I'M FEELING LITTLE

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I WANT TO CHECK COSTCO.  MAYBE I'LL PICK UP DINNER.  OH, WAIT I HAVE 2 SALADS FROM TARGET EXP 4/7.  SO MAYBE I'LL WALK.  WHO KNOWS WHAT I'LL FIND.  I'M OPEN TO MIRACLES.

THIS COVID ISOLATION IS CHALLENGING.  THE LACK OF SOCIAL PRESSURE IS WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.  THE SUSPENSION OF JUDGEMENT.  CAVE PEOPLE NEEDED SOCIAL JUDGEMENT FOR SURVIVAL.  NOW WE NEED THE OPPOSITE.  WE NEED ACCEPTANCE.  APPEARANCES HAVE BECOME LESS IMPORTANT. 

LITTLE BY LITTLE

WITH NOTHING TO DO I'M USING ATTENTION DEFICIT TO GRADUALLY, EFFORTLESSLY CLEAR UP.  I PUT OUT GARBAGE AND RECYCLE.  A LOT MORE STAYING HOME.  I STILL HAVE ALL MY SMOKING PARAPHERNALIA TO ORGANIZE.

MY TREAT IS WATCHING JAMIE 15 MINUTE MEALS.  HE MUST HAVE A TERRIFIC SCRIPT WRITER.  'A SPANK OF CITRUS' WHEN ADDING LEMON JUICE.  I ENJOY LEARNING THE TECHNIQUES AND THE QUALITY OF CONVERSTION.

GOD PREPARED ME.  3/11 TIRE ROTATION AIR CHECK, 3/17 COSTCO FILL UP, 3/ 18 CARLOS CNECK ENGINE LIGHT DIRTY AIR SENSOR CLEANING.  I HAVE WATER, TOILET PAPER, H2O2, RUBBING ALCOHOL, ETC THE ESSENTIALS.  MANY THINGS I BOUGHT YEARS MONTHS AGO BY INSTINCT I'M USING NOW.  MY DISCOMFORT AVOIDANCE OF NEW EXPERIENCES.

TOM CALLED 10;20 TO ASK IF I NEEDE TOILET PAPER OR SANITIZER.

I PICKED UP MY LITTLE LUNCH AND WENT TO LUCKY LAUNDRY WHERE I CHARGED CHROME AND PHONE, DID WASH, ATE LUNCH, FILLED OUT APRIL MENU, RESCUED 5 BOTTLES FROM TRASH.  I FOUND OUT WARM WATER 25 CENTS EXTRA.  SMART MACHINES.  WALTER WARNED ME NOT TO USE CREDIT IN CASE OF HACKERS, GOOD IDEA. 

THEN I WENT TO TARGET AND SAVED 50 DOLLARS NOT BUYING 4 DRESSES.  2 SALADS GIFT CARD.  I CAME HOME 2 PM.

CATHY TEXTED ME 'ACCIDENTLY' AS HER LANDLADY.  SHE SOLD HER CAR FOR MONEY TO LIVE.  IF CATHY HADN'T GIVEN ME 3 CASES OF BOTTLED WATER I WOULDN'T HAVE THEM.  I GAVE INGA THE FOURTH.  IT WORKED OUT SO PERFECTLY.  CATHY ASKED ME FOR A RIDE HOME AS SHE WAS FEELING OVERWHELMED MOVING TO HAWAII.  MY SEATS WERE FULL.  I ASKED INGA IF SHE COULD GIVE HER A RIDE AND PICK UP THE CASE GIVING CATHY A RIDE AND GETTING DIRECTIONS TWO BLOCKS.  I DIDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH GETTING INGA THE WATER.  HURRAH.

I LOOKED ONLINE TO SEE HOW MUCH THEY COST TO SEND HER MONEY.  COSTCO WON'T GIVE PRICES WITHOUT LOG IN.  BOO.  THEN I REALIZED SHE SAID NOTHING ABOUT EDD.  I CALLED TO ASK IF SHE'D FILED SINCE THE CENSUS IS POSTPONED. NO.  SHE MUST BE ELIGIBLE.  SHE HAD THE JOB AS A SUPERVISOR.  EDD GETS THE MONEY FROM PAST EMPLOYERS.  WHEN RITZY RAGS CLOSED I HAD IT FOR 6 MONTHS.  I DID IT OVER THE PHONE TELLING THEM THE COMPANIES I WORKED FOR.  HOPEFULLY SHE CAN GET SOME MONEY QUICKLY. 

young frank

I LOVE TO LAUGH.  I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN.  WHEN WE WERE LITTLE WE SPENT EVERY NEW YEAR'S EVE AT FLORENCE AND JIMMY CATO'S POTLUCK PARTY WATCHING THE ORIGINAL FRANKENSTEIN.  AT MIDNIGHT THEY'D RELEASE A CANOPY OF BALLOONS WE'D POP LOOKING FOR MONEY.  WE'D GET HOME 2 AM.  WE DIDN'T HAVE THE 6 AM RITUAL ZONI SOUP BACK THEN.

WE SUDDENLY STOPPED GOING.  I WAS RELIEVED.  I DON'T KNOW WHY THE SUDDEN BREAK WITH THE HAWAII CLUB.  MAYBE DAD'S DRINKING.  THERE WAS LESS PRESSURE, TENSION AT HOME.  FOR AWHILE UNTIL MOM STARTED WORKING AND NEW TENSIONS AROSE.

