THIS HOