i worried about pretty near everything

yesterday's hot spot connection was weak i was sure i'd done something when it actually depends on how many are using the signal.  now i'm conscious of that but my training of family blame instantly goes to it's my fault.  i'm still retraining myself.  

showered @ 24 and walked lucky's $12 leg warmers i want.  1:30 eating b king at cup, new movies.  so juicy good jr.  all down my front.  oh, well.  I ate fries driving.  the idea of eating a little all day appeals to me.  today i check out ace hardware.  so cool.  tons of things like frozen pies, pizza ovens, more tools and toys than i've ever seen.  garden, plumbing, everything and so helpful.  amazing.  safeway across the street sold me 3 paint boards $3.  funny 'cause they insisted it wasn't their product they sold it to me miscellaneous.  nob hill i found clearance 2 dinners $1.99 ea.  i sorted socks and put on my new cat valentine p j s.  

i remembered last day of the year main library open

11:30 and the bookstore closed.  oh, well.  i don't need anything to use coupon.  i'm here watching, blessing people.  lots of dads with their little boys.  it's funny little boys are so active.  i'm sitting hoping bookstore will open.

1 pm even with protein shake time for home and lunch.  i changed my mind.  i used my medicare at walmart.  supplements and choc shakes.  $94 for 39 cents.  so i don't have to go tomorrow.  then i remembered college safeway frozen dinners.  jetted over and home by 3.  fish dinner and double chocolate muffin.

so it took 6 years to get over eric's too young death.  after cancer for 5 years and all the suffering.  

i used to worry about sleep

now i know when i need to i will.  i'm still growing and changing.  just in reverse.  getting ready to leave the planet.  i've earned the right to live my way.

went to main after 24 picked up holds.  then lunch and sprouts i felt so good i went to walmart bought $80+ still have $86.  

email from sunny now i know how they keep their 40 current.  they want to charge $75 for lost hot spot late 21 days.  they didn't subtract the 4 days they were closed.  

i gave away calendars and have 2 from hiratas.  

it's so smoky from fireplaces and it's 60 degrees.  3 times pollution air.gov.  warm tee shirt weather.

i'm feeling jubilant

nothing has changed substantively.  yet i feel the lifetime of anxiety overwhelmed by happiness.  

i put the laundry in the car.  i decided i can ride around with dirty laundry and the world will continue.  mom won't kill me because she died in 2001 not taking her medication on mother's day with oldest sister too busy running around.  counselor called it passive suicide.  i call it attention deficit.  so many depressing details in my life.  too many to count.  

i showered at 24 lots of parking go figure.  open new year's.  excellent.  i realized the cuts on my hands are from the shower wand in handicapped stall.  it's frequently occupied.  so i cut myself.  i had tea tree oil and bandages.  another mystery solved.  

i went to seniors early so toki won't worry.  lunch ok.  on my way to main i stopped at sprouts 2 chips, double choc chip muffins, broccoli clover sprouts.  i felt so good i washed laundry & charged devices.  home i parked in driveway, through garage i hung everything, put away puzzles looking for city movies, found them.  i forgot i was going to use sunny sewing machine and return hot spot.  next week.  

auntie's book arrived.  i checked it out.  i prefer glossy.  matte more expensive not better.  

to go

i went safeway then sprouts.  gave toki honey chili hummus and milk just as she was leaving parking lot.  i bought clearance 2 yogurt cheese, hummus, almond dip, half cherry pie, olive artichoke dip.  i'm tempted to eat it out of the package.  

no water at senior center so everything in to go.  mediocre deli turkey stew frozen veg.  i ate mine at main library cathy called me she has money problems she goes out to lunch with her ladies and she likes entertaining.  oh, well she's an adult.  

spoke my word

1:30 main library the poufs were taken by the fireplace so i decided this or better and terrace room better.  72 degrees and much quieter.  more outlets.  

my hair baby soft.  still damp.  looking forward to clearance lean cuisines i bought 3 at college safeway $2.25 ea.  no cooking for me!!  hooray!!

