All the money in the world won't save anyone.

Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg will burn with all of us.  they think they're preserving themselves.  they are prolonging their torture.  they ignore global warming.  there won't be a world to enjoy, clean water to drink or fresh air to breathe.  

I lament the children of the world.  well, they won't miss what they never had.  

People will start disappearing.  Trump has said the due process of law no longer exists in his world.  we won't even know.

Daily Word Divine Order i'm planning on spoiling myself.  more fun.  

yesterday I left 6 chocolate donuts (Vote)

Today someone left a coconut creme pie.  yum.  I remembered bingo and library returns.  whether I go is up to me.  no late fees.  I want to check out nob hill.  i'm watching person, place, thing 4 pm.  I watched half of people puzzler at 2:45.  

i went to sunny library returned the book and checked out puzzles.  6 pm i decided to go to sprouts.  I could have sewn.  nothing I wanted not even cornbread.  

no wheel or jeopardy because of voting.  election results are depressing.  

after 2 and half hours today

DMV website 2 days.  Jahari after Dimitri and Cindy looked up Flora Vista closed for repairs 'til Nov 18.  I prefer local.  I can always use Hopper.  

my toddler belly woke with visions of the family humiliating and ridiculing my toddler self.  no love only scorn.  they bonded over their cruelty.  

my chronic depression was my survival.  I had to hide from the monsters.  and now I'm processing and releasing.  alchemy.  

cup library-DST

 I had to drive around the library twice for parking.  the good news I decided walking for my exercise I parked on the corner.  added.4 to my mileage.  I walked all over the library to see what all the traffic was about.  it was just parents and kids.  no special events just families.  

home at 3:30 when I left at 3:30.  I completely forgot daylight savings.  I picked up igor and Irish R M.  

I found the DMV letter from Sept.  Eh, I decided to go Tues.  I'll go all day.  

i remembered it's time to renew

soaking in the tub Daily Word, AARP, CDL.  11:13 eating God's lunch at library cafe.  i'm considering if I want Real ID license.  a lot of extra work for no return.  

and I just remembered wheel of fortune.  my brain works so much better fueled.  people ignore their bodies.  

I love watching kids.  they're miracles.

I started DMV application.  I have no idea what I did with the renewal letter.  

I'm just tired and have a sugar crash reaction.  

I want to cry and mom beat it out of me I can't.  "I'll give you something to cry about."  I need a hug and I have no one.  I'm grieving Mike Winn cancer and dying 10/18 bringing back Eric 2017 and dad 1999.  it's always with me.  my lunch group is filled with love.

i'm watching the end of Barney Miller the only series I've cared to watch wrap up.  I'm feeling lonely and it's a sad improvement of my childhood pain and sadness of humiliation and cruelty.  I never felt loved by my family.  

the only way to process pain is to feel it and let my chemistry use it, change it 'til there's only love.  

Best Halloween

I get to pick and choose what I want.  I keep what I want and give away the rest.  I'm so buzzed on sugar.  

I couldn't get online and I thought it was me.  Justin told me many complaining no free wi fi.  hooray! it wasn't me!  I goofed around since the cafeteria was late with medicare class.  I saw Toki coming out of class so I let her go first then I couldn't find her.  she was sitting with little Gloria.  so when Fred came in I waved him over instead of making him look all over.    I told Walter to give me extra chicken and he did.    

dropped key found key

I must focus on ME.  the lesson of ME ME.  put every thing else aside.  the new me drove back to center and library.  I am hopeful.  practicing new energy.  

Nob Hill and ME-ME

I took recycle they don't anymore Recycle Tek in Sunnyvale by home depot.

6:48 am a great time to arrive

i puzzled a little then soaked and stretched.  i changed into exercise clothes and Toki came early 10:30.  nice change.  full lunch table:  Trudy, Kenny, Toki. Andy, Salome, Florence, Donchey.  then after lunch i puzzled until bingo.  i won once.  i drove to Safeway for salad and 2 Stouffer's dinners.  on to cup for 2 movies.  straight to lucky's for buy 2 get 3 free chips and mac nuts on sale $5 bought 4.  most excellent.  

6:52 am perfect to get my favorite space

"the final frontier"  and playing on my puzzle.  yes i said my puzzle.  i picked it.  i had 2 lucid dreams: 1 kissing my true love and #2 Anne worrying about her memory.

i soaked stretched for an hour and stretched on the table for half.  lunch not good but company excellent:  Trudy, Kenny, Fred, Toki.  Diane loves talking to the men sat with Fred.  

after lunch i puzzled 'til 2 and decided to forgo more exercise and go home for people puzzler.  i was so hungry from a tiny lunch i ate chips.  dinner a tuna sandwich with salad lettuce.  

10 am good gym parking. no hot spot

i forgot my flips and God provided a towel to wipe my feet.  tygj.  finished showering at 11 headed to Ukraine benefit.  beautiful people with green eyes.  very expensive.  i bought 2 chocolate bars and 7 potato dumplings $24.  my Costco rebate.  i paid cash most people scanned smart phones.  

$5 dollar tree i bought spaghetti-o's, bag clips, anti-freeze, trash bags, lime rice, pretend crab wasn't so good tuna is better.  i added to salad.  

life can be wonderful.

don't know what i feel-returned sunny hot spot

All feelings can be painful.  new feelings are unknown.  probably when and why celebrities kill themselves with drugs and alcohol.  poisons.  soaking in the warm tub is releasing stored belly feelings from before i could speak so i have no words to describe the suppressed emotions.  i suppose that's what kills people continuing to suppress strange feelings.  

11:30 picked up salad $1.79 and 6 old fashion cake sale donuts 64 cents ea. Safeway and 60 cash.  then i remembered tomorrow Ukraine food and crafts benefit.  if Ukraine falls Putin will take more.  stopped st just for lunch and weekend bag.  i'm grateful.  mom never cared and Aileen a child so no lunch for me school years.

great library dad mirroring his tiny girl building her self worth.  

sunny phone message 3 day overdue book and spot.  A lovely day at the sunny puzzle table 'til 6 pm close.  then sprouts. detoured to costco sat in long line 10 minutes to fill up.  

goofing at seniors

i picked up free tru-blu saltines 16.3 oz and walked sprouts nothing i wanted.  no wonder i feel tired.  no b'fast.  i'll have shake.  i considered pork stick not today.  too heavy.  i want light.

i took my time.  might be time to turn in chrome to check battery.  down to 22% after 2 hours.  i showered and washed socks.  i can dry in mesh bag.  

big belly

my bound muscles have finally relaxed.  the body when injured seizes to prevent further tissue tearing immobilizing the wound.  and the exercise bingo is motivating me to move.  

the pork stick is like salty spam.  b'fast.  i left home at 6:39 am.  i love watching the sun come up.  life is so enjoyable without the arguments.  Florence and Jane got into an argument about pharmaceutical reps.  Jane has been one and Flo was bad mouthing them which Jane took personally.  then Florence apologized but complained to me and wouldn't let it go.  silly girls.  

so i'm trying new behaviors.  i was going to return the spot last night but felt too relaxed.  maybe today.  maybe tomorrow.  

play day

i want every day to be play day.  i can go home for game shows or return a hot spot or exercise more or just goof around.  i soaked for an hour and then biked and stretched.  then lunch i forgot Toki told me offsite lunch with friends.  Diane asked then i remembered.  and Salome.  we're the Goofy girls.  

i considered soak part 2.  too noisy this morning in the tub with Trumpers loudly pontificating.  even from the pool they were loud.  

pain is easier than nausea

10 minutes breathing the pollution i feel sick.  my tailbone on fire i'm ok.  took me 3 hours breathing air conditioning to feel ok.  i soaked then lunch.  biked 20 minutes before going to bingo size.  

feeling ok i wore a 95 mask and shopped lucky's for free loaf of bread and mini cookies.  Walmart i paid PGE and bought copper back brace and protein shakes.  then i remembered Safeway chips and mauna loa on sale i bought rocky road and strawberry guava.  i ate chips and rocky road.  

home and rest.