I WAS TERRIFIED LINKING THE KIDS WITH LOSING MY COUSINS WHEN WE MOVED HERE AND NOT KNOWING WHAT WAS HAPPENING.  NO ONE EXPLAINED TO ME.  I MISSED MY HAWAII FAMILY.  MY DEPRESSION STARTED THEN AT 4 YEARS OLD.  A VAGUE SADNESS.

SUDDENLY MY PARENTS WERE ISOLATED TO REINVENT THEMSELVES. 

COVID ISOLATION=REINVENTION.

MY FEARS CAME FROM WATCHING KING KONG.  MY PARENTS WERE ANIMALS EMOTIONALLY STUNTED AT 3 YEARS OLD.  DARWINIAN EVOLUTION.  I HAD NIGHTMARES FOR 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW AFTER WATCHING KING KONG.  I WAS AFRAID THE ANIMAL WOULD KILL ME.  TEAR ME LIMB FROM LIMB.  I LEARNED TO CHANGE MY RESPONSE TO THE FEAR.  I COULD CHANGE THE DREAM AND OUTCOME.  I WAS PHYSICALLY 8 AND EMOTIONALLY OLDER THAN MY PARENTS.

drains

BEEN 13 DAYS SINCE I WASHED MY HAIR.  I SHOWERED IN THE HALL BATHROOM WHERE MOM DIED.  I USED MY LONG WHITE TERRY ROBE THAT'S BEEN HANGING FOR MAYBE 10 YEARS SINCE I MOVED INTO THE MASTER BEDROOM.  I DIDN'T THINK OR PLAN.  I DIDN'T HAVE A FACE CLOTH OR HAIR TOWEL.  AND IT WAS GOOD.

THE DRAIN SCREEN WAS PLUGGED FROM  THE 10 YEARS OF DUST BUILD UP AND THAT WAS OK TOO.  NOW I JUST HAVE TO KEEP WARM WHILE MY HAIR DRIES.  I DON'T WANT TO USE THE DRYER.  I LIKE THE QUIET.

I'VE DECIDED TO WAIT 'TIL I'M HUNGRY TO EAT LUNCH.  OK 1;30. 

WALTER CALLED 65 MINUTES CATHY CALLED 21. 

love

TODAY'S DAILY WORD.  I'M FEELING NAUSEA.  RIGHT BUTTOCK SORE.  MY BACK WOKE ME UP 1;30 SO AT 2 I ATE ONE OF THE SALADS FROM TARGET.  I DID SOME STRETCHING.  WATCHED 2 MOVIES.  NAPPED A LITTLE.  LISTENED TO CD.  WHEN MY SHOULDER BLADES WERE HURTING I COULD FEEL AILEEN POUNDING ON ME.  MOM POUNDING ON AILEEN WAS WAY WORSE/HORRIFIC.  I NEVER PROCESSED ANY OF IT BEING TOO BUSY SURVIVING MY CHILDHOOD.  AND THEN BEING ATTENTION DEFICIT I NEVER DWELL ON ANYTHING I DON'T LIKE.  WHY I KEEP ACCIDENTLY WATCHING MOVIES I DON'T LIKE.  I WATCHED LOVE ACTUALLY A NUMBER OF TIMES BEFORE I PROGRAMMED MYSELF TO REMEMBER I DIDN'T LIKE IT.  I DON'T KNOW WHY I DON'T LIKE IT.  MY MEMORY ERASES THE MOVIE EVERY TIME I WATCH IT.  I HAVE IT IN A COMPILATION SET MAYBE I'LL TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT.  HOT IN CLEVELAND USES THE MOVIE IN A PLOT TO TEST MEN'S SENSITIVITY.  ALL THE MEN HATE IT. 

I WENT TO LAFF LAUNDRY CLOSED.  OPEN YESTERDAY.  I WENT TO WINCHESTER LAUNDRY.  50 CENTS CHEAPER AND NEW MACHINES TAKE CREDIT CARD.  I JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE IT. 

AT SENIORS IN LINE.  FIRE FIGHTERS HAVEN'T BROUGHT WEEKEND LUNCH SO WE'RE WAITING. 

OMG.  6 FT TALL EXTREMELY WHITE PRACTICALLY ALBINO OLD MAN WALKING WITH 4'6 ASIAN OLD WOMAN. 

11;11 THE FIREFIFGTER FOOD HAS ARRIVED.  SO ANOTHER HALF HOUR 'TIL HOME.  I SCARED MYSELF.  I ACCIDENTLY PRESSED THE PANJC BUTTON ON THE CAR FOB AND SINCE I'D NEVER USED IT TOOK AWHILE TO FIGURE IT OUT.  HONKING AND FLASHING LIGHTS.

LAPTOP KEEPS ME WARM.  LUNCH WAS OK.  I HUNG THE CLOTHES FIRST.  I'LL ADD THE SPAGHETTI SAUCE TO THE CHILI -VEG SOUP AND CORNBREAD FOR DINNER.

I'M TIRED.  NOT SLEEPING AND DRIVING AROUND DOING LAUNDRY.  I DON'T LIKE CHANGE.  TOO SCARY.  DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILIES GO FROM ONE FIRE TO THE NEXT.  DAD HAD SOMETHING MAJOR AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR.  MAKES MY BODY WEAK JUST THINKING OF IT. 

physical pain

I LISTENED TO SECRET CD ALL NIGHT AND AWOKE ACUTELY AWARE OF NEEDING LOVE.  IT WAS ALMOST A PHYSICAL PAIN IN MY SHOULDERS.  NEEDING TO BE HELD.  BABIES WITH THEIR OUTSTRETCHED ARMS.

THERE'S A SAYING 'THE GODS MUST BE JEALOUS' AND THERE ARE MYTHS ABOUT THE LENGTHS JEALOUS GODS WILL GO TO PUNISHING MORTALS.  WELL, WE KNOW THAT ONE FIRST HAND.  MOM CONVINCED AILEEN HER ABUSE WAS DESERVED.  AILEEN LOST MORE THAN I DID MOVING HERE.  MOM INSISTED WE CAME HERE TO GET DAD AWAY FROM HIS FRIENDS AND THAT WAS PART OF IT BUT DAD KEPT DRINKING WITH HER OWN OLDER BROTHER.  OR MAYBE SHE WAS JUST JEALOUS HE HAD FRIENDS.  MITZI WAS BORN HERE A FEW MONTHS AFTER WE GOT HERE.

MITZI WAS HER BABY.  MOM WAS STILL A BABY.

MITZI DIDN'T KNOW THE UNCLES, AUNTS, COUSINS AND GRANDS.  IT WAS PROBABLY HARDEST ON AILEEN.   SHE HAD TO START OVER AT 9.  I HAD 2 YEARS TO GET USED TO THE MAINLAND.  AILEEN EXPERIENCED PREJUDICE FOR THE FIRST TIME.  HAWAII HAS THE MOST BALANCED ACCEPTANCE OF DIFFERENT CULTURES BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF EAST AND WEST. 

I PICKED UP MY LUNCH AFTER RUNNING ERRANDS AND ACTUALLY ENJOYED DRIVING AROUND.  IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.  AFTER I MOVED HOME TO DAD'S CANCER I WAS ALWAYS TOO BUSY TO ENJOY MUCH, RUNNING FROM ONE JOB TO ANOTHER.  AND PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY IS EXHAUSTING.  TAKING THEM TO THE DOCTORS, WORKING AND TRYING TO LIVE LIFE.  MOM AND DAD NEVER HAD TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR PARENTS.  MAYBE THAT'S ANOTHER REASON WE MOVED HERE.

toki

SHE LEFT 6 SAFEWAY MONOPOLY TICKETS I FOUND ON THE FRONT DOOR AS I WAS LEAVING TO PICK UP LUNCH.  I CALLED WHEN I GOT INTO CAR.  MISTAKE.  WE TALKED TOO LONG AND WHEN I GOT TO SENIORS THE LINE WAS AROUND THE BLOCK TO FREMONT.  JOHN FROM ST JUSTIN WAS THERE IN HIS AUDI.

GREEN MILK NOT PINK.  I DROVE TO CHECK LAUNDRY OPEN, YES.  AND SCU FREE LIP BALM OUT.  SO TOMORROW WASH. 

I CHECKED ON MY BOROWING AND ALL PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED.  I'M READING LONG LOST FRIENDS AND PUFFIN CLASSIC INDIAN TALES. 

I ATE 3 PCS OF CHOCOLATE IN MY LUNCH, FELL ASLEEP AND DREAMED I WENT TO ST JUSTIN STORE.  THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED, I WENT IN, LOOKED AROUND AND TEENS SHOWED UP AND EVENTUALLY JOHN.  DIDN'T EVEN ASK HOW I GOT IN.

I DECIDED ON CORBREAD AND CHILI FOR DINNER.  I LOOKED FOR THE MIXING BOWL AND REMEMBERED I PUT LETTUCE IN IT.  HURRAH ME!

everything is possible

I WOKE FEELING FORLORN I NEVER HAD A MOTHER'S LOVE.  I LISTENED TO CD ALL NIGHT.  MY BODY IS SORE BUT ALRIGHT.   I'M SURVIVING.  I DRESSED AND WENT TO PICK UP MY TACO SALAD LUNCH.  THE CITY WEBSITE SAYS FOOD IS BEING COOKED AT STADIUM.  IT IS BETTER THAN BATES.  I READ WODEHOUSE.  HE CAN ALWAYS CHEER ME UP.  DAMSEL IN DISTRESS BOOK IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE FRED ASTAIRE GINGER ROGERS MOVIE.  WAY MORE FUNNY DETAILS EVEN THO' A PICTURE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A THOUSAND WORDS.

I WENT TO SCU SAFEWAY TO REDEEM POINTS FOR 25 DOLLAR CARD AND THOUGHT OF COSTCO REBATE CHECK BUT THE BLACK CLOUDS AND SPRINKLES CONVINCED ME TO GO HOME AND EAT MY LUNCH.  AND NOW IT'S JUST DARK AND COLD. 

I'M OVERWHELMED BY THIS FREE TIME.  THE COMPUTER IS TOO SLOW TO PLAY GAMES OR QUIZZES OR PUZZLES.  IT TIMES OUT.  A LOT OF PEOPLE ONLINE.  MY EYES GET TIRED READING, MY FAVORITE PAST TIME.  I SPENT 8 YEARS FLAT ON MY BACK TOO WEAK TO HOLD A BOOK AND SURVIVED.  I'LL GET THROUGH THIS TOO. 

I LOVE MY JUNK.  IT'S MY FORTRESS.  PROTECTING ME FROM THE INFIDELS. 

IT'S TOUGH

BEING A CHILD.  ALONE AGAIN.  IT'S LIKE I'M 8 AGAIN.  ALONE IN THE HOUSE.  EVERYTHING QUIET.  MITZI WOULD WAKE AND I'D GET US CEREAL.  WE'D SIT WATCHING TV 'TIL THEY WOKE.  THEN MY JOB TO CLEAN HOUSE, VACUUM, BATHROOMS.  MY LIFE UNTIL  LEFT HOME.  I IRONED AND CLEANED HOUSE FOR MRS. WELLS, BABYSAT TO PAY FOR MY CLOTHES, SHOES, BOOKS.

MY SISTERS WERE HANDED MONEY.  I HAD TO EARN IT.  SO AT 8 I WAS SURE I WAS CINDERELLA AND A STEPCHILD. 

TOO EXCITING

I JUST LINKED MY ACCOUNT.  I HAVE 900+ EMAILS.  MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST.  IT OCCURED TO ME I HADN'T USED THE OTHER IN MONTHS.  SO SINCE I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY I'D TRY AGAIN.  WHEW.  PEOPLE CALLENGE THEMSELVES TO FEEL ALIVE.  I'VE TRIED BEFORE AND I'M SO SLOW AT IT I ALWAYS BAILED.  NOTHING ELSE TO DO NOWHERE ELSE TO BE.

I'M CHARGING MY PHONE ALMOST EMPTY AND CHROME HALF FULL.  I'M EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED.

RARING

TO GO AND NOTHING TO DO.

TODAY I'M WATCHING THE QUIET MAN SET IN IRELAND.  LAND OF IRE.  MY FAVORITE WAY OF TRAVELING.  YESTERDAY I WATCHED NOW VOYAGER A TRIP TO RIO DE JANEIRO. 

FRIDAY IS WOMEN'S MOVIES ALL DAY.  I'M LOOKING FORWARD. 

NOWHERE TO BE

I CAN TRULY DO WHAT I WANT.  WHAT IS THAT?  I WANT TO JUMP FOR JOY.  DANCE AROUND.  WALK AT THE BAY.

I'M EATING MY PACKAGED SANDWICH FOR BREAKFAST.  DELI TURKEY, SWISS CHEESE MY FAVORITE CHEESE ON RAISIN WALNUT RYE.  DRY BUT GOOD.  SALTY AND A LITTLE SWEET.  RAISINS ARE JUST TOO SWEET.

I MISS EXERCISING.  THE HOT TUB.  MAYBE I'LL FEED THE BIRDS.  MAYBE I WON'T.

SO MANY OF MY SATURDAYS WERE SPENT WORKING RETAIL AND THEN MY SELF IMPOSED SCHEDULE.  IT WAS EASIER THAN FIGHTING THE UNCOMFORTABLE FEELING OF LEISURE.

I'VE BEEN READING P G WODEHOUSE LITTLE WARRIOR ONLINE.  AT 110% EASY ON THE EYES.

SOMEHOW I CLEARED MY SETTINGS.  BRAIN PLASTICITY. 

CINDER ELLA

I'M LIVING IN THE ASHES OF THE PAST.  I DON'T KNOW WHEN I HAD MY LAST SMOKE.  MY CHILDHOOD IN THIS HOUSE WAS TAKING CARE OF 4 OTHERS ALWAYS PUTTING MYSELF LAST.  SACRIFICING EVERYTHING TO AVOID PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

AND THE VIRUS IS DOING IT TO EVERYONE.  REAL LIFE EQUALITY.  EVERYTHING IS SHUT DOWN.  EVERYONE ISOLATED.

I ALMOST FORGOT TOMORROW EX' BIRTHDAY.  AILEEN SAID SHE AND EX WERE THE SAME.  I DENIED IT.  SHE WAS ACCURATE.  I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED.  I ALWAYS FELT SORRY FOR HER.  WHAT SHE DID TO ME MOM DID TO HER.  EX ACTLY THE SAME.

I JUST DID NLP EXERCISE.  I PUT AILEEN ON ONE HAND AND EX ON THE OTHER AND CLAPPED THEM TOGETHER, BLEW THEM AWAY.  I PUT MITZI ON MY RIGHT HAND, MOM AND DAD ON THE LEFT AND CLAPPED THEM TOGETHER AND BLEW THEM AWAY.

MY EX MARRIAGE WAS THE EXTENSION OF THE FAMILY ABUSE.

UNITY DAILY WORD FORGIVENESS.  EVER DAY A CHANCE TO START FRESH.

what??

I FEEL FLOATY.  I'M ADRIFT ON A SEA OF POSSIBILITY.

I FEEL 8 YEARS OLD.  WE HAD A CABIN IN FELTON, ZAYANTE CREEK ROAD.  WE'D DRIVE UP FRIDAY NIGHT AND RETURN HOME SUNDAY NIGHT.  DAD BOUGHT US A PLASTIC BOAT BIG ENOUGH FOR MITZI AND ME.  I MADE A PLYWOOD PADDLE HAND CUT WITH DAD'S SAW AND SANDED.  AILEEN GOT IN IT ONCE AND WAS SO FUNNY WHEN IT STARTED TAKING ON WATER SHE JUMPED UP AND TRIED TO JUMP OUT TO LAND TRIPPING ON THE EDGE OF THE BOAT AND LANDING IN THE CREEK.  MADDER THAN A WET HEN.  DAD TRIED RAISING TROUT FROM THE FISHERY IN A CEMENT POND BUT THE RACCOONS ATE THEM.  THEY GOT TIRED OF THE DRIVE AND MAINTENANCE AND SOLD IT AFTER A COUPLE YEARS.  OUR CLOSEST NEIGHBORS HAD A POMERANIAN DOG.  THERE WAS A HAZELNUT TREE.  NOT EASY TO PICK WITH THISTLES.  AND BLACKBERRIES WITH THORNS.

AND COLD LIKE NOW.  BAY LAUREL TREES ALL AROUND.

LUNCH WAS DRIVE-PICK UP IN THE BACK PARKING LOT.  WEIRD.  MAYBE 'CAUSE IT'S CLOSER TO KITCHEN.  IT WAS QUINOA AND FISH TAKE AWAY.  INSTEAD OF RINSING JAMIE OLIVER COOKS QUINOA IN LOTS OF WATER AND DRAINS IT. 

beat up

I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT ON MY LEFT SIDE AND MY RIGHT SIDE IS STIFF AND SORE.  GOING INTO THE PAIN I FLASHED BACK TO AILEEN PUNCHING, SHOVING  AND TRIPPING ME.  I AVOIDED THINKING OF IT BECAUSE SEEING MOM BEAT AILEEN WAS SO MUCH WORSE.  A TEN YEAR OLD CHILD BEATING A FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD INFLICTS WAY LESS DAMAGE THAN A 35 YEAR OLD ADULT BEATING THAT TEN YEAR OLD.

SO I ALWAYS FORGAVE AILEEN AND AVOIDED THE MEMORIES LOCKED IN MY BODY LINKED TO THE PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL PAIN.  IT'S ALL COMING OUT.

THAT'S WHAT GROWING OLD AND DECREPIT IS ALL ABOUT.  DENYING THE CHILDHOOD WOUNDS THAT ARE INTERNALIZED AND FESTER.  WHICH LEADS ME TO UNCLE FESTER AND THE ADDAMS FAMILY.  THAT WHICH IS POPULAR ATTRACTS THE PUBLIC FOR A REASON.  THEY WERE SO HAPPY IN THEIR WEIRDNESS.  PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.

ZOMBIES ARE POPULAR BECAUSE UNCONSCIOUSLY PEOPLE RECOGNIZE THE WALKING DEAD.  THOSE WHO AREN'T REALLY LIVING GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS.  EXPLAINS MASS MURDERS TOO.  JEALOUSY FOR THOSE HAPPIER PEOPLE SEEMING TO HAVE A BETTER TIME.  AND WHY INNOCENTS ARE SLAUGHTERED.

I FORGOT CARLOS AND MY CHECK ENGINE LIGHT 'TIL 8;50 AND DIDN'T FREAK OUT.  I DRESSED, BRUSHED MY TEETH AND GOT THERE 9;18.  HE WAS ON PHONE ABOUT UPCOMING SURGERY.  WHEN I ASKED HE SAID IN 2 WEEKS.  HE'S TERRIFIED NEVER HAVING ANYTHING BEFORE.  I TOLD HIM WITH MODERN TECHNIQUES IT'S STANDARD.  DAD HAD CATARACT REMOVED.  WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE BUT HE NEVER LISTENED TO ANYONE BUT AILEEN.  OH, WELL.

FEELING LITTLE

I WENT TO WALMART 10 AM.  DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING.  PAID PGE.  IN THE PARKING LOT I FOUND AN ABANDONED 5 OZ CAN OF OPEN NATURE ALBACORE NO WATER OR OIL.  HUH.  

10/30 ON TO SCU SAFEWAY NO SALE SOUP LEFT ON SHELVES.  REDEEMED ALUMINUM FOIL AND REFRESH ICE.  ON TO SENIORS 11 AM.  I PLUGGED IN CHROME AND PHONE.  I KEPT CHROME IN BAG AND IT CHARGED SLOWER.  PHONE WAS DONE.  

I WENT TO HOMESTEAD SAFEWAY AND NO SALE SOUP.  I FOUND 3 VALENTINE'S CANDY BOXES.  BOUGHT THEM SEPARATE FOR THE TICKETS USING MY CARD.  

I DROVE HOME THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT CAME ON.  I WENT TO GET GAS WHILE IT WAS WARM.  WHEN I GOT HOME I CALLED CARLOS FOR TOMORROW.  I'M EMOTIONALLY DISTRAUGHT.  EITHER TODAY OR TOMORROW DAD'S BIRTHDAY.  HE CLAIMED ST PADDY BUT HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE SAID TOMORROW.  SUCH A WEIRD FAMILY.  MOM LET HIM GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING.

2;30 IT STARTED GETTING DARK.  AND COLD.  THERE'S STILL SNOW ACROSS THE TOPS.

a good thing

THIS VIRUS GIVES EVERYONE A COMMON ENEMY.  IF THE FIGHTING DOESN'T STOP IN THE MIDDLE EAST THEY MAY ALL END UP DEAD FROM PLAGUE.

I QUICKLY ADDRESSED AND STAMPED CARDS TO AUNTIE AND CATHY.  DROPPED THEM OFF POST OFFICE AFTER $TORE MOUTHWASH AND TOOTHPASTE.

I WENT TO SCU SAFEWAY 12;30 PACKED TO THE RAFTERS NO PARKING LUNCH CROWD.  I DECIDED TO GO TO 24 HOUR BY WAY OF MAIL BOXES TO PAY PGE AND GONE LAST MONTH.  I'M NOT REALLY SURPRISED.  WHENEVER I WENT THE FILIPINO OWNER ALWAYS SERVED WHITES FIRST.  BAD BUSINESS. 

I WENT G-1.  SURE THERE'S NO WRINGER BUT THE LAP POOL IS 85 AND WAY FEWER PEOPLE.  I PADDLED AROUND 'TIL I REMEMBERED WOMBLING FREE ON TV.  I LEFT BREAD FOR THE CROWS.  I CAME STRAIGHT HOME 2 PM.  THERE WAS 2 X FOOD AT LUNCH VEG OMELET.  I BROUGHT HOME A CHEF SALAD WITH CHIPS I ATE AT 3.  THE WHOLE WHEAT BISCUITS WERE GREAT. 

CHANGES ALL AROUND.

BACK TO SUNDAY ROUTINE

BUT MUCH LATER.  I CONSIDERED NOT GOING BUT I NEEDED MULTI-VITAMINS.  I GOT TO EXERCISE 10;30.  WALKED SAFEWAY FROZEN GRILLED TILAPIA I COOKED FOR LUNCH AND DINNER ON SALAD.  ALMOND CROISSANT DESSERT.

DOLLAR TREE HAD VITAMIN, DRIED STRAWBERRY, APPLE, KETTLE CHIPS, STAX, PRINGLES, ST PADDY CARDS, HUNT'S PASTA SAUCE.  THEN DIRECTLY HOME.  RESTING I'M PLANNING CLEAN UP.  I HAVE HOPE.  I'M DRINKING STOCKPILED COCONUT WATER,  SO GOOD.

libraries are closed 'til 4/16. 

FUNNY

I'M WATCHING SPIES IN DISGUISE.  I DON'T KNOW HOW I MISSED IT LAST YEAR.  IT HAS WALTER AND PIGEONS SAVING THE WORLD. 

I DON'T KNOW WHY I LOVE PARAKEETS AND HATE PIGEONS.  I LOVE CROWS.  I DON'T KNOW.  DOVES, RAPTORS MOSTLY NO.  FALCONS YES, CONDORS, EAGLES NO.

I'M COMPLICATED.

TERRIFIC

I SHOWERED AT ARQUES AND DECIDED TO GO TO LAUNDRY AFTER LUNCH.  LUNCH WAS OK.  JESSICA IS AFRAID IF THEY CANCEL LUNCH SHE'S OUT OF A JOB.  HILDE TOO.  THEY CUT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE AT EACH TABLE TO 4.  SO I SAT AT THE FRONT.  I GOT 5 MILKS.  2 SALADS. 

AFTER LAUNDRY I CHARGED CHROME AND PHONE LISTENING TO SECRET CD AT MISSION.  I WENT TO SCU SAFEWAY FOR SUSHI AND FREE WATER.  TALKING TO MAN IN LINE ABOUT SUSHI AND FREEBIES HE WAS BUYING SOUP BUY 2 GET 2.  THE PARKING LOT WAS FULL AND THE STORE WAS PACKED.  I WAITED TO TALK ABOUT AARP FREEBIES AND HE GAVE ME A MONOPOLY TICKET.  I NEED SOUP SO I WENT TO HOMESTEAD SAFEWAY.  I HAVE 'TIL TUESDAY. 

almond croissant

MAY NOT BE THE HEALTHIEST BUT DELICIOUS.  MY FEET STARTED THROBBING AND TINGLING.  OH, WELL.

I'M WATCHING THE BUGS BUNNY MOVIE.  MAKES ME LAUGH.  CARTOONS RAISED ME.  I'D GET HOME FROM SCHOOL.  MITZI AT THE BABY SITTER'S AILEEN WITH HER FRIENDS.  I'D WATCH TV 'TIL IT WAS TIME TO START DINNER.  8 YEARS OLD COOKING FOR A FAMILY OF 5.  I GOT PUNISHED A LOT.  AILEEN MOSTLY.  SHE WAS HELD RESPONSIBLE AT 13.  I DIDN'T KNOW HOW AND NO ONE TO TEACH ME I STILL WAS PUNISHED.

SO SORE FEET IS NOTHING.  MY SORE BACK AND NECK WOKE ME UP.  ALL THE ABUSE, BEATINGS FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN EXISTING.  SO A LITTLE TINGLING IS NOTHING.

LUNCH WAS GREAT!  THEY CUT ONE SEAT FROM THE TABLE 4 PLACES.  I GOT BUMPED AND SAT ROW 3.  FIRST SERVED.  AND THE MAN OF THE MARRIED COUPLE GAVE ME THE ONE LEFT OVER PORK LOIN I ATE AT THE LIBRARY.  HURRAH ME!

THEY CUT THE HOURS AGAIN.  ONLY OPEN FOR LUNCH.  11-1.  I'M FREE!!!  I WENT TO BATTERIES PLUS AND GOT DC ADAPTER FOR THE CD PLAYER.  SILLY ME GOT SO EXCITED I FORGOT I HAVE EAR BUDS ON MY BAG.  I WAS FOCUSED ON THE NEW YELLOW EARPHONES I FOUND IN BACK BEDROOM. 

I WENT TO SAFEWAY TO REDEEM $5 CASH BOARD PRIZE.  ON TO LIBRARY FOUND NICKEL.  YESTERDAY I FOUND SHINY DIME IN PLANTER STRIP SENIORS.

I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD.

AM TIRES

NEW DIGS.  REMODELING EXPANDING.  NEW TIRE MOLECULES IRRITATING MY EYES AND NOSE.  I THOUGHT NO SMOKE MY ALLERGIES WOULD IMPROVE.  MAYBE 6 MONTHS.  I KNOW THAT'S HOW LONG POT TOOK.  I AWOKE A NEW PERSON.

LAST PACK PURCHASED 12/27.  I DON'T KNOW WHEN I STOPPED.  I HAD GUM AND LOZENGES ALREADY. 

JUST LIKE DAD

YESTERDAY ART TOOK HELEN'S CHIPS JUST LIKE DAD.  AT LUNCH I REMINDED HIM HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SHARE THEM WITH ME.  INSTEAD HE TOOK THEM WITHOUT A WORD.  SO I TOLD HELEN AT LUNCH IF SHE HAS SOMETHING SHE WANTS ME TO HAVE TO GIVE IT DIRECTLY TO ME.  SO THEN ART ASKS ME IF I WANT THEM.  HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY YES.  HE WAS THERE WHEN HELEN ASKED ME IF I WANTED THEM.  SO I REPEATED YES.   HE STILL HAD THEM ON HIS WAGON. 

TODAY, SECOND DAY OF SHORT HOURS.  I CALLED AM TIRES FOR AIR CHECK ROTATION.  NO ANSWER.  SO I PROCEEDED TO LIBRARY SUDDENLY REMEMBERING CITIBANK DUE TODAY.  I DETOURED AND BOUGHT PASTA SAUCE AND ALMOND CROISSANTS FOR 200 POINTS AT LUCKY'S REDEEMING 400 SO ONE 4 PACK WAS .59.  AND THEY'RE DELICIOUS.  4 PM I CAME HOME THRU GREEN LIGHTS.  WHILE AT LUCKY'S THE AARP WRIST WALLET ZIPPER CAME UN STITCHED SO I KNOW TO CHECK THE OTHERS AND REINFORCE. 

home again

UNEVENTFUL FIRST DAY NEW SCHEDULE SENIORS.  ART TOOK CHIPS HELEN OFFERED ME.  OH, WELL HE CAN KEEP HIS DIABETES.

I WENT TO CENTRAL AND WATCHED FROZEN 2.  OK.

I'M GLAD TO BE HOME.

ARMOR TREAT IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN SPAM.  NOT AS FATTY.  WITH LEFTOVER BROWN RICE AND SNAP PEAS DELICIOUS.

BEST ST PADDY DST

DESPITE MY FEARFUL TRAINING I HAD THE BEST DAY.  I WOKE 5 DST 6, WATCHED JOJO RABBIT FOR AN HOUR.  I HAD NOODLES AND EGG.  I GOT UP AND CHANGED CLOCK.  IT WAS LIGHTED AND I FELT GOOD.  I WENT TO G2 AND CHECKED SAFEWAY FOR SANITIZE NONE.  I PLANNED TO GO TO CUPERTINO LIBRARY AND SUDDENLY REMEMBERED SUNNYVALE RETURN FIRST.  DID IT AND PROCEEDED TO LIBRARY 3 DAYS OVERDUE NO CHARGE 'CAUSE I'M SENIOR, HURRAH! 

BECAUSE OF DST IT WAS LOVELY WARM.  I DROVE TANTAU TO PRUNERIDGE TO HOMESTEAD.  I AVOIDED LAWRENCE TRAFFIC.  I CONSIDERED WHAT STORES I COULD VISIT; BBB, GRO OUTLET, NEW CUPERTINO STORES ON STEVENS CREEK.

I GOT TO ST JUSTIN 12;15 PERFECT TIME LOTS OF PARKING.  I BOUGHT PINK HANKIE $1 COVERED IN CAT HAIR MAKING ME SNEEZE.  I HAD TO WASH IT.  I GOT SEAT EARLY GOOD THING 'CAUSE LOTS OF NEW PEOPLE SHOWED UP FOR CORNED BEEF CABBAGE PERFECTLY DELICIOUS.  2 MUSTARDS AND HOT HORSE RADISH.  RAISIN IRISH SODA BREAD.  MEN'S GROUP'S LADIES.  ALICE WAS THERE WITH HER KIDS.  KAREN AND BERNIECE WERE BUMPED.  WE WERE SERVED.  I FEEL LIKE A QUEEN.

