two hot dogs veg. i was so hungry. watching 'concentration'.
chrome quit last night. took it back to main early debating about hot spot. first replacement didn't work either. must be dead battery. third one the charm. i've had the other 3 years so battery due. 3/4 size. smaller so lighter. so cute.
decided to go grocery outlet for quinoa only 6 left. on to Lucky's double points and bonus rewards.
chicken a la king in the back of the shelf with quinoa almonds cranberry.
i turn on hot spot then chrome. so far so good.
i've never had support. when we moved to Cal my autism was exacerbated by the isolation and loss of all those who loved me. i've physically taken care of myself. at this point age is taking it's toll. i'll need more and more physical help.
i'm just passing time praying for a better world. waiting for this ennui to pass.
new behaviors use so much additional energy and i'm changing my routine every day. i went dollar store for ramen noodles. b'fast made some with can tuna and supplement. then target for sun seeds. seniors took my time bookmobile and stretching. 45 minutes 5 days a week. ate in car listening to healing. home for rest milk coffee. i added sun seeds and almonds to slaw and rice. ooh, quinoa with cranberry and nuts for b'fast tomorrow.
weird today a Wednesday. curious-er and curious-er. all health ads for a half hour. 6:35 second half of 'now you see it'. i just have a hard time with change keeping me stuck in the past. i'm not comfortable with life going my way yet. and last night not being able to access offline computer for hours. i don't know. i just don't have the grasping nature most have.
cup library noon lots of parking. 5 bbc movies. considered grocery outlet too much driving went b king for dinner. tired lucky's later.
my back is so unstable and weak. napping helps. nicotine gum is same effect on back as smoking. constricts circulation. sugar substitutes negative effect on sugar levels not as obvious.
i feel beside myself. playing with view blog and back to post. i've never taken time to play. it always seemed like i had more pressing things to take care of. more responsibilities. always planning thinking ahead never living in the here and now. overshadowed by being responsible for the family outcome. blamed for everything wrong. blame blame blame. the good things i did were labeled luck not my skill or abilities.
my life is all me. i'm still weeding the family out of my life. no time for actual house or yard. my ideal partner will handle that.
i'm sitting senior parking listening to love. so little in my actual life i top up whenever i can. i slept well. 9 time to go in. went college safe way for bread and lettuce.
this hot spot keeps disconnecting and losing my connections. so weird. i'm actually getting good at reconnecting recovering my settings. i'm feeling less thwarted frustrated. could be the 3 hour nap. as long as i keep updating everything is saved. i have to remember to turn on hot spot b4 chrome.
picked up hot spot despite crazy library hours. ate my lunch in parking lot. whew. once Paul stepped me through e z. i went out to car to test and home listening to healing all the way. no sunny vale. all i have to do is plug in. made yogurt cinnamon almond drink with senior lunch bell pepper casserole and Brussel sprouts.
feels scary to get what i want. fell asleep for half hour. i'm adapting adjusting.
i haven't been able to compute at home seems like forever.
i may want souffle tomorrow i don't know. i'm sitting outside sunny lib. i charged chrome at seniors and you tube wouldn't play. so i came here to get my dose of healing calm.
i picked up $5 Friday sushi/w free water Maria safe way and free Pepsi nitro Lawrence lucky's. high fructose oh, well. i want to try the nitro. i love new. i endured so many hand me downs from family i never wanted and had to pretend or suffer punishment. now if i don't like something i give it away. dinner is covered.
i'm blogging waiting for new wheel answers to show up. 3:30 not yet. i added game code to lucky's and i'm checking tv guide offerings this weekend. if i can stay home and avoid driving great! i used to love driving.
i'm at Panera indulging in souffle and updating blog. bacon already gone spinach artichoke still delicious. John Fernando suggested calling or online ordering.
i'm celebrating this morning at 3:30 bathroom break i remembered discover and paid at 6:30 watching my tv games. i have yet to pay pge. maybe at check cashing los padres ecr. i don't know haven't been.
seniors i computed 'til 10 Cody bookmobile lone ranger. stretched and lunch 11:30 i ate with table for a change. noon i drove to main closed crazy new hours so i tried check cashing to pay pge man getting loan i waited half hour. feeling done for the day home 1:30 watched whew!
i love the freedom to do nothing if i want. not enough to want to live forever. they must be afraid to die. remembering 3 deaths helps me.
if i want different results i have to be willing to try new behaviors. ergo sunny vale library. and i decided i feel like soaking hot tub gym 2. 20 minutes checking e mail on to soak. i had to return to car forgot towel. spinner broken. done by 9 i scanned safe way nothing decided to walk store cool down.
drove ecr parked #1 space seniors realized i can use seniors suit spinner. so here i am 10 am charging. stretched computed bored. home i decided nap every day. i'm birthing myself. 2 hour nap after lunch works for me. i finished sewing mom's blue peacock fabric dress.
wed 20-went seniors regular time feeling so tired. probably the can of beets and olives too heavy. i feel such a sense of personal power doing what i want when i want with no one to criticize or denigrate.