i'm still processing the depravity

i read an online article of an American being prosecuted for animal cruelty in a case in England.  he sold and distributed movies of live baby monkeys being lowered into running blenders.  these torture films were sold worldwide.  it's a multi country problem.  the torturers could be anyone anywhere.  i'm still feeling horrified.  too horrible for words.  

maybe that's how family secrets are created.  too horrible to discuss.  deny, deny, deny.  

brain tumor man apologized for his meltdown.  like i'd ever trust words.  sister Aileen couldn't melt butter she was so cold and like trump words have no meaning.  totally insincere.

he did motivate me to vote and drop off my ballot.  

i checked internet connection on library computer new chrome format increased safety.  so it's malfunctioning is nothing I've done.

came home 2:30 for people puzzler and still hungry.  i ate chef boy r d chiken soup.  already tastes bad sitting on a shelf wouldn't improve it.

a handful of dust 1988 film

a study in infidelity, betrayal.  the 1934 book by evelyn waugh is so matter of fact.  the lawyers, detectives, families accept lying and cheating as a part of every day society.  if one is rich anything is normal.  i don't understand.  i believe in simple physics.  what goes around comes around.  what you put out comes back.  the universe is energy.  this is a very blemished world.  a soul chilling world.  

i'm taking vitamin c.  i have a cold triggered by allergies nothing new.  happened all the time in Gilroy.  when i feel feverish i take one and feel better so i know it's a cold.  i wanted strawberries, almond pastry and goat cheese.  heaven is having what you want when you want it.  

i actually feel cold.  it's been a long time.  maybe 20 years.  

7:38 seniors open 8-Oakland fires

the new me enjoys the time to let my soul catch up.  i considered Walmart, target and sprouts but too much rush.  i'm enjoying my life.  couldn't happen to a nicer person.  there, i even enjoy 'nice'.  

i sat in the car and remembered to check calendar.  so i paid Discover due 21.  

season change is drying and ramping up my allergies.  I had some Tylophora.  i soaked and stretched an hour.  checked sprouts clearance 99 cent baby lettuces.  st just lunch and weekend bags.  library book sale 36 movies for $5.  11:30 sandwich with greens i'm in heaven.  my heaven is simple.  

i went and checked out sale and bought a bag of 36 movies for $5.  oh well.

my skin and lips are so dry from allergies.   i have so many chap sticks and moisturizers.  

picked up my freebies at 6:30- Mike died

yogurt and candy.  and the manager special dozen eggs 99 cents, half price almond pastry i brought home.  

i took my time.  At the seniors i showered, biked for half an hour, and stretched half an hour.  my middle back is alive and talking to me.  dull pain and stiffness.  I've had neuropathy pretty much my entire life.  can't heal it 'til you feel it.  you know something's off but can't know what it is.  

lunch not good.  i puzzled 'til 2 sprouts goat cheese 3@ $2.50 ea.  home for people puzzler.  

my inner child is playing

i got a reminder to vote.  brain surgery blowhard announced loudly in the tub he was voting for trump.  so aggressive and annoying out of the blue so i asked "you're voting for king trump?"  he affirmed so i said yeah they voted in hitler and gave him poland like trump wants to give putin the ukraine.  he got upset when trump has said more than once he wants to do away with due process of law and has repeatedly threatened his plans to jail people without trials.  so i figure all non whites and immigrants will be sent to camps, hitler funded world war 2 by arresting and confiscating fortunes.  trump has stolen people's money and declared bankruptcy to avoid pay back numerous times.  he left the tub in a huff shouting at me to "shut up" i told him "today i still have free speech later who knows."  

i feel sorry for the immigrants who came seeking peace from tyrants and violence only to experience a lawless pro-violence presidential candidate.  

jd vance's wife is east indian too smart for her own good, trump will get rid of her quickly.  probably one of the first in the concentration camp.  she's not blonde and slavic.  

helpful people

i'm counting them.  maybe 5 a handful.   65 % of people are good and honest.  I've lived my life with the 35%.  my family was the 35 %.  I'm spending my life without the 35.  

i swam 2 1/2 hours.  lunch long line 'til 11:30.  Walter's doing better.  Diana gave me outdated monopoly tickets.  gave me something to do.  I puzzled 'til 5:30 went to nob hill for ads and to redeem    

CRASH!! can't remember password

so i'm using another way.   so google won't let me renew y mail.  

bingo fun no win.  

you tube all new healing music.  I don't know where oldies are.  

stopped at sprouts clearance jerky.  i drove king's highway to sunny.  i don't like the raised pedestrian walkway and i can detour.  i puzzled 'til 6 pm then sunny sprouts quinoa snacks, pie 2 blueberry halves clearance $1.99 ea, and cornbread.  i'm blessed.  dinner pie and pork.  

brave cathy

she sent me a halloween card and stickers.  she's doing great in Hawaii.  she has buddies and family.  she goes to the Ray Kroc Center.  

Pat Vorreiter 2007

everything i wrote disappeared.  i looked up her info to check her address.  she was Ailing and Mitt's fourth and final lawyer.  and everything evaporated into the ethos.  like the belief i ever had a family.

1998-2007 was hell.  dad fractured his spine and i watched his decline and passive suicide.  counselor's words.  then mom made good her 1993 suicide attempt on May 13, 2001.  my sisters upped their cruelty and betrayal.  more than four times the agony with my ex husband.  i had to overcome the family history of denial.  56 years to that point.  

King of Queens television show ran those years.  my mini vacation from the overwhelming pain humiliation lies and torture.

i'm processing the pain of divorcing my family.  down to the core of my being.  who i used to be.  i'm deciding who i'm becoming.  i fully expected the pain would kill me and yet here i am.  

so i'm pampering myself.  doing a little housework for my pride.  celebrating me.  eating chocolate.

3 egg omelet

i've changed my mind.  i don't want to go to crowded cup to see parrot show.  it will be noisy and full of kids.  i feel relaxed and choose to stay this way.  

i puzzled 'til 9 soaked 'til 10:30 picked up st just lunch avoiding comic con.  i decided back to first baptist i walked an hour and half.  i budgeted $10 picked asi lo mar mesh bag, washable office pen organizer, pieces of white lace fabric, adze.  she wanted to charge me $12 so i was going to put back the fabric, she gave in.  she gave me an additional bag for adze.  

home best lunch.  

checked my c u balance

i'm feeling paranoid.  Life is going well, fear is bubbling up.  seniors i showered and then biked 30 minutes.  i timed my lunch walk for 1 of 2 extra.  after seniors i went to prune lucky's for freebie and $5 royal blue 2 X hoodie.

2 hours walking 1st baptist rummage sale too high.  yard and half blue lace and dirty glass vase $8.  home at 5:05.  if still there tomorrow maybe for much less.  

6:55 am seniors

my favorite time of day.  and getting into bed and relaxing.  i enjoy watching the sunrise.  everyday is new and different.  Can't Wait to Get to Heaven must be rubbing off.  I've read it enough.  

i'm taping over bad recordings with positive uplifting thoughts.  and it's working.  bingo reward is better health and less pain.  

i deposited checks and cash for the month and walked Sprouts.  said hi to Joyce/robin.  she looks like a robin to me.  nothing i wanted.  CBD $10 for 5 doses from $7.  

I pondered the library feeling a little tired.  decided on home made best mac and cheese with dry milk and 3 tsp butter can tuna.  

afternoon swim

i'm being new and different.   i have my checks and cash ready for deposit.  maybe today but better since short hours tomorrow.  i'm blessing the month i forgot no mess no stress.  

i ate tuna sandwich for b'fast at 5 am so 11:30 i'm ready for lunch.  turkey stew.  we'll see.  it was so so.  couple hours finished 'positive thinking' puzzle.  

3:30 waiting for pool to re open at 4.  my legs and feet are swollen.  2 extra helping peas to go.  i'm itching all over like while bedridden.  2 hours tub 94 perfection helps.  home 6:30.  HEAVEN.

i like watching the sun come up. no CBD

remembering who i used to be.  my world was so limited.  i wanted a good family.  that's all i wanted.  to make up for my cruel heartless upbringing.  i hadn't a childhood as much as indentured servitude.  i was tortured and lectured on a cruel world that only existed for me within the family home.  i learned to trust and gravitate to those who would use, cheat and betray me to perpetuate the family legacy.  the world is actually 65% great.  it's the 35% bastards I've studied to protect myself.  so I've learned to recognize and deflate the air bags not adding to their hot air tirades.  i prefer to watch them float away.

Walter is making noises wanting to hold on to his past.  time to let him float away.  he prefers Marie, worriedly asking me if I'd seen her.  i almost lost purple butterfly hair clip distracted by Walter.  i missed it at bingo, retrieved it after class.  he doesn't come to seniors he won't see her.  not my problem.  Bingo is great!  the win is the exercise and more energy.  my neck feels so much better.  

i much prefer a bright happy today.  someone left an entire meal at lunch.  SCORE.  i insisted Toki take the banana.  

library 85-90℉.  i went to smiley face icon insert special characters typed degree, chose Fahrenheit.  scary.  i tried to return/check out chrome Grandma insisted on renew.  maybe I'll ask Cody.  i had to return Egoscue books for 24 hours.  i requested holds.  no one else has been so whatever she is.  they always check in/out.  she's been here as long as me, still working the desk.  she went through punk, glam, Goth.  interesting evolution.

i considered banking today.  mail preview i may receive $25 check from Lucky's monopoly.  eh, may be denied.  i don't much care about outcomes at this age.  i feel calm and comfortable.  worth a fortune to me.  check arrived, bank tomorrow maybe.  

living for myself is intoxicating

100 degrees 4 pm.  i swam 8-9:30, filled shampoo bottles, lunched, finished puzzle and snacking oatmeal cookies.  

i considered part 2 swim i can wait.  i'm sleepy.  

my days start at 5-101 degree day

i brought in my max protein shakes from car trunk.  i'm so glad i don't have to compete in this dog eat dog world.  i don't think i'd like dog.

air is so bad.  i remembered to look for yard sale.  too hot yesterday, 70 now 8 am.  found yard sale after driving up and down Nobili.  don't know how i missed it.  2 houses from Machado.  just setting up.  i bought rubber maid egg cases $1 and maybe more later.  i went to gym to give them time to put things out.  80 already 9:30 on to cup library.  b king coupon 2 croissant bacon egg cheese and hash nuggets, large coffee.  

parked 9:48.  large drops from fluffy high white and dark clouds racing across the sky like Hawaii 40% humidity.  11 am weather site says 82 degrees while air now says 91 for cup, sunny, main.  library is surprisingly uncrowded.  maybe more home air conditioning.  global warming is creating manufacturing and service jobs.

Adult Survivors page 42 "light peeking through the clouds of despair" WOW!  IGOR!  page 43 "Moment of insight:  When you genuinely have a pure heart, no matter how big the hole in your heart may feel, you're sure to win in the end."  i was literally born with a congenital hole in my heart on dad's side and made to feel inferior.  mom labeled me retarded 'til kindergarten placement tested me as gifted.  my family were the retards.

6 pm finished entire book.  half an hour to closing.  95 degrees.

Nobili yard sale just putting away 7 pm.  2 white crocheted bed spreads and drafting brush.  she said i could have anything.  mini fridge too heavy.

movin' and groovin'

i went to Lucky's and picked up lemonade + tea and Equate shakes at Walmart.  hour and half in the tub.  Dave there.  9:30 shower and drive to St Justin to pick up lunch.  all the lunches mom never made me.  she gave Mitzi and Aileen money for lunch but i could starve.  so i ended up fending for myself very young.  i was basically homeless.  so i have great compassion, i know how it feels to be ostracized and despised.  

i keep expecting to be rescued.  i don't know why.  hope springs eternal i suppose.   

i'm walking memory lane.  i looked up Heaven Under the Moon- Cheryle Gail b&b in new Zealand.  She's a great example of turning stumbling blocks into stepping stones.  she gives me heart.  

the nerves in my legs are quivering.  i drank the free lemonade tea + caffeine.  

i was thinking of going to sunny but only open 'til 6.  not worth the drive for an hour and half.  tomorrow projected 96 degrees maybe cup library.  yard sale on Nobili close to Machado too hot to look maybe tomorrow.  

up since 5 today 10/4

Diana gave me 5 lbs frozen strawberries, chicken, fish sticks, squash.  i don't have to worry.  i can keep, give away or toss.  new me easing along.

i tried the chocolate coconut drink.  delicious.  not very coconut-y.

air is so bad i'm coughing.  started early.  i can hardly breathe.  my nose.  mucus is upsetting my stomach.  

Adult Survivors list of grievances is taking out the trash.  getting feelings out and acknowledging the garbage.  it's working.  

For dinner I cooked the 11 fish sticks and blueberry pie.  i love having what i want.  

bingo exercise

i love doing good things.  last night i picked up hot spot.  2 months without i'm ok.  i stopped at nob hill and clearance 2-36 oz ranch $1, 2-64 oz grapefruit juice $1.50, last 7 750 ml espresso dollar ea, 6 mac cheese 75 cents ea.  and additional discounts only $14.33+tax .44.

i tossed fruit to squirrels and crows.  i'm making room for my good.  or better.  this or something better.  

bingo size excellent.  Jane so rude.  motioned for me to open her water bottle after lecturing me about pollution.  no please or thank you.  

synchronicity:  the central puzzle is Harry Potter, i read a bookstore special edition, i'm reading Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members refers to Voldemort and speaking power.  

i loaded the nob hill espresso, juice and dressing into the garage.  home 6 pm.  parking precious.  

misplaced car key again 104 degree day

 i'm just not interested in owning things and being owned by them.

i called library after lunch will pick up immediately $100 computer chip car key.  

laser focused on bingo size

i kept waking.  i'm feeling excited and anticipating.  i planned my dress, then mail bill, banking and main.  my plan.

The lunch menu changed to fish from tamale pie.  Toki bought me 8 mini chicken corn dogs from Marukai.  she finds the most exotic foods.

i won Bingo twice as did others.  fun to win.  i felt so good i drove to P O mailed bill and on to Chase to withdraw.  i parked under Main 99 degrees outside versus 78.  i ate the corn dogs and lunch salad at 4.  life is good to have what you want when you want it.  

sunny called hot spot available tomorrow.  i kept checking online.  I've been without one since 8/1.  so 2 months=8 weeks and i'll have it for 3 weeks.

dinner 7 pm big salad tuna beans rice hot spicy Smart Bowls.  so spicy i added 2 cups of peaches to cool it down.  

let go let God

much less anxiety. 

progress

i forgot they cleaned the women's showers at 24, well they changed it  and i had the whole place to myself.  i drove to lucky's and walked the store, no chocolate cake.  on to sunny lib i dropped off a movie and book.  i don't have to stay.  i checked out Sprouts 4 99 cent chips 2 coco drinks.  dollar tree i bought Sunday paper and cruet.  at nob i updated chrome weather and air.  most delicious espresso mixer a dollar, hazel nuts $5.  home by 11:30 for a delicious homemade salad.  snacking on nuts.  

i took out the kitchen garbage full of fruit flies.  i considered Safeway eggs and paying Costco but i'm pacing myself.  i filled gas in car yesterday morning it's the same distance to the seniors.  i'm getting a lot done and feeling better.  i'm learning to pace myself.

i'm on an artificial caffeine high from espresso.  caffeine energy in lots of drinks makes people think they have more energy when they're just drugging themselves.  speed.  i super glued broken eyeglasses and hummingbird wind chime.  i cleaned up the broken plant pot on the porch.  then i rested.  i'm learning to pace myself.  

we may be the last generation to enjoy a democracy

trump sue took down the Ukraine benefit sign.  she wants a dictatorship starring trump.   Putin takes Ukraine like Hitler took Poland.  world war 3 maybe.  Trump will betray America like everyone in his life.  i feel badly for children and immigrants.  they came to escape terrorists and Trump uses fear, threats and terror to control his mob.  hopefully i'll be dead soon.  after 2 Bushes and Trump i'm tired of the fear tactics.  i'm emotionally drained.

or it could be the 75 bad air.  giving me sinus headache.  haven't had in a long time.  

i see the little ones at the library and hope they'll solve global warming.  caused by Texas oil men's greed no one seems concerned we're killing the planet ergo ourselves.  fossil fuels have poisoned the planet and funded middle eastern terrorists.  America's manufactured need for oil created the wealth of Dubai.  a need generated by capitalism.  Henry Ford wanted to run cars on soy bean oil diesel fuel but there wasn't enough money or exclusivity in it to overcome Texas greed.  

well parents are allowing kids to grow without direction.  so maybe it's just the end.  my parents let us run wild so my sisters and most of the world is selfishly concerned only with what they want.  i saw it in my family.  i was the only one concerned with recycling.  they want to trash the planet make it someone else's problem until it impacts their life.  it may be too late.  

i drove to Ukraine benefit cancelled so proceeded to St Just lunch and weekend.  having holiday sale everything $ so my 10 donation i spent on Christmas presents.  in fact i found 11 and left my money home was going to put one back white woman gave me an early gift.  maybe a little hope.

the world was built on the backs of minority women.  we did the work while men took credit and cash.

lovely lunch

i drove to both lucky's and Walmart.  i'll have to check back for shakes.  i got beets.  don't seem to do anything but delicious.  i do love beets.  i bought peach and box felt light.  when i checked in car 2 were empty.  i took it back and they reversed the charge.  

seniors i feel a success filled day.  and i remembered the lotion.  i washed a blue bag with a spilled smoothie.  lots of dye.  today i put it in the wringer.  i didn't yesterday when i washed it out.  i forgot about it 'til today.  i rinsed it again.  

i wonder about some people being sight impaired or just plain rude.  they charge around like they own everything.  

toddler dreams

clear as the full moon.   i'm resolving past issues.  

no bingo size today and Cody bookmobile out sick too.  lunch ok Diana gave me 15 game pieces inspired me, i haven't been playing.  i gave her Cody's avocados.  i considered going home early after cup pick up.  feels too rushed.  i'm taking it easy.  tomorrow shopping.

i printed directions to Saturday Ukraine benefit 11-2.  

dreams all night

I awoke at 6:30 and here i am at seniors.  childhood fear has been bubbling up.  instilled and installed by family to manipulate and control.  the only power bullies have is the past.  

trump uses it to perfection with his minions.  unlike Gru in Despicable Me trump hates and despises his mob.  he didn't have the nerve to lead his January 6 insurrection.  bully and coward.  and his dummies didn't have the brains to figure out if he had a leg to stand on.  they must be loyal to trump like family at all cost.  even betraying democracy.  he's their family.  he's smart enough to use them until they figure it out and turn on him.  he probably has an escape plan like his many bankruptcies.  he always has an escape plan.  

Hilde had gallons of warm chick rice from yesterday.  i got 4 cups and today's tomato soup for dinner and tomorrow's b'fast.

met a Nancy newcomer concerned by Diana's Harangue.  she knew Diana voted for Trump.

I arrived 6:55

it's amazing how many are already here.  still dark.  i soaked for an hour and half.  puzzled new one Indigenous People.  

lunch OK i finally remembered oranges and pears for Toki.  Fred is faithful.  Jane still in a snit at lunch and bingo size.  she sat by herself claiming she needed the room.  

bingo size i'm part of the group.  some won 3-4 times i won once.  90 degrees at 3 pm straight to main.  84 parking.  only 6 degrees such a vast difference.  i knew bad air when i woke wheezing.  

maybe I'll do my medicals

it's a drag.  like it's up to the oldies to support the medical just because they think they can intimidate us with death.  so we're going to die, everyone does.  going to doctors may prolong our lives.  if i can be happier great.  guilt-ing me won't work.  

i finished puzzle.  afternoon i navigated the web.  i finally printed a good map and directions to scc Records 110 W Tasman at 5:30.  i'm persistent.  

perfect sat hot tub 98

soaked 'til 9:30 then on to main library book sale.  no Tina  so i walked and the on to st just for lunch and weekend bag.  from there on to sunny library book sale and drop off pick up.  puzzled for a bit at both.  feeling satisfied.  checked out Sprouts.  home i cooked potatoes water soaked as experiment.    delicious with prepared tuna.  feasting like a queen.  

got my free pop well 12 0z

and 2 clearance salads + $ reward $1.03 saving 92%.  woo hoo!!

don't have to be rich to live richly.  

found oranges at home

4 pm new Jeff at the library helped me find my snack bag i put them in.  he's diabetic hadn't eaten i gave him dried cherries. hazelnuts, a senior apple.  i gave him the 4 small meals a day lecture and mom's emergency gall bladder surgery.  i looked up his name means God's Pledge of Peace.  

i love love love bingo size.  the exercise and music makes the hour go quickly.  prizes are given at the end of 10 weeks.  Tu-Th 1:30-2:30.  my shoulders are sore.   

i'll start DMV tomorrow.  one new thing a day.  issued 9/5 dad's death day.

i forgot yesterday's wheel so i'll wait 'til i can enter today's bonus puzzle.  

don't know what i did with oranges-Fred's b'day

i saved 2 for Toki yesterday she went for Dim Sum lunch.  Fred ate his.  Walter seems to be doing better fulfilling lunch requirement for gas stipend. 

It occurred to me i can put old ID on my gym case.  nothing sticks to it.  

i ate a little granola and my beet candy for b'fast.  as long as i keep moving i'm not hungry.  we'll see how it works.  i'm taking my vitamins at bedtime this week.  

it was difficult getting to wheel page.  it didn't want to load.  

i told Toki i had a box fruit in trunk and she suggested getting it after her work out into her car.  i offered to bring it in to share.  nope.  today Wednesday i'm chilling so i agreed.  

after lunch Marie at puzzle table haranguing Francine trying to sort pieces while Marie has her stuff on a third of the table.  and Mark totally bored on his phone finally leaves.  took me an hour to figure out Marie was competing for Mark.  trying to show up Francine and impress Mark.  so high school.  

i was thinking of Toki looked over the balcony and she was waking in so i met her downstairs and she carried the box to her car.  done and done.

Fred's b'day jokes i made up:  73 is the new dyslexic 37.  AND who's happier bunnies or kangaroos?  kangaroos are hoppier.

home 3:30 pm i finally received DMV letter DL renewal and real ID fewer documents required.  i'll have library help me.  Charlotte called me back 5:06 pm phones open 'til 5:30 Sacramento.  

7:16

i forgot to take my vitamins.  eh, i remembered i forgot that's good.  Progress not perfection.  i'm thinking of taking them at bedtime.  i ate beets.  

tub was 98 degrees.  so relaxing.  hour and half.  then online.  stinky man shouting in computer room.  i left 11.  lunch ok i remembered no Toki to Dim Sum with Jane.  i saw Jane at bingo exercise said it was ok 3 people ditched.  half dozen ditched class i was ignored.  Mallory offered to walk me in or i could start fresh Thursday i opted to wait.  i mailed monopoly 73 cents and checked out Secret and Daily Ukulele and LP Love Tina.  

i met Mariah and self named Violet at puzzle table.  she loves him a lot and he's dismissive toward her.  lack of vitamins making me tired.  

woke 6:30

dark and cool.  i made eggs with tomato sauce and Swiss cheese.  i was here at seniors 7:18 after picking up fruit.  i didn't think i just followed spirit.

tub was wonderful.  i stayed in hour and half.  lunch with Fred and Toki.  i was still full from b'fast.  brought it home 12:30 for Love Boat and game shows.  

adapting, adjusting

everything all at once.  overwhelming.   9 am gym shower, 9:30 on the road looked for cup sprouts gone.  i never saw inside.  it was during the pandemic, long lines, no parking.  and now it's gone.  

arrived 5 minutes to spare, sat in car.  returned 7 items.  and i found 7 items.  i traded Rocky and Bullwinkle for King of Queens.  i ate the Friday freebie Built Puff is chocolate covered marshmallow.  

left noon made salad with voyage seed butter carrot vinegar dressing.  and chips.  nothing better than what you want when you want it.

library reorganized movies second floor.  so i relaxed.  

life can be so good.

seniors 8:14 am

sprouts clearance turkey sandwich for lunch.  i remembered art wine in the park to avoid area.  lovely tub warmer.  smells smoky everywhere.

