whew

feeling tired and healthy.  inactivity 4 days.  well rested.  took out garbage.  watered porch plants.  10;30 dollar i got last 3 chips 2 mouthwash.  arr seniors 10;50 #10 walked park stretched good.  not so much popping cracking.  fed squirrels avocados.  felt pretty good.  planned libraries.  no one main.  picked up 3 dropped off south, saving, lego isla.  

decided to try am tire.  passing chase remembered banking tomorrow postpone county 'til tomorrow.  first in line i waited 10 minutes thought maybe self serve like costco.  i started setting machine young man came over offered to do it i acquiesced.  4 lbs low.  so worth it.  definitely drove better.  can impact mileage.  

home i put things away ate lunch i forgot to eat cranberry.  finely shaved roast beef gravy on bread scoop mash.  soggy diced carrots.  

dinner i cooked potato w/melted cheese, turkey cranberry, toasted corn bread.  yam for dessert.  

i'm learning

i didn't want to do anything.  inner tantrum.  3 pm i dressed, took my time went to lucky's for free sparkling ice (it has caffeine), yams. cooked the last one, sesame oil, corn bread.  big lots was out of mix and had best bras and $1 spices.  $1 mini panettone fruit cake.  i do love fruit cake.  i'm happy.

i ate potatoes, yam and turkey.  i have one more meal.  with cranberry.   i thought about going dollar store sv.  nah, i don't have to.  maybe tomorrow.  

limbo

4 days of bliss.  i can process, comfort my sadness, celebrate my improvements.  and the auto update is working.  

i rested after considering going to lucky's freebie sparkling ice and big lots corn bread mix.  nah.  i think clearly think better well rested.  i remembered jamie at 6.  

b-a-h

betrayed.  abandoned.  heartbroken.  maybe it happened to them before they had words.  then they don't know where their feelings come from.  they believe those feelings are who they are not what someone did to them.  people who can't love themselves.  dangerous predators.  rabid dogs.  unpredictable.  alien & nit.

2020 year of the rat.  ohh... trump year.

universe

what to do.  what to be.  happy.  what makes me happy today?  not sure.  i cooked a zucchini and sliced some turkey.  opened whole cranberries.  perfect sweet sour.  i am blessed.  

i can go to 4 different churches for dinner.  do i feel like driving?  i don't.  1 north, 1 south, 2 east.  revisiting the past.  i had no money.  tiny income.  there's not much i want besides peace, health and happiness.  life effortlessly easy.  living as god intended.  

sighing a lot.  releasing.  yesterday i ate so much honey chipotle almonds i gave myself a stomach ache.  moderation today.  i ate senior lunch brown rice turkey whole cranberry.  dinner potato, turkey, freebie gravy pretty good.  yam dessert.  

best thanksgiving ever!!

locked out

good that i have time.  i locked front door got to car left my keys in house.  all my keys.  went to look for hide and squirrels or cats knocked it somewhere.   finally found it had terrible time getting it out.  i need new method.  

oh, what to do.  i picked up lunch and went to drop and pick up main library.  forgot 3-7 today.  stopped at safe way for roasted turkey.  found 3 clearance chipotle almonds, checked out 2 soups.  i bought and returned 2 sliced cheeses no sale price because i bought 1 already.  sale price one time only.  ridiculous.

no idea

i went seniors 10;16 #6.  art walked by so i walked over to his scooter to get his address for christmas card.  took me 3 tries to figure out how to enter on my phone.  i edit ok but couldn't figure out how to save.  beautiful sunny day lots of kids.

i decided to try finding last day freebie no bake cookies at college safeway.  score.  found 50 cent brush, clearance frozen michelina mac cheeseburger 62 cents, havarti cheese $1.99.  $3.16 total saved $8.17.  

i'm stunned.  i think it's my right brow right eye.  wearing my 2 back braces keeps me warm.  i don't want to do anything.  chicken bland but cooked thru'.  zucchini good.  mac burger ok.  

today's daily word patience.  people mistake my persistence for patience.  i'm obsessive not patient.  i finally asked the asian couple if their son is autistic.  yes.  a component of aspergers.

dinner was potato with cheeses.  and yam for dessert.  chips fill in the spaces.  

disappeared before my very eyes

while i was typing.  i think the chrome has a bug.

i felt somewhat ambitious and put out bins, watered porch plants.  dave todd (betty) has someone trimming his kiwi.   

i arrived seniors the latest ever 10;27 #7 because of overcast drizzly day.  i still walked park stretched.  

