predators

another school shooting.  kids pick on a loner like lions cutting dinner from the herd but we are people who have the combination of predator/prey within.  that prey gets a gun.  

just living

i did my senior routine with Trudy.  i may have over exercised.  back waist hurting something fierce.  picked up lunch said hi to table.  gave toke last lone avocado.  sat deciding to drop off groceries i would never eat.  came home from st j watched 'medium' ate lunch.  watched 'Poirot' like visiting with an old friend, stretching and resting.  

8:30 taking a break from the routine is great!  i feel so me.  i was dreading the city winter break but i think i need it.  

feeling good

started driving to sunny vale and detoured to dollar store.  from there i decided on gym 1.  since the suit spinner out at 2 it doesn't matter.  and i want to keep 1 open for more choices.  i soaked and stretched for half hour.  stopped at safe way for bread and stamps.  2 loaves for $5 and clearance rolls.  library i updated and opened blog.  decided home.  no classic' concentration' i cooked quorn and spaghetti.  

9:47 arr main library

took me this long checking in defective disc, finding 'Waltons' and plugging in charger.  i gamed and computed.  done i was driving past st just picked up 2 bags groceries.  on the way to gym i remembered freebie egg bites at lucky's and bought broccoli florets.  i had to ask clerk with long arms to get one from back of shelf.  i did it new behavior.  so being noon i went home and put groceries away.  ate lunch watched 'medium' 'concentration.'  feeling tired i decided gym tomorrow.  i don't want to drive.  

i've been thinking about human predators.  'all about eve' is a different movie viewed from the idea of predators.  they feel no compassion or love.  they learn how to lie and manipulate.  the older they get the better they are at manipulating.  they only believe in owning things.  thieves and slavers.  they're perpetually frustrated because things don't satisfy.  perpetually lonely they know no peace.  

capitalism is a predator based system.  robber barons who amassed fortunes and in old age turn to philanthropy to save their souls.  

yahoo!!

i thought yesterday was sat day until i watched jeopardy and wheel i realized talking to Walter i forgot to enter bonus puzzle.  and i'm fine.  i didn't feel guilty or stupid or anything.   

i watched 'concentration', 'now you see it' 6-7, 10 am 'classic concentration', 11 'f-troop', noon 'medium' 'til 1 and went to s v library to enter 'wheel' bonus puzzle.  i tried computing but it was too slow or not at all.  

gym 2 was a little crowded 1:30.  then home by 3.  i carved turkey.  i left chrome in trunk and actually remembered where i put it.  my stomach is upset with all the croissants i'm eating.  so delicious.  my rheumatoid arthritis keeps me from over indulging.

found tom v mail

he called moon day.  yesterday when i found it while charging my phone i got an alert on phone usage so i'll wait.  when i think of all the times i bailed him out and the many many times he failed me i feel irritated.  

i used seniors phone to check st just safe way gift card balance.  i've been disappointed so so many many times i have to reassure myself.  i called care more for benefits and scheduled Uber ride for yearly check up next month.  took 45 minutes.  picked up lunch and coffee.  put in car and went upstairs computer.  saw toke exercising.  happy thanks.  

college safe way i felt tired and ok.  clearance mini and bear claw bites, roasted half turkey breast.  i'm set with chocolate.  turkey dry tastes ok.  i want to braise with veg.  ooh, i can nuke carrots and brown in toaster oven.  oven roasted veg the quick easy way.  i love eating.

i cooked dad's potatoes that way.  

alien and Cathy hated reading their journals while i enjoy seeing how much i've accomplished.  i never thought i'd live beyond 16.  mom threatened killing me so many times.  once would nave been enough.  mom loved alien the liar manipulator.  just occurred to me Cathy may be the replacement.  she can't hurt me from Hawaii.  Cathy admitted she moved to Hawaii expecting a big inheritance.  i wasn't paying attention.

