it took me 13 years to divorce them. i'm feeling so sad. so much unmourned detritus. I've been putting out fires for so long I forgot how to live. or mourning just wasn't allowed. controlling emotions is the simplest way to manipulate people without them being aware. Trump does it so well.
next week is dad's 25th year death day. this week my sleep issues are coming up AND I figured out the CBD allowed the bad drivers I avoided for 57 years to finally hit me. I got vulnerable. I let my guard down. Alien has been figuring into this with surrogate Alien at the library 5 and half Aaron. I pray for him. I have the time now. dad's last year was hell for me with Alien manipulating and maneuvering mom and dad.
Walter came to lunch. takes courage to keep on keeping on. he's doing better. still focusing on the past, quicker to stop, not trying to laugh it off. i explained the chemical memory survival imperative. again.
CRASH!! took an hour to retrieve settings. I don't know. I was using center's e mail and had chrome open too. so frustrating I don't have text on my phone for code.
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