL 5.  HEAVENLY.  I MADE AND ATE LINGUINE WITH THE BEST SAUCE OLIVES MUSHROOM. 

9-5

I'M WATCHING 'MOM'.  I LEARN EVERYTHING GOOD FROM TV.  I'M A MIRACLE I'VE SURVIVED AS SANE AS I AM.  MY SISTERS CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES AND THEIR SURVIVAL.  MAYBE THAT'S BETTER FOR THEM TO ONLY CARE ABOUT THEMSELVES.  MY PARENTS TAUGHT THEM THAT AND MAYBE IF THEY'D LOVED ME I'D HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE MYSELF.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE.

WE ARE OUR OBSERVATIONS.  I'M TERRIFIED.

I STARTED LISTENING TO SECRET CD AGAIN.  IF I'M FEELING TERRIFIED I MAY AS WELL GIVE MYSELF A REASON.  I CAN FEEL IT WORKING ON ME. 

I WENT TO G2 IN THE RAIN 2;30, I CHECKED $TORE AND WAS HOME BY 4;30.  I MADE LINGUINI AND HOT DOGS WITH THE BEST SAUCE; RIPE OLIVE CHUNKY.