went to main to renew secret.  9 is the new max.  i asked to check in and check out but they renewed 10.  oh, well.  came home brought in bins.  ate almost inedible pork loin slice.  boiled diced carrots and boccoli terrible.  watched dr oz olivia newton john natural health after breast cancer.  they discussed kelly preston died july of breast cancer.  i started wiki and looked up it was 12;55.  i was dressed drove mile to dr office with anthem letter reassigning me to sunnyvale.  he called care more and still in system.  he made me copies of normal mammogram and bone scan.  

i got national geographic from auntie.  i was planning on writing her after holiday but today is good.

inspiration;  plowman's share.  i baked potato, added amino to veggies and melted philly cheese and swiss.  so good.  

still hurts.

i rested all day yesterday.  well, i organized some of my bag collection.  checked under my bed where i spilled corn chips.  almost couldn't get up from my knees.  managed by leaning on bed and pulling myself up and i can almost sit on my heels.  wow, i wrecked my back.  again.

i have to go pick up my st just care package.  only 3 senior lunches.  i have 4 days off this week.  i better start getting ready.  i'm going slowly to avoid injury.  friday this white haired couple in their brand new red hot tesla were driving super slowly in front of me.  life is amazing.

i went to dollar store 3 chips, mat, ramen.  got to st j just before 1.  looking around it was empty.  no line.  i drove to table with church ladies and gave them the letter and envelope.  i got my choice of turkey or 2 $10 gift cards.  i drove around the lot and john checked me in for cards safe way or lucky's and 1 bag of groceries.  home by 1;04.  i put everything away.  canned yams, 2 corn, gravy, stuffing mix, green beans, 5 lbs potatoes, 3 lbs carrots, apples, oranges.

somehow i erased everything.  i got all my settings back i think.  i don't know.

i can get cooked breast for thanksgiving.

kateri tekakwitha

first native american woman saint.  lily is purity.  i never got that before.  

i started looking on wikipedia south pacific film to tom laughlin to sacheen littlefeather to kateri tekakwitha.  i can travel comfortably.  

night and day

sometime during the night my back settled down.  relief.  my shoulders and back ribs sore my neck feeling healing.

paid discover phone.  freebie lucky's small burrito $1.25.  egg sausage bacon.  we'll see.  5.3 lbs yams. $2.41.  my latest snack.  scrub wrap in parchment and nuke.

seniors 10;26 #11 car i walked park stretched talked to gloria from computer room.  she's taking care of her dad with cancer.  home i ate pasta salad.  ate a few onions so stomach sore.  i had bland lasagna for dinner.  i don't know how they made it so tasteless unless it was leftover.  tasted boiled all the flavor out.  

looked for and found st just letter for tomorrow or sun 1-3;30.  

agony since 3;37 am.

i can't eat.  my back, legs, neck everything from lying on the bone density table.  i don't know if the radiation added to my pain.  dr chung office called results.  wanted me tomorrow.  i can barely move.  i'll try monday 1 pm.  

i did too much yesterday.  i didn't stretch after ordeal.  

i went to dentist in agony.  i'm so thirsty.  one step back.  i'm waiting for the 2 steps forward.  feeling depressed.  finally hungry afraid if i eat it could set off more muscle spasms.  senior fish smells foul.  i'll heat chicken.  added half brown rice and spinach.  2 and half hours  to finish.  exhausted from the pain.  feeling hot and sweaty as the calories burn digest.  took kava and willow taking care of symptoms.  

i can fill out december menu.  doing what i can.  

finally 4;30 i removed back braces.  2 days of rest will help.  everything still sore now my arms and tailbone.  am i feeling sad because of the present or past emotions stored in tissues still hurts.  

never good enough igor

all i ever heard from my mom was why can't i be like my sisters.  i finally shut her up when i replied 'if you knew half of what they're up to you wouldn't say that'.  she said nothing.  she either already knew or didn't want to know.  dad condoned and encouraged mom.  he set the tone.  silent partner in crime.

since i'd heard it all my life i got my positives from outside the family.  i was used to being alone.  my friends were criticized and made unwelcome.  since i couldn't reciprocate i stopped having friends.  

parents were lucky i wasn't like my sisters.  when dad got cancer i moved home and still they didn't appreciate.  the sicker the parents the less we saw of the sisters.  sisters only came around to use the parents.  that's how they were raised.  

toke is the only one to appreciate me.  

