life as easy as TV dinners

that's what I want.  I made 2 for b'fast.  I'm relaxing.  

I watched Hallmark Lifestyle movies comparing the families to my family.  I've never done that with my conditioning of fear of punishment precluding even thinking of criticizing.  my mom and dad chose to remain children.  children having children is the root of all evil.  not love of money.  the greedy selfishness continues and increases as the number of people increases.  more waste, pollution, hunger, pointless death.  

I recycle as much as I can.  

I paid my city water bill by phone.  I tried online for hours and it said a server problem.  new behavior.  phew! I'm exhausted.  

10 am Easter egg hunt senior center-YIPPEE!! hot spot! 1:50 pm

the old and new.  3-10 yrs old. 

I puzzled, soaked.  on to St Just lunch pick up.  Charity and Sandy not Nancy.  they asked if I wanted chips 2 extra and tiny cottage cheese pineapple.

2/6-4/12 without wifi due back 5/3.  

full day @ 9 am

free pop well prebiotic soda.  I bought lava Reese's cup and 2 clearance 50 cent spray Zum freshener.  pine scented.  then on to $ tree.  metal hair clip, 2 glucose, pool slippers, clearance parchment and wax paper, juice, 3 plastic lidded bowls.  

a full day.  I showered in my new slippery bath flips using my new metal hair clip.  and the cafeteria is full of pollen so I'm wearing a mask.  and I have no idea what I did with my tomato.  I thought it was in my lunch bag.  

found it under central movies.  

I found my chamomile lavender tea

Rainbow hummingbird has been feeding her baby pretty much non stop.  it's big.

my parents did everything for themselves.  they stayed as children like X.  like tom.  they were horrible parents they remained children NEVER growing up.  that's what I like about the animated movie UP.  adults taking care of animals and children.  not wimping out like my family.

I waited for Cody no bookmobile.  he usually reminds me.  earth day at central park.  lunch fun with Fred, Ken and Trudy, Toki, Walter.  I got extra with support vibes.  ground turkey, beans, squash.

home 12:30 I watched Lingo.  then my games.  3 pm I paid Citibank due today, deposit Merriwest Star One, dropped off Sunny movies, walked library, checked out puzzles considered Harry Potter.  on to Sprouts for clearance half peach pie and 4 cherry turnovers.  home to good eats.

I'm living for me

I considered Sunny library returns maybe tomorrow.  I tested the umbrella LED light 4 AA batteries 3 way works great and the fancy glass perfume bottle I picked up Saturday with St Just lunch.  

took me half an hour to find snack bar coupons I put in a red pack thinking I'd remember.  

bingo exercise wants to change to 2 hours once a week.  doesn't appeal to me.  my brain is definitely better with the stimulation.  the music and dancing are a huge part.  the air quality is so bad even with conditioning.  i had to ask to turn on the fans.  sometimes I wonder at the lack of thinking and feeling.  

I was locked out of voice mail.  Hunter patiently talked me through it.  I had to shut off phone 1 and talk on phone 2.  after half an hour the reboot worked.  

man entered tub reminded me of X

I started sneezing and my head stopped up.  wow, stayed congested until I showered.  

lunch a tiny seafood salad Walter got me an extra pasta meal.  and home for 1 pm kid idiot test.  

another monday

somehow background colors changed to blue.  I prefer pink or green.  the format has changed.  

Library Shepherds Purse drying out

I'm detoxing.  I've been eating herbs forgetting to drink more water and schedule more rest.  oh, silly me.  drink more water, schedule more rest.  I decided to swing by Sprouts goat cheese $2.49 I bought 2.   

I puzzled at the seniors then went to the tub.  I'm improving my relaxation skills.  then St Just lunch pick up I completely forgot the rummage sale did a quick walk through nothing.  I finally figured out to eat the meat and cheese not the bread.  

smoker's cough

all at once.  I never smoked much, just enough to balance the absence of second hand smoke.

today whew!

I paid prop tax.  I'm so tired.  the hardest job is to keep enjoying life.

I'm amazed how little people care about the only planet we have.  the planet we rely on for everything.  simple survival.  maybe mankind is suicidal.

I'm feeling exhausted.  I soaked, looked up KK re accident suit.  then picked up salad, gave John my soup and went upstairs 10 minutes to my appointment Bill gave away my time to girls standing in front of the center half hour.  good to know his lack of respect.  

I'm eating a hamburger I found yesterday under fruit veg.  2 min/3 oz patty.  12 patties=36 oz.  2 lbs 4 oz.  

and watching "Bell, Book and Candle" one of my favorite movies.  

I'm crying over my past

I haven't had the energy or inclination  to revisit 2001.  Glory brought up the pain of betrayal which logically I denied in order to function.  I don't need the illusion any more.  they're snakes I can leave behind.  I don't owe them anything.  

I called 8 am having written 9-1:30.  I'm more upset than I realize.  I'm too used to caring for others when I'm stressed I revert to times when my physical survival depended on others surviving first.  I'm better, not good yet.  nice 7 minute conversation regarding 1 or 2 topics.  They don't advise car accidents but lawyers' referrals.  so I want clarification on my family inheritance issues.  were they criminal, is embezzlement actionable?  would they have gone to jail?  for my peace of mind and heart I need to be able to resolve the actions taken and omitted.  all the vague sadness and depression have a source.

bread cast upon the waters.  I distracted myself by sharing dried Ramadan dates and encountered 16 truffles.

going through symptoms

I'd left the driver window inch open OK not wet though it rained.  I put out garbage and recycle Bart too late with green brought in bins.  

I don't know if I'm sick or processing the past.  I finally manifested a single pain point on the back of my skull.  Yay!!  and my nausea like the ocean comes and goes, ebbs and flows.  I can't tell if I'm in pain elsewhere.  I'm still congested and coughing.  

I'm stressed dealing with a Wednesday lawyer appt.  reminds me of sisters 2001 threats of violence.  

dog eat wolf world

that's what fuels the wars.  I can accept it today.  nicotine helps.  

I dressed and drove to seniors.  same o.  drove to St Just they have eggs I picked up pantry.  huge strawberry cheesecake sliced.  lots of veg, fruits, rice beans.  I forgot movies went to $tree for glucosamine only 1, c, biotin, d3, 2 riblet Mac for lunch and dinner.  I prepped broccoli.  delicious.  