I CHARGED THE CHROME AND PHONE WHILE READING THE PAPER AT CENTRAL.  I GOT HOME 5;15 AND NO POWER.  I CHECKED THE BREAKER BOX AND NOTHING TRIPPED.  I LOOKED ONLINE SVP WEBSITE POWER OUT 3;49  >500 PROJECTED RESTORE 6;30.  OVER 1500 ALREADY RESTORED.  AND IT WAS.

WAAAHHH.....

I'M FEELING VERY IFFY.

FEELING WEIRD.

EVERYTHING IS GOOD.  I FOUND MY PACKAGE OF 2 BRACES AND GUM ON FRONT PORCH AS I WAS LEAVING 8 AM SO I PUT IT IN TRUNK.  I WORE NEW BRACE AFTER SWIM.  LUNCH WAS OK.  CHUCK SNACK BAR GAVE ME APPLE JUICE AND HOT DOG.  I PUZZLED THEN RETURNED 4 DVD MISSION.  I'M NO LONGER INFATUATED.  I MISS IT.

I HAD VEGGIE BURGER AND BROWNIE BITES FOR DINNER. 

I NAPPED WHILE WATCHING BIG TRIP.  POORLY MADE PAULY SHORE ANIMATION.  SLEPT SO DEEPLY I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT DAY.  WATCHED JEOPARDY AND WHEEL.

HAPPY, HAPPY

I'M FEELING HAPPY AND TIRED.  TIRED OF ALL THE LOSSES I'VE EXPERIENCED.  HAPPY ALL THE CHANGES IN  MY LIFE. 

ALL MY LOSSES CREATED A SPACE FOR NORMAL PEOPLE, MORE ABUNDANCE, PEACE.

FEELING ROCKY

AFTER DOING EVERYTHING MY BACK HURT.  I DIDN'T WANT TO GET OUT OF BED.

I WANT TO DO LAUNDRY AT SOME POINT AND TAXES.  I'M STRESSING.  I REMEMBERED THE HEALER'S PRAYER-COURSE IN MIRACLES; I NEED NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT TO SAY OR DO.  HE WHO SENT ME WILL DIRECT ME.

HOME AT 3.  OK I WENT TO SCU SAFEWAY TO REDEEM FREE AND FRENCH BREAD ALL I COULD FIND.  IT'S A NOT FUN HUNT.  IT'S EXHAUSTING SEARCHING. 

I DID MY SENIOR ROUTINE, GAVE TOKI AND HELEN BREAD AND FRUIT FROM THE LUNCHES.  TOKI WAS THRILLED.  OR MAYBE HELEN. 

FEB, MAR, APR, MAY, JUN

GEO BIRTHDAY
DAD'S BIRTHDAY
A'S BIRTHDAY
MOM'S BIRTH DEATH DAY
ERIC'S BIRTH DEATH DAY

I'M FEELING BETTER THIS YEAR.  I'M PROCESSING.

I PLAYED PUZZLE 'TIL 3.   PADDLED POOL AND REMEMBERED DEPOSIT.  GOT THERE 4, OPEN 'TIL 5;30.  I GOT BALANCES FORGOT TO COVER LIFE CHECK SO I DID.

CAME HOME COOKED CORDON ATE CHICKEN, SHEPHERD SLIDERS, SALAD.  WASHED DISHES.  FIXED POOL SUIT.  CLEANED SOME CELERY.

NEW MONTH

I'M FEELING A LITTLE ANXIETY.  LIFE HAS BEEN GREAT.  I'M GETTING USED TO IT AND IT'S PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION.

IT WAS A GOOD DAY.  I TALKED TO SOPHIA FROM SCU WHILE PUZZLING.  SHE'S SO NAIVE. I FEEL COMPASSION FOR ALL THEY HAVE TO LEARN.  I'M GLAD I'M NOT YOUNG.  THIS WORLD IS SO MESSED UP.  ALWAYS HAS BEEN, IMPROVING SO SLOWLY.  ROSE DIDN'T SHOW MAURICE DID.

MONDAY NIGHT COMEDIES A RELIEF.  I FINISHED BECKER.  HE'S HAPPY I'M GETTING HAPPIER. 

ALF

ALIEN LIFE FORM ON CHANNEL 68.2 5-6 am.  TODAY'S DAILY WORD HEALING.  I ALWAYS WAS MADE TO FEEL LIKE THE ALIEN BY MY FAMILY.  THEY TOLD ME I WAS ODD, HUMILIATED, EXCLUDED ME.  THEY WERE THE ODDITIES.

I WENT TO EXERCISE, CUPERTINO LIBRARY, CHECKED ST JUSTIN, CENTRAL LIBRARY I CHARGED CHROME AND PHONE.  I'M READY TO GO TOMORROW. 

PROCESSING YESTERDAY WAS SO WORTH IT.  REVISITING THE PAIN AND LETTING GO.