New Behaviors! I deserve PEACE. everyone deserves the world they desire. Putin deserves his heart's desire i pray he gets it without more damage to the innocents.
autistic prey animals purpose is to bring Peace. it's been demonstrated that thoughts are electrical energy and enough people focused on peace can bring it. like a laser coherent energy can change the world. autistic obsessiveness is perfectly suited to generating the energy necessary for peace. I start with the world around me.
i logged on at Panera using their internet. no souffles at all. i settled for bacon egg brioche. used my $2 coupon and new gift card. sat in car weak signal. disappointment is hard on autistic.
big trinity church used map came Arques to Wolfe to Maude. overshot driveway came back. Joe M filled out form. 9:40 i'm sitting in ladies lounge charging phone and chrome. feeling sad. i'm the only one can change that. all the criticism denigration neglect of my youth is bubbling up. i release and let go. i'm getting back as much as last year. woo hoo!
10:10 taxes done for another year. went Kifer to seniors. Cody brought held movie i gave him apples and oranges. Aggie promoted to kids at main i gave them the 12 cupcakes. stretched computed picked up lunch ate in car. computed 'til 1:30. went back remembering to check sunny and cup library open tomorrow. home i added lettuce to brioche. a lot of bread. i prefer the souffle.
fry 15-did a lot new yesterday. rested and cooked. baked 4 drumsticks, potato and squash wedges. prepped and ate lettuce wraps.
sat 16-another day of feeling my way through life. family punished and humiliated me for displaying feelings so i learned to stuff my feelings. i was labeled too sensitive and insensitive by the crazies. they projected their feelings outward while i had to store my feelings in my body. disease is dysfunction in tissues. exercise releases feelings. arthritis encourages me to stretch to keep from calcification. they never learned to accept and process their emotions. they set themselves up for dis ease. exercise nutrition understanding.
sun 17-ate potatoes nuked in chicken thigh juices. yesterday baked 2 for lettuce wraps with ketchup. baked the last 2. still processing house sadness depression. all this time i've been thinking my weakness that i can't process when it's family depression and disappointment for the entire family and probably previous tenants. the result of 3 days without listening to healing music. and i understand wanting to run away from crap that isn't mine to clean up. everywhere i've lived i've improved the energy.
i realized i forgot to pay phone. i put on charger, voice mail Cathy received my card fry day left message she's in the money. i called and Walter left messages. AND i paid phone by phone. so easy and never did b 4. i always paid online didn't want to drive for internet connection.
i got fascinated by puzzle table. bookstore had book "can't we talk about something more pleasant". i checked catalog and couldn't find it. asking the expertise of a librarian she suggested i had recently been returned and was in the back. sure enough. it's a graphic novel about parents who refuse reality. my family with their arbitrary rules subject to change. nice i'm not alone.
i filled tank 9:26. cost co closes 9:30. WOW!! library closed 9 i sat in car looked up hours. retraced route from cost co Kifer. little traffic. lovely 50 degree cool. first time i drove by at 8 packed.
i ate lunch at home and decided to nap. an hour and half. refreshing. and i had plenty of relaxed energy although still anxious from autism. i started cutting dress lengths and rested. i had message from tax reminder for thurs. i still want to fill intake form.
my attitude is we didn't always have these appliances. do i need it to survive no. it's a convenience. i prefer no washer and going to laundromat. i don't like being owned.
i'm wearing my pink tee dress. a little cold with the rain. i brought shorts to wear under if it gets colder. i'm wearing pink clogs with gray elite socks. i love having elite feet.
today is shirley temple on tv. my mom never satisfied who we were. the recurring theme of her movies how everyone loved wanted her. Mitzi used to sing 'nobody loves me everybody hates me.'