11 am sunnyvale i ate half sandwich.  5 am shake wasn't enough today.  i remembered wheel game.  i'm happy listening to healing music.  1:30 break time.  brake time.  just a tinge of punishment fear.

i looked up Joel Kupperman from Rocky And Bullwinkle.  he was a famous child genius on Quiz Kids.  you never know what you'll learn from cartoons.

6:59 am seniors-Gondola

i'm feeling enthusiastic despite my situation.  maybe because the master bath faucet finally works well.  when Della's David changed 2 faucets and one trap pipe for $700 the bath faucet dribbled.  i asked if he could turn it up he refused so for years i put up with the dribble.  i used the wrench to change the aerator and it flows.  the original faucet aerator must have been old or mineral stopped up or something.  maybe previously used.  and now it works.

I asked for help and copied the $25 monopoly letter and envelope.  

Mexicola avocados planted fruit after 3-4 years not 10.  I finally remembered to research.  10 years ago when i looked only Hass and 10 year wait for fruit.  

Ryan Seacrest is so prejudiced.  he so obviously preferred the white woman.  the asian man and black woman were so dissed.  73 years of personal experience tells me so.  subtle and obvious.  

live, love, laugh and be happy

Diana gave me a bag of bagels.  i gave half to Cody with ripe avocados and 2 apples.  a bag of ripe to Diana.  

happy day

playing on puzzle.   i watched the "debate" last night Trump performing like a trained seal.  tooting his horn encourages his followers to fill in the blanks however they choose.  America loves actors.  unfortunately most are ignorant posers.  too lazy to do a real job.  or handicapped like Bill Nighy.  Trump puts the fun in funeral.  he has no respect for life.  

i entered monopoly and "won" $25 after jumping through hoops.  i have to mail in to be verified.  wow, a lot of work, make a copy, fill out form.  certified mail suggested costs $3.15, go to post office.  

i didn't charge it went down to 7 % and wiped everything

and i'm ok.  i recovered settings easily.  hour and half water massage.  i considered fraud and scam presentation and my health is number one.

and 3 pm quitting time.  1500 piece Alan Maley 1931-1995 impressionistic painting puzzle.

Cooking Swaps:  1/4 c. plain applesauce, mashed banana=1 large egg                               1/2 cup plain applesauce=1 c. butter  

sunny library

nothing is attractive.   I showered at 24 forgot my neckerchief in shower went back.  9 am packed.  64% humidity air conditioning is great.  maybe a car is too confining.  not enough circulation.

4 pm 79 degrees I can go home

feel it to heal it

I didn't know what I wanted to do.  I dressed still having no idea. iv'e gotten dressed and gone back to bed before.  I drank a shake and ate chips.  tv forecast 88 degrees starting to warm up.  I chose not to endure heat.  next where.  cup, city or sunny.  I decided to let the car take me.  I picked up 2 dozen fruit.  so humid I was sweating or having a heart attack.  54%.  divine order daily word day.

I drove to 24 hour fitness only parking way in back shaded by giant van.  I showered, stretched, weighed the same soaking wet and on to Lucky's tuna creations.  gave me one free.  checked out big lots and decided to walk around back of complex.  pleasant.  shady.

leisurely drive to St J and Charity gave me lunch and weekend bag with more tuna creations.  cafe by back door steady stream of visitors.  very nice.

i'm feeling sad.  I can feel sad anywhere.  central closes at 4.  I can go be sad by myself or another place.

city closed Monday admission I can go county and sunny open.

1:30 got everything done

9 am at 24 fitness second parking spot.   forgot my bath towel used face cloth to dry.  straight to lucky's free Starkist beef single serve.  I bought 4 reg Lay's chips 10 tickets.  then picked up bottles at Inge's and proceeded to seniors.  lunch ok Fred was there before me.  nice to have someone else save our seats.  I took my time and got a partial extra lunch for my dinner.  67% humidity.  drove directly to recycle 16 minutes $10.  Sprouts more clearance.  

parked under central.  feet up relaxing.  

sugar from beet gummy makes me sleepy.  and berberine doesn't seem to do anything for me.  so I can save myself some money to be spent on other things.  

i'm feeling.  

8:45 instant parking.-25 years to resolve internal conflict

dad's death day.

everyone at 24 fitness on a phone .  

air not good 8 am and getting worse.  67 degrees projected 90.  

actually 92 degrees at 5 pm i remembered clearance 99 cent 18 oz watermelon chunks in trunk.  so perfect.  and eating clearance kid's meal also from Sprouts.  $3.50 for small turkey sandwich, chips, apple sauce, water, cookie.

24 at 9 am

parking was better than at 8.  35% humidity makes it seem even hotter.  I'm so grateful for air conditioning.  bad air day I can smell smoke.  

I decided to go to sunny Costco for gasoline but tanker blocking lanes and a snarled mess.  detoured to SC 4.2 miles drove in filled up.  10:21 senior center I parked in shade and organized bills.  no extra lunch.  Fred offered to buy me ice cream $1 a scoop.  I suggested we three split one he wanted his own and Toki had in her freezer.  I deflected to Joanne who needs it.  a good time was had by all.  on to sprouts and main library.

the berberine and beet chews seem to help my energy.  I don't know.

internet must be heavy traffic.  extremely slow.  gives me time to consider.  

I just figured out I'm a messy 73 teen-2 days free

24 hour gym internet.  I never had the freedom to just be.  my life was scrutinized, their job to make me miserable.  so now i'm being the teenager.  I still have too many responsibilities.  today chase, Walmart, seniors.  maybe library.  or do nothing at home.  hmm...  projected 94 degree day.  I have tuna noodle in trunk.

mission library 195.8 miles 10:17

*1 193.8 miles deposit

walmart 192.5 miles -a reds, gluco gold, beets

Chase flora vista 189.5 miles withdrawal

lucky gym 189 miles

so far so good.  remembered to mail life insurance.  on to seniors.

listening to healing i could do it all day all night.  SCORED LEFTOVER LUNCH.  Sprouts sweet orange jerky 99 cents 16 left.  under the main library 82 degrees.  91 outside.  AIR quality unhealthy making me sneeze.

smelling smoke feeling congested glad i have nicotine.  fire with fire.

and today internet seems ok 7:57 am seniors-but what do I know-free pizza

5 minutes to pre pool shower.  opens 8:30 today closed all next week to pay for 49'rs stadium.  $125 mill here $65 mill there.  we could use 2 mill easily.

no st just lunch due to Monday Labor Day holiday I don't know.  I miss their lunch.  in a box with fresh veg I scored 2 celery which I wanted and yams to roast and a can of spaghetti sauce.  so I have my protein shakes.  I stopped at Sprouts 6 CBD seltzer and gummies, 99 cent cauliflower and greens.  nothing else appealed to me.

I 'm so used to being denied like little Aaron I wait to make myself uncomfortable like my childhood.  I stress myself.  

i'm re reading 2018 i'm fascinating.  so much anxiety.  angst.

I'm also hungry.  I have pasta tuna in the car.  Mac nuts, dried cherries, jerky. i'm  fulfilling my own needs.  filled full.  