Glucky's

I loaded free Garden 1 oz veggie sticks.  walked all around, asked store shopper, checked entire front end, then from the boxes in office I got first bag.  persistent.  whatever else I may be ultimately I get it done.  

I decided because of game shows libraries are weekends or after shows.  I love learning useful pleasant things.  

after lunch the puzzle trash b was sitting with her drink having thrown pieces around.  I asked if she could read English she said she wasn't eating I showed the drinks on the sign so the weasel knew.  then she said she needed the outlet I pointed to the one next to the chair she sat in all morning and had used, the filthy liar.  still no excuse for throwing the pieces around and ruining the puzzle.  I quit.  Mallory is mean, lazy doing the minimum to help who she wants.  she says she doesn't do anything she knows who to send them to.  

where would I prefer to be?

saboteurs

the puzzle was trashed.  gave me a chance to clean the table.  Mallory thought I'd done it I questioned her.  sticky from people eating and drinking 'cause it's posted.  bad immature people..

met Fong and Aya nursing students.  they assisted bingo and then BP.  

Glory came to lunch, didn't stay.  oh well.  I can only do what I can do.  I called left message she called back to say she went to get gas no heads up.  she doesn't seem very concerned.  she's looking for a place to live even tho I told her restraining order and no legal eviction.  I don't think she's listening.  she's got to do what she wants is just to cry and complain.

I deserve something special.  I'm having a horrible time processing the memories of betrayal losing my entire childhood.  

eh, I'm alive

windy rain expected.  so pollen everywhere.  I'm still drinking chamomile.  

my body is releasing memories.  Wednesday last week Glory confided she's experiencing the same caretaker greedy attacks from her family I experienced.  it brought up a huge amount of pain and mourning.  I had my experiences to share.  she's terrified of her family.  all are playing the same ego games.  the parents afraid of dying are blaming everything on Glory.  the siblings are greedy thinking she's getting more money than them.  just like my family.  I counseled getting an attorney familiar with elder abuse, she qualifies.  senior center has volunteers.  her siblings are threatening violent eviction.  her parents blame her for upsetting her siblings.  it's crazee.  she's ashamed and paranoid.  I know the feeling.  until you wish you were dead.  

bingo great!  I've never enjoyed any class more not even kindergarten.  Elizabeth started 10 minutes late.  it was horribly windy all day.  my car is covered in pollen and seeds and I mistakenly opened my trunk.  I have remembered to wipe myself down so my sinus headache subsided.

feeling better

I've been watching Battle Comic volunteers to entertain the troops.  WHY does man continue the insanity of war?  no one ever wins.  there is no end.  

my body is wracked with pain from coughing.  my ribs feel broken, everything hurts.  the chamomile helps my breathing.  my energy is low.  the air is still horrible.  

so sick from pollution

Saturday I was coughing, sinuses.  I must have eaten pollen from trees in my Friday patio food.  I was going to call in to cancel today when 8 am all better. 

my chest and stomach are full of mucus.  I started looking for my chamomile last week instead of caffeine for me.  I couldn't find it.  then today I remembered I had teas in storage.  Ta Da!!

free Fiji water found a quarter-2nd day pollution

my eyes are burning the second morning of waking coughing and congested.  the only relief in the shower.  my stomach upset from drip.

The new Lucky's format must be AI.  non logical.  so the problems will be computer generated.  they try to reduce staff and fire people.  trump does it for fewer witnesses.  just like Hitler.  Hitler installed his cronies and removed anyone who disagreed.  

and my post edited itself.  must be AI.  AI leen. 

I just found yesterday idiot test is on 1-2.  woo hoo!!  Inge gave me a free BBQ ticket one of her admirers had to cancel.  I visited with Ken and Toki.  Trudy lined up I gave her first refusal Splenda sweetener we laughed.  I went put my things in car Walter didn't get me leftovers.  I went back to patio for sausage lunch.  Fred and Debbie arrived together.  I left after saying good byes I'm so proud of myself.  

just what I needed yesterday-Bratolo and Adela still working on fence

Ken and Trudy at class.  none today.  today Cody's bookmobile.  spell check makes Cody a bookmobile.  lol.

Bratolo working on fence 2 police cruisers park at Todd house

maybe his parking in my driveway triggered a check.  thank you scpd.  

bingo so fun.  we laughed and lol.  

Walter sis anxiety-Bartolo fixing Betty and Dave Todd fence

Walter volunteered to help his sis change Costco car battery he's riddled with anxiety.  he expected me to distract him, not my job.  I suggested he plan his next project guarding his energy and knee.  he was testing me.  

Bartolo threw cement bags in my recycle.  I put it in the garbage and dragged the can to the broken fence.  I used my anger like mom to get a lot sorted.  I refuse to be lied to by Bart.  and I know he lies, he's tried making excuses before.  ah, the skin cancer.  

happy b'day-Bartolo yd work

95.  mom stayed alive long enough to be older than dad.  and then she 'forgot' to take her meds all day and collapsed dead.  

Sunny library book sale

I woke 7 am.  7.  dream of a loving muscular 20 lb sleek short hair black lap cat.  I put out the garbage bin I'm feeling energized.  toasted corn bread and noodle soup b'fast.  sorted supplements.  

I'm remembering Covid lock down.  I had to use wireless and Nob Hill didn't exist.  I could come here in peace quiet and sit thinking.  I wanted to leave St Just extra groceries but a van was here first.  maybe homeless.  they open at noon for the book sale.  I don't like anyone watching me.  I finally remembered to put extra plastic bags in my trunk.  

nope cars are dropping off then leaving.  11 am new herd.  I love people watching.  and the squirrels.  gone again.  11:38 van left.  people lining up at door.  I've never had the time or inclination before.  

so perfect.  quiet with my music playing.  I have so much I thank heaven.  and Trudy's magazines to 'entertain' me.  and the Kalahari jerky.  savory.  I prefer savory.  I have 2 opened bags of Baja sweet orange I'm struggling to eat.  too sweet.

I checked out book sale found $1 microwave cook book.  I finished 1 puzzle.  home 3 pm Ozzie and Harriet marathon.  I was hungry.  I opened split pea and toasted corn bread.  and remembered veg cheese all melted.  

Nausea 46 degrees too cold for me today

it's back with the cold temps.  at least now I know the cause.  my back is on fire.  it comes and goes.  major post nasal drip upsetting my stomach.

