resting, babying my body. i'm learning. my family drove me so hard that was all i knew. now i know better i'm doing better. they demanded too much and that's what i knew. i'm learning the optimum.
noon i'm reading June 2017 posts. tough year. Eric died, skylight leaked disposal died. seems like an eternity ago. i always felt so sick.
while i woke 4 am i feel good. i cut cactus for half bin. or it gets too heavy to haul. lots of paddles. i'm developing a system. today lovely cool overcast. my eyes are stinging from smoke fires.
the other green pink bag is definitely gone. i was so happy when i had both in middle room. i looked all around area. tossed a bunch of stuff. i'm deciding what i want to keep.
lunch of tough pork loin topic of conversation. i had no problem. Hell and her boyfriend took best seats so i went to table behind but Inge insisted i sit, she moved over and Hilda set another place. 7 at our table. i feel specially humble. tough pork loin topic of conversation. i had no problem knowing how to saw through lumber.
i went college safe way for bread and iceberg. no bread very limited.
sore back of pelvis and arms. i feel lost and sad. maybe i'm just tired but listening to Kelly Howell 'heal depression' is instantly helping. the puzzle table disappeared. i charged my phone too and gamed. next week gym supposed to open 7-3. weird hours.
home 3 pm allows my back down time to rest. part of pacing myself.
i finally cooked the clearance organic jack fruit. i followed the directions boiled simmered. tastes a little like solid artichoke. i finally cooked the clearance Annie's mac broccoli the directions said chicken i substituted jack delicious.
i was going to trim cactus lovely cool overcast. dressed with back brace and it sprinkled. so i went 24 find out check in. just id. i have one green pink bag with swim but locks in other bag. i used extra from lock drawer. i searched a little bit. doing chores in bits is great. the satisfaction of a job well done without the exhaustion.
b'fast i made tuna salad sliced cucumbers on bread. i'm hungry again.
i dropped off extra food at st j and considered it my one task, came to wash. changed coins did only bedding. an hour to charge chrome. wiped basket, filled waters. lovely cool overcast has burned off. they call the weather monsoon.
ate lunch with inge and art. charged chrome and left for home. i for went games and sweeps. another addiction bites the dust.
i found my window and drapes open. thankfully the overcast came back and it was still cool. i used the cart for the laundry saving my back. hung the sheet and mattress cover. used the new stainless steel rack for the bed spread. so big i'll have to use the smaller ones when dry.
i worried about dinner. i forgot i have the last of veg and chicken and bread and butter for dessert. i'm more tired than i know.
i'm practicing listening. i considered laundry, 24 exercise and came to seniors for chrome. i could still wash i have forever. i walked stretched picked up 2 bottles 1 can. crossed parking stood between driveways mustang man asked about center. maybe he was an angel maybe me i was at appointed place and time.
i got camp chair from trunk and back pillow for front door wooden bench. burger king would be perfect. i did. .6 mi there .8 back to seniors. new behavior. old me would have felt obliged to go home. i would have felt too guilty of being happy. they beat into me i didn't deserve to be happy. and so i learned to beat myself.
when i worked at Goodwill Robert a client at the Oakland factory/training center propositioned me at 6 am before a managers meeting. i was incensed and sought out a lead who told me he was a trainee. next month meeting he was wrapped in bandages limping with a crutch. i asked the lead and she said he threw himself down a flight of stairs explaining he did that whenever things became too comfortable. taught me about conditioning. all my relationships were a repeat of my family. betrayal and pain.
sitting pretty. i set up my space. the quiet is soothing my autism. i can relax. air condition kicking in.
i cut cactus into bin. did more than i planned it was so easy. 7 am cool and shady. watched my exercise 6-7 made and ate my b'fast. a few stickers i removed before set into my hand. watered porch plants.
then i loaded laundry, removed seltzer to house, loaded excess food too.
i renewed films i haven't watched. at home i've been marathon watching 'murder she wrote'. i brought films to renew or return. i had to go back to car after reaching front. i brought chrome and home made lunch egg pickle and p'nut butter honey sandwiches with corn chips for snack.
3 i kept falling asleep. i was home 3:30 feeling ok. i think because i wore back brace from 7 am. so itchy under braces.
