playing sweeps and puzzle-Tory

I definitely figured out the auto update.  

google keeps trying to take over city wi-fi.  keeps insisting unsafe.  boils my onions.  

Korean kitties puzzle a puzzler.  pastel colors are soothing and difficult to differentiate.  

Tory (Victoria) was fascinated by Dame Steve Shirley book, autism, I talked of Barry "Bear" Kaufman's son Raun's autism, Option Institute (Clyde Burton took a class $6 k in debt maxed out his credit cards), Dr Thomas Szasz, how I self diagnosed, etc.  

I googled Option Institute as of 12/19 it's autism all the time.  big change from 1983.

I'm so excited for the planet!  we are the evolutionary solution to global warming.

954=1000 pc puzzle-Sammy & David

might be Korean.  that Asian precision.  

lectins are in almond skin that I don't like or eat.  Dr Gundry.  

I got extra mash and soup.  I bought roast beef bag lunch and remembered last minute.  almost drove away didn't.  

library I changed from rain boots Uggs to "good" shoes to stretch.  I forgot glasses used Bates' method relaxation to puzzle and read Dame Steve Shirley.  

Heaven, 4:30 I went to car for senior chips and glasses.  

so pleasant Happy Tuesday to me

I'm loving the process for the first time in my life.  Today.  

Sunny nutrition open 11/11 Veteran's Day.  Nodira gave me superior snack bar coffee and HI chips.  best Halloween Ever.

I did sweeps, soak and stretch, lunch with Fred, Walter, Toke excellent fish and rice I tossed bad veg.  they all had salads.  I still have chicken for dinner and 3 rice packs.  

my feet are swelling from fun size almond joy.  

it's light no DST-paid Bartolo-he finally put out bins

I love it.  it's better.  I'm feeling OK.  and auto update is working.  TA DA!  I'm so early I don't know what to do.  I've played fire fighting catch up for so many years.  

my eyes burning from pollution.  and candy.  an opportunity to practice restraint.  

whee!

auto update works.   blogger post is not.  I just figured out I have to add November to see my post.  I can read the entire year.  makes me feel special.  

my right foot is finally getting back to normal.  a year last Valentines.  almost a year and 9 months.

I soaked after wheel and sweeps.  I almost prefer no hot spot.  

SUNDAY 6 am cooked diced potatoes cheese b'fast.  8 am I started looking for seniors Halloween goodies.  9 am I remembered movie 'Danny goes Aum'.  I looked 3 hours sorting found the movie realized the goodies were already in the kitchen.  5:30 I changed calendar and DST.  

life is an experiment

I may have figured out auto update.   I have to use it b-4 publishing.  then it's locked in.

I love my flock.  lunch was fun, I get to tease Walter.  after lunch we talked he complained about his sister I shared my sisters' ongoing harassment of physical violence and lawyers phone calls.  how they accused me of costing the estate money when they threatened having the county Sheriff illegally evict me.  I had 2 he only has 1 sister to deal with.  

Safeway I walked the store while the clerk fried new batch of corn dogs.  1 for snack 3 for dinner.  

library there's a man when he bends down his droopy pants shows his behind.  oh I'm laughing.  LOL.  

there's always a silver lining somewhere.

penultimate monster day-I love playing

waiting for Cody mobile.  I forgot my returns.  

I gave Cody fruit and milk and pumpkin pie some one brought.  I got extra chicken.  the egg salad was almost perfect.  one piece of red onion.   

my feet are swollen from coffee I'm floating on a sea of caffeine.  I played on senior puzzle 'til 2:30.  Walter is trying.  he's a funny guy.  we autistic are.  I've been very boringly responsible.  and 2 hours standing at the puzzle table.  

almost a year since the miracle of the shoes when mine broke and Thanksgiving dinner had a new pair.  

I'm connected-today auto update

I enjoyed my puzzle and soak.  more puzzle lunch with Trudy and Ken, she gave me 6 PB cookies, Fred, Walter, Toke.  Ann gave me big bag of persimmons I gave to Trudy.  Walter and I had serious heart to heart.  we're all old he needs younger people in his flock.  he has to be himself to find people to love and support him.  he doesn't know who he is.  

dame Shirley autistic too.  possibly her husband.  would explain her son.  reading at the library is wonderful.  I drink my oj and play on the puzzle.

I bought RB sandwich with last bingo coupon.  I have beans and faux crab.  package of am cheese from gym.  

I picked up A Reds with other customers.  paid @ pharmacy avoided lines and followed deliveryman out side door directly to car.  

double and triple checking-I mailed DD

I addressed Cal PERS envelope and 2 stamps I may keep with $.  I did wheel and sweeps.  I'm walking back and forth breaking the teal shoes.  I added the stamps.

something very satisfying taking the new puzzle apart.  I feel like the powerful destroyer.  I understand the immature destroying the puzzles.  

Hilde had 4 fish lunches she brought to the back I got one.  I dropped off DD at Franklin.  most weird nothing in out of order drive up yet worker took out and put back the empty bin.  

I relaxed and puzzled when 4:30 I suddenly remembered to buy A Reds Walmart.  traffic is too busy today I'll go tomorrow.  I decided I want corn dogs but if none something better.   Safeway I found new bottle espresso concentrate in cart.  I put it in car.  no corn dogs I walked store bought 2 faux crab and chips.  outside I found ice cold meatloaf mash green beans 'heat and serve' dinner $9.99 in a cart.  Perfect.  

went to SCB star

they hire wonderful people.  Jose carefully filled out paperwork and made me copies.  I read my book and trick or treat 2 mini joys.  thinking it over PERS probably want originals.  I'll mail with 2 stamps.  

my pain is constant.  eh, not forever.  

google was refusing connecting at seniors.  fine inside library.  

first pres 11:30-2 this year thanks.  

child draft-25 years dead

I never had a family.  I had a group of people I worked for.  watching Janis Ian bio she was supported by holocaust parents grandparents who loved and valued, accepted her.  

feeling is living.  without feeling there is no life.  

month 'til thanks

I asked myself if I'd trade now for then with my family NO!  I don't miss the lies, arguments, yelling, discord.  I don't know what this format is doing.  maybe it has a headache.  both are doing it.  so it must be the blog platform.  time to swim.                                                                       St just back to deli ham and cheese I ate saved the bread.  raw croissant left I can cook.  375 for 10-12 minutes.   I missed a weekend bag by 2 people.  eating my Doritos I'm a happy girl.  I can buy more 2/$1 at Safeway.   I puzzled 4 hours at the library.  I'm doing what I love.     I can bake egg tuna melt.     

e

I choose to do housekeeping seniors

I prefer neat and tidy, the sisters' stealing make it impossible.  

I'm Nob shopping.  I can get something different everyday.  it's so convenient. 

I'm less intimidated by online modern things.   I've learned to take my time.  I talked to Walter at length about time.  he chooses stupidity as loyalty to his family.  like me he was punished for being smart.  it's OK.  

couldn't access wheel answers even 6 pm.  

it's OK to be happy

5 am my stomach and back torture like my childhood.  wearing new shoes all day released body memory, triggered dream of group releasing family pain.  my inner child is my adult counselor.  only I know what I need.  

I ate salad for b'fast.  iceberg is sweet, cabbage substantial.  what is stantial that can be sub?

I entered my sweeps while finishing puzzle.  box is missing ticked me so I finished it.  don't mess with me.

Cody gave me plastic monarch butterfly that fell on mobile floor.  

I went home after 'scams, senior abuse' meeting 12:15-12:45.  I told everyone to get free magnifier/light and they did.  

I ate 3 chocolate muffins slept 'til 7 then again 9.  

the little indignities

people do tiny rebellions to uphold their egos and pride.   like showing favoritism.

the format is resetting to "normal".  weird.  I don't like it.  I find it annoying.

I ate some allergy plant natural antihistamine.  

I brought leather shoes to break in.  I stopped at Sprouts bought clearance muffins and bear claws.  so good.  then puzzled at sunny library 'til 5 turned in hot spot.  

so worth it Nodira and son Tohir

pizza b'fast.  she gave me another cup of coffee.  try it again sue.  success.  I drank it without incident.

so much stuff in the air-sinus headache

my eyes and nose itching.  everything is falling.  I prefer autumn to fall.  

my back is on the move.  I've been doing sit backs so much easier and better for the back than sit ups.  and isometrics.  

I finally had my Domino's pizza.  $12 everything I wanted bacon, ham, beef, olives, pineapple, mushroom, spinach.  on thin crust practically a salad.  

rested to "Blazing Saddles"

I woke 7:30 made and ate ramen took vitamins.  8:30 I started little projects I've wanted to do, a little cleaning and sorting.  

what I want to do and who I want to be.  my stomach is queasy and my back is hurting.  I can stay home resting, stretching, and relaxing or go out to distract myself.  

ate an apple and packaged tuna pasta beans.

I am better

I'm trying on all my shoes.  Aiko left 2 pair leather mocs 7 1/2.  and I have 2 new sports from last year.

I remembered it's Saturday 7:20.  I dressed for seniors.  I used last $5 bingo coupon for RB bag lunch.  

2 bologna mayo, 1 PBJ St Just so perfect.  my inner child is so happy.  

oh, well

my new Star purple coffee cup leaked all over my bag.  good to know.  I'm recovering feeling my shake up.  mini quake.  Hilde gave me extra lunch hummus wrap mini salad.  

I also lost all my tabs too many SCAN open.  bless g mail recovery number.  

I went to UPS $2 to fax DD form.  I bought sushi for dinner and free water.  I was riding high then I plug in the charger 79% and it crashed.  I was afraid coffee shorted it but it's dry.  

Shao Wei, Asian lady puzzler.  

I like waking early

the only thing better than 8:30 bedtime is 7:30.  

I returned and checked out book.  1:23 sitting at CUP looking for *1 direct deposit.  I went and changed withholding to 25%.  Chris gave me highlighter.  table had chips, water and I got coffee carrier.  next large I won't spill.  they don't have fax.  UPS has fax.  I want to check other branches.  

I decided to go to central to stay cool 80 degree day.  I realized I wore my black skirt inside out since exercise.  oh, well.  

I called and apologized-Abe & Jenny

I'm looking forward to my appointment at 2 room 205.  I'm used to sabotage from the family I actually asked for help.  BIG CHANGE.

I'm feeling anxious and I'm OK.  Abe had me scroll on the chrome.  practice.  

Whoa I have 3 overdue at County.  tomorrow.  or Friday?  Quantum Leap too hard to watch.  

play day

tomorrow back to work.  everyone deserves happiness.  I found Sourcewise  messages on my phone.  tomorrow 2 pm.  

I survived my family and I'm thriving.  "every day in every way I'm getting better and better".  emile coue-.  Walter remembered Stuart Smalley.  SNL.  50 years practicing.  

Herman & Yanti-milk Sunny senior lunch

I realized stinky seniors think they have such important things to say.  I don't have to continue suffering I can wear a mask.  

Sunny seniors generous square of lots of sausage, sliced black olive, red yellow bell pizza.  cup arugula grape tomato salad.  mandarin orange cup.  med hard boiled egg in shell.

Love energy powers new living.  p 248 Build the Life...fluid and crystallized intelligence.  analysis & innovation and recognizing patterns & new combinations.  

I puzzled at Sunny and waited for the rain.  it started 3 pm when I decided I wanted honey crunch corn dogs.  4 at Safeway 24 I tried pizza stick, nah.  next time burrito.  same 5/$5.  

awoke 3 am

I wasn't allowed to make mistakes.  I was barely allowed to breathe.  my life was made more stressful because of them.  my Uber Autism.

dad resented sleep because his body hurt so much waking

Walter doesn't see how his dad programmed him to be his caretaker.  his dad rewarded him for antisocial behaviors to enslave him.  I know from my own training.  I recognize the exercises.  his dad wasn't clever just teaching what he knew.  my parents too.  they never questioned while Walter and I question everything.  

I arose at 7 took protein powder in bottle and vitamins.  I soaked and stretched in the seniors tub then decided I wanted BK ham croissant b'fast meal.  the large coffee was a challenge.  a weight loss diet suggests coffee and protein powder.  nah.  

Build the Life You Want is excellent.  the hardest part is determining what you want.  I want independence and an on call chauffeur.  and a cook/housekeeper.  and personal assistant.  oh, I make me laugh.  

just another Friday

car mechanics, doctors, dentists are people avoided.  they mean trouble.  

 I'm feeling normal whatever this is.  

Daily Word Guidance saved me $35.  Citibank due today I forgot.  after picking up county movies I wanted corn dogs drove SCB, Kiely light was slow I decided to go to Walmart to pay PGE and pick up beets and multi vitamin.  I found Citibank bill and proceeded to the Cypress branch.  I considered *1, next week.  Safeway had Friday fried chicken no corn dogs, wah!  tomorrow.  

New Me

watching Split Second.  sitting in my warm robe relaxing.  during the commercials I closed up the house, found a pocket to repair a book bag, etc.   

Carlos dropped me off at 9:30.  I forgot my phone at home he'll pick me up at 1.  

Cody checked  my chrome in and out.  I saw a Star Wars trooper helmet he's had almost a year I never noticed before.  he let me put it on and took pictures.  I do love playing.  

Carlos showed me the worn disc almost to the metal.  I came home and had a nap.  I repaired the book bag and repositioned straps on my lilac top.  

happy childhood at last

I called Carlos after lunch available 2-2:30.  I drove over so he can see from the side I need new front discs.  I've had this car for 7 years.  new tires last year.  tomorrow 9:30.  $330 total.  

I'm feeling anxious and realize mom and dad both had autistic behaviors.  I'm Uber Autism.  I'm the perfect person to counsel autism.  I have the experience.  

split second-finished Flagg

Monty Hall and Ken Jennings act like they know everything and aren't given the answers.  I like the basic premise, the attitude I can live without.  

sleeping 8:30 pm is great.  I wake up early and organize no rush or fuss.  

6:59 am seniors.  puzzle 'til 9, soak and stretch for pain free, puzzle more.  Toke was very late and chinese couple took her chair.  they asked I said no they sat anyway.  how rude.  why bother to ask then dis me.  I wanted to add a place setting but Toke preferred to sit at the next table.  Walter distracted me to defuse my ire.  I told him a good move.  

I went to library 87 degree day.  tomorrow is 10 degrees lower.  and I successfully resisted the call of the corn dogs.  

feeling hurt

sister's b-day doom, doom, doom.  the years I acknowledged with no response.  I'm ready to feel it.  I'm ready to let it go and read my books in peace.  I'm ready to let God carry it.  

and TV listing changes.  soon nothing I want to watch.  

fruit day-Fannie Flagg new book

St Just chile jello too spicy to finish I mixed with peach cup.  I already ate a plain apple sauce.  and the sandwiches frozen.  

oh, the corn dogs are calling to me.  maybe tomorrow so delicious.  I have a sandwich and cucumber.  

I'm complete.  perfect people for me give me what I don't know I want.  

busy living paid Disc

I love my routine.  it's comforting.  I puzzled , showered, puzzled more then lunch with my favorite people.  more puzzle at central 4 hours working my back and legs.

celebrity wheel I love them winning.  the more the better.  

most excellent day despite rain

it stopped at 7 seniors and again 10 Cody mobile.  I gave him avocados, milk, and an apple all free.  I chose not to drop off Bartolo $ in the rain.  if it's still raining I'll do banking tomorrow.  

I used coupon for RB sandwich lunch bag.  I left my key clipped so I couldn't leave w/o it and desk freaked.  they are weird.  

I tried to sign up for class Mon. 10/27 S V Power 12:30-1:30 pm re lighting safety.  Miranda couldn't find it Aracelli did.  

I started the Eiffel Tower puzzle full of hair, dust, and dander.  I'm all allergy.  

I snacked on nuts and can fruit 10 am.  good practice.  much better at lunch.  Fred, Toke, Walter.  I told him to come early to talk he was late.  oh, well.  

I got extra hot lunch delivered, terrible slaw like 2 days old in the fridge.  

stopped at Bartolo and he was in front yard I let him know to cut the tree away from the roof.  sad I have to say anything.  

Breathe

smokers and ex smokers hold their breath and breathe shallowly like a hunted animal.  

so far good.  b'fast carrots and cheese.  I'm going to eat them all for vision.  

lunch chick Cesar had chicken.  Fred funny.  Toke before Walter.  he needs to come earlier to calm himself.  we evolved in tribes safety in numbers.  

page 70 Build the Life You Want is wrong.  every time I read the joke I laugh.  3 times already.  

adenosine- pg 61 signals sleepy tired ready for bed.  opposite of caffeine.  

anhedonia- pg 72 inability to feel pleasure.

pg 73 funny people have unusually higher IQs.  

Beloved today's daily word-HiCap 10/15 appt. 2 pm- Sunny hot spot and picked up

yesterday Lee gave me 3 less than hygienic croissants I gave to birds.  they need more than me.  

I love auto update.  and it stopped.  I ate the last corn bread b'fast at 4 am.  I'm feeling more energy than the last 25 years.  I was bone tired taking care of the parents 24/7.  I want corn dogs.  

Walter appears in a good place.  he comes for the energy.  positive energy is definitely healing.  negative energy keeps you alive but not thriving.  

feeling dizzy from bad air post nasal drip sinuses.  I must drink more water to keep from dehydration.  

Yippee!! I figured out how to turn off dark setting.  it suddenly started I don't know how or why.  

4 pm I picked up free baby carrots.  out of lb so Jesse Mgr gave 2 lb to replace.  on to Sunny library hot spot and LP book, Young Sheldon disc.  I walked Sprouts $1.99 salad for dinner.  

Costco gas

$3.9399.  arrived seniors 6:59.  time to breathe in peace.  Daily Word Let God.  lovely puzzled, soaked jet massage, more puzzle then lovely Fred, Walter, Toke.  Walter got me extra lunch.  she asked me mystery woman from last week name.  said she sat with us at lunch.  I don't know.  Toke must have talked to her.  so I asked her her name Jen.  typical dysfunctional triangulation.  'danger, Will Robinson.'  Robby the robot 'Lost in Space.'  

my left eye is twitching up change.  it's been intermittent for weeks.  so annoying.  and it stopped.  

feeling so sad and sore 8:03 am

I watched MY DEAD FRIEND ZOE about war vets.  PTSD.  made me cry.  it's so honest.  ate second St Just sandwich b'fast.  

11:30 I showered luxuriously at 24 fitness.  12:30 so much parking.  lots of time I walked Homestead Safeway saw Jane following me I commented I missed rummage she said April like she told me October yeah, right.  fool me once.  I walked store checked out Nathan's dogs puny $1.49 deli corn dog $2.49 or 5/$5 so I bought 5 and 2 chips. $6.46 tax.  and 4 minutes 'til library open.  

entered my sweeps.  so lovely and restful.  

7:30 first take off

I arrived seniors 7:59 I discovered I left chrome at home so I swiftly showered stretched and returned home.  with time I cruised Homestead Safeway clearance mini tomato bread $2.50, 5 pc garlic toast $1, chips $1, pecans $2.24.

today is Harvest Moon, Bite by Bite book signing library 11 am, lunch 3-6 Presbyterian church.  I'm practicing my social skills.  4 pm everyone I might have known gone.  I ate watermelon, caramel flan.  

I missed Baptist rummage.  too early in the year.   I was told by Jane Oct.

8:03 sept 28 feeling so sad and sore.

main library 11:52-Sunny salmon

I woke up at 7:30 and showered at 24 after 8 am good parking.  on the road by 9 to Sunny lunch line easily 60 people at 9:07 half hour standing didn't help my neck luckily Debbie remembered I signed up last week so I got in.  too many coughers no masks no courtesy.  salmon good not worth the hassle.  most appeared to like the carnival quality.  not fun to me.  I ate all gave my milk to Yanti and Herman.

I drove w/o a plan and followed easy route to LXPY to Homestead stopped St Just bag lunch for dinner.  HAH!  I had dinner for lunch.  baked salmon with homemade tartar sauce, mixed potatoes, dainty beans broccoli, fresh diced carrots not frozen, baked whole wheat dinner roll I ate entirely.  

as I was headed to the under parking Cody mobile showed up so I got to block traffic while he backed in.  HI!  

I made a new spot to charge with a footrest.  no Lee cooties.  swivel chrome shelf.  after half hour in line I have no desire to stand at the puzzle.  my hip hurts.  I'm tired.

it's the change of lunch location the energy of new people making me feel tired.  adjusting adapting making me expand.  

or do I want a fruit tart for dinner?

the vicissitudes of life 6:59 am

things just pop into my head.  

I'm riding out waves of sadness, they couldn't love me, they were animals.  animals are conditioned to react.  Pavlov.  it still hurts like hell.

I thank God I can distract myself from pain.  a valuable tool.  that's my puzzles.  

lovely soak and chat with Cody.  lunch I gave away 4 pcs corn bread as per dream from long ago.  Kenny and Trudy showed up so Toke and Fred.  Walter didn't want one and I have more at home.  

my purpose is to clear the crazy energy.  it occurred to me today my parents were mentally ill, passed it on to the sisters.  

I get to do what I want-Elizabeth's b'day-9/27 first presby 3/6 pm

 and leave the rest.  so many September babies.  

WOW OMG my neck and skull feel good for the first since 25 years.  I feel like dancing.

I carefully navigated to Cup so much parking at 12:30.  lunch time.  returned and picked up.  12:30 deciding Savers, Sunny, I shopped Safeway clearance St Pat bow tie $2.50 Haribo replaceable battery Winnie Pooh fan $7.  chips and corn bread.  glucosamine $12.50. 

sprinkling and brakes making rude noise.

crying inside

I'm processing my sadness.  I can change my chemistry by drinking lots of water, exercising, drugs or alcohol, food, work.  an infinite variety of options.  

I called Sourcewise and played phone tag.  new plans aren't available 'til 10/1 and appointments after 15th supposedly fill up fast.  I talked to Iniraja, Consuela left me message.  I'm trying to stay local Not San Jose.  parking and traffic too much.  I tried navigating their website they have problems too 10 minutes no results.  

I cleared my car window channel of leaves, 30% projected now 50% rain tomorrow.  I'm pondering county library.  my hold expires tomorrow.  

93 degree day today 80 tomorrow 50% chance rain.  

Respite

and I'm back.  I never saw the pain behind the funny of King of Queens.  I won't ever have to watch it on commercial TV again.  

the pain is all inside.  I have friends I love and love me.  love is an energy as is hate.  when the world functions on love we have paradise.  hate creates hell.  

shooters only know hate.  they never had love.  my love came from non family.  projected energy can be felt.  the predator and prey.  not the same species.  

watching King of Queens 2003 TV

I woke so angry without a clue.  the threats of murder and hate were so common from mom, an every day occurrence, I stopped noticing.  my depression came from cutting off my feelings to survive emotionally intact if crippled.  the threats on the show are acting w/o the venomous hatred directed at me.

a miracle I'm as sane as I am.  'tho my sisters who deny everything would probably disagree.  generally disagreeable.

the mass shooters 18-25 white men are already dead inside with nothing to lose.  they kill the innocent they envy.  

I fell asleep, woke 7:30 am, dressed and soaked at seniors.  still plenty of parking.  walked Sprouts just in case, picked up lunch St Just and walked library sale.  I'm getting plenty of exercise.  

TV got me through 2003 Kaiser exploratory surgery, more sisters' betrayal, disrespect and denial.  

I figured out I would click on 2025 to view all the blogs.  I walked the book sale.  

I picked up Nob ads-Bonny's b'day

I've been watching Law and Order Criminal Intent.  still so popular.  Sunny has some copies.  the majority of humans are consumed by murder.  they allow mass killings of children by hunters using war weapons.  go figure.  

at 8 am there was a lot of parking.  I got my preferred space.  I always felt anxious if I wasn't at seniors at 7 am.  

no chrome battery-FRED b'day

0%.  oh, well.  I charged my phone from chrome w/o plugging in.  

I managed to get into my account.  

I've been pondering my options.  I woke at 2 Anthem won't cover Silver Sneakers next year.  I'm researching.

I'm downsizing.  Lee left me open sun chips.  this time I used binder clip not car.  

Fred brought Stan's b'day donuts.  Bonny's b'day tomorrow.  clever Fred said a cold Jan winter 9 months later baby boom.  

already 2 dozen seniors lined up Sunny Herman & Yanti

the Sunny kids said 8-9:30 am.  I waited in my car having parked with visibility in mind.  I got out 8 and no line.  Herman and Yanti were waiting for 9 lunch open he asked if I were going home, no to exercise.  I stopped at recycle all alone 'til 10 minutes later ready to roll people came in.  

senior soak at 9 last shady parking and entered my sweeps, time for lunch.  everyone missed me.  I had figs from gym and avocados.  Jennifer gave out 1 leftover cookie/ to write off the cost to the senior lunch program.  like we're stupid.  

tomorrow Fred's b'day.  

guys finished the fantasy fairy library with no picture puzzle.  complete.  

NEW all caught up-paid cell

9:45 Sunny lunch and I got coffee for too hot and sweaty 74 degrees.  

I gamed, showered and soaked @ senior center, picked up 3 small bags of Inge bottles, drove straight to Sunny 7.4 miles less than half hour.  I drove Los padres, construction detour Forbes, Homestead, Wolf, ECR, Fair Oaks, old SF.  TA DA!  I'm old SF too.

I want to try grab and go I had to retrieve container from car.  eh, I get excited.  everyone so friendly nosy.  asked if I'm Amy because they noticed I sing along songs.  I didn't volunteer my name neither did they.  I'm learning.  Herman & Yanti(Indonesian), Louie & Ginny.  

I'm having fun on puzzle no picture.  fantasy library with fairies.  oh, my aching back.  I put my swollen legs on poof.  left ribs ouchy.  

Lee being a brat.  messed puzzle table, left materials for others to put away.  

csaa jasmine

I checked I'm on auto pay and updated mileage even less than 3k/yr.

she said I will receive update 3-5 bus days.  

bless the library air cool on 90 degrees days this week.  on Thurs maybe rain.  I forgot tomorrow Sunny lunch.  pineapple teriyaki chicken Mac salad as opposed to senior mole.  

my legs are hurting from my back.  

special hours

I stopped at $tree for chips and mirror.  only had compact/brush.  and I got 2 chips for flavor test.  

I thought I lost a key when I clipped it to chips.  too expensive chip clip.  I'm such a maroon.  

Guidance my favorite dance

lovely cool overcast.  I rescued 2 cans and blue Xfinity shopping bag from seniors parking lot.  the tub was perfect.i stopped at Sprouts, walked the store unsure about lunch due to art wine fest this weekend.  bought $6 ham cheese lunch bag.  

St Just onion bagels and garlic french bread from bakery box.  I was hungry ate both chips, sand, granola bar.  half of under library parking festival cars.  I was unduly trepidatious about parking today.  so far OK.  I puzzled then read Dame Steve Shirley interview innovative women.  

I get to do what I want when I want.  

I'm feeling blessed

I'm still attempting to get through to Walter.  he likes to argue like dad and deflect like Eric.  eh.  

I'm looking for Mexican food.  eh maybe Safeway frozen.  

I bought 4/$4 Jack in the Box tacos.  Fred gave me lunch lettuce I added 2 lunch can slice peaches and avocado.  just perfect.  

Home Depot h2o softener WOW!

I tried ordering online no go.  lunch with Gloria, Fred, Trudy Kenny, Toke.  

Walter chose to sit with complainers.  after lunch he sought me out to dump and I told him point blank I did not become a teacher because I 'm not in love with repeating over and over.  I can't keep listening to him choosing to live in the past then complaining of the results.  if you plant radishes don't complain when radishes grow.  he continues to plant problems and won't take responsibility for his life.  I deserve happiness not frustration.  I watched dad and Eric I won't do it again I deserve better.  I'm saving myself.  uncomfortable and necessary.

72 degrees I went to Home Depot 2 pm customer service manager asked if I needed help I told him I wanted 3 Rheem cleaners and a 40 lb bag of potassium salt delivered.  long line of returns he had next cashier write me up in and out 10 minutes and same day delivery by 4 pm.  WOW!

started Stamp puzzle

put away "Bon appetite".  back to school/work.  

new behaviors Sunnyvale

auto update.  I showered at 24 and used the internet for my blog and sweeps.  lovely.  it's humid with 30% rain forecast.  I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.  I decided one step at a time.  

when I think of people crossing the oceans and settling unknown lands I'm amazed.  I bring my pillow and relax in my anonymity.  senior center is so nosy.  listening to Frank Sinatra is even pleasant.  as a function of my autism I can't tolerate liars and cheats unless they're family.  

I walked Target for 18" wiper blades.  22 the smallest and not adjustable.  so Costco or auto store.  

I love all this time to revel.  

I looked online.  50 % chance rain tomorrow I went to Goodyear sent me to O'Reilly $10 installed 5 minutes.  

let's see if it works

sans hot spot.  it worked today.  I opened it w/o publishing.  I took my time getting to seniors.  I finished "bon appetite" puzzle and showered and soaked an hour.  lunch with Fred, Toke, Walter ok.  closed tomorrow I have Sunny.  

I decided to pick up Cup today.  open tomorrow I intuited, Big Apple event tomorrow flashing signs warn of traffic delays tomorrow.  better safe.  so beautiful high ceilings clouds fluffy.  20% chance rain tomorrow and Wednesday.  

survived another death day-return hot spot

without incident.  the way I like.  I'm still watching "Wings".  I guess most people have calm simple lives.  I can't fathom that.  

I decided at noon to return hot spot.  Sunny has 61 to city 37.  some of which aren't active.  some are years overdue some months.  arrived half hour early #1 parking in sun.  only supposed to rise to 81 degrees.  

how excellent.  

I love following Spirit

no stress.  I woke and ate crust less sandwich with a slice of tomato.  ready for the day I watched Wings TV trying to figure out its popularity.  I don't get it.  

8 am I remembered I needed gasoline.  I checked the prices and dressed.  the tanker was there.  it frequently is.  I drove in drove out on to 24.  I showered lovely cool overcast from wildfire pollution.  

I mailed my life insurance and picked up St Just.  saw Gloria said hi.  new puzzle of cats interesting oddly shaped 500 piece finished 3 pm.  people love dumping their kids. 

"finding your roots"

caught my eye at the library.  made me realize I wasn't a person to my family.  I was their property.  so no respect or consideration.  and they still treat me like a thing not a feeling person.  

Walter is a person with a toothache ignoring the pain hoping it goes away.  he doesn't like dealing with it.  it doesn't go away on its own.  it demands attention. 

9:30 4th to last lunch.  wow, meatloaf must be popular.  the music is from the 1930s and 40s.  classic universal language.  50s and 60s is more the age group.  a lot of Asians have their kids taking care of them.  

had a lovely cool shower at 24.  I considered visiting Food Max, later.  I could go to St Just.  

10:35 half the room cleared.  beef meatloaf generous portion.

I left for Sprouts but nothing.  took Wolfe to ECR to Flora to Kiely.  St Just 11:30.  4 very ripe bananas good dessert.  finished puzzle 2:30.

5:30 pm I'm feeling unreasonably angry today dad's death day.  OK I'm angry Mitzi crying to me she killed him when I told her to leave him be.  such a family of hypocrites.  so I'm movin' and groovin' like mom.  the only time she cleaned when she got mad.  

I gave Walter a stern talking to

he keeps doing the same living in the past referring to long ago as if it happened lately.  stuck.  he misses the center and refuses to try the mission library.  he thinks I don't like him.  I told him again I know he deserves better.  he doesn't believe it.  

I like the freedom.  I woke 8 am and I like it.  I showered, withdrew Chase teller, deposit Merriwest, shopped Sprouts 2 goat cheese 2/$5, 3 CBD drinks $3 ea.  

lovely lunch Fred and Walter.  library and home.

how nice

1:12 pm I finished the Lego puzzle.  the boys failed yesterday.  and the desk librarian is putting it away and setting out a new one.  

I showered at 24 and went to Walmart and paid PGE bought some chips $1.50 taste test low salt crispy.  then I walked Prune Lucky's picked up senior lunch and St Just.  new me.  Fred had 2 heirloom cantaloupes I gave one to Bonny/Judy.  smelled ripe just fell off the vine this morning.  I asked if green or orange.  I can eat green.  I thought of Toke too late.  

movies that made 2001 livable

I'm processing 26 years of pain.  as it leaves my body I feel lighter.  I've been sleeping and waking as I did the last month of dad's life.  I took on his pain.  this last week is intense.  feeling it doesn't get easier only more understandable.  

comfortably uncomfortable

I watched Rob Schneider 'The Chosen One' six times before my denial allowed me to see the alcohol suicide connection.  I found the movie by accident.  the 2010 film doesn't fit any category with its global warming warning.  and here we are 2025 burning up the planet, still setting off massive fireworks, ignoring Putin's genocide in Ukraine polluting and further killing the planet.  Hitler killed what he couldn't control too.  

every puzzle is the same

it amazes me that people think there's a difference.  there isn't.  one piece at a time.  multi-tasking is still one move at a time.  

I watch popular movies to understand human behavior.  'mission improbable' encourages young people to ride atop trains.  kids' brains don't differentiate movies aren't real life.  

little me freaking out

I woke 8 am.  I kept waking and ate leftovers b'fast 5 am.  seniors soaking 8:30.

the car had water under it maybe condensation.  the left front brake was making a grinding noise at the bottom but the warning light was off.  if I braked gently no noise.  so I'm hoping it's dirt on the disc.  I'm keeping my phone charged 73% since yesterday in case I need to call AAA.  CARLOS CLOSED WEEKEND.

I forgot Gloria told me St Just closed and went back to Sprouts ended up buying a meat stick and prepped watermelon and mixed blue and strawberries $3+3.  the sandwiches weren't appetizing.  

on the way back to the library I went to an estate sale second day so sparse.  spider pin like mine $20 I passed bought used sewing kits and small spoons $5.  if I hadn't gone to Sprouts I wouldn't have shopped estate sale.  beautiful house.  2346 Kay Dr. 

I finally looked at mail.  car insurance OK.  

I started new Lego puzzle I make it look so good everyone wants to play.  Jane tracked me down from under parking to complain of visa difficulty.  she told me she had thinking problems and yet insists on travel.

I found quiet empty copy room.  

I am filled with enthusiasm

daily word "let go, let God".  I can do that.  

phone down to 4%.  I am so over phone talk.  I've  never been a fan of talk.  

today and tomorrow so new puzzle is 300 PC 'bon appetit'.  the 'quilt cupboard' took 1 week.  65 edge pieces.  the funny things I wonder about.  

lunch was Walter and Toke.  Bonny and Judy were doing both lunch and BBQ.  

the lady that donated the puzzle was serving at the BBQ.  Fred gave me Debi's ticket.  she passed.  I had to stand in line 20 min.  Fred said he didn't know what I wanted.  I'm not picky.  especially when it's free.  so I earned it.  Walter stood in line with me until he was tired.  he's feeling lonely and anticipating the shut down next week.  he can hang at mission library.  my little bro.  

I came to central and puzzled 2 hours before annoying "HA!" man turned up.  time to rest.  he has to tap the piece like it's going to float away.  

didn't miss the chrome

I got to seniors and had left it home.  I considered returning home nah.   

53 yrs-Russell Emma

my quest for understanding.  

"With all thy getting, get thee understanding." 

Sunnyvale at 10 very busy.  lunch was delicious Emma gave my milk and cantaloupe to Russell of the 7 dwarfs.  

four months to Xmas

 and tomorrow 40 years aware.  

stuffy head from Napa fires

the sweets I ate didn't help.  chewing the bit of tylophora clearing my nausea.  soothes my stomach instantly.  

lovely 63 degree overcast weather.  Cup library 9:50 #1 parking.  I returned and picked up.  then pondering I followed Spirit to Target.  too big wind shield wipers I decided to pay bill.  had to find it in trunk.  I took my time doing what I wanted.  from there I decided on shower and Safeway.

I puzzled to my heart's content

b'fast I made ramen added carnitas.  tastes so good and so bad for sugar and salt.  I made 1 small burrito.

I like the 'quilt cupboard.'  9:30 I showered and stretched.  I decided no pool.

I picked up lunch and weekend bag from St Just and Gloria avoiding me reminds me of Tom.  I'm ready to relax and stretch.  I puzzled an hour on the central library 'fairyland'.  

lovely day so far

Lee is harassing 2 upstairs librarians.  everyone is looking at him.  I got here 1 pm and settled into my spot.  3 pm he showed up keeps going from the librarian desk to the puzzle.  I started a new puzzle at seniors "quilt cupboard" and the one at central library is "fairyland".  the librarian did an excellent job of calming him.  I mentioned to the librarian he's picked fights with different people twice at senior lunch and I wonder if it's a blood sugar issue like my diabetic parents.  she said he was complaining I was sitting in his chair and he's had things stolen and wanted to call the police.  just like my crazy family.  dad said I caused his cancer after I moved back home to take care of him and mom.  crazy is as crazy does.

better them than me.  august the month my sisters made hell there's only HEAVEN on the horizon.  they called the police to interview him.  so he's on record.  he's my dad.  he brought the officer over saying I was sitting in his spot I ignored them.  he's on the record as a nut.

found it

last night just before falling asleep I didn't remember receiving the PGE  bill.  so 6 am I started fetching water, rinsing the car and general housekeeping found it next to my TV chair.  due 18th.  and I found the SC summer reading coupon neatly folded in with my gift cards.  and I set out my Target bill due the first.  Augh!  Discover!

I now have an icon link to my Sunny lunch menus but I have no clue how they appeared.  magic.  

I wanted to start new puzzle but it disappeared.  so I'm resting and relaxing in the ultra cool computer room.  so quiet all me.  

no Cody I sat with Inge who had Jim cookies delicious coconut crispy rollers.   I looked it up sold at Costco and Walmart.  lunch was bad food good company.

the library is lovely cool Lee is in my spot again.  I figured out he's jealous.  he made a point of dissing me, giving to Toke to make me jealous I have to laugh.  

I came to the children's section where the good parents are.  I still feel sorry for the kids.  the world is messed up.  when Lee took my spot I knew there's something better for me.  TA DA!!  2 restrooms are right here.  

I read the tofu book.  new ideas.  

not 100% yet

I'm hoping I'll be better.  after dad died I was on mom suicide watch and when she died the sisters eviction and estate tax shenanigans consumed my energy.  I finally hired a lawyer $5000 retainer.  

I'm #1 parking seniors.  I soaked early and made 3 copies Sunnyvale senior lunch menu Toke, Trudy.  I showed it to Fred to take a picture of on his phone.  I don't know what I was thinking, bell pepper casserole today.  so no extra.  I guess I didn't want chick Cesar salad.  Bonny said the watermelon feta was good.  she took picture of Sunny menu too.  

library lovely cool.  Toke encouraged me.  new Disney stamps puzzle.  two frantic alien girls were harshing my mellow so I walked the library.  I amazed myself.

better today still sore

dinner was noodles and liquid aminos.  my muscle soreness feels like over exercising.  lactic acid build up.  

I finished puzzle.  so satisfying.  I got extra pesto fish lunch, tossed the water logged mushy Brussel sprouts.  I could have fed them to animals but no nutrition left.  I remembered chamomile for Judy.  

over at central library the puzzle orphans are here.  makes me glad I didn't have kids to neglect and abuse.  she and east Indian frantically finished puzzle.  poor ignored kids.  library packed.  heat advisory this week.  

2001

muscle cramping.  I didn't eat b'fast.   took my vitamins, drank some too sweet equate and made myself so sick.  

I went to central library to return hot spot and update book and CD.  I played on the puzzle 'til 5.  

torture

my physical and emotional body is releasing and processing dad's death.  I was on suicide watch for mom.  we hadn't slept the last week of his life due to the sisters' harassment and manipulations.  that last month was power games and lies.  I was ashamed and sad, so sad.  he cried and suffered.  they went home leaving mom and I to deal with him begging us to kill him.  after he was dead Mitzi came to me crying that she killed him.  too late.  I warned her not to threaten him.  I didn't want to hear her.  

waiting for center to open- leaving senior parking lot I noticed sideswiped no note

over a week without massage tub.  center closed September dad's death anniversary.  I was thinking of Sunnyvale lunch Toke looked alarmed so maybe not.  I think Walter would miss me too.  

no warm tub.  they put up sign did not replace caution tape.  probably staff use only.  will be shut down Sept 1-9.  

I picked up lunch 10:15.  Sandy gave me weekend too.  said hi to Gloria.  parked under central.  very low key overcast.  cute twin girls and beautified dad with bow hair clips puzzling power puff girls.  mom showed up later all needed to eat were becoming frantic.  

I'm pondering.  Sunnyvale hot spot ready.  county holds too.  today or tomorrow.  I put together border of mythical world map.  smarty pants Asian librarian asked if I was going to put it together.  I forgot my glasses but managed.  I surprised myself.  

after happily ever after-tub repaired

Walter helps me stay focused.  (I find the Google format intruding.  it inserts comments to link up.)

he reminds me to plan for success.  failure to plan is planning for failure.  I think I just made that up.

I'm having fun playing on the puzzle and resting my back.  I do some stretching.  

dinner I added 2 T. left over ravioli sauce to sourdough garlic parmesan bread heated in toaster oven better than new.  

new behaviors=new freedom.

no comment

Halford may be my laundry for awhile $4.25 2X

8 X wash=$11.75 for blankets.  actually cheaper lucky laundry $4.75 per 2-3.  

"end of the line" traveling wilburys-Sonic 3

so reminiscent of "New Tricks" theme.  I finished salad mix for b'fast.  I preferred it plain and ate pumpkin for dessert.  I added vanilla protein shake to cold brewed hazelnut coffee.  not as good as I hoped.  only OK.  30 mg protein did fill me up.  

lunch OK.  only bland veg extra.  home I ate pumpkin.  dinner Chef Boyardee ravioli tomato sauce for the garlic bread.  

Costco $3.99

so perfect.  64 degree, no traffic since 95050 opens 5 am.  and #1 parking spot seniors.  I gave Inge 2 magazines while waiting with Indus Sue.  

I stretched in pool while tub is still broke.  I stayed out all last week.  I miss it.  the water is relaxing.  

lunch was OK.  cheese omelet with powdered eggs.  I mentioned it and Diana refused to eat it.  I sat with Bonny and Judy.  Fred, Walter, and Toke.  staying alert I got the only omelet.  I finished at home fell asleep 10 minutes during my People Puzzler.  

I mended my Judy Moody bag again.  

my autism makes me laugh.  watching commercials I fixate on people's nostrils.  they so funny looking.  like eyebrows.  if you really look at them they're weird.  

true luxury watching "the Ghost and Mrs Muir"

lying in bed without worldly demands.  16 hours of rest.  8 years of bed ridden in constant pain rest eluded me.  my miserable childhood without rest.  I finally have some peace and rest.  

watching "My Week With Marilyn" I think few people have a loving mother and that's her connection with people.  she worked intensely to become herself.  

10:30 gym shower.  2 shady spots.  went to $ tree bought 5 fish oil, 1 zinc, basil pesto.  drove around block to Gym 2 Safeway walked store and bought 5 soup/2.  drove to library returned movies and book.  Sprouts pumpkin and tag remover.  Nob Hill parked under and took my time.  salad and frozen orange chicken and lo mein.  cooked it first thing.  my lunch and dinner.  

finally decided gym 8:30 am

I made b'fast ramen, added left over lunch veg and amino.  very satisfying.  "What we do in the Shadows" vampire shows not clever.  I'm trying to find the value.

it was so hot I couldn't decide what I wanted to do.  found parking at L Gym.  the half hours good for spaces.

I checked $tree Toke gossip closing next year.  a mess.  I wouldn't want to work there.  too much resentment.  no fish oil.  I bought 1 mouth wash, 2 over priced chips, plain black hair bands.  over $6.  

going to St Just helps me deal with the overcharge.  Charity and Sandy.  it was kind of fun.  like a fair.  over to library found Sgt Pepper CD and 2 DVD in book store $6.  FUN FUN SILLY WILLY!!  

Occam's razor really was a William of Occam.  

woke 6 am started M C Escher puzzle

I love creating order.  I'm pondering pencil drawings since I have the large orphaned frame from seniors.  

WHO KNEW?  10-12 almonds=1 aspirin.  "Common Knowledge" TV show.  

I finished the Van Gogh puzzle

I rinsed my car with 5 bottles of water.  I printed DD form 2 sided.  

Walter got me an extra plate of lunch and was insulted on my behalf when Hilde refused me food.  I told him she be crazy.  sometimes she's reasonable some days crazy just like family.  he felt confused.  

Epiphany-jealous dad hated Mexican food without trying it because mom went out with her co-workers every Friday and raved about the restaurant food.  this while telling us TV dinners were too expensive.  

Patterson ranch site of first Renaissance Faire.  question on Master Minds.  I was taking Shakespeare and went to the hot dirty parking in plowed fields.  

terrible 2's-tub down

NO!   when we learn our individuality unless it's beaten out of us.  I don't want to.  no soak tub needs repair part.

Arlene at Chase suggested it was the choice of bills that triggered error code if specific bills were unavailable.  I got my cash and deposited at Merry West.  

I walked Sprouts and last 5 clearance CBD soda $1.30 ea and 3 $4 black sesame seeds.  then I remembered fish oil I detoured to $tree none I picked out 2 reading glasses and 2 chick fries.  

home my back hurt so bad my stomach hurts.  I did too much putting everything away.  

Flora ATM error message

couldn't withdraw 90002 message to call customer support.  David helped me with branch phone and Vidan checked my account suggested ATM short of cash try teller branch.  I'm tired of jumping through hoops.  I didn't bring my phone or glasses.  tomorrow.  

I deserve Heaven.  I checked Cal PERS site DD form.  print tomorrow.  when I opened CU account only Sunny branch now 3.  may be time to change DD.  

I've made a hundred small changes in my life.  my TV reception stopped so I turned it off to reboot.  worked.  time for pumpkin pie.  lunch was not good chicken mole.  

still processing grief

I was on suicide watch after dad died.  I didn't have the time or energy.  Creepy had been manipulating mom and dad, torturing all three of us, leaving me to deal with the result of her machinations.  she insisted dad go to her picked unknown chiropractor rather than mine of many years.  it finally killed him.  when I refused to take him she got Crawly to take him they killed him.  I told Crawly not to and she cried to me she killed him after I insisted she not listen to Creepy.  I grieve for all of us.  they're damned.

I started a Van Gogh puzzle to give myself a break.  I puzzled 'til 10 and soaked and stretched.  then lunch with Trudy and Ken, Walter was early, Fred, Toke.  home I decided to try the brown rice quinoa.  it's OK.  I used the last 4 eggs.  

learning to relax-Sunny Safeway has everything-Sprouts eggs $4.19

is stressful.  letting go takes practice.  

I tried paying $40 on my Citibank message said too much money I went back to shade car got $38 and went through.  on to shade Cup Safeway for 3 chips free dip, orange cream Coke and clearance sourdough garlic Parmesan round loaf half of $3.69.  parked in the shade front of the library 20 min zone picked up movies.  pondered what to do I drove to the shade gym 2 Safeway and found 2/$1 chips and 2/$1.25 orange Hostess cupcakes my favorite.  feeling hot and sweaty I showered at gym lots of little ones swim school.  across ECR I parked in the shade and walked Sprouts clearance pumpkin pie $4.69.

home 12:30 I baked 1/4 bread so good.  

2002-3

watching season 5 King of Queens I'm processing stored anxiety.  my sisters were campaigning for my death.  they'd manipulated both parents to death and it was my turn.  dad's 9/5/99 death the summer of torture.  constant harassment and threats of physical violence and I was bedridden too sick to defend myself waiting to die.  I'd witnessed them in action.  I was too worn down taking care of the parents to fight.  I couldn't care anymore.  too worn down.

my stomach upset is post nasal drip my busy brain looking for cause turns to worry over bills and basic survival.  I'm feeling threatened again as my feelings process.  I have to wait 'til it passes 'tho feeling fight or flight.  

listening to healing music helps me breathe.

I've experienced Hell I know Heaven is real.

9 am I walked $tree and 5 brown rice+quinoa all they had.  on to Safeway 2 clearance relaxing gummy and clerk charged me for only one because of BOGO message on receipt.  so I lost $13 on Lucky frozen rewards.  WEIRD I dropped $20 change blew under car.  I re-parked the car and retrieved the bill.  never happened before.

I dropped off ins at PO and drove tour

working for God I surrender.  I go where I'm directed.  arrived seniors 7 minutes early.  

still locked out of Safeway and Lucky's.  Savemart must have had breach and not disclosing.  Panera OK.  

finished Disney puzzle 8:15.  lunch not good.  Fred looked through one anatomy book.  I looked through both.  

refresher Course in Miracles feels so right

I was going to make a book cover carrier when I realized all the fabric shopping bags I customized will do nicely.  and I realized the drawstring bag I don't like is too long and floppy I can shorten.

Cody had another musculature book and Moana 2.  lunch was OK.  Gloria, Fred, Toke, Walter sat with men's table.  I bought a roast beef bag lunch with a $5 bingo coupon, only 4 items now.  

lovely being home.  I watched Lingo.  Idiotest is no longer my favorite.  

I took a 2 hour nap.  delicious.

lucid dream-so Zen

we're driving up the mountain a long line of cars and trucks when the highway becomes unpaved road.  a fool guns it sending rocks and dust into the air.  we wait for the dust to settle and proceed with caution.  i can continue or find another route.

I may be releasing my attachments to life.  one less responsibility.

Safeway sale relaxing gummy $12, max 24 ramen 10 cents ea, $4 dark chocolate almond.

I'm still thinking

listening to Kelly Howell Super Learning I am peace.  I'm still pondering if I want e mail and I got a letter from Chase changing to require two step security.  hopefully online not in branch.  texting required.  maybe I'll call tomorrow maybe I won't.

lunch was OK.  Toke was early before Fred or Walter.  I made Fred sit by Bonnie.  everybody wants to sit by me I think it's the music.  

no left overs 2 days.  I feel good on 5 hours sleep.  I feel excited I don't know why.  I don't need a reason.  although I did buy a $5 copy of Course in Miracles 2007 at Sunny yesterday.  my copy 1985.  

I'm locked out of Safeway-returned hot spot

I called support and Jai suggested I open a new account, same problem receiving phone text borrow a phone.  I started reading Consumer manual on Link II 2021 flip phone.  doesn't look too complicated.  arthritis makes it difficult to text.  

and Lucky's sign in page is frozen.  both are owned by Savemart.  

returned hot spot found 3 in 1 Course in Miracles $5 I paid $40 in 1985 for the 3.  

chrome froze I closed and now I'm locked out of yahoo mail

I got into my blog but it's resetting itself.  yahoo wants me to pay for support help.  I'll think about it tomorrow.  I don't have texting maybe I don't need email.  

it went dark mode I changed it in settings.  I did it.

ramen

kept me alive 2001 when I couldn't digest anything else.  then I advanced to chili and rice.  took years of experimenting with food and pain to straighten out my digestion.  my back injury totally screwed up my stomach.  

I don't feel like doing anything.  I don't want to rest or go to the library.  

baking soda + sugar = no cockroaches according to 'common knowledge'.

even machines need rest

I'm feeling pressured.  I think Toke too.  like we can't do enough.  an impossible life.  unrelenting pressure to perform for the family.  

I drove to Walmart 8:30 best time paid PGE and picked up Co Q and beets.  then Prune Lucky's free hot sauce ate my reward dollar I couldn't find any clearance for both stores new set up.  on to Home Safeway I bought 24 max 10 cent ramen clearance dark chocolate almond$4 and relax gummy $12.  

St Just lunch and library hot spot pick up and check it's working.  

keep on keeping on.

group of 5 young people 20's at puzzle table no clue how to solve frantic self esteem.  the beard and long hair forgot his bag of movies came back as I was leaving so I didn't have to hunt them down.  

home I ate the turkey bologna cheese sandwiches and chips.  I completely forgot yesterday's lunch veg salad.  hot chili garbanzo spinach.

freshly showered

no Lucky's free hot sauce at Lawrence.  I can check Prune or not.  I do want to visit Walmart for gummy Co Q 10 and beets at some point.  maybe tomorrow.  I found Safeway 10 cent ramen.  I went to the college gone I got chips.  

home 1:10 resting with my programs.  last night I watched Diane Warrens documentary.  she's Aspergers.  I laughed and cried.  

I put a battery in the Target clock and replaced it in the box.  works great and is protected.  

so far so good

I made it to the dentist without incident.  I'm waiting for my 2 pm teeth polishing.  half hour to clean and polish.  

lunch was OK.  the southwest chicken salad was pretty good.  I got leftover Greek pasta chicken for dinner.  I added to salad.  

I went to Target no wiper blades $5 battery wall clock  

early morning best internet

least interference.  fewer online.  and the puzzle is pleasantly easy, relaxing.  I feel guilty.  mom made my life hell to please herself.  made me feel sick.  makes people sick eventually.  her diabetes high blood pressure, etc.  

taking my time

I love arriving early and relaxing.  I don't know where or how I developed this when my parents consistently arrived early, fought and came home.  it's almost comically sad.  tragic comedy.

lunch weird food.  Fred is back.  good pictures on his phone.  he had a great time.  Toke and Walter.  I got an extra weird lunch.  I considered Hawaiian pizza but college Safeway didn't carry it and I don't feel like driving.

I spent hours looking for a dress I finally found in the laundry.  motivation to wash.  

my car is my safest storage-Bartolo-Garage back door unlocked-I didn't do it

my sisters Creepy and Crawly can't steal from my car.  

just Toke for lunch.  Walter picked up salad and went home waiting for his yearly apt inspection.  he's calmer.  still no Fred.  

home 12:40 Lingo.  I love watching people win money.  makes me feel happy.  

PCH announced sale change ownership and pages slow if they work at all.

lovely cool

I have so much water I bought on sale years ago.  I shopped as therapy.  it was all I could do to manage my depression.  2 trips using my climb cart.  and I practiced folding it up.  

my right side leg and arm are sore.  I'm looking through my storage.  I was so crippled I couldn't manage some days so I had storage for when I couldn't cook.  

I'm changing-Bonnie and mom Judy

I can change myself or wait for the world to change and play catch up.   

bed 7:30 after shower @24, St Just Bonnie's mom Judy in hospital , puzzle central 'til noon, checked Homestead Safeway for Saturday freebie 'Happy Latte' gone I bought cornbread, drove to Cupertino gone bought snack chips 2/$1 and coke orange cream soda most delicious ever 2/$5, picked up library "Igor", on to Sunny G-2 no freebie had sale frozen grilled corn and Hawaiian pizza.  home 4:15 cooked and ate the entire pizza since I waited to eat lunch running errands.  I added lots of oregano.

my life is improving-Bill & son Dan still truckin' from St Clare thnxgiving dinner

it's been challenging.  I cooked eggs, added cheese then remembered lunch potatoes.  so good.  

I picked up my free prebiotic Culture Pop soda and bought clearance salads 2 $2 ea, tortilla chips 2/$3, almond croissants.  came home and put away groceries.  

my central hot spot ready for pick up by 26 and Sunny due 27.  county Igor pick up by 25.  yay!!

I stopped at yard sale on Fordham afraid I'd find something Aiko stole from me.  all clear.  home by 12:45.  my game shows brain exercises.

childhood flashbacks of mom burning me

she'd never been religious before.  when one of the grandparents died she decided to be Shinto with an altar and I had to pay for everyone's sins.   she put incense on my hand and lit it, burned me.  if I moved she'd put more on starting over.   I was maybe 8.  I blocked out the pain.  I detached from my body.  survival foremost.  minimize the torture.  then she labeled me inhuman.  she was the monster.  

I have a neck headache.  

sitting thinking @ seniors

 old age is for the brave.  

still OK

 

2 days no driving my back feels great

I feel great.  normal.  cars are a necessary evil.  pollutes the planet, encourages obesity, gives us a false sense of superiority. 

lunch was good.  Melvin reminded me that Fred and Debbie car trip to visit family up north.  Toke was very late.  Walter early 11:25 decided to sit with new people.  not enough place mats.  

I got home in time for Lingo.  I added lunch corn to rice with 2 eggs for dinner.  very mellow watching my game shows.  

leisurely lucky 13

watching 'Millers" makes me laugh.  even more absurd than my family.  and no vengeful repercussions.  'sloth and turtle=sl urtles.'  so delightfully silly.  

I'm not hungry.  I want to stay healthy and happy.  

It's not me

I may have done nothing I may have another lesson to learn.  I tried the Sunnyvale Dell book and Safeway website has a problem.  I bless the whole ordeal.  

my back is forcing stubborn me to change or die.  Diabetes = too much sweetness = death.  mom always complained she never had nice things when she destroyed them in anger.  scary to watch.  I always loved and tolerated the family behavior until my back made it impossible.  

watching 'Community' tv series is a dysfunctional family.  I am not entertained I've tried.  

7-11 free Mela watermelon passionfruit

 I feel good.  Aveeno wash smooth.  

1 pm chrome reception weird probably sun storms.  The phone is out, emergency service only.  

Daily Word 'I honor my feelings'

I filled the gas tank after checking prices yesterday.  Costco 50 easier drive and fill up.  I'm still feeling weirder than usual.  

puzzle, soak'n stretch, puzzle.  

lunch is always a trip.  the orange chicken had no orange.  Fred gave me a wash cloth and Aveno, Toke.  Walter.  lovely relaxing.  someone left 7/9 red velvet square.  

inge-Danny's recycle $4.19

I feel great.  I haven't felt this good for years.  

Toke's eye looks worse.  Gloria is rebuilding her life.  she has a better family.  

my body reacting

I don't know.  I didn't sleep 'til mid night.  I feel ok a little restless and weird like a baby in development.  

I'm enjoying the challenge of the QE2 puzzle.  I soaked and stretched.  lunch was OK I was the lone fish lunch.  tomorrow I ordered the chick salad.  Toke gave herself a shiner falling in her house.  I'm experiencing my lifelong anxiety in a new way.  

weird energy

I may have to return my chrome.   lunch OK.  

I drove and remembered Star 1 deposit and returned Cupertino and took my license for card renewal and was told I was already current 'til 28 and I returned 'Renfield' to Cody.  oh, well.  

driving home I detoured to America's Tires for air pressure check.  I'm always being the responsible one.  

Sprouts bear claws so much better than Lucky's.  and I tried lasagna soup too spicy.  eh, life live and learn.  

oh, so good-picked up new hot spot 6 weeks

BK has wi-fi and crispy JiB tacos.  finger lickin' good.  my reward I paid Citibank Costco.  I haven't eaten  $3.49 wrap yet.  

Using a water bottle is so easy to keep drinking water.  

yesterday I needed glucosamine I bought 12 and cheese puffs, white board for window insulation, 4 clearance bags.  SCORE!  forgot no St Justin lunch turned around tired home and slept after eating cheese puffs.  did no computer.  checked phone hot spot ready Sunny I rested.  am I resisting?  I don't know.  I know there's no effort when I follow the small still voice.  my body hurts too much to dissent.  

I walked Target nothing I wanted and long lines.  parked 12:30 in the shade behind Sunny.  organized for tomorrow.  paid city statement said zero balance but bill due 2 days.  

I puzzled 'til Indian trashed mandala time for me to do differently.  Safeway free drink I planned on Maria store last minute I detoured to Gym 2 and got everything.  chips buy 2 get 3 free with coupon free dip.  

free living can be fun

good parking @ 24 I picked up free drink, sale almond croissants, strawberries.  showered and internet.  back to Lucky's for $2 ice cream coupon and 8 PC fried chicken/$5.99, 2/$4 tv dinners.  lunch and dinner.

I'm already in holiday mode

and Walter and Salome picking nits with each other.  I love having choices of anxiety or peace.  I choose not to continue exposing myself to neg vibes.  makes Sunny lunch more attractive.  

I decided on mailing my life insurance bill and withdrew Chase.  then Pomeroy ave home to game shows.

hearty b'fast

 2 eggs, cheese, potatoes.  substantial.  

paid water

and wrote life insurance.  penultimate check and full register.  

I finished puzzle 9:15.  on to stretching.  

my good deed I helped locker lady.  31-1-11 not 31-11-1.  God told me in the shower.  Whew! I feel better about misplacing my lunch utensils after rinsing last week.  and I forgot used Elmo shampoo stolen from shower stall time for new shampoo.  I filled coconut and Argan oil shampoo bottles.  

after lunch I picked up an abandoned side salad.  OK with buffalo chicken pack and Asian dressing.  

just when I think I'm better

I decided on library due to projected 88 degree day.  I drove the back way Kaiser and huge old dark SUV changed lane sped up to HHONNKK at me and I didn't care.  I detoured to St Just for lunch pick up.  Sandy and Chris gave me weekend bags too.  

at library I checked Safeway and Emails I forgot Discover new 23 due date.  so I went to Safeway for low salt chips and free soda.  Prebiotic has fiber.  

returned to library best parking.  picked up and charged 50% phone paid Discover 12:37 pm.  ate my sandwich.  I used to punish myself when I screwed up no more.  

reward for being alive.  I'm human.  I have my purple pillow.  

and I am at peace.  well, I was until Chrome crashed 3:50.  I successfully recovered Email and blogs before having to leave.  

1976 Agoraphobia flashbacks/PTSD

I was afraid of everything.  I was especially afraid I'd kill myself in a head on collision taking out an innocent.  I had no conscious knowledge of my family suicide heritage.  it was the result of my neglectful, abusive marriage a continuation of my childhood.  

last two nights lucid dreams of castle/mansion with elaborate waterbeds in every room.  and silent kitchen remodel while I slept in my current childhood bedroom.