this morning at 24 i showered then walked to lucky's to check it out.  good exercise.  i spied colorful toy by tire a solar dashboard hula doll missing skirt.  i looked around found the skirt i carefully replaced.  didn't work at first had to charge.   i wanted to check out sprouts and walked the store, clearance 4 bottles of vanilla/ $2 good for 2 years.  

seniors 11:30 latest ever.  i got there after toki.  thom was sitting and 3 chinese people eddie came and went.  i gave toki my pretzels.  

home by 3 i knew i was exhausted when i looked through my bag for my water bottle and couldn't find it 'cause it was in my hand.  

i'm feeling healthy

lovely do nothing day.  i feel good.  i'm watching 'love again' and it has my interest i'm still awake.  i gave it 5*.  

best xmas

awesome!  i was ready to go no schedule 10:50.  i planned on shower, lucky's, then cup library.  got in car saw bethel church card on dashboard perfect time christmas carols and hot chocolate.  i resisted donuts.  young many colored church.  better improved.  at noon showered 24 drove lucky's 1 pm walked store celsius free drink found clearance small deviled mac and mustard potato salads $2 ea.  i've been checking every day.  for lunch.

cup library 2:30 sitting young adult charging at table with low chair.  better for back.  so lovely quiet.  i'm feeling so relaxed.  i've never had a better xmas.  home 4 pm both salads, cooked carrots with deli turkey, cherry pie.  

i'm actually feeling excited.  i never got anything i wanted for christmas watching my sisters getting what they wanted.  i don't have to live that anymore!!

free rice pudding

too much free stuff feels like a job. 

i'm feeling bored.  and feeling grateful.  my life is calm and wonderful.  i wore comfortable warm sweat pants.  i haven't worn pants outside in years.  picked up pudding, showered, went st just pantry closed 'til jan.  nice chat with Carol thrift shop.  main library rest and re charge.  sunny closed 'til wed.  maybe county tomorrow only one open.  

turkey noodles so delicious.  

'the lost king'

i'm so nerdy.  sally hawkins, steve coogan about finding richard iii burial spot.  and about who controls media controls the 'truth'.  if trump becomes king his stories will be outrageous.

i ordered book on hiranos in hawaii.  justin pham e mailed a link so i went to tech center and nick directed.  due to be delivered jan 4 th.  woo hoo!  

i misread ad lucky's freebies end the 24th.  i thought it said 21.  so i'm still collecting.  today street corn dip.  such a great day.  the guys brought their wives full table.  so great.  i'm feeling productive.  one week done one to go.  art is going to sunny not mountain.  much closer.  starts at 4 k a month.  

sneezy

i hope i didn't catch anything at Walmart yesterday.  took 2 hours standing in line to pay the bill and waiting for the vaccination record.  i woke up sneezing and congested.  i'm eating allergy plant.  and now i'm hungry.  egg bites.

i checked lucky's, free yachak energy drink.  can't return sunny spot yet.  'til 12 days done.

i confused 'mac and me' 1988 with 'labou' 2008.  similar goofy looking creatures.  totally different story lines.  jara lane, bobby caldwell singers.  mysterious alien creature.  

lunch ok.  i finally figured out why people like me and my family hated me.  i'm happy.  men want my happiness.  my family hated me.  they were too busy hating me to be happy themselves.  not my problem.  dan romania sat next to me reading wall street journal.  i asked his work occupation: carpenter.  how do you earn 100k as a carpenter?  diane moved in real quick.  after lunch sprouts peach pie and 99 cent shredded red cabbage for sweet sour.  dried my hair at main feet up.  found hirano picture book.  i want to send to hawaii.  i asked justin pham he got back to me so fast e mail link.   

elemental movie

the commentary is amazing.  the thought and life experiences so precious.  it's so creative and warmhearted.  fire and water beings learning to live in harmony.

