ME

YESTERDAY WAS WONDERFUL.  TODAY I WOKE FEELING LONELY.  PROBABLY 'CAUSE I WAS TIRED.  I COUGHED FOR HOURS WITH THE JUNK IN THE AIR.  I WAS AFRAID I WAS GETTING SICK.  I FELL ASLEEP AND DECIDED TO FILL CAR/GAS.  EXERCISED.  OLD ASIAN WOMAN I NOTICED STARING AT ME IN POOL MAKING FUN OF ANOTHER WOMAN'S HOLE IN SWIMSUIT TALKED TO ME IN LOCKER ROOM.  I ASKED HER IMPORTANCE OF HER BANAL QUESTION.  THEN AS SHE COMBS HER HAIR AND THROWS ON FLOOR I ASK HER IF SHE THROWS TRASH ON HER HOME FLOOR.  SHE TRIES TO DISSEMBLE WITH WHAT TRASH.  I SAY HER HAIR FROM HER COMB.  I TELL HER IT'S DISRESPECTFUL TO OTHERS USING COMMON SPACE.  WHITE WOMAN BEHIND HER GIVES ME THUMBS UP.  COWARD.

I DID MY SHOPPING FINISHED LETTUCE SALAD WITH SEAFOOD.  I MISPLACED MY CARDS.  I KNEW I HAD THEM FROM YESTERDAY.  I DIDN'T PANIC.  IT'S BEEN A LONG 20 YEARS TIME NOT TO REACT LIKE THE FAMILY.  I WANTED CASH FOR ST J.  MAYBE TOMORROW.

I THINK I NEVER FELT LONELY DOING WHAT I THOUGHT WAS MINE TO DO.  I WAS FOCUSED ON THE TASK NOT MYSELF.

PROBABLY WHY PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS IN OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS.  THEY FEEL LITTLE AND USELESS.  CRITICIZING OTHERS MAKES THEM FEEL BIGGER.  THEY'RE STILL TINY.  I'VE BEEN THINKING OF TOM NEVER CARING FOR ME.  TOO BUSY WITH ALL THE OTHER WOMEN IN HIS LIFE.

I'VE NEVER HAD ANYONE.  HOW CAN I MISS WHAT I'VE NEVER HAD.