I stopped by Panera $3 coupon exp 19th and chose spinach bacon souffle almost $8.  8:45 after snacking my stomach is better I ate my flaky pastry.  

I puzzled and soaked.  beautiful fluffy clouds.  

dark stormy unsettled-Alice's White Queen

TGIF.  I'm exhausted.  I got a reminder from consumer cellular.  I tried to pay my bill online new security measures locked me out.  I tried by phone and ended up talking to Sandy trying to find out if my payment went through.  she asked for my secret code that finally we tried different numbers that worked.  

I tried Lucky's again and finally got in.  I'm in Wonderland or Through the Looking Glass.  or both.  I have to work twice as hard, twice as long to stay in the same place.  

so weird.  the music plays when the internet is cut but the blog doesn't update.  selective service.  what they used to call the Vietnam war draft.

dark cold rainy

collision weather and some still speeding.  too scary.  

my Lucky's rewards account is still blocked now a Google message says they are blocked from the page.  and I still haven't heard from Lucky's.  

Cody returned and checked out chrome for me.  bingo we laugh a lot.  just what I need.  it's one thing to laugh alone and so much better in a convivial group.  

Augh! no Toki.  Fred said she had an appointment she forgot to tell me.  I found she left me v-mail 9:32.  like she owes me anything sweet baby.  Walter got me pear cheddar salad I gave to John for Mario his housemate.  I love giving Walter something else to think about.  

2:29 I stopped clearing.  I've been so depressed all my sisters have stolen from me and when I find more missing I get more depressed.  my 4 ft fluorescent tube lights are missing.  besides swimming gear.  

I just spent half hour in car organizing.  so lovely warm.  temps in the 40's.  it appears from the papers accumulated I stalled out after 2020 Covid lock down.  

I got to seniors 6:54

today Daily Word "Work Blessing" I bless my work and my work blesses me.  it gives me structure and purpose.  

bingo exercise today.  10 people missing.  we have our name plates today.  I won 1.  

just occurred to me Karen Kuek insurance company hasn't made her whole, the purpose of having  insurance.

the hummingbird nestled by the front porch I'm naming Rainbow.  she faces north west avoiding the southern hurricane weather I stressed to the skylight guy.  it's blowing hard 3 pm.  Hawaii.  emergency warnings on tv.  I/'m charging everything just in case I need it.  

I slept after worrying---Duc (Duke='virtue') @ CSAA

prayer always works.  I fixed my Wilcox book bag.  I stitched it (new behavior) without taking it apart (Old behavior).  

Walter got me an extra meal twice the size of reg.  so combined with mine I have food for 3 days.  I like and enjoy waiting half hour to begin chores after lunch.  I never used to take the time for Myself.  

and on to CSAA to fax the form.  Mr Kohlwaies said Cal minimum is $15k.  

home 2 pm.  I considered Savers but another time.  I'm taking care of Me.

doing the best i can

I'm going to check SALA for legal help April appointment here..  I called Stephen Kohlwaies who talked me through and reassured me I can go to CSAA office to fax him form.

no internet last night

chocolate milk is very filling.  I wasn't hungry and forgot to eat b'fast I've been so upset over last year's car ordeal.  

I finished the senior puzzle, soaked, stretched then drove to library same route.  I picked up St just lunch told Eileen how helpful the rubber purple egg carton cushion has been.  got quart chocolate milk.  

I need a hug.  I'm feeling tired and abandoned.  I woke up feeling hopeless.  

one good thing I found a patch of shepherds purse next to the library.  Sunnyvale hasn't any this year.  

6:50 am-46 degrees

Bliss.  I puzzled, soaked, 2 movies from Cody Bookmobile and 10:30 bingo.  Trudy got one.  Ken and I are more energized.  lunch was a fun party.  Florence and Inge gave us treats.  Fred held our table.  Toki seems tired.  Elizabeth gave me 2 hostess birthday cupcakes I offered to Toki she suggested to Ken.  I gave Inge's strawberry bite to Florence and Donchey.  Walter is much calmer since I explained to him people like him for who he is not his dad.  I had to point out no one else stepped up to help with his dad 'cause his dad was so difficult and everyone admired his commitment.

I found my Costco bills, and pink car key I clipped to my gym bag.  home for game shows.  WOO HOO!!  

6 pm I made toasted tuna cheese sliced tomato on Parmesan olive bread for dinner.  so delicious.

10 minute drive

and finally raining.  it's beautiful gentle.  I puzzled finished bird and snowman started a new one.  lunch was OK I waited for bingo.  Whew! I swear 2 minute segments.  

after my game shows I went to Nob hill to regain pages.  I tired of PCL  games wanting me to sign in over and over.  too boring.  home for 4 pm game show.  tempted to nap I found things to do.  

new record 8 minute drive

finished puzzle Mallory has 2 new 300 piece.  I started blue bird and snow buddy.  weather keeps saying it will rain nothing yet.  only tv interference.

fun, fun, silly, willy.  

ow, my tummy hurts from cheese touched by very fresh juicy purple red onion.  Fred gives me whatever he isn't eating and I got an extra fish meal.  I forgot to thank Toki for giant bag of kettle chips so I called.  Trudy and Ken showed up for lunch.  I got distracted.  

home 1:45 I'm taking my time watching my game shows.  updated the lunch menu that was misprinted.  

yesterday no brace-today 3/3 girl's day

so painful all over I took grapefruit and willow.  and it works.  too inactive yesterday.  I haven't been so bad in years.  the tub fixed my aches.

lunch OK new menu changes.  I'll fill out a new one.  new behavior.  I came home watched Puzzler went to Sunny pick up drop off.  home for people then Nob for corn bread and almonds no Inno-Asian.  darn $5 Monday special.  

3 trips!

I feel so much better-paid Bartolo

I feel grounded and when motionless pain free.  soaked half hour at seniors, mailed life, withdrew chase, picked up St just.  the purple egg carton cushion Eileen gave me last week is wonderful for my back. 

11:30 eating lunch listening to my healing music.  the universe is seeing to my needs.  I played on the puzzle, read my paper, played sweeps.  I drove to Bartolo paid $70, almost home I detoured to Lucky's bought pizza and chips.  I added 1/4 bottle ground oregano and fresh tomato slices and baked pizza.  ate 1/4 pumpkin waiting 26 minutes for pizza.  so excellent I wish I could eat more.  