subliminal working well.  picked up free lucky's 1.7 oz salami and showered at 24 so rainy.  cleared up for lunch.  i started writing out bills.  looking forward to 2024.  i'm calmer, more comfortable.  felt so good after lunch i went to Walmart to pay pge.  got copy of shots from 10/23/23 that made me sick.  i'll wait 'til after new year for rsv just in case i get sick i don't want to miss new year like Halloween.  i bought 2 braces, gloves, cherry nicotine.  still $180 balance on the card.  i considered charging chrome at the main library but a lot to unpack and organize.  home 2:30 getting ready for tomorrow.  writing bills for dental insurance, don't know where trans america life is.  

barry manilow xmas special 8 pm.  he's 80.  so much plastic he looks chinese.  good though.

my life isn't perfect

but it's way better than it was.  at senior lunch Toki told me Helen is one of our angels.  someone from L A told Trudy.  like when Kyochan Amy died in LA and Kuni Ann wrote from Hawaii.  The convoluted Japanese way.  

i couldn't sleep last night and cooked the turkey thigh then used the juice to cook potatoes and onions.  up and awake 'til midnight.  

decided i didn't need free xmas deodorant 24 hour saw ginnie from seniors.  not talking with her daughter like me and alien.  same personality clash.  i decided i don't have to be the bigger person.  i don't have to be perfect only the best me i can be.

lunch fred, mike, eddie, new guy, then toki and sue.  i left left overs.  i have so much better i cooked and bought clearance.  stored potatoes and cooked 3 carrots with onions.  so good i ate all with cornbread.  cooked pasta in corning ware covered with parchment paper best way.

after lunch went to return overdue, 'chinatown' ready.  then at checkout 'barbie' ready too.  waiting for back room retrieval i found 3 more movies i wanted.  woo hoo!!  lucky me!

i'm hungry

seniors don't know why they don't let us in.  i loaded ice drinks (4) today makes up for 12 days of xmas.  saratoga lucky's moved clearance.  i bought last unsalted chips $5.  

i'm feeling so blessed.  i saw jeanie at 24 in showers.  9:15 earlier than i thought.  drizzling warm and check light still on so i don't have to worry.  it's already on.  

weird salt free gravy salisbury steak, gluey mash lunch.  russets my feet are swelling.  never boring.  3 guys, 4 women.  2 susans, toki, diane.  sprouts my double crust $1.99 birthday cherry pie, 2 cooked ham egg white bites.  

heavenly at main.  sorted st just groceries in underground parking.  couldn't have done it anywhere else.  sitting upstairs, huge picture window watching tall eye level trees swaying in the breezy drizzle, feet up, cozy.  people walking their dogs happy in the cool.  listening to healing.  best time of year.  picked up 'daddy daughter trip' and 'elemental' in back just returned.

i decided i'm stewing the turkey thigh.  i was going to roast but doesn't appeal to me.  so micro stew it is.  diced tomatoes?

home 4 pm looking for stickers to send in xmas cards.  forgot addresses too.  finally remembered tamales only cheese left at nob i prefer pork.  tomorrow.

1.25 liter coke freebie

watching 'when jack came back.'  sweet movie.  naively done some great acting some so so.  reminds me of my tranquil alone times.  

done and done 12:23 pm.  salad with beef and oranges.  i picked up coke, walked lucky's, dollar tree clearance and cooked rice and delicious mushroom gummies.  safeway i bought beets, sunflower seeds, 2 clearance rice.  went to st just noon quiet so i didn't have to wait 'til 12:30.  and clothing give away i picked white shorts beige pants.  $15 safeway and $10 target gift card.  

i get to pick what i want and no family to criticize and condemn me.

free hummus

i took off too quickly and the check engine came on.  walked store and picked up hummus.  seniors i swam and talked to brian.  stopped at sprouts mini croissant $1.99 and $20 super food drink for 99 cents.  ate lunch rested at main found new book caught up on maccall smith and suddenly remembered hold expiring at sunny i picked up, stopped sunny sprouts 50 cent bag shredded romaine and cornbread square $2.22.  i made beef cheese salad delicious.  bed 8 pm napped 'til 10 watched wheel and jeopardy.  

ease not dis ease

so good to feel good.  listening nonstop to 432 Hz +528 Hz 12 hr healing.  