3:57 pm I decided to pick up my hold and drop off 2 puzzles at sunny library and the pizza fairy left 8 pizzas in boxes in shade in front of library.  I had big bag for puzzles fit perfectly.  homeless guy complained cold pizza.  made me laugh.  I was wondering about Monday lunch.  med veg individual cheese.  confirmation I'm on the right track.  I drove the easy way.

better connection?

it's doing weird things.  changes in attitude, changes in latitude.  

epiphany:  Walter's lack of respect for his happiness reflects his lack of respect for my happiness ergo i cut him loose.  3 gals disrespected me in line today, i release them also.  lin, little gloria, ugly.  simplify.  

my happiness is paramount.  home 3:05 for people puzzler.  

relax

10:50 remembered bookmobile

last eve I went to cup library 72 degrees.  coming home tire pressure light came on I detoured to Costco and asked for filling help.  Andrew was patient I asked how long I can drive before damaging tire he said a few days ok.  and he asked how light came on.  blinking means sensor can't find it, could be battery replacement valve stem.  they need replacement 8-9 years.  huh.  then I thought about before sensor lights we just checked every six months.  

doing what i want

6:30 pm I found a crochet magazine.  i'm feeling inspired.

wheel "embarking on a new chapter" which doesn't make sense.

awful-i-zing

my family won the gold medal at "gee, ain't it awful."  Walter and his dad were small potatoes.  my car insurance came ok.  

i'm making myself happy.  I had some blueberry pie and Swiss cheese for b'fast.  YUM.  and I got extra pasta chicken lunch to eat 3 pm.  Aaron and mom stuck on puzzle.  I put in a dozen pieces and she started hogging the table.  an hour to put in 3 dozen.  then missing piece too late to be careful.  I told her cleaning crew will throw out anything on floor but she never checked.  how many times I cleaned up after them.  at least he gets to go home and eat.

WOW new puzzle coming out 5:20.

today would have been my 52nd anniversary-CRASH!!

it took me 13 years to divorce them.   i'm feeling so sad.  so much unmourned detritus.  I've been putting out fires for so long I forgot how to live.  or mourning just wasn't allowed.  controlling emotions is the simplest way to manipulate people without them being aware.  Trump does it so well.

next week is dad's 25th year death day.  this week my sleep issues are coming up AND I figured out the CBD allowed the bad drivers I avoided for 57 years to finally hit me.  I got vulnerable.  I let my guard down.  Alien has been figuring into this with surrogate Alien at the library 5 and half Aaron.  I pray for him.  I have the time now.  dad's last year was hell for me with Alien manipulating and maneuvering mom and dad.  

Walter came to lunch.  takes courage to keep on keeping on.  he's doing better.  still focusing on the past, quicker to stop, not trying to laugh it off.  i explained the chemical memory survival imperative.  again.  

CRASH!!  took an hour to retrieve settings.  I don't know.  I was using center's e mail and had chrome open too.  so frustrating I don't have text on my phone for code.  

I'm motivated to change

 life is change.  death is dead.  no change.  I swam and ignored Dave.  he accused me of outer space, I said inner space to his confusion.  he's now telling all the tub guys his wives were psychos without connecting the fact he chose to marry them.  

I went to St Just for lunch 11:30 I ate at main cafe.  I read magazines.  upstairs puzzle I expected tiny bad mother.  Aaron is 5 and half no school.  shakes his head doesn't know alphabet nods he knows numbers.  I read to him, told him about graphic novels full of pictures.  he may be autistic Barry Neil Kauffman Son Rise.  his mother another Alien, children are for her convenience.  3 pm he still hadn't lunch.  she claims she cooked at home.  no wonder he's so skinny makes me wonder if mom starved me too.  set up future diabetes sugar roller coaster.  it hurts me to watch the poor little guy going through my torture.

sunday 9:30 i can't stay awake.  I keep falling asleep.  I dearly want to watch "sweet little beet" Bullwinkle cartoon.  beet has 2 abusive sisters and chooses them over a new life.  real human behavior choosing the devils she knows.  fell back asleep 'til 12:30.   made tuna sandwich.  with chips heaven.  

I'm better. almost forgot to return SPOT

I picked up freebie cooked pasta and sauce, grapefruit wine and double monopoly.  online Safeway salad $1.5 and I have lunch peaches for salad and walnuts.  

I slept ok.  

I got to second elevator and returned SPOT.

acting childish

skinny pasta 9.52 freebie tomorrow I decided to return spot after.  gave Cody fruit.  

hey, I remembered to brush my hair.  win for me.  

i saw Dave in the tub and pretended everything was ok and it is.  the beauty of dysfunctional people.  gloss over everything give it beauty.  

spent the day at main after finishing puzzle missing 1 piece.  put away and put out Van Gogh cafe puzzle.  played on 2k puzzle.  poor kids of immigrants.  they have no childhood like me.  their parents are treating themselves and abusing neglecting their kids.  

lovely cool ride to cup library at 6 pm.  I played and picked up burritos and tomato sauce at lucky's, walked big lots.  came home 8:30.  

oy, what a day.

good day

 Dave ran away.  

walter day

he showed up stand by lunchtime.  computer glitch reservations messed up so he got sandwich bag lunch.  another hen died.  he came to seniors a great sign.  so I stopped his obsessing reminding him a new life requires a new him.  if I can save him 10 minutes of self torture it's worth it.  I sat with him 3 hours letting him know he doesn't have to entertain me or waste his energy on the past. he has choices.  he's not doomed unless he chooses the past which he has a perfect right to choose.  not everyone wants happiness.  it's a free country.

happy monday brought leftover groceries to seniors

 I considered St J didn't feel right.  i left them in the park.  i had a snack at 10 in the rose garden.  wraith couple at upstairs puzzle table I can wait.

Dave had a meltdown in the tub.  i wondered at his level of anxiety.  he believes Trump's lies DNA tested Mexicans for sex trafficking.  still hates his ex, is comforted by wanting to believe.  even though trump repeatedly molests women.  my instincts are good.  page 21 adult survivors of toxic family members familiar lies are comforting feeling safety in the devil you know.

i'm free.  his book will still change thinking patterns.  after lunch I considered what I want to do.  cup library and Walmart.  Toki buys her corn nuts at trader Joe.  I wonder if they have CBD?  and dollar tree for mileage log.  not important only convenient.  

I finished one puzzle at central.  I'm waiting for 82 to cool.  no game shows tonight democratic convention 'til friday.  I talked to Cody at central looking for books.  he mentioned bookmobile karaoke for Elvis Presley's death day i'm even more famous.  I told him senior desk complimented me.  I love maniacs who make me laugh.  there's a bunch online I couldn't find mine.

old programming

I'm feeling blah.  I moved a lot with brace yesterday and today I took out garbage and recycle feeling restless.  so much I want to do without forcing or torturing myself.  it's supposed to be cool today.  maybe later.  I'm practicing the balance between being and doing.  

i cooked veg meatballs in the malfunctioning toaster oven are delicious.  5 per serving.  I've burned so many things in it it's nice it's working for me.  

I considered cup library and Walmart and decided later.  today is totally me, all about me.  totally new me.  

i'm feeling so afraid of making a mistake.

I'm feeling life or death.  unlike video games or maybe like video games have a reset button.  play again.  reincarnation.  huh.  I haven't had b'fast I want to sip my protein shake while soaking in the tub.  Mananalu lime water is so sweet.  new little dark girl lifeguard can't read, she assumed sign saying no glassware pictured means no drinking anything.  

Dave showed up 10 am.  chatted 'til 11.  I considered a 3 hour tub record, nah.  I wanted lunch.  St Just pantry since no elevator library parking.  only single sandwich.  I was so hungry.  home noon they froze the fresh strawberries a mess I prepped and ate plain.  still delicious.  

I watched a boy and his dog 1975 and 1944 gaslight.  classics.  

no swim lol

I picked up free Gatorade water, checked burrito and Mac treat supply at lucky's.  seniors I showered went to closed pool.  I forgot it's Friday.  I love feeling so relaxed I don't care.  

i'm reading Dave's book.  the errors and typos keep me alert.  perfectly imperfect.  I learned a new word: pg 24 inerrant, infallible, without errors.  (coincidence pg 24 ACIM text prayer.  I don't think so.  a miracle)  

I am here only to be truly helpful.  I am here to represent Him Who sent me.  I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.  I am content to be wherever He wishes knowing He goes there with me. 

I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.

csaa car insurance e mail.  oh,oh.  

I'm an indoor cat

the air is making me cough.  the lack of breathable air makes me feel sick.  as soon as I get indoors i'm ok.  outside is toxic.  I need oxygen.

I talked to Dave an hour in the tub then Cody bookmobile.  I returned the healing book missing pages 5-8.  

home 1:45 after walking sprouts.  season 7 love boat.  I'm loving myself.

today I am at peace

I've never felt so peace filled.  I soaked in the tub 2 hours this morning, had lunch, played on the puzzle and soaked 4-6 pm.  I'm the most relaxed I've ever been.  I have hope for the world knowing real peace for the first time in my life.  

changing my brain-WORLD PEACE

reading Dave's book I can feel a shift.  since we have two poles it's possible.  now there is peace on Earth and it has begun with me.  