thanks 11/25-if not for St Clare lunch pick up i'd probably stay home.  i went to gym 2 after classic concentration.  i planned on an hour for 1 pm line up.  got there 15 min early and as a joined line Walter came around corner.  we talked 'til 2:30.  he misses his dad.  i'm blessed i don't miss my wolf pack family at all.  

felt like sat day so i completely forgot wheel.and i didn't die.  i'm ok.  

returned seniors

i was feeling exhausted from another sleepless night so i felt my way.  after egg toast i rested stretching my back.  at 8 i started dressing and stretching hips and legs.  

i shampooed, showered, exercised listening to healing felt better.  'let go, let god.'  upstairs computed, gamed and then picked up lunch.   i talked to toke.  stretching is working.  she still has some pain and she's walking better.  she's not rolling like a ship.  i mailed auntie's b'day cards.  forgot to open blog page considered library decided seniors.

home channel 32.2 has Eddie Murphy marathon.  Hurrah!!

i returned s v overdue no fee

today huge crowd like wheel bonus puzzle.  i was surprised book sale 10 am.  i checked for Kelly Howell none.  maybe Walter can help me order online.  i'm set up charging computing in the back.  i filled 2 water bottles.  lovely.

today's daily word 'free'.  i didn't know what i wanted to do today.  9 am pants not skirt or dress and came to library.  olive av open.  i spent my entire time with the parents critical path management avoiding disasters and cleaning up their messes.  i'm not planning.  i'm doing what i feel like doing when i feel like it.

11:43 air conditioner finally kicking in.  almost time for next thing whatever it may be.  i checked front for healing found ukulele lessons $2.  i decided home for lunch monitoring my energy and back.  12:45 ate cornbread i forgot i had with chicken corn enchilada soup and veg.  watched 'concentration' marathon and rested.  toasted rolls for dessert.  2:15 decided st just pantry pickup feeling pretty good.  drive through 15 minute wait 45 minutes total back home put 1 bag away.  given choice turkey i chose $20 in gift cards.  cooked onion potatoes added tuna for dinner.  2 cookies dessert.  we never had dessert.  

very productive day.

sun 11/21-ok i did too much and kept waking every few hours stiff in pain.  i watched movies and stretched until i could sleep to wake a few hours later so i got up 8 am to eat.  not hungry but to nourish my body.  watched CBS Sunday morning channel 5 at 7 am and 44 at 10.   now 11:30 my stomach or maybe my back telling me lunch time.  toast and 2 chopstick scrambled eggs.  i love my microwave.  2 minutes.  

Raymond Maes called to ask St Clare dinner and back belt.  talked an hour.  he has Kaiser now he kept wasting my time what i already know.  the old me would have rushed to help and comfort his pathetic self.  what a great opportunity to care for myself.  

danny's recycle and 20/20

i emptied the trunk for st just dinner pick up this weekend.  so i got to seniors early.  i showered exercised computed gamed 'til 11 picked up lunch and ate in my car listening to healing.  saw toke she must be feeling better.  my hips and knee and feet hurt.  my back itches and hurts.  i drank an entire bottle O3 glug glug.  i must be dehydrated.  

went to lucky's for free cookie dough p'nut butter.  12:45 home i checked garage freezer food burned gradually to the garbage.  cooked 19 oz frozen fish ate for 2 hours.  rested watching my shows.  i started Jackie Chan 'Vanguard' movie so exciting i had to pause too exciting.  

i decided to pay discover and Cathy left 2 thank you for card.  i love i can watch my shows and return call when i'm ready.  family only called when they needed me and there was always a third degree filled with accusations and guilt.  why wasn't i home to answer their call what was i doing that was so important.  Cathy and toke have done more for me in 3 years than the family in 70.  they're my real family.

i connected an extension cord so i can charge while watching in kitchen.  i don't know why it's taken me so long.  i've had it for years.  i have it set up in every other room.  i guess i'm ready to up level.  