i checked dollar store for leg warmers none so i got last bag chips 2 liners.  picked up lunch home ate and showered for mammogram.  rested 'til 1;30.  99 cent store 2 pair leg warmers 3 liners.  i love comparing products.  still half hour so i went dollar tree nothing.  drove back way to med office.  went smoothly.  done by 4;30 i went to main to drop off jamie and pick up emma and green lights.  home i put everything away and made chicken bean tomato dinner.  

into the future.

 i'm afraid.  i guess it's being human.  maybe hardwired to instill survival caution.

i dressed and went to walmart walking the store and paying my pge bill where an old white woman comes charging up to the desk verbally assaulting the m o d complaining she couldn't find anyone to help her and demanding immediate attention.  2 people standing behind me she didn't want to wait.  she continued to harass the manager asking where the other clerks were and she wanted to see the manager.  i told her costs are kept down by not hiring more people.  the manager stated she was the manager and the customer could stand in line and wait her turn.  entitled feeling old white people.  the world is changing.  no one else cared.  

i sat in the car still too early to go to seniors.  contemplated safe way freebie cookies,  nah.  called ciro for mammogram.  after the hours i spent on hold i was surprised i got an appointment cancellation for tomorrow.  ten minutes.  i've been calling since the first of the month waiting on hold for hours.  

drove to seniors 10;07 #7 great reception.  on benton i saw big avocado opposite side.  decided to walk back for it.  i was feeling restless energy from things going unusually well and the tropical storm wind electricity.  i walked farther than i expected.  walking briskly i worked up quite a sweat.  found 2 fruit and 2 recycle cans for trunk.  walked park to stretch.  10 push ups.

from the crest of the sine wave of life to the trough.  

predators

i'm mourning the loss of my sisters and feeling the family anxiety.   my thoughts fly around like a cloud of butterflies landing here and there.  i'm adjusting to not having anyone but god.  i'm a hermit in solitude.  mom did the best she could.  i'm mourning that too.  that she couldn't do better.  that she kept dad emotionally crippled.   at eight years old i was the adult.  i was the scapegoat.  

oh. my body.  babies growing go through torture.  my cells make me want to cry.  

i finally opened the chobani creamer.  still good.  too sweet to use as cream.  if i had bread i'd make bread pudding or french toast.  maybe pancakes or cobbler.  and the carnation creamer i got st just top is broken.  

children watch movies hundreds of times.  imprinting and learning.  autism requires maybe thousands of viewings. 

considered going to pay pge walmart.  took out garbage.  some from freezer.  with god everything is easy and comfortable.  without is hell.

arr seniors 9;47 #1.  huh.  walked park beautiful warm sunny.   the best.  stretched.  no internet reception.  i cut suckers front and rain spout. 

roast beef sandwich ok.  reminded me folks asked what we wanted when they went gambling entire weekends.  i always asked for harvey's casino r b with dill pickle.  alien and nit wanted more jewelry.  mom and dad always bought me cheap junk.  my sisters got the expensive so when mom died they took it all and gave me what they didn't want couldn't sell.  1989 i moved home to take care of dad with prostate cancer.  for my birthday they gave me cheap glass bracelet and my sisters got sterling silver aquamarines.  my birthstone my birthday.  sisters got expensive presents on my birthday.  

alien had all night parties those weekends sending me and nit to stay with friends until i got old enough 13 to help set up and clean up.  alien rented out the bedrooms to her 'guests'.   that's how i ended up being pimped out to r shimizu.  guys she wouldn't date but wanted to use.  alien used me to take the parents off her back onto mine.  

i added dill pickles i mixed with green olives tastes like olives less salty.  tiny salad, pear, juice, milk.  

2;30 i decided to go to arques to check it out.  sun is cleaner.  i forgot shower shoes again.  i stretched half hour.  new equipment.  great hanging bars.  

i decided to cook the salad vegs from lunch.  steamed with zucchini and chicken.  changed my mind added 4 eggs and swiss cheese.  the amino makes it so yummy i ate practically the whole thing.  ooh, i just remembered cornbread for dessert.

amino acids

must be rebuilding.  i added to ramen with lettuce and squash.  slept an hour like a baby.  i usually feel sleepy but i was out like a light.  

it's hard redoing my childhood.  i still have chores to do.  i've been doing them my entire life.  

i must have been tired from cooking yesterday.  i left the garage light on all night.  

my body feels calm relaxed comfortable.  that's unusual.

