COURSE IN MIRACLES-page 24?

OUR BRAINS ARE BEING RESET.  THE FIRST CHAPTERS ARE; I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS IS FOR. 

WATCHING A COVID COMMERCIAL ON RE PURPOSING AND USING IMAGINATION AND CREATIVITY.  MAYBE WE'LL LEARN TO BE KINDER AND LESS CONDEMNING. 

I TRIED ORDERING PANERA ONLINE BUT IT REQUIRES COOKIES FOR INFO COLLECTION AND CHROME WON'T ALLOW.  I HAVE PHONE #S.

MY ALLERGIES ARE RAMPANT SO MAYBE IT'S THE NICOTINE GUM IS THE SAME AS SMOKING.  THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW.  THE DOCUMENTARY ON CENTENARIANS ONE OLD GUY CHAIN SMOKED UN FILTERED CIGARETTES EXCEPT WHEN HE STARTED RUNNING MARATHONS AT 70 AND HIS JOB WASHING CARS SO WHO KNOWS.  TOO MANY SMOKERS NEVER HAVE ANY NEG.

I'M HUNGRY.  I STOPPED B KING AND FRIES ARE DELICIOUS.  AFTER A LIFETIME OF DENIAL HAVING WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT IS REVOLUTIONARY.  HOPEFULLY TRANSFORMING.

CALLED WALTER TALKED 23+ MINUTES.  HIS SISTER CALLED HIM 5/4 BUT DIDN'T MENTION DAD. 

SLEPT DEEPLY

WOKE IN TOO MUCH LEFT HIP PAIN.  STRETCHED 'TIL IT WAS TOLERABLE.  REARRANGED LOUNGER TABLE.  WATCHING GAME SHOWS; SALE OF CENTURY, SUPERMARKET SWEEP, SPLIT SECOND, BLOCKBUSTERS.  WONDERFUL DISTRACTIONS FROM ACHY BREAK Y BODY.  I KEEP WIGGLING AND STRETCHING TO GET CIRCULATION PAIN RELIEF.  TWISTER.  20 CRUNCHES.

10;16 AM IN LUNCH LINE I FEEL GOOD.  I'M TRYING TO MONITOR HOW MUCH I DO.  I'M SO ATTENTION DEFICIT I KEEP TRYING TO REMEMBER TO LOOK UP TYLOPHORA INDICA IN CASE I LOSE IT FROM BACK YARD.  IT WORKS.  I DON'T HAVE RECEPTION IN THIS SPOT.   I'LL DO IT LATER.  MY BIGGEST HOPE IS MY ALLERGIES WILL GO AWAY 6 MONTHS JUNE QUITTING SMOKING.  I HAD NO ALLERGIES UNTIL I MOVED OUT FROM SECOND HAND SMOKE AND STARTED SMOKING MYSELF.

WEIRD DREAMS

THEN ON CHANNEL 2 THEY TALKED OF HAVING WEIRD DREAMS.  WE'RE BEING CHALLENGED BY THE PLANET.  OUR BRAINS ARE STRETCHING.

YESTERDAY WITH THE IMPOSSIBLE BURGER IN THE CAR IT SMELLED SO GOOD.  BURGER WAS OK.  NOT AS GOOD AS MEAT BUT PROBABLY HEALTHIER AS MY INCREASED BATHROOM VISITS PROVE.  THE FRIES AND COKE WERE WELCOME.  AND B KING HAS LIMITED COUNTER SERVICE.  I CAN TAKE MY TIME TO DECIDE.  I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MYSELF I HAVE PASTA AND SAUCE, CHEESE, OLIVES TO FINISH AT HOME. 

AS A FAMILY WE RARELY WENT OUT TO EAT.  PROBABLY MOM FEELING GUILTY.  SHE ATE LUNCH OUT WITH CO-WORKERS.  PART OF THE CHEATING.  AND DAD WENT OUT DRINKING FROM 4-6 USUALLY.  MOM'S EXCUSE FOR WORKING WAS DAD'S SEASONAL WORK UNCERTAINTY.  AS A CARPENTER THE RAINY SEASON MEANT NO WORK NO MONEY.  I WONDER ABOUT UNEMPLOYMENT.  I KNOW SHE HATED HOUSEWORK AND ONLY DID IT WHEN SHE WAS ABOUT TO GO BANANAS, REALLY ANGRY.  SO MAYBE 4 TIMES I SAW HER CLEANING.  WHEN SHE WAS MAD JUST AT DAD SHE'D DRINK AND GO DRIVING FOR HOURS.

I WENT TO SCU, HOMESTEAD, MARIA SAFEWAYS.  TODAY LAST DAY TO COLLECT GAME PIECES.  HAVE 'TIL 28TH TO COLLECT FREEBIES.  I RACKED UP $4 CREDIT IN COUPONS SO 2 SEAFOOD SALADS COST 3.99.  I DO LOVE A GOOD SALAD. 

I LOVE FREEBIES.