I'm playing

I picked up free peanut dark chew, entered my contests, played on the puzzle.  lunch was good getting back to Fred and Toki.  Walter came 11:45 and I explained to him the difference between flirting and being annoying by personal experience with Lance G in high school.  Lance thought patting me condescendingly on the head was endearing I told him it was demeaning and irritating.  I thought he was juvenile and stupid.  we were 16 not 8.  Walter mistakenly thinks annoying Nahyoung is flirting.  Wrong.  I don't know if he's listening.  

brilliant!!

Bingo exercise was so funny.  Sumo farts.  switch from right butt cheek to left and repeat looks like letting one off.  mom loved farting on people.  she'd cozy up on the couch and plant one on you.  

we'll have 4 nurses trading off 2 at a time and Hong suggested Thurs. 10-11.  Brilliant!!  Mallory set up 10:30-11:30 even better.  I picked up my lunch halfway through class.  cake holder worked great.  Toki was forlorn Fred went to PT and Walter and Salome came late.  next week even better.

Cody bookmobile gave me toys for helping him clear bins.  and I recycled the paper and continued Inge's $4 for her plastic bottles.  

Danny's changed hours 7-4 6 days.  

firmly ensconced

 I started a new puzzle.  I think it's Rampart St New Orleans.

things to do :  pick up Inge's and redeem recycle, gas fill up, taxes Tuesday, pick up and return movies central.  

new behavior I filled up gas, I drove home, watched Puzzler and drove to library.  3:30 I got in line as #7 and took 2 hours with only 4 preparers.  

relaxed late start

I'm getting adjusted to a happy childhood.  if I'd stayed in Hawaii I'd be different from living with love.  

I went to America's Tires to check tires air.  Andrew set 35 lbs.  when I bought tires rainy Monday 12/16 they set it at 30.  I was on my way to Cup to return overdue.  Rosa asked for 2 block ride would take me 20 minutes to clear front seat so I declined.  went smoothly.  

2/22-1942

I'm loving being looked after and cared for.  I picked up my lunch at St Just after soaking and stretching at seniors.  

Marie hung around until I left.  then she made a comment I think about Japanese WW2 racist internment as she was walking out downstairs to lots of seniors sitting in the fireplace room.  she's really flipping out.  

I watched White Bird, a Helen Mirren movie.  no info on the case and a vague trailer I was unprepared for the pain of Jewish teen Sarah in 1942 Paris.  she was a clueless teen who's mother refused to accept the reality of Nazism.  she was forced into hiding as was I.  it tapped into my suppressed teen pain.  I was humiliated, punished and persecuted for having and expressing compassion.  

and George born 1940 spent time in Idaho internment camp.  his mom named him George for Washington.  he died 12/21/08 from throat cancer.

I sobbed for our suffering.  

I'm having more fun-CHILD

I picked up free soda and tried $7.99 new extra virgin olive oil at Lucky's.  then at Sprouts another new brand of $7.99 unfiltered extra virgin olive oil and a load of turkey, ham, chick fingers, kid's meal, 2-99 cent tea.  I'm set for the weekend.  

Hilde gave me 4 pcs of yesterday's chicken.  What???

Walter's complaining threw me off.  He doesn't listen.  I know he's in pain from my own personal experience with pain.  He drones on and on.  He's telling his auto pilot to create more pain.  I don't know how many times I've said it.  He just doesn't listen.  He reminds me of dad and painful memories.  and Nick Ze's dad took 10 years complaining of cancer to create and die from it.  Walter continually talks of being hospitalized.  I visited Eric I won't visit Walter.  

SENIORS

I've been stressing Cody won't renew my Chromebook.  

and I'm feeling sad.  I'm just feeling.  

OMG 10:51 I just remembered my online contests.

Senior Universe new member (Noel) Shane

I think major Aspergers.  

"the courageous inhabitants of a doomed community.  the movie of the Infinity."  hey, everyone dies.  I'm feeling particularly facetious.  

TCB-BEST HOLIDAY EVER!

I put out garbage bin and Bartolo took care of green.  

yesterday I started a new phase in my life.  game show central 2/17/25 on channel 65.7 I feel rewarded.  made me want to jump for joy.  I started watching sometime in the morning and quit at 10 pm.  

42 degrees

next door cut more of tree.  all 4 bins filled.  

hanging at the library after soaking at seniors and using bingo coupon for roast beef bag lunch.  I talked to Jin lost her car in accident.  

then I picked up St Just lunch and weekend bag.  Presidents holiday Monday everything closed.  I'll go to 24 hour.  

I considered taxes I have everything in the trunk but I'm not ready today.  

1972 dream to now

I'd been married a few months when I woke from a dream crying  because I was in heaven w/o my ex.  that's when the ex altar boy told me he didn't believe in heaven.  he'd been conditioned like sister Ail to believe they were the devil.  

and I'm creating my heaven and he's been dead since 2004.  

I got home 1:30 tree is cleaned up.

happy 45th Aaron-big wind storm tree limb broken

he popped into my head today.  I googled him and he's a married cinematographer in LA.  they were taking cinema classes after high school in Sunnyvale.  I took them a few times since Lauren wouldn't drive and Aaron drove like his parents with lots of moving violations and very high car insurance.  the memory makes me sad.  

and Paul...Lloyd's friend took my lunch bag I never even noticed until I went looking for him to return his water bottle left on the table.  Mallory overheard and was upset.  makes me sad.  

then 1:45 I get home a big chunk of the avocado tree is broken with part in left neighbor's drive I left a message with Bartolo to come by to check it out.  makes me sad.  

7:02 arrival seniors-hula helped my autism

I did a good clear out.  bag I had at the front door had ants I didn't know I had.  they managed to eat through an applesauce seal.  perfection.  

yesterday no internet

so relaxing no cares in the world.  I finished 300 PC puzzle.  so relaxing.  the sense of accomplishment without effort.

I started reading a 2 year old AARP magazine on music therapy, memory, brains.  scientists don't get the brain is the entire body.  brain cells, nerve cells, neurons are throughout the body.  the gut brain, the cranium, muscle memory.  scientists don't live in their bodies.  they don't converse with their bodies.  they don't listen to their bodies.  disease=dis ease.  happy bodies self regulate.  balanced bodies heal.  

lunch was OK Fred and Toki.  food not good.  Walter tried scoring off me I wasn't having it.  he left.  I puzzled digesting lunch then went to college Safeway for chips found clearance 2 balsamic, 1 lemon curd, carnitas and chick egg rolls.  I'm worth it.  I have 2 cooked drums.  

6:57 seniors

catch-up not ketchup or catsup.  I looked up the difference.  wow, I thought I was boring.  

lunch with Trudy, Kenny nice to have company waiting for Fred and Toki.  the food was terrible.  dry tired whole wheat penne pasta, bits of pink chicken, green beans, diced carrots.  Trudy brought Stan's donuts for Toki's b'day which Fred and Kenny promptly ate.  makes Kenny cough he denies.  I saved mine for home.

2:30 game shows I considered going back to seniors for pool and puzzle.  nah.  i'm actually enjoying being home.  

looking forward-Toki Surprise-Super Bowl Sunday

I have new hope.  Trudy told me today is her actual b'day.  Kenny, Mirek+Anna, Cathy, Linda, Hiroko could be the one Aiko dissed.  70 people? maybe.  I got to restaurant before 11 and left 1:30.  teen kid forced to sell school chocolate I bought 5.  I was going to donate but he looked unlikely to accept so I chose almond.    

going was easy I printed 3 ways to get there.  I drove my old stomping grounds back.  haven't since COVID 2019.  helluva decade.  I haven't driven that long or far since before COVID.  I drove 85 the way I took mom to the south sj doctor for chelation.  

2:30 Sunny library.  I drove through and considered Saratoga, Cupertino, nah.  and this way I can check Sprouts.  nothing.

home 5 pm bed 8:30.  jeopardy celebrity reruns.

woke at 6 at seniors 7:55- friday's 1/3 fall

so much left overs from yesterday's lunch 3 meals b'fast this am.    

best part of this stylized rooster barnyard puzzle is it doesn't matter which parts go where.  I feel loose and free.  

soaked in tub and massaged my right shin and knee so sore from last month's fall.  takes much longer to heal.  

I picked up both pantry groceries and lunch from St Just Sandy a lot of fruit and veg.  I spent an hour reorganizing the car trunk parked under the library.  I puzzled and considered going to Sunny decided to rest up for Toki's b'day bash.  I think it may be Super Bowl Sunday.  I don't know.

I'm conflicted deciding how to acknowledge Toki.  

I have nob hill internet

I spent the morning and lunch relaxing, a very comfortable rhythm.  my depression is a little better.  

I picked up my Lucky's free 4 pack of Jones mini root beer and buy 2 get 2 low salt Fritos.  I used my gift card $7.89.  I paid $2.88.  

I was surprised it was sprinkling today.  it's been raining steadily.  

I miss online mahjong.  

no Sunny hot spot DIVINE ORDER

AND SO IT IS.  returned hot Spot and movies.  now keeping track 4 days late.  I'm still feeling happy.  got extra fish.  

I'm slowly releasing my hot spot

it will probably be a month 'til I get central's, 103 waiting.  I feel perfectly neutral, hurray!  

I went to Cup dropped off, picked up.  home by 2 no internet.  and it makes me want to blog.  and take a nap.  

I'm watching SNL so silly and funny.  

boss

eighth grade parlance meant super cool.  second reference.  yesterday I was reminded of a grade school joke or what passes for a joke in the eighth grade.  "man and woman get married the bride asks her mom to pack her freshly ironed blue night gown but her mom packs her un ironed pink nightie.  on their honeymoon the groom dresses in the bathroom letting the bride dress in the bedroom for modesty.  when she finds the pink nightie she says" oh, it's pink and wrinkled" he replies "oh, you promised not to look".  badabump!

yay!! hurray!! I paid Bartolo and Adela

I'm having fun following my feelings.  the senior parking lot was full of new year exercisers.  maybe the mild overcast got people out.  

had a lovely soak, massage, exercise in the spa.  lunch I ordered the roast beef sandwich.  the veg pasta looked overcooked.  Fred and Toki.  Walter has appointments today and tomorrow.  I considered Cup and banking and decided there's always tomorrow.  took my time home at 2 relaxed and refreshed.  

gardeners came by at 3.  I paid Adela.  

lovely quiet day.  

in my dreams

I'm defeating my enemies.  they're always men.  probably dad.  he resented me.  I think it's what crippled him.  

I need to tone down my goofiness.

I'm freaking out.  today's last day to RSVP for next week birthday party.  and I want to go to central library to finish the puzzle.  I left an RSVP message with an offer to contribute.

11:30 I filled car with gas.  just before me a bunch of cars showed up still only took 11 minutes.  I showered at 24 hour noon is the best parking time everyone leaves for lunch.  I have a painless big bruise on my left big toe.  wasn't there yesterday and I didn't wear Joanie's boots.  

I parked under the main library in case it rains.  I finished dog puzzle.  

I forgot to eat lunch so home 4:30 soup salad and bagel.  I feel good and I'm visualizing myself healthy, strong and incredible.  I'm being my own best friend.  

7:41 seniors

I woke from a dream of community and happiness in the company of my heavenly family frosting sheet sponge fruit cakes with whip cream.  then I woke up depressed.  I'm still alive and I bought all that food.  

ALL THE PROBLEMS OF THE WORLD ARE FROM BAD PARENTS WHO SHOULD NEVER HAVE KIDS TO IGNORE, NEGLECT, ABUSE.  my terrible parents.  my resistance to locks from being a latch key kid and Ail's stealing my key blaming me for losing them when it was her.  I couldn't blame her when mom might kill her.  watching George Lopez is freeing me.  

I'm following Spirit not thinking, planning just being, doing, feeling.  after senior soak for an hour in quiet contemplation I withdrew Chase and picked up St Just lunch.  indoor picnic at the library.  

St Just had groceries abandoned I picked up a cucumber and noodles tastes like baking powder.  

home at 4:30.

I mailed life ins

I picked up free onion dip, seniors I puzzled, showered, puzzled more.  lunch was with Trudy, Kenny, Fred, Toki, Walter.  so relaxing.  Hilde had to lie about still serving at noon when I got extra.  eh, I let it go and listened to Walter doing new things, absent 'til Wednesday.  wrote check, went to college Safeway $52 clearance half off 8 soups, 12 rice $12.88, salads, 'crab', 2 frozen Chinese, chips.  I'm set for a rainy week.  

home 2:25 for my game shows.  took me 10 minutes to pull on Joanie's fur boots.  may take years to break in.  I hope I didn't hurt my back.  the ankle part is too tight.  all my other boots are loose from use.  

year of change

dreaded anniversary Tesla valentine's fiasco coming up.  

Dave gets the weirdest ideas.  he tried to convince me Planned Parenthood is German eugenics.  when I asked him point blank if M Sanger a Nazi it startled him.  then he blamed illegal immigration on Biden like it didn't exist before and that Kamala Harris started the Ukraine war.  his mom died before Thanksgiving he still hates women.  

he's helping me let everything go.  I asked where he got his facts he couldn't or wouldn't tell me.

after lunch with Fred, Toki, Walter I went to drop off and pick up at Sunny.  I walked Sprouts found nothing.  reminded me to look for cheese at local.  

tom called.  I don't care.  oh, anniversary call.  tom Tesla.

happy snake Jin b'day 4/22

 and Inge's b'day.  Jin brought her a large fruit tart.  Florence brought chinese new year mochi cake.

woke 7

I loved the music.  I was so jazzed I stayed up and watched Blockbusters.  so I got to bed the latest in a long time.  I took my time, ate leftover rice fish and gently cruised into seniors.  I soaked for an hour in the tub and washed 2 pair socks.  

lunch was good so no left overs.  out the back door.  Fred, Toki, Walter.  he's calmer and more focused.  home I made hickory tuna green salad.  OK.  I don't need to buy another.  not as good as it sounds.  

Life is mellow.  I am grateful.

35 degrees

I don't understand the need for suffering.  8 minute drive 3 minutes car warm up looking for finger gloves.  and they're standing by the door 13 minutes to open.  

I ate st just ham cheese sandwich for b'fast.  I put out garbage bin and off to seniors.  Bartolo brought in bin.  

lunch OK.  fish, rice with ginger slaw best part.  Fred, Toki, Walter.  I got extra meal.  lots left over.  I added cashew and peanuts more protein.  

50 years of SNL music.  I missed out on so much being sick taking care of the parents.

another 12 hour sleep

8:30 pm nothing on tv I went to bed.  and I slept great quietly peacefully.  heavenly.  then I woke to back pain.  watching game shows eating salad rice nuts corn chips.  still dealing with 'shaken baby' damage.  at least now I know the source of right side weakness.  

10 am The Millers so funny bully mom, incompetent dad funny when it's not me suffering.  I don't watch another show I just mute and wait.  I usually skip back and forth amusing myself.  I finally found season 1 at county.

I napped 11:30-4.  Love Boat 5 pm.  6 pm so dark.  7 pm Rocky and Bullwinkle.  

I'm doing more chair and mini exercises.  eating salad at every meal.  adding nuts, corn chips, canned fruit.  

fastest ever

9 minutes drive to seniors.  pool opens 8:30 I'm here for my foot massage.  people standing outside 48 degree overcast.  I soaked an hour.  FLASHBACK to toddler being shaken.  my back neck problems started then.  mom almost put me in a coma.  made my arthritis worse.

wonderful I picked up 2 movies at central and puzzled 'til 11:30 picked up lunch at St Just from Charity and Sandy.  I shared my fall story and decided I'm feeling like I want to pick up Cup so smoothly I pondered going back to central.  2 Kimo asses trying to tell me how to puzzle I'm resting.  playing mahjongg.  I could read newspaper or go to Sunny.  holds good 'til 30 and returns 2/2 Groundhog Day.  I forgot New Years today but no food so I'm good.  I'm wonderfully relaxed.  they get stuck making a puzzle mess.  I can wait.

for b'fast I heated lime cilantro rice with sweet sour so good.  and I have salads.  I found an online picture record of Tina.  so far so good.

I just slept 12 hours

dentist wore me out.  cleaning, polishing, fluoride.  I watched the last 5 minutes of People Puzzler and ate Boston Market fried rice with salad, egg, cashews and peanuts.  by 5 I was exhausted and lay down instead of forcing myself to stay up.  I fell asleep, woke at 7 racist Ken Jennings and Ryan Seacrest not worth getting up I next woke 11 brushed my teeth, back to sleep, 'til 5:30.  

safely puzzling at seniors-Dentist at 2 pm

The rooster puzzle is more complex than I thought.  keeping me from stressing.  now I stress about forgetting.

salad b'fast-I paid Citibank 2 1/2 wk early

6:48 at seniors.  9 minute ride going slowly.  it's faster going slower.  people standing at the door for 12 minutes in 34 degrees weather.  not including wind chill.  soaked in tub hour and half.

lovely company at lunch Fred, Toki, Walter.  he seems to be doing better.  he's taking care of business.  Hilde took out bowls of beans I asked if there was fish and she gave me complete dinner.  

i walked prune Lucky's only found small $1 shampoo.  I had loaded expiring $1 so it was free.  no light salt BBQ.  

home I remembered to look for swimsuits and found my disc man from when I cleaned out car in 2018.  have yet to find suits.  I found water bottles and plain coconut water.  

back at seniors pool opens 8

I was actually happy driving here.  I haven't enjoyed driving since Eric died 2017.  

and almost a year since Tesla crash.  Valentine's.  

lunch OK Fred, Toki and Walter.  

FANNY 1961 movie.  

Bob Hearts Abishola

 none of the libraries has the series.  I find it strange.  

I'm watching Hanky Panky 1982 Gilda Radner Gene Wilder movie.  she was so skinny.  she was so in love.  she wanted a baby more than life.  a frantic unfunny movie.  a lot of stress, anxiety and yelling.  and Richard Widmark threatening.  Jonathon Winter grossly unfunny.   

I'm content.  I'm watching All of Me 1984.  my idea of funny. 

I'm feeling nicotine anxious.  somehow two blank tabs showed up.  

I started watching Henry Cho online You Tube and forgot my game shows.  

I want to cry for TINA 2019

I get something different every time I watch it.  tears wash away the pain.  TINA had the whole world trying to keep her in the past.  they kept asking her about the abuse and she kept looking forward.  her life was a miracle.  

I'm watching old movies on channel 2.3.  Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer 1947 and the Crystal Ball 1942.  

and I'm still experimenting, mixing salad dressings.  iceberg lettuce is so sweet it doesn't really need anything.  

I'm reading 2018 June and July blog.  so much happened.  

