STILL LAZARUS

I'M BIDING MY TIME.  THE WEATHER IS WARM, SUNNY, ALL AROUND AWESOME.  MY BODY IS STILL TEACHING ME. 

I READ ABOUT THE LAZARUS EFFECT.  RISING FROM THE DEAD.  DYING TO THE PAST.  AN ARTICLE IN DAILY WORD FOR NEXT MONTH, MARCH. 

SHE JUST HAD THE FLU.

I'VE BEEN THERE YEARS AGO. 

NOW FOR A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LIFE. 

LUCID DREAM

A WEEK OF TORTURE TO GENTLE ME TO ACCEPTANCE.  THE FAM TAUGHT ME SELF TORTURE.  I CHOOSE TO DO IT DIFFERENTLY.

BRIGHT LIGHTS.  I'M MIA (ME*A) FARROW (GIVE BIRTH TO PIGS) AS A CHILD HOLDING BLUE GLADIOLAS, THE ONLY THING TO DEFLECT GHOSTS.  THE BLUE=SAD, THE GLADIOLAS=GLAD.  I CAN SEE GHOSTS.  SHE'S A LATCH KEY KID LIKE ME.  POWERLESS ACTING MOM.

A BACK DOOR SOLUTION.  THE CONVOLUTED PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT WITHOUT FREAKING OUT.  I'VE BEEN SO STUBBORN(MIDDLE ENGLISH, STY BORN, PIGS AGAIN).  WHY DO THEY ASSUME PIGS ARE INTRACTABLE?  LIKE MULES.

SECOND DREAM MIKE E BATHROOM, I FLUSH FILTH DOWN TOILET.  EXORCIST.

DREAMS ARE THE REAL ENERGY SOURCE AND THIS WORLD IS THE SHADOW.  DREAMS ARE VISITS TO THE WORLD WE CAME FROM AND ARE GOING BACK TO HOPEFULLY EVOLVED.  WE DREAM TO RESOLVE AND READY FOR THE TRANSITION BACK.

DELORISE LUCAS WANTED ME TO USE MY ORDINATION.  APRIL 1, NOT A JOKE.

DROPPED THE CEREAL BOWL AND BROKE.  I DIDN'T CARE.  I SWEPT UP THE POWDERED MILK AND TOSSED THE PIECES. 

I'M OK.

AND GETTING BETTER.  EXORCISING THE GHOSTS IN MY LIFE.  THEIR DISTRACTING INFLUENCE. 

TWEEN

THIS A M I DREAMED OF MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER.  I'M RE-RAISING MYSELF AND I'M RECONNECTING WITH MYSELF IN NEW WAYS.


I'M TESTING MYSELF TO CONTINUE TO FUNCTION IN NEW WAYS. 


SO FAR, SO GOOD.  MINOR ATTENTION LAPSES.  NOTHING NEW, JUST NEW WAYS.


I THINK THE KITCHEN SINK BLOCKAGE IS DUE TO GREASE BUILDUP.  I JUST NEED TO CLEAR IT AND GET AN ESTIMATE ON A NEW GARBAGE DISPOSAL:  DISPOSALL.


THE SKYLIGHT IS DRY AS THE DESERT IN SUMMER.

PROCESSING THE SADNESS AND DEPRESSION

MY CHILDHOOD WAS FEAR AND ANXIETY.  I LIVED ANTICIPATING DEATH.  I DIDN'T WANT TO BE THERE.

WHEN MT WAS GOING TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME IN '58 I WASN'T SURPRISED.  I WONDER IF IT WAS AFTER MK CHASED A AROUND THE HOUSE BEATING HER WITH A BROOM.  THE OLD STYLE HEAVY BROOM.  THE YELLING, SCREAMING, CRYING IS STILL INSIDE ME.  THE CRUELTY.  

I AVOIDED THINKING OR FEELING.  ALWAYS.  I SHUT DOWN COMPLETELY.

IN ORDER TO CREATE WHAT I WANT I HAVE TO CLEAN HOUSE.  THE HOUSE REALLY IS A REFLECTION OF THE INTERIOR. 

WOW.  THE E-MOTION.  ENERGY IN MOTION.