LIKE A TODDLER

SO MUCH OF AGING IS LIMITATION AND FRUSTRATION.  AND I'M LOOKING PUDGY LIKE A HAPPY 2 YR OLD. 

GUESS I'M A LITTLE TIRED.  I CAN'T FEEL IT.  TOOK ME 3 TRIES TO REMEMBER TO GET EVERYTHING FROM THE CAR.  I'M EXCITED.  I MEASURED THE PANTRY FOR ROLLIES.

I PAID CITIBANK, DEPOSIT STAR ONE, SAFEWAY HOMESTEAD, BK VEG BURGER, SENIOR LUNCH. P O, SCU SAFEWAY.  LUNCH WAS PRETTY GOOD.  EGG VEG BAKE + BISCUIT, CORN, GREEN BEANS, MILK, ORANGE.  FOR MY 2 PM SNACK FRIES. 

TOOK OUT BIN TRUCK HADN'T COME. 

PLANNING WHEELS ON DRAWER BINS. 

feeling sad

THIS HOUSE IS IMMERSED IN ANXIETY AND SADNESS.  I AWOKE THINKING AND FEELING IT WAS MONDAY AND THE WEIGHT OF EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO.  MY DOING AND BEING.  MY BEING A CHILD OF GOD REQUIRES ME DOING, SERVING MANKIND.  I'M EXHAUSTED.  MY BODY IS DEPLETED.  MY EMOTIONS ARE SHATTERED AND LYING IN SHARDS.  YESTERDAY I WAITED ALL AFTERNOON FOR AUNTIES'S LETTER I COULD SEE IN THE ARRIVING USPS EMAIL.  SHE'S TIRED TOO.  WHEN SHE'S GONE I'LL HAVE NO ONE WHO LOVES ME.  EVEN 3,000 MILES AWAY I CAN FEEL HER LOVE.  1991 DELORIS LUCAS LOVED EVERYONE.  I COULD FEEL HER LOVE AND IT SCARED ME.  I HAD NEVER FELT THAT BEFORE. 

I ALWAYS CHOSE PEOPLE WHO FELT THE SAME AS MY FAMILY.  I WAS ONLY COMFORTABLE WITH FAMILIAR PEOPLE.  PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T LOVE ME.  INCAPABLE OF LOVE.

FEELING LOST

I WATCHED TURBO JAM EXERCISE.  MY BACK WAS HURTING FROM YESTERDAY'S 37 STOMACH CRUNCHES.  I STRETCHED AND WIGGLED.  FEELING GOOD NOW. 

I ATE AN ORANGE AND SOME CHEERIOS.  I HAVE A BAGEL AND SANDWICH FOR LUNCH AND DINNER.  USED MILK TO MAKE CORNMEAL.

PUTTERING WITH SEWING AND DVD'S.

AS I GO THROUGH THINGS I REALIZE I'M PERFECTLY PREPARED FOR COVID WITH THE PAST PURCHASES.

ATE TOO MUCH CANDY

I FOUND ELMER CHOCOLATES AND ATE THE ENTIRE BOX LAST NIGHT WOKE 4;30 STOMACH ACHE.  WATCHED DUCK SOUP FELL ASLEEP.  I HAVE HUNDREDS OF MOVIES TO WATCH.  CBS IS BRINGING BACK SUNDAY NIGHT MOVIES. 

I WENT TO CHASE AND WONDER ABOUT CHECK TO CITIBANK.  I WOKE THINKING OF THE DETAILS.  MY FAMILY TRADITION OF PERFECTION AND DOING IT RIGHT.  STAR ONE CLOSED.  I CAN GO TO CUPERTINO OR USE ATM. 

I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE BREAKFAST AND HAD ONE OF THE MANY ENERGY BARS I'VE SAVED I GUESS FOR NOW.  LIKE THE BOXES OF ANTI BACTERIAL WIPES I SCATTERED THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE.  USEFUL NOW.  WHEN I BOUGHT THEM I DIDN'T BOTHER TO THINK OF WHY.  NEVER ENTERED MY MIND.  INSTINCT.  I'VE BEEN SURVIVING ON INSTINCT A LONG TIME.  MAYBE MY ENTIRE LIFE.  I'M SO GLAD MY BRAIN IS MORE DEVELOPED.  KIDS HAVE A HARD TIME.

LIFE WILL ALWAYS SEEM DYSFUNCTIONAL BECAUSE EVERYTHING CHANGES.  UNLESS CONSTANTLY ADAPTING LIFE BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO MANAGE.

BEFORE COVID I SEEMED ECCENTRIC AND NOW I FIT RIGHT IN.  EVERYONE'S QUIRKS ARE SHOWING.   COVID THE GREAT EQUALIZER. 

ONLY HUMANS CREATE INEQUALITY IN THE MIND.  INEQUALITY IS UNNATURAL.

1972 'medusa touch' movie of novelist richard burton has jet liner crashing into skyscraper like 9/11/2001.  lee remick psychiatrist.