beat up

I SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT ON MY LEFT SIDE AND MY RIGHT SIDE IS STIFF AND SORE.  GOING INTO THE PAIN I FLASHED BACK TO AILEEN PUNCHING, SHOVING  AND TRIPPING ME.  I AVOIDED THINKING OF IT BECAUSE SEEING MOM BEAT AILEEN WAS SO MUCH WORSE.  A TEN YEAR OLD CHILD BEATING A FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD INFLICTS WAY LESS DAMAGE THAN A 35 YEAR OLD ADULT BEATING THAT TEN YEAR OLD.

SO I ALWAYS FORGAVE AILEEN AND AVOIDED THE MEMORIES LOCKED IN MY BODY LINKED TO THE PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL PAIN.  IT'S ALL COMING OUT.

THAT'S WHAT GROWING OLD AND DECREPIT IS ALL ABOUT.  DENYING THE CHILDHOOD WOUNDS THAT ARE INTERNALIZED AND FESTER.  WHICH LEADS ME TO UNCLE FESTER AND THE ADDAMS FAMILY.  THAT WHICH IS POPULAR ATTRACTS THE PUBLIC FOR A REASON.  THEY WERE SO HAPPY IN THEIR WEIRDNESS.  PERFECTLY IMPERFECT.

ZOMBIES ARE POPULAR BECAUSE UNCONSCIOUSLY PEOPLE RECOGNIZE THE WALKING DEAD.  THOSE WHO AREN'T REALLY LIVING GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS.  EXPLAINS MASS MURDERS TOO.  JEALOUSY FOR THOSE HAPPIER PEOPLE SEEMING TO HAVE A BETTER TIME.  AND WHY INNOCENTS ARE SLAUGHTERED.

I FORGOT CARLOS AND MY CHECK ENGINE LIGHT 'TIL 8;50 AND DIDN'T FREAK OUT.  I DRESSED, BRUSHED MY TEETH AND GOT THERE 9;18.  HE WAS ON PHONE ABOUT UPCOMING SURGERY.  WHEN I ASKED HE SAID IN 2 WEEKS.  HE'S TERRIFIED NEVER HAVING ANYTHING BEFORE.  I TOLD HIM WITH MODERN TECHNIQUES IT'S STANDARD.  DAD HAD CATARACT REMOVED.  WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE BUT HE NEVER LISTENED TO ANYONE BUT AILEEN.  OH, WELL.