lucky's xmas freebie loaded naan crisps and bought a small grapefruit cup.  seniors at 10.  tiny lunch no toki, but sat with little Gloria, big bev and diane.  eddie early new white cap.  i asked if Toki cancelled yes.  hilde gave lee huge covered leftovers he asked if i wanted i already got myself a plate.  i suggested art lee took it.

saw Trudy and Kenny exercising, Toki semi annual buddy lunch.  dino 2 left overs ladies aux salad, fruit.  bingo i won the last game and picked the last $5 snack bar gift card.  sprouts clearance deli lean pastrami over a lb $1.04 and sliced turkey .67 lb for $.67.  wow.  went by Toki to share not home.  my weekend set.  tired from walking stores.  home bed rest 4 pm.  late nights watching tv.  

5:30 hungry from tiny lunch i ate extra lunch.  still hungry ate green salad, pears, sliced almonds, cranberries, perfect balsamic dressing and 5 slices lean pastrami.  i watched wheel and raymond.

freebie drink 12 days o' xmas

i'm so good at amusing myself.  package on porch from hirata hawaii.  i picked up drink and clearance turkey thigh $2.51.  brought home and cream in fridge.  got to seniors opened box full of treats.  bev running around her car crying.  she couldn't find key freaking out hysterical.  i told her to look under seat, in purse, she found it.  dementia.  not the first time.

excellent ladies league xmas lunch.  golden voices choir sang carols.  i sang along.  toki sat with trudy and kenny.  i just relaxed.  eddie sat no hat i almost didn't recognize him.  

no new puzzle i went main to pick up hold.  relaxed.  dan russia said hello we chatted he asked my job history when i mentioned doing taxes he wanted me to do his taxes i suggested free library he said he makes 100 k?  really? 

3 pm i'm ready for home.  napped 6-7:45 watched end of wheel, raymond and disney 100 years.  night night.

bruno 1999 aka the dress code

the directorial debut shirley maclaine.  she must have felt passionate about this.  alex d linz 10 quit when 18.  fascinating.

i'ma lying here in bed enjoying my arthritis.  i don't have to move too much.  checked lucky coupon today first 12 days of xmas.  free 8 oz whipping cream.  

better tasting veg pasta today than monday with meat.  went upstairs to puzzle and dry hair brian showed up we finished 4:30.  i gave him lee's veg salad and pear.  he's a puzzle piece tapper.  he can't just put it in he has to announce it.  i'm working really hard to remain calm.  and his cat dander i got all stuffy.  he's so competitive.  he kept getting into my space taking over my area.  does not play well with others.  he had to change my subliminal.  complained wendy whiner.

still feeling well.

woke 6.  i've worked so hard to overcome my history.  2 days in a row.   chicken mole lunch good today.  unoffensive.  forgot short day not thinking.  hurrah!!  arthritis smooth.

went sprouts found 5 clearance deli cheese, and 10 go yogurts 99 cents.  home 3:30 tired need rest.

i feel surprisingly well

house is still a mess.  my life is still unsettled.  i'm ok.  i forgot to pay cost co yesterday, freaked and didn't warm up the engine so check engine light.  paid and called about late fee victoria erased it.  my good credit.  

tried 2 'healthy' snacks

upset my digestion.  i can eat as much potato chips as i want.  must be the simple ingredients.

new me.  i'm eating healthy, resting as much as i can tolerate.  trying not to re-injure myself.  the only way to heal is by making drastic behavioral changes.  

i dressed 3 pm to return sunny items and after taking out recycle i changed my mind.  i can do this now.  used to be carved in stone.  i have more compassion for over dues.  

what to do

i relaxed went to seniors 9:30, swam dried my hair.  talked to inge, toki, trudy.  toki will bring back snacks.  she couldn't see.  parking a mess with 'b'fast with santa'.  i observed drama.  took my time sprouts had more clearance cheese, 99 cent salads, baked donuts.  lunch portable i went to cup library to pick up drop off.  i wasn't hungry home 2 pm.  ate chicken and donut.  napped 'til 5.  salad for dinner.  snacks for dessert.  