AWESOME.  writing reminds me of Course in Miracles.  CIM written iambic pentameter.  lol  gave people trying to memorize it headaches.  people like to quote scripture to beat others about the head.  

still feeling tired

I showered at gym at 9 new cleaning procedure 8-9.  I love taking my time.  feels luxurious.  leisurely drive to Cupertino library 10 minutes early.  returned some movies outside some it wouldn't take.  i'm enjoying my day.  never said that before.  

11 am I was feeling hungry, surprise too sweet beef jerky, I have contentment.  how PERFECT.  took me 2 hours to read People magazine.  I don't know how I did that capitals.  looking online i'm inspired to research healing depression.  specific steps to healing.  

lots of options today

talked to Dave in the tub.  best secret in town.   no one here yet.  he's led a very dramatic life.  he wrote a fiction book bully patrol working on world peace.  looking for it online page 14 Goodreads and page 16 on Amazon.

so many options today.  city wide yard sale, Northside anniversary.  i bought my 4 lightly salted chips at Safeway.  I picked up lunch at St Just and ate at the library cafe.  Heaven.  

I relaxed and read 2 books on healing.  I borrowed looney tunes movies.  I went all over the library.  2 pm I was exhausted.  home and rest.

seniors 7 am

puzzle, lunch, puzzle to digest lunch, paid Costco and picked up freebie at lucky's plus clearance tuna, blue cheese olives, 2 BLT salads.

2 nights I slept through

1997 probably the last I slept normally.  dad waking me and then the post traumatic stress.  my nightmare childhood into old age.  the extra protein Ensure, the ashwaganda, passionflower, CBD, additional tub time I don't know or care just keep improving and i'm happy.

I'm having more fun

puzzle and enjoy the air conditioning.  I'm not used to such luxury.  practice makes perfect.

took the day off

I considered sunny sewing but too hot 91 degrees I went to main.  sprouts clearance ham sandwich $1.99, greens .99, mango lillikoi $4, chicken tenders.  came home 7.  

an hour to finish senior color puzzle

and now to soak.  savory snack for b'fast.  

eureka found macadamia

I spent since 6:30 organizing groceries and bills.  important life details.  

I ate tuna jerky for b'fast.  not good but better than too sweet jerky.  I watched 'ghostbusters frozen kingdom' ok to somewhat good.  I didn't shut it off.  

what I want to be I don't know.  I've been a counselor.  God pays very well.  i'm finally calm.  I keep remembering being a happier me makes the universe a happier place raising the vibration.  I only need to be happier.

I am already what I need to be.  maybe I need a nap.  I ate a bear claw sugar rush.  I kept busy organized chase, bank, life insurance papers I haven't for 2 years and the world didn't spin out of control.  I always felt gloom and doom.  

lunch rainbow greens and tamarind pulled chickens.  napped 2 half hours.  dinner arugula micro greens and hash.  just what I wanted.  the happiest i've ever been.

oh, what to do no plans

woke hot sweaty, uncomfortable, restless.  maybe the horrible 'Dating and New York.'  yuck, I'm so glad i'm beyond dating.  

first b'fast.  avocado and butter sandwich and my vitamin supplements.  I let go let God I arrived seniors 7:55 organized car.  I puzzled 'til 9, showered, considered cup star one deposit and library.  I didn't want or puzzle.  then Sprouts no lunch, deposit @ Merriwest.  2 sale CBD seltzer, 2 CBD gummies, Mauna loa rocky road, sale beef jerky high sugar.  ooh with micro greens.  got to st just 6 minutes to spare for lunch pick up.  scored almond pastry.

main library cafe busy.  read my ARIGURUMI books.  crocheting fanciful animals.  upstairs i finished sea puzzle at close.  4 pm 86 degrees 40% humid.  I want cup movie 'ministry of ungentlemanly warfare'.  no parking regular side, around front in sun.  eh, I can always eat my ice milk.  

I love love love the quiet company.  no bitching, moaning, complaining.  they want me to feel sorry for them I just get annoyed.

oooo, bad air quality best to stay air conditioned.  and hydrated.  stayed 'til closing 6:30 time for wheel and car in shade.

banking-today

I love living relaxed.  I picked up my free peanut chew at Lucky's and 2 clearance chicken bacon Cesar salad for $1.98 or I could have bought 1 same price, go figure.  came seniors smelled orange looked all over found it in gym roller the one I forgot to give Toki.  a science experiment dissolved on swim I will wash.

ate one salad with a peach so delicious I offered to Marie Walter's friend no or Sydney.  I have another peach.  I'll wrap it in wet towel.  b'fast was ensure drink.

I'm pretty happy content.  despite the bad air I could enjoy living like this.  

Trudy and Kenny held the lunch table.  Fred, Mike and a Melvin.  Toki very late.  Meatloaf and mash very popular.  Sprouts close out $4 moana loa mango lillikoi today.  if i had freezer space i'd fill it.  healthier not.  CBD seltzer on sale.  

I went to Flora chase for banking.  I prefer indoor ATM.  and I want it used.  I want to deposit cup tomorrow.  

seniors very early/survived another july

like 2008 when I couldn't walk and had to get the closest parking.  one obstacle handled.  my wins were miniscule.  I made the most of what I had.  I was too sick to deal with anything.  all my energy I focused on staying alive.  I didn't know about back braces or use rolling gym bag.  and now I rest hour and half in tub relaxing, stretching.  

10 am Cody gave me book bag and pub pint glass perfect for pens.  I made scrambled eggs and onion sandwich so perfect.  only thing better chips.  ooh, i'll add avocado.  lunch pork fried rice extra and Fred gave me pork.  

Walter came by Minnie died.  his counselor didn't show on vacation.  he was cuddling tootsie.  

I commiserated he cried I left, remembered to mail life, took Carlos avocados, he put up metal security door, home 3 pm.  

7:05 am seniors

bed at 8 pm is great.  very restful.  my body is healing.  i've been stuck in limbo.  my muscles have finally relaxed.  healing doesn't happen in frozen muscles, why scars don't heal.  my neck and ankles still feel bound.  and my tailbone this morning.  the pinched nerves hurt and relax.  and my left knee is swollen and sore while some days it's fine.

crown unglued

so much fear i'm wrong.  not the first time.  feels weird.  i'll call the dentist first thing.  6:34 left urgent, Ashley called back 8:08 while I was in pool.  9:11 I called back immediate appointment done 9:46 considered library and st just too rushed i'll do it later.  

got second favorite parking spot.  upstairs to computer room 'til 11.  lunch hard to remember not to chew.  company great.  Toki, Fred, Mike, Melvin.  Tita has new friend to impress came and ordered Ted to her table so she's surrounded by men.  Tita island.  

easy puzzle at central.  boosting my confidence.  monitoring air quality library bad home good.  i'm considering postponing sunny due tomorrow.

i'm feeling a little tired.

sleepy peach day

I can feel changes besides the weather.  i'm changing.  I had ensure peach for b'fast.  an hour and half in pool.  I want to run away.  I'll hang out and maybe pool twice.  tomorrow sunny sewing and returns ready.

Gloria Navarette came by computer room.  we chatted about our situations.  I'm reading through magazines and avoiding cartoon rudeness.  she'll probably only come Fridays for Bingo but I don't want or need more aggravation in my life.  I gave one bag of avocados to Toki and one to Mike to deal with.    

FALLING APART SUCKS.  Gloria has osteoporosis, her doctor is not supportive.  her dad is still a pain.  what can you do.  strictly rhetorical.  3 pm and 75 degrees I can pool or go home.  

bartolo came by put out green bins.  home 5 pm still not picked up.

Walmart 8 am

changed customer service hours to 9.  oh, well.  I shopped OTC needed vitamins, h202 and found peach ensure 30 g protein and 1 sugar.  not sweet.  sat in car and decided to try strawberry and vanilla.   paid PGE.