20/20 Diane sawyer.  the turpin family of perris, ca.  riverside co.  predator country.  trump is a predator.  in a capitalistic society predators flourish admired by other predators feared by prey.

good day

no seeming fallout from 2 hours of talking with Walter yesterday.  being so energy sensitive makes contact with others potentially hazardous to staying on track.  

at seniors i showered exercised used last clean pants.  4 new movies from bookmobile.  upstairs computed picked up lunch sat in car ate lunch listening to healing on you tube.  no toke.  i went to walmart to pay pge and get nicotine gum and h2o2.  i stood in lines 3 times finally got out of there.  serious staffing problems.  home 1 :30 although it seemed like forever.   

i folded socks and pants.  put away.  ate squash corn chili with whole grain bread.  i'm cleaning in tiny increments.  

peace

people are reverting to same old behavior that caused the pandemic.  oh, well.  

how to have more fun

i enjoy doing.  i get great satisfaction and feel strong and capable.  this temporary limitation of being without doing has taken a lot of self control.  i guess i'm forced to mature and grow up.

i forgot to wash the mask.  i want to do another load soon.  i showered, exercised, computed picked up lunch.  toke still in a lot of pain.  i offered dad's cane she thought too tall.  i must have given the adjustable floral metal cane away the 3 others the same height as dad's.

dropped off Cathy's card and suddenly remembered last day free pizza detour to college safe way and clearance croissants.  home baked ate 3 meat pizza.  so good hot fresh.  lettuce salad opened drained can sliced mushrooms pretty good.  didn't need olives or pineapple.  ate senior sandwich dinner.

laundry 2 pm

lovely.  woke 4 am dst 5 am.  leisurely trek to seniors after loading wash.  took my time.  my time to take.  i wasn't sure when i wanted to wash.  i showered exercised picked up lunch computed added free safe way pizza.  upstairs games for 2 hours.  mah jong.  i'm hooked.  

and today i effortlessly did wash.  there was no back parking so i parked in empty front and ate my lunch.  lovely overcast cool.  had i internet would have been perfect.   home for 'love boat.'

keeps resetting to normal size type.  but the rest is working.  i used bucket to bring in clothes.  i can't carry heavy loads even wearing back brace.  very wet.  laundromat makes more money in dryers.  i took my time hanging in garage.  i feel good.  changed and removed brace.  

i forgot to open

lovely uneventful weekend so far.  i went to gym 2 soaked and stretched.  normal sweating a relief.  my skin so soft.                                                                                                        checked out $tore and cargo shortage affecting lack of items.  went to library didn't stay.  sprouts 3 experimental clearance supplements and inari sushi 4/$3.99.  i do love trying new things.                                                                                                                               i came home for concentration and pacing myself.  remembered double lucky reward points.  and i need bread i'm all out.  i rested and dressed @ lucky's i bought bread, zucchini, frozen fish, 2 quorn as advertised on Drew Barrymore.  came home put in freezer.  dinner last of veg protein and meatloaf, 2 garlic toasts.  cooked quorn micro.  crispy mushroom veg.  i ate 1 of 4 patties will go well with tomato sauce pasta.                                                                      almost forgot 'celebrity wheel.'  'homer marge bart  lisa and maggie' and 'peeping tom hanks'.  

ah, heaven

10:45 i finally stopped sweating.  i went to gym 2 about 8, shampooed, soaked stretched hot tub half hour, cool pool 10,  warm up, shower and to library after considering safe way.  not only open regular hours new computers online.  and films in regular spot.  getting back to normal.

i borrowed a cookbook on avocados.  recipe for baked zucchini inspired

i finished watching wonder woman 1984.  very sad.  not what i want in my life.  ok for others.  huh, cursor not working.  i don't know.  

anticipation

i went to seniors early.  i took my time showering dressing exercising computing.  i went upstairs and gamed.  no problem logging on.  i charged my phone just in case.