I filled out 6 pages dental e mail made me sad or anxious, uncomfortable I can exercise to instantly change my chemistry.  appointment is Thursday 2 pm.  

I haven't talked to anyone in 2 days.  when I was bedridden it was weeks but I was too sick to notice.  I'm noticing.  

dvds are my friends

books were my friends until I couldn't hold them to read them.  my back was so messed up I had no life.  Vicodin was all I had then.  I discovered grapefruit juice as an antacid.  I learned so much about backs, what works and what doesn't.  

lovely laid back day.  I wanted to run away but I didn't.  I stayed with my feelings and processed.  this has been a milestone week.  

my legs and feet swollen

could be injury, diet or both.  or my body is post traumatic stressing the fact mom committed passive suicide at 80 like Maude.  definitely a spirit movie.  the way the movie came together was a miracle.  I'm loving the Santa Cruz boardwalk and old Dumbarton Bridge segments.  Nostalgia.

life is strange.  

I soaked at 24 hour and picked up free orange soda and clearance "crab".  my salads hurray!!  

I finished the upstairs puzzle and tried to print directions to Ocean Delight but toner still low.  

lunch not good.  fish tasted off.  rice was dry.  Walter is better he cried over his dad.  I quoted Shrek "better out than in".  We went upstairs where Gil took over.  Gil creeped me out.  

college Safeway 2 salads, 2 chips, $5 egg Mac salad, clearance $2 ice cream cup.  I used gift card.  I ate 2 servings of Mac salad.  3rd with 'crab'.  

drive in movies

 Harold and Maude was the A movie and THX 1138 was the B movie.  3 gals sitting in the front seat.  we all worked at Macy's I was the only one going to school SJSU.  Chris the authorizier and Stephanie newbie.  

Mr Rhodes my high school counselor applied for me and I was accepted at all of them.  I could only afford San Jose State.  I knew my parents would hold my life hostage and it wasn't worth the energy.  I'd been working since 16 while my sisters were subsidized.  being on my own alone was my life since 8 years old.  I thought I was Cinderella.  

my parents didn't approve of school and doing well made them hate me more.  my folks dropped out early to work on the family truck farm in Hawaii.  jealous much?  

MASH 4077 film 1970

"suicide is painless, it brings on many changes"  I never realized with Harold and Maude 1971 suicide themes.  the special features are fantastic.  way before I found out about my grandpa hanging himself and mom took dad's sleeping pills.  

24 hour at 6:30.  I'm doing intermittent training.  I feel so much better.  

I figured out Jane.  she has to make someone wrong.  today at lunch she comes in prowling around the 12 tables looking for someone to argue.  

unsure

10 minute drive.  35-37 degree I remembered 2 full minutes to warm up.  I ate veg chili from seniors full of bell peppers.  

I've been wiggling more.  following my own advice.  water and exercise.  I feel better.  

an hour to do 300 large piece puzzle.  philately.   

listening to releasing guilt I can feel i'm still reacting.  

lunch not good.  the best part it was tiny.  I decided to go pay PGE at Walmart.  I walked Lucky's priced Innovasian pork fried rice $9.99.  at Walmart no customer service line.  I found 2 pairs of clearance soft stretchy jeans in blue and black $8.49 ea.  

I stopped at Safeway for salad and sale pizza and checked fried rice on sale and chicken I put back pizza.  I ate 1/3 salad and 1/3 rice.  so delicious.  

no split second

new tv season.  new me.  every day is a new opportunity.  and today auto update works.

I talked to Jin at 24 hour.  she goes MWF.  she complained of tiredness I suggested she may be dehydrated like Inge used to be.  she reminded me Inge's b'day Wednesday 1/29th hers 4/22 earth day Tuesday.  

I'm moving slowly.  it seems the best way to avoid boo boos.  I finished the Indian puzzle.  then I used wringer for socks and suit.  nice and dry heat today.  after lunch I returned hot spot to central then start 1 deposit.  picked up and dropped off at cup.  I wanted 2 B king bacon melts and I was home 2:25 for People Puzzler.  

just showing up

is half of life.  I'm watching Temptation and doing chair exercises.  the easiest way of changing my chemistry is exercise.  second is drinking water.  too simple for people.  the hard part is remembering.  habits are programming.

Sale of the Century and playing online Mahjongg.  makes me feel close to mom and her poker machine.  

b'fast I ate second half of rice and peas with sausages.  comfort food.  

11:30 soaking in hot tub at 24 hour.  taking my time stretching gently.  back way to burger king I decided 1 mushroom, 1 bacon melts.  I deserve what I want.  I arrived Sunny 12:55 I ate half bacon sitting in car so good fried onions thousand island dressing.  I checked out hot spot and it wouldn't hold the charge.  opening the back it looked like dried milk on the battery.  I took it to get new battery and they cleaned out the residue, works great.  

BUZZR 4 minutes fast channel 2.4

I forget and miss the beginning.  

I want to watch the 10 am movie The air I breathe based on an ancient Chinese proverb.  all about perception.  

I finally ate the free skinny Konjac noodles with boxed sauce.  pretty good and crunchy.  

I can pick up Sunny Spot noon, banking, Safeway if I want.  I don't know.  I'm enjoying being.  I can rush around doing errands, wait, do some.  I'm still feeling guilty enjoying myself.  my body reacts to listening to Releasing Guilt.  WOW it capitalized itself.  

I'm usually too depressed to do anything.  I'm still consolidating all the free drinks I've picked up at Lucky's.  so it's been 8 years since Eric died.  Hernandez v Hamlet C 02-3657 parole denied.  he spent two years on the original trial then the appeals.  

I'm staying up to watch sat night live.  I haven't stayed up for years.

doing not thinking

I'm going on instinct.  I'm trying something new.  I spent most of my life afraid and trying to think of the best, safest, logical course.  the responsible adult.  I wasn't happy I felt safe.  I'm making myself happy.  

an hour of Spit Second goes so quickly.  I want to pay Costco due today.  I picked up Lucky's free energy drink and bought 4 tuna salad/$5.  self check wouldn't take gift card so I went to clerk.    

paid Costco and on to seniors.  I love my puzzle.  lunch was OK.  beans in casserole and as side.  weird.  I didn't want extra.  Fred, Toki, Walter.  the Chinese saved us seats.  #4 table served.  Jennifer sets rules and was confused I found hilarious.  Walter was insultingly stupid just like his dad.  I told him so.  he left for counselor, good thing.  