.9 miles Lucky's I picked up free core water and hot $5 chick pot pie for lunch.  10 minutes early cup lib I parked backward in shade.  outside book return prints receipts.  24 hour mercury news paper trash man parked next to me.  I've seen him in library many times.  I decided to stay in icy cool upstairs recumbent seating charging 'til I get bored.  I have books and mags to read.  and I remembered glasses.  

3 connected dreams

Stroke-Mt Hamilton-3 747's.  first year I was married when I had a stroke on birth control pills I didn't have time to figure it out.  I was too slammed suddenly being responsible for two people.  I suddenly had a son 6 years older than me.  he quit working without telling me.  I had to add more work hours while cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing for two.  because of his driving record my car insurance was cancelled.  

I didn't think about it, no time until I dreamed I had a stroke.  I didn't recognize the place until I drove the back side of Mount Hamilton for the first time and remembered my dream.  when relating this dream to Jennifer Cline for Mary El she helped me connect it to a dream of three 747 jets climbing to Boulder Colorado heaven.  all about creating heaven on earth.

today i'm a human being not doing.  I'm watching Justin Bieber 2011.  he became professional at 14 totally committed to music his entire life.  his mom is amazing.  she allowed him to love what he's doing.  

cartoon woman dissed me last time

she took the puzzle part I was putting together like I didn't exist because she was stuck.  if she was on fire I wouldn't spit on her.  I am angry.  she's not my mother.  when I told her how rude she treated me she had the nerve to apologize.  I could hit her in the face and apologize.  doesn't change anything.   I hate her so much.  my two year old hates her two year old.  my sisters are mentally crippled and treat me disrespectfully so they are dead to me.  she's dead to me too.  she's not human she's a cartoon.  

playing hooky

I swam twice yesterday.  and did my due diligence.  today flash sale ragu and Mauna loa.  so delicious.  and I remembered my monopoly tickets.  I priced halibut steaks $30 for 2 lbs.  so what I found at st just cost $120.  

I finally received my cap one card.  it was in Monday preview and I was becoming concerned.  starts August.  I was ready to freeze account.  

waiting for pool to open

woke 6:15 and straight to seniors.  Albert maintenance here to fix ceiling leak.  he used to be senior center janitor.

ready and waiting

Forgiveness Daily Word.  spell check suggests refugee.  it's good to start the day with a laugh.  swimming excellent.  lunch ok, Toke didn't want to sit with the guys.  tiny tamale pie.  Martin gave me his peas I gave him avocados I forgot to give Toke.  I gave her 2 full bags yesterday.  it does make the best moisturizer.  I finally realized it makes the best pistachio ice cream.  super creamy.

94 degrees at 3 pm.  I headed to sunny at 2 pm senior construction to fix a ceiling leak.  too noisy.  then I remembered nob hill parking I can eat my dinner in peace, quiet, cool and not having to drive to central.  I can go home from here .2 mile to get sewing if I want.  do I want to live here?  I bought Mac garlic onion, 2 clearance recovery drinks $1 ea, dark chocolate cranberry bites, Kyochan pitted dates, tuna jerky.  

firmly ensconced

I put out garbage bin, picked up fruit, washed car section.  I'm waiting at seniors for the pool to open.  

i'm sad mac frugal's/big lots closing.  I miss it already.  Monday we're popular.  lunch Toki, Fred, Mike, Jane.  she's leaving tomorrow for Boston and Maryland and New York.  hope she's ok considering her episodes.  

what's wrong with me George is back.  his lunch date fell through and wanted me to entertain him My Friend BS.  so glad I had dentist no discussion or argument.  done by 2:30 15 minute cleaning Dr. Lavanya Ankala.  includes Ian polishing.  sprouts I enjoyed walking store 86 degrees out.  99 cent salad mix and $3.49 half cherry pie.  

'cat ballou' 1965-big lots closing

Mitzi and I watched it on TV so many times.  happy and sad.

my legs, back, everything hurts.  

2:02 pm internet crashed I just got back into blogs.  it's not just me.  Biden stepped down.  the world is so weird.  

I was home 9:15 PM after big lots, lucky's, gym.  I ate the pint of vanilla Mauna loa ice milk.  

83 degrees forecast we'll see

I'm already feeling sore and tired.  I transferred water into the house, picked up fruit.  my stomach is suffering bad air post nasal drip.  I can wear mask, wet towel or find air conditioning.

10 am i'm ready for rest.  I'm watching movies 'The Society of Magical Negroes' made me consider what Asian men suffer.  I know I was treated like a hooker and called Suzie Wong.  

I remembered to pay discover by phone.

freshly washed and dressed-car registration tags

started new 300 piece puzzle.  finished an hour.  snot woman sat and competed.  I won.  I left her to pick new puzzle she didn't.  I got my copy paper.  

lunch turkey burger ok.  Toki, Fred, Mike, Jane, Melvin.  and Debbie came by the books while I was resting.  

italics.  I never tried it before.  it just showed up and the man at the reference desk showed me how to direct it.  I came to Main 2 pm finished the leopard puzzle.  I'm resting.  I had to wait for my popular fave chair.  

I want to read and play games.  I easily cleaned license plate and added tag in underground parking.  my plate number is printed on tag may be a kiosk thing.  and I put address label on my gym roller bag.  

internet down 7 am even in lucky's so no freebie.  I cruised the store lay's light salt $1.49 ea buy 4.  I forgot my monopoly tickets.  6 pm library closed I checked internet free Starbucks cold brew I wanted 59 cents burritos for dinner.  and I got all my monopoly tickets double this weekend.

ear pollution

I swam in the warm pool, the tub was non stop droning.  he was harshing my mellow.  if he spent as much effort on health as non stop droning he'd be 100% instead of tied to a walker.  as least he no longer bombs around on his motor scooter.  

so good so good.  rice and meat like nasi goreng.  

Lhosa needed 2 block ride home.  10 minutes to clear front seat.  I did it.  main library perfect.  I finished sky on leopard puzzle.  so relaxing.  I rested, read magazines home 5 pm 84 degrees.  

no pickles so pickle juice.  

Edith kanaka ole

on the quarter I found in the change machine 60 cents.  I do love finding money.

2:30 main discrepancy over temp 76 or 68 degrees so i'm hiding out.  

I puzzled 'til 6:30 +35 cents change machine.  left over pork loin noodles zucchini.  

3 beef jerky-martha security library rescued my gym bag

sprouts 7 am $1.49 ea.  1 original 2 teriyaki.

yippee!!  3:37 snack mauna loa rocky road ice milk.  I ever so carefully picked a non sticky carton.  went back to sprouts jalapeno beef jerky gone.  $1.50 kid sack lunch.  I pressed Ctrl and dollar.  

I am blessed.  I went out 6 am to pick up fruit and my $100 car key was lying by the rear tire.  

i picked up fruit

waiting for the pool to open.  I put fruit in bags for Toki.  toe looks ok for pool.  i'm back in the water.  

I watched some 'i'm Dickens he's Fenster' old sitcom I didn't realize was about carpenters.  I remembered they argued like my folks about everything and nothing.  and they loved each other.  I watched a couple and too much the past.  I returned to county.

lunch pleasant.  very odd everybody wanted to sit with us.  did Toki mention avocados?  Melvin, Diane, Jane besides regular Fred and Mike.  I ate left over fish, rice, coleslaw at 5 when I got home.  perfect 77 degrees.  

eureka! 61 degrees- Bastille Day

I found monopoly case after retrieving spare I remembered where it might be.  and I finally found county returns I set aside after looking through car and trunk 3 times.  I hung the bag by the front door.  and I remembered to retrieve the extension cord from the car trunk.  

the artificial in the CBD gummy makes me hyper.  I get a lot done.  I trimmed the kiwi off the house into bin.  I picked up fruit too.  

and I remembered where I had put monopoly case after retrieving spare from storage.  

got in car 8:45 I need gas all green lights to Costco just before jam.  10 minute fill up then shower at lucky gym parked in shady spot.  I washed face cloths filled water bottles.  cup library 10:30 in shady divine order space.  feeling peaceful.  

watching babies have perfect posture and fluid motion.  then life happens.