since i awake early i want to be in bed early too. i'm feeling flashback anxiety fear of 8 years bedridden unable to walk sit in chair, ride upright in car. my back is indescribable. i couldn't drive, relied on friends for rides to doctors, shopping. eric came and maintained registration on car.
rose at 10 trying to live my life. remembered to write out life insurance. post took it. one down. spot cleaning bathrooms. i've been so massively depressed. only coming out of it can i behold the magnitude. and i expect i'll fall back into it. everything is cyclical.
1 pm back in bed nothing on tv, back to movies. 'puss in boots: last wish' his 9th life = mortality. strange topic for kids anime.
9:30 watching snl i haven't seen 20 years. thinking of '8 billion angels' and man destroying the planet and the posturing on tv. everything on tv about consumption and technology is destroying the planet. chemical murder. the oceans are becoming more and more acidic, the fisheries are being decimated and the commercials still promote senseless consumption.
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