I forgot Carlos engine check.  I called Carlos, collected wiper blade and antifreeze.  Carlos fixed everything.  I tipped him $20 he was going to let it go.  I got home 1:30 starving.  71 degrees and calm perfect weather.

CHIPS!!  and my game shows.  dinner I recooked potatoes added eggs on lettuce with Cesar dressing.  delicious.  

Split Second game show

I like testing my knowledge, recall, and learning new facts.  by accident I found speech enabled text is highlighted search +s.  

I don't know why I'm watching when I could be resting.  I enjoy blogging for the most part.  a pound of feathers weighs more than gold because of separate definitions of pound.  huh.  sleep and rest, relaxing are my #1 priority.

6:55 am 41 degrees people are standing in the cold.  they voted for trump.

lunch OK.  Marsala fish.  i got extra.  Walter was in rare form.  i think maybe he's beginning to hear me.  maybe not.  he needs a replacement hobby for his anxiety.  I told him he's the only one who can fix him.  not doctors or drugs.  

M W F soak at 24 hour

my new plan.  parking at 24 OK between 6-7.  senior parking at 8 am OK.  I can use the suit wringer at seniors.  when senior gym closed it took too long to dry suit.  I wring it out and finish drying at home.  usually I forget flips today I forgot towel and I survive.

I may get Sunny hot spot this week.  I'm 12/125.  same # holds as central.  

front door lock sticking.  I tightened the screws maybe too much.  my evil sisters interference.  I'll worry about it tomorrow.

turning stupid into stupendous.  Trump's insane lies.  

I'm breaking in my Reebok and Sketchers Thanksgiving shoes.  

52 degrees and breezy wind chill-CHECK ENGINE

harry waits in the car.  su and inge stand outside.  I don't understand the need to suffer.  maybe it makes them more open to receive.  

I don't know.  IDK.  because of Carlos I'm not freaking.  I was feeling sad and realized car stuff always reminds me of Eric.  Frank's killer was up for parole so court transcripts were online with witness' descriptions.  parole was denied.  

what a perfect day.  dinner of tuna salad, cheese and crackers.  lunch was OK.  the best part is Toki and Trudy and Kenny saved the table so I didn't have to.  

I decided I'd get gas.  first gas treatment to see if it helps clear engine.  dollar tree had one STP left.  $3.  I bought 2 biotin and 1 lens cleaner.  I forgot nail files.  instructions on gas treatment said I could add after fill up so I did.  never occurred to me.  

2 steps forward

I soaked for half an hour at 6 am good parking.  seniors at 8 am OK parking.  I remembered to call Anthem re dental insurance.  Mikaela checked my insurance.  I chose essentials and they have 3 more tiers.  

i puzzled 'til lunch then filled my water bottles.  I washed my socks, spun with swim suit.  ready for tomorrow.  home i hung all to dry.  

Toki and Fred, Debbie came to visit.  Jessica brought extras to back I got extra meatloaf mash.  

I'm resting

my knee is better not 100%.  Healing uses a lot of energy.  I finished the salad mix with chili and cheese.  I'm so glad I have dark chocolate truffles.  over 50 cents a piece and I'm so worth it.  

I watched season one Marlow Murder Club BBC.  pretty good but I figured it out before the end.  

I'm resting watching 2007 Heartbreak Kid.  I cut my finger opening a can of soup.  

I've decided sale pizza and soup are second to me nursing myself to health and comfort.  

I found one last bottle of biotin.  I think it helps my hair,skin and nails.  dollar tree stocks it now.  

tv temptation game show 7:30-9

I'm very careful with my knee.  if I move carefully I'm OK.  game shows 'til noon.  I feel 16 inside of my 74 year old body until I move.  I keep forgetting my body doesn't work like it did.  

I napped 9-noon and I allowed my knee needed rest.  kneed rest.  still tender.  I've been conditioned to push through my injuries.  my family kept me doing for them.  watching Christmas movies of families and traditions I don't miss my argumentative resentful sisters.  they make me glad to be alone.  I heated salad with amino and tofu ham.  delicious just what I wanted.

I fell 24 walkway-I got Lucky's free vegan butter

I found a quarter and 2 dimes no problem retrieving, then another quarter.  the incline was too much, my right leg gave out, my foot caught and I rolled.  2 men and a woman stopped to help me up.  I can't do what I used to do.  they helped me up and I walked around the fence embarrassed.  i pondered whether to soak and noticed I forgot my flips so decided on leisurely relaxing.   

it was raining when i came out so i came directly to seniors.  looking for library returns I found Toki gave me Inari sushi yesterday.  forecast: rain 'til 2 perfect ride home.  lunch OK general TSO  chicken actually teriyaki.  my knee hurting I didn't go for front room left overs.  Jessica brought 2 alternate meals to back field I gave my Boca burger to Fred who asked for it.  men die early 'cause they're lazy and don't move as much.  keeps Bartolo healthy.  even with my injured knee I got up to get it.  

Happy's Place makes me happy.  and Lopez vs Lopez.

fresh and clean soaked at 24 hr- paid Bartolo

I stretched for half an hour pondering Joanne's behavior.  she must do it out of spite.  

I'm wearing my $7 dress under my summer dress for modesty and warmth as a slip.  I can wear my summer dresses all year.  55 degrees at 11 am at senior center.  silly Alma thinks it's 45 degrees.

Dave is a funny bird.  he stopped by thinking seniors' gym was open.  

I spent hours looking for Bartolo's envelope in the car, checked all my bags,  took everything out of the chrome bag twice, car trunk, at home all around the chair.  I came home early to look.  Bartolo had filled both bins with wet green.  so heavy.  I decided to make a new envelope and get money from my chrome bag and there was the old envelope.  just in time.  saved me a trip.  Bartolo came by again so we could have the same conversation about skipping a month which he never does.  and we discussed repairing the front overhang again.  or maybe just take it down.  and cleaning gutters again.  

pizza for b'fast-still alive in 2025

my house in Heaven is bigger, brighter and perfect.  

there is no longer any channel 36.5.  Byron Allen must have sold it.  so no more Funny You Should Ask.  wahh...  I'm thinking whether I want to watch boring Jeopardy and Wheel.  

I'm getting my bills organized.  city bill is very early.