I PAID LIBRARY ONLINE. WOULDN'T LET ME RENEW 'CAN'T WAIT' OTHERWISE. I STAYED UP 'TIL 2;30 READING, LISTENING TO SECRET CD. TOOK ME AWHILE NAVIGATING AND FIGURING OUT WHAT IT WAS ASKING FOR.
HUH, LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT EITHER. MY LIFE WAS FIGURING OUT WHAT THE FAMILY WANTED AND NEVER GETTING FROM THEM WHAT I WANTED SO I GAVE UP WANTING ANYTHING.
AND EVERYONE I ALLOWED IN MY LIFE NEVER GAVE ME WHAT I ASKED FOR EITHER, REINFORCING MY NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT.
WANTING AND NOT GETTING IS DEMORALIZING.
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