i spent yesterday and today resting doing what i want. i know what i want. for dinner i had burger king and chicken nuggets. mom and dad ate fast food because mom didn't want to shop prep cook clean up. fast food is so easy.
seniors need to be relaxing and enjoying. doctors and medical appointments become the job taking occupying all our time. too too depressing. doctors act like they own us. makes me want to run away. i have to be healthy for that.
i'm cutting fabric and slowly sewing. i'm enjoying the process. i'm using castor oil as moisturizer. Palma Christi hand of Christ.
watching the atrocities in Ukraine i'm tortured by post traumatic stress. this is a cruel and terrible planet. autistic have heightened empathy. we suffer what they suffer and shut down to survive. and the world treats us as slugs in a universe of salt. my mom abused my sisters and i suffered 3 times their experience. my mom projected her pain as bullies do. being around others is painful. the physical part the body heals the emotional part is a question. no wonder i'm exhausted.
i think it reminds me of tolerable tension. sometimes the answers are wrong that's like the family too. and it makes little sense.
i looked up Chipotle online and i have a menu. my shortcut to music disappeared.
i found excellent autism book translated 2019. the boy who felt too much Lorenz Wagner. the ideal family to raise a happy balanced special child. father a neuro-scientist. we autists all want everyone to be happy and healthy. we have genius within us. the science is here.
reading without glasses hurts my right eye. my long distance sight. all my life i'm near sighted my left eye and far sighted my right balancing to 20/20. slowing down physically my eyes don't adjust as quickly.
reading the book 3 am. the time of least psychic energy. autists have too much going on in their brains. no filters with too much electrical activity. as age slows me down i can relate better to the physical world. i can better tolerate the static of outside energy. prayer is a form of directed electrical energy as is a stare. visualizing being surrounded by a neutral field of energy sets up a block. hard to keep up. exhausting.
i forgot to open page. i started the day with a bacon souffle. so good. this morning i got distracted by estate sale posting. eventually i remembered to look online. yesterday i was so tired i napped at home after eating and came library after jeopardy and wheel. i was ahead on computing. so i was excited and forgot to open page.
my back is adjusting. my feet and legs especially left is realigning i hope for the better. Trudy is back from L A. feels weird without her in gym. 2 days hoeing 10 minutes at a time seems to be ok. still long line at lunch. well better later for tax time. and i can pick up st just pantry weekend or 15th when seniors closed. Saturn day also city wide garage sale. city newsletter this morning. i don't think it was in bill.
i decided to drive by estate sale on way home and after an hour seeing everything i bought new small 4 drawer rubber maid organizer $2 with small lock 1 key and tiny safety pins, small Plumeria lotion $1, Oxo plastic veg knife perfect for lettuce $1. oh, and dime from uncle.
nothing on tv i came library 91 degrees. and i seem to be ok.
i like the option of eating lunch at home or sitting outside the sunny library. when i felt so tired i just rested. part of my exhaustion is old patterns.
i read aarp e mail article to replace muscle loss i must eat 30 grams protein in the morning to trigger mass replacement. i need quinoa from grocery outlet. my back is finally relaxing from a lifetime of injuries. muscles including all soft tissue can't heal remodel unless relaxed.
listening to healing. i forgot they changed lunch pick up to 11:30. toke is pleased. worked out well for freebie e mail sent 11:30. i still resent change. lucky's coke with coffee. big lots 1.5 oz milk chocolate Easter bunny.
i went to Panera 8:30 am bacon quiche gone settled for artichoke. they only make 6 each when gone gone. Inge and i really lucked out her b'day lunch. I've tried going lunchtime and all flavors gone.
sunny library beautiful day windows down for breeze. decided to wait on banking. i'm feeling tired. i decided to pick up freebies on way home so tomorrow free day. nothing on tv bed at 9. exhausted read for a bit.
sat day-i decided upon getting up at 9 i'm watching 'touched by an angel, any day now, ghost whisperer.' 'touched by an angel, ghost whisperer' i couldn't accept the actors and 'any day now' was just too painfully filled with lies deception and prejudice. i had too much at home with the family i couldn't take any more. i want to cook squash, fold clothes, defrost drumsticks. i have to clear path to freezer. critical path management from college so beneficial. helps me plan steps to accomplishing.
sun day-12:30 eating chicken balsamic salad. i baked 7 drumsticks so simple easy. hard part is clean up. i cleaned and shredded ice lettuce. so good i ate 2 servings. i don't know what i'm doing i'm just doing what i know.y