Gloria in passing told me st Clare take out thanksgiving dinner noon-2.

being early i picked up lunch 11:15.  decided to go by st just.  long line.  signed up for thanks and Christmas.  pick up weekend before 9-noon drive around.  fruits and veg no fresh meat canned tuna and chicken.  Whew!!  i still have 8 frozen drumsticks.

checked delivery back braces on track.  arrived before 5.  i'm tired from putting away groceries.  back is riled up.  i ate dinner 3 pm feeling hungry or my stomach weird.  i opened and checked braces.  i feel rich.

living daily word

i'm processing stuff.  i don't love the house because of the family.  not fair to the house.  i went to cost co and filled gas.  8:38 DST so comfortable.  standard time is so much better.  the pandemic gives me so much time for reflection and relaxation.  

i called OTC and ordered 3 back braces.  Sonja said i couldn't pay difference with discover so i'll have to get gum at store.  she gave me confirmation numbers.  i showered and dressed and must have left my exercise shoes fry day.  nothing in lost and found.  so i computed picked up my lunch.  monitored discover my daily word phone order no pending.  called Becky for auntie and Cathy subscriptions.  i wondered no security code requirement.  

i'm worrying my life insurance 14 k  my IRA 16 taxes.  

like weeds in a garden

negative thoughts and self judgment.  seniors i stayed and ate 3 golf ball sized meat like balls while listening to my healing you tube.  went to college safe way 8 clearance croissant used my $5 coupon.  drove to pay citibank and lucky's free yogurt and water.  chase bank main atm down withdrew half.  @ home toke left dozen cost co croissants on porch.  woo hoo!  20 croissants.  i'm rich!  i ate 4 with dinner and for dessert.  the free yogurt was low sugar and about to expire.  new behavior not saving for later.  the free water was just water.

11-6 sat-a do what i feel day.  i had rolls for b'fast and lunch.  don't want to drive.

i wanted to phone otc order and charged my phone noticing i missed cathy's call yesterday 3:33 pm.  called her back she went to emergency 3 times is anemic low iron.  she didn't know cooking in cast iron pan adds iron.  i had to eat liver as kid.  phone order open m-f so not today.  sometimes a way to what i think i want isn't time.  i organized week supplements.

11-7 sun-i broiled 8 drumsticks an hour and de-boned for lunch.  b'fast was chicken parm from 3 flames 5 days ago still delicious.  steamed frozen broccoli.  and dishes washed.  new behavior i wait at least half hour before running and doing.  i'm digesting.  i still feel i need to go somewhere do something.  i'm so obsessed.  i took out garbage and recycle.  next door left side taking up all parking.  i can't leave or risk losing my parking.  i'll fill gas tomorrow.  i feel so frustrated.  wheel makes me better.  and willow kava hemp oil.  my right temple neck shoulder tight.

happy thursday

 time is finally moving.  it always seemed to be stuck.  and i got a letter from auntie and $30 for xmas and b'day.  when i saw in the preview i was so excited.  i came home quickly to  something i wanted.  she sounds good looking forward to her b'day.  

i was surprised when i left home and it had rained.  the rest of the day was dry.  i went straight to the bookmobile.  talking to Cody about magnets gravity and magnetism are the same energy in different sizes.  discrete electrons.  

my back hips are still sore from tuesday.  i felt nausea ate my fruit drops.  i'm so practiced at dealing with symptoms.

whiplash 2014

it's odd my neck is so tight 7 years after my fall.  the advance health center has 3 therapies.  the information was good but it went on too long without a break.  hour and half sitting in dinner chair.  the food was good but my back hurt too badly.  i brought most of it home.  i drove to the good will on the corner and walked the entire store.  i felt better.  

today i'm babying myself.  i still want to fix gutter.  they didn't fasten it properly.  i have to put my health first.  it's hard when all my training was doing with no thought for myself or safety.  

freshly showered

i'm feeling a little sad.  beginning month blues.  maybe when i was born beginning of month into strife ridden family.  mom's stories of dad's drinking.  according to her we came to the mainland because he was a falling down drunk.   she liked shaming him too.