weirdness explained

memories, all learned behavior is chemically imprinted on neurons.  conscious and unconscious memories are chemicals.  addicts have unconscious chemical memories.  reprogramming behavior is physically uncomfortable because of the chemical changes.  exercise helps because it moves the chemicals through the body faster.  

thinking of amy/kyochan.  i've wanted to go 99 cent only.  she sent me a phone card from the store in l.a. so i could call her in glendale after mom died.  alien was threatening to sue her for a decades old gift mom gave her for down payment on her house like mom did with her daughters $10 k.  mom told me.  i was the only one to pay her back.  and mom was her aunt but more in age like an older sister.   alien as executor didn't have the authority to sue her.  amy offered to come up and take care of me but i was bed ridden and mostly sleeping.  i would have felt too guilty disrupting her life.  she had charles, john, catherine and grandkids.  

3 hours of clearing.  i started adding lime juice and brag amino to water.  i'm so thirsty i can feel it go directly to my lower back.  

it feels so late but it's only noon.  i finally decided to tackle the st just chicken from tue 10th.  i expected little drumsticks like before but it's 4 giant thigh quarters.  i separated the drumsticks to fit 2 in the pan.  i've never seen such monster chickens.  turkey sized.   

the thighs were still attached to the back.  very delicious.  i cooked the other 2 and didn't check the temp so i have to extend time and turn up to 350.  i like it very well done.  oh, well i must be tired.  i can't tell.  

i wore back brace.  i toasted lemon danish with chocolate hazel nut.

weird

my body still clearing old emotions stored stuck in my cells.  nora monaco 1985 advised it would release in waves to avoid volcanic eruptions.  so unpleasant.  seemingly never ending.  no channel 2 reception supposed to rain.

went to lucky's picked up freebie k cup and $1.99 cornbread.  checked out walgreen's picture copy.  8 1/2 by 11.  do i want more copies?  

seniors 10;10 #9 lunch was ok.  asian noodle salad good.  i looked for bottles of toasted black sesame seeds gone those thieving sisters.  oh, well.  fiercely cold.  so i'm staying bundled up.  hasn't rained yet.  but channel 2 is back.

gum and folic acid arrived.  so i'm covered this and next month.  whew!!  super b is not as effective as folic and glucosamine is better than co-q 10.  

productive day

dr weihle postponed to next thursday.  i went to sprouts priced passionflower.  checked target forgot leg warmers.  i want to check walmart and pay pge.  i looked through shoes boots in garage.   

family hatred=war veterans

toxins are pouring out of my cells.  nora monaco 1985 told me i carried the family guilt on my chest and i've been carrying the hatred, agony and directed antagonism in my cells too.  i shiver as it leaves my body.  i've been stretching since 4 am trying to get comfortable.  i feel differently.  i feel lighter and wonder if the world's obesity is an unconscious attempt to balance stored projected negativity.  it's like wearing a horrible coat.  without a mirror it can't be seen.  without an image it can't be perceived.  ruth, joel, janet confronted me about 'my' perceived anger.  ruth asked for my opinion and because their perception had nothing to do with me i could only wonder that they discussed it among themselves before confronting me.  i was curious without any other emotion.

i feel surprisingly well considering all i accomplished yesterday.  i thought i'd be exhausted having run around so much.  i'm still popping and crackling whenever i shift position.

1 pm.  somehow i lost 2 hours.  the clock battery and lack of hunger.  usually i'm ready for lunch 11-11;30.  today i'm not hungry.  i'm cooking veg for when i am.  i have roast slices.  i nuked 2 yams washed wrapped in parchment.  3 min turn 2 more.  i washed the sliced mushrooms in the big spinner.  i had to wash the moth bodies out first.  who knew.  i drained it flipping and turning for hours then nuked it in garage 20 minutes 30% stir 20-30% 20-30% stir.  3;30 i called 24 hour for wait time no customers.  i showered washed hair in the warm.  no chairs.  i hung from bars stretched back and legs.  walked safe way then went $tore looking for leg warmers.  bought 2 m wash, fish oil, 50 cent 2 laundry bags.  gave busker $2.  home i assed mushrooms to ramen and pork slices.  tried to watch cma awards too boring.

leg warmers

miracle.  i've been wondering where i put them wanting to use them as arm warmers.  tom cut off sock tops to use while practicing guitar keeping his arms warm. this morning after practicing peggy cappy breathing exercises without thinking i went directly to the suitcase and compartment i put them in.  