10 pm doing what i want when i want.  i think happy people become healthy people.

free lindor truffle

more candy.  i have a dozen cans of free soda.   salome offered free food and snacks toki took it all put in her car not even offering me any.  it's taken 'til 7 pm to adjust.  i gave her persimmons, oranges, etc.  i waited for her in back parking lot so she wouldn't have to carry 2 bags with her eye surgery recovery.  i didn't even get to see in box.  toki hurt my feelings like cathy hoover in grade school when i had cathy over to house i found $20 from shell station she took to check real returned only $10.  i never had anything more to do with cathy.  so i'm warned about toki.

i won first bingo i picked $10 lucky's card.  

sprouts on the way home i bought 4 clearance apple cider vinegar goat cheese.  so delicious.  mushroom snack too oily like dried beets.  

toki left me pound of see's bridge mix $31.50 i exchanged for dark chocolate nuts and chews plus 3 raspberry cremes.

i stayed up 'til 2:30 am last night reading redbird christmas.  i enjoyed all 230 pages.  i'm so tired.

quirky monk.

watching the fifth 2007 and sixth 2008 seasons.  reminds me of what i was doing then.  

made an omelet topped with red sauce and melted cheese.  so lovely dressing at 9 seniors when it's 51 degrees.  I took my time swimming and bookmobile cody brought my holds.  

after lunch i finished puzzle and stopped at sprouts.  special 99 cent garlic bread, clearance 3 snacks, 4 grilled chick breasts $1.98.  yum, i heated one with ragu and 2 garlic toasts.  

napped 'til 6:45 for jeopardy and wheel.  

tv or not tv

very quiet calm day HEAVEN.  thought of toki 11:30 eye operation.  usual morning.  sat with inge and merrick at lunch.  salome joined us then terry.  

i returned cathy's v mail

last night football i charged phone.  found messages.  we chatted about her sis who needs her for shoulder surgery next month 30th.  watched 'simpsons' season 17 disc 1 i've lost interest.  i started 'quigley down under'.  half way through it.

swam 10 am.  relaxing, i'm hurting in specific spots r/t general chronic pain.  so i'm hoping improvement.  inge has more oreo thin mints.  started me sneezing.  

i went to cost co to redeem rewards and walked store.  nothing but biggest bag 24 oz lay's chips.  happy birthday to me.  felt ok detoured to home depot bought water softener cleaner 3 over $40.  considered $6 copper wire or giant carabiner.  home 3 put everything away.  napped.

'everybody loves raymond' 9th season 2004

2003 i had surgery to remove infected ovarian cyst i'd had for 35+ years.  friends took care of me the sisters refused too busy like with mom and dad.  'raymond' saw me through. 

yesterday's blog disappeared.  i kept updating so i don't know how it evaporated.

i swam, talked to brian, puzzled while my hair dried, Nodira gave me 2 chips 2 waters when i tried to redeem certificate.  happy birthday to me.  considered deposit too busy, sprouts clearance turkey on sourdough i ate main.  picked up 'rockford'.  feeling good i picked up county then home 4 pm.  napped.  as long as i stay rested i feel ok.

today last day for salad.  with cilantro lime chicken excellent.  i'm resting, relaxing.  healing uses a lot of energy.  i keep forgetting.  

will you walk me to my car?-song plays

dream of psycho lover.  very elaborate detailed dinner with friends at their house.  he becomes upset, jealous and leaves.  i ask the host couple and their son to walk me to my car.  they comply.  i'm not used to needing, asking and receiving help.  i'm tested positive for Parkinson's.  they are extremely supportive and helpful.

excellent day of rest and relaxation.  bart showed up i paid him.  carlos reset check engine i tipped him $20.  seniors good 2 extra lunch fish.  college safeway sushi and water.  chase withdrawal.  home at 4.  bart put bins on street if ticket he pays.  he knows better.  i napped after lunch leftover fish.  woke 7:30 wheel on 10 football preempt.