TYGJ

YESTERDAY THE ROOF STARTED LEAKING 10 MIN AFTER I GOT HOME.  SO I WAS ABLE TO RELAX AND REORIENT BEFORE THE ORDEAL. 


I HATE THE HOUSE FOR WHAT IT REPRESENTS.  THE DISRESPECT, HUMILIATION, DISCOUNTING, MELODRAMA.


IT'S IRRATIONAL AND NOT THE HOUSE'S FAULT. 






I PICKED UP MISS PEREGRINE DVD MLIB AND IT'S QUESTIONABLE. 

STATS

I HAVE VIEWERS IN FRANCE, LATVIA, RUSSIA, PORTUGAL, ITALY.  HELLO!!..  THIS BLOGGING IS INCREDIBLE.  I STARTED IT BECAUSE IT MAY BE THE ONLY IMMORTALITY I HAVE.  AS LONG AS THE INTERNET EXISTS ANYWAY. 

THE NIGERIAN COMMENT WENT AWAY.

I PICKED UP AUSTRALIA.

PAKISTAN AND LITHUANIA.

UK.  BRAZIL.  INDONESIA + SPAIN.


UGH!! I CHECKED OUT THE WEBSITES AND PORN!!

FEELING CHILDLIKE-STORMY WEATHER

AWOKE THIS A M TO A POND IN THE KITCHEN.  FRIDAY I LEFT BUCKET IN PLACE, JUST IN CASE.  IT WAS LEAKING IN TWO NEW SPOTS DOWN FROM EDGE OF SKYLIGHT.  ALONG MOISTURE LINE.  AND A SECOND DRIP FOUR INCHES ALONG SEAM LINE. 

MUCH MORE WATER.

SCOTT FROM SKYLIGHTS HASN'T CALLED BACK.  HE MAY BE TRAPPED IN SANTA CRUZ WITH THE FLOODING. 

I CALLED SCOTT YESTERDAY TO REPORT ON SUNDAY RAIN LEAKING.  AGAIN.  LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO.  ALWAYS STARTS SUNDAY. 

THE PROBLEMS DAD HAD WITH HIS FLUORESCENT LIGHT INSTALLATION FOR YEARS CAME FROM MOISTURE IN THE SKYLIGHT INTERFERING WITH THE FUNCTIONING. 

SYMBOLIC OF THE FAMILY DYFUNCTION.  WHERE'S THE FUN IN DYS?


I NEED TO DRAG THEM ALONG.  I DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THEM BEHIND.  WHERE WOULD BE THE FUN IN THAT. 

FIND ONE LOSE ONE

FRIDAY-3 I WAS MISSING ONE HEMATITE STRETCH WHEN I GOT HOME.  TODAY I ASKED AT THE FRONT DESK AND I ACTUALLY LOST IT WED-1.  I GUESS IN ALL THE BANK AND BILL PAYING.


THIS WEEKEND HAS BEEN PHYSICALLY ROUGH.  1972 FALL AND FALLOUT.  LEFT LEG AND ARM HAVE BEEN PAINFUL.  THE HOTTUB HELPS.  AND KNOWING THE CAUSE.  OH AND I HAVE A BOIL ON MY RT BUM. 


I'M RECOMMITING TO QUITTING SMOKE AND THE FAM. 


WHAT TO PUT IN THE VACUUM??

FOUND MY COIN PURSE

IT WAS IN MY BAG, HIDING IN A POCKET.

NAP THERAPY-IT WORKS

IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN AND I'M FEELING HYPER.  I'M JAZZED THAT I FINALLY FOUND THE BATTERY TESTER.  I THOUGHT IT PUT IT AWAY WITH THE ELECTRICALS.  I ONLY THOUGHT IT. 


YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FIND THE COUNTY LIB BOOK BAG FOR AN HOUR.  I WENT AND LOOKED AT MY CAR MILEAGE LOG AND SAW I WENT TO THE CUP LIB AFTER THE LAUNDRY.  I WENT INTO THE HOUSE THROUGH THE GARAGE AND THERE IT WAS PATIENTLY WAITING WHERE I LEFT IT, HAVING ADMONISHED MYSELF TO REMEMBER, I FORGOT.


SO I'M ELATED.