i never thought breathing was important.  not breathing is.  

oh, my left hip is screaming.  i went $tore 3 chips, 2 m wash, alien spider skeleton.  then seniors 10;33 #13 i walked and stretched briskly.  i stamped auntie's card and mailed it.  i returned wonder boy to main and stopped at st just to say hi to john.   3 grocery bags full.  lemon danish, fruit, canned goods, zucchinis, carrots, yams, radishes, celery, apples, kaki, egg nog, chicken, spaghetti, sauce, rice, mushrooms.  took me 3 trips to the car and 3 hours to put it away.  the mushrooms were sliced unwashed.  who does that, everything jumbled in 3 bags.  i sorted and separated.  

drove to cup library picked up emma, wonder boy lp.  dropped off kingdom and mary.  alcohol spray washed hulk and bear.  ate b b q sandwich heather thought was good.  eh.  felt good and remembered to fill gas tank.  tanker there.  half the time it's there fill up day.

cooked some mushrooms added ramen noodles pork onions lettuce.  great dinner.  chex mix dessert.

what a good person am i=01741612129

pch ordered grill pan i spent yesterday and this morning trying to cancel.  finally elias cancelled it.  4 calls, on hold half hour and cut off.  terrible phone tree.  

i waited taking out bins.  i let car warm up.  seniors 10;23 #8.  i walked park stretched.  thought about freebie frosting.  i went college clearance 50 cents and swiss cheese, free one pot pasta.  felt pretty good went homestead found powdered chocolate frosting add butter.   i can use chocolate powder.  lettuce no eggs.  

since i was across the street i went main.  pick up in lobby.  3 musicals and cookbook.  i thought peanut butter was good on oatmeal cookies, hazelnut better.  i was reading jamie's comfort food peanut butter brownies.  fresh fruit on top.  i can add dried.

then i remembered to pay citibank saratoga.  halford reopened 10/26.  i don't know why atm won't accept payments on costco.   

and home.  

auntie sent letter and $100 for thanksgiving birthday from her and uncle dickie.  what a happy surprise!  it was in e mail previews but i didn't count on it having been disappointed before.  so i started planning where to buy.   boston market has dinners, panera soups sandwiches.  denny's?  

remarkable.  reception as guest cup library.  i went to senior lunch line 10;23 #13 after $tore chips m wash alien spider.  very brisk 10 min walked park stretched.  stamped auntie's card.  mailed on way to return wonder boy.  stopped by st just john got veg eggs chicken etc.  to library shade sorted grocery bags.  spray washed alcohol bear and hulk.  update failed.  oh, well.

earth stewards by danaan parry

earth stewards brought down the berlin wall.  they organized a civilian informal family exchange program with russian families.  the only enemy fear and ignorance not people.

i finally found the jvc cd player tom gave me 20 years ago.  i tried the ac adapter in the sony disc man.  same exact voltage.  hurrah!!

i'm doing something right.  i dressed at my leisure going to lucky's at 11;30 already tired.  couldn't decide safe way, burger king, $tore, citibank.  waited 'til after lucky's.  found very lean pork roast 1.49 lbs $7.14 $5 off, got my freebie pineapple coconut + recycle deposit.  took my time considering check out or self check decided self.  the self check i picked had a breyer's coupon $2 off next visit.  i tried it and $.19 balance.  19 cents.  

went across street to pay citibank.  atm still doesn't work.  i called customer service jay filing report.  i thought about another branch but tired.  

got home 12;45 started prepping roast garlic, onions, celery, washed potatoes.   put in micro with parchment paper.  stays moister.  time to add potatoes.  

close but no cigar-finally sanity- tabs disappeared

biden-harris has the votes but trump is still threatening.  trump knew about covid and did nothing and talked the danger down to instill more fear in people.  like hitler trump knew fear filled people are easier to manipulate.  

talking heads on tv haven't touched on trump's racist army.  they're the ones with guns and a lot of them are in law enforcement.  black lives matter, all lives matter are obvious to any/every reasonable person.  not trump.  only white lives matter to trump.  only rich white lives.

i heated potatoes added 2 eggs and cream cheese.  delicious.  i finally cooked krusteaz box lemon squares with last 3 eggs.  i had it $2 clearance at least a year.  too  sweet.  now i know how.  

i made ramen with jerky for dinner.  so good.  i thought of going to lucky's for freebie sparkling ice and paying citibank but feeling tired i read through auntie's letters her birthday 9th, uncle's 4th.  uncle died 4/17, eric 6/17.  i'll make copies of mom dad pictures to send.  

biden-harris won!!  they announced their acceptance most beautifully.  i watched avidly.  i've never enjoyed politics more.  

while watching jamie everything disappeared, all my settings.  took me 45 minutes to get them back.  i did it.   

bringing the light. being the light.

all my relationships have been sharing my light with disbelievers.  pearls before swine.  

my purpose is to shine.  i finally know my purpose.

when i was 16 and my fellow students were deciding on careers carolyn marine biologist etc, all i could determine was wise.   

i finally realized hanging my covid mask by the elastic is stretching one side.  i have to hang it from the body of the mask.  

also i release the trunk latch for lunch pick up only when the engine running or i drain battery from trunk light.  one time in old car it sat overnight, dead battery next morning.

showered.  contemplated 24 arques stayed home.  senior lunch line 10;23 #12 car a new record.  walked park disposed garbage.  i've decided to leave senior garbage at seniors.  did my stretching 12 minutes still upset my tummy.  

faith

 with the bushes i worried and we survived.  i had my passport ready.  (auto saved)  

watching mary reilly i'm exorcising my demons.  mom, alien, nit.  dead to me.  alien was always laughing saying didn't i remember her burning me with matches sticking me with pins when i was a baby.  no i only remember mom putting incense on my hand, lighting it.  if i moved when it burned me we started over.  or mom hitting me and screaming when we were watching tv, mom thought it so funny to scare me.  like the child abuse in the film.  historically accurate.

i can feel cold through my shoulder blades

never before in my life.  i'm feeling things i've never felt before.  

trump is systematically terrorizing the usa.  covid and racism are tools for him to use to distract people from how he's manipulating the stock market.   he's been using intimidation his entire life and is very expert at bullying.

says published but it isn't

the time and date stamp says published but it isn't until the publish icon turns into update.

i let go yesterday and handled everything.  tygj.  then the little cloud appears.  with a strike through means i need to update.  why a cloud?

i prefer this time daylight saving time.  enough light to maneuver.  

walked sprouts clearance priced glucosamine $25.  went to target asked ac cord none glucosamine $18.  i'm worth it and discover 5% reward no hassle.   

54 o seniors line 10;08 #7 car i walked and stretched.  fat perv is using my routine.  wore tennis shoes walked circumference of center.  shepherds purse sprayed with weed killer oh. well.  stretched on bars.   

i brought in secret cd instead of moving it back and forth.  i just have to remember to put it back in car.  good old justin fixed renewals on chrome this is 3.   

pain is exhausting

oh my shoulders and pelvis.  must be the constant communication.  the messaging burns calories.  ouchy. 

i'm doing what i can.  bought 4 chips $tore.  proceeded to seniors.  i took cd and dvd from county in case i felt like picking up my 2 holds.  sitting in senior lunch line i remembered i needed to do banking.  oops.  i had filled out ballot night before and wrote check for life insurance.  dropped off at kiely mission post office on to chase only one atm through road repair.  drove direct to star one deposit urmila teller.  perfect, early enough easy route.  still had an hour for library to open so checked out safe way 2 bottles bragg amino acids $2.49 ea clearance.  ate half turkey pot pie biscuit best part.  it's sad when the best part is the biscuit.  

reasonable clerk checked in and checked out secret cd.  i returned ayahuasca dvd.  i self checked 2 movies on new equipment.  everything new today.  i felt so optimistic i went $v 2 bottles h 202, oven pan, blond floor mat for kitchen.  i want to try the light weight mats in the car.  

got home 2 pm felt more like 4-5 i accomplished so much.   

what to do-dst

i feel ok.  yesterday talking was too exciting.  no wonder i never talked at home besides the constant humiliation.  

i feel sorry that my sisters treat me so badly for their sake.  they're treating their dna the way they will treat themselves.  i know alien abuses her kids.  nit probably does too.  i know nit's boys were terrified of vampires.  when they were in grade school they asked for crucifixes for christmas because of vampires despite the fact they lived in the garlic capitol of the world.  nit was the vampire.  

i know i'm thinking and feeling accurately when i get the shivers.   reprogramming the house is working.  last night i harvested 6 allergy leaves so easily.  someone has been walking around the backyard.  the weeds are tramped down.  the ivy and privet are taking over, the allergy is doing ok.  kind of amazing it's growing in spots it never did before 30 years.  

i want to share allergy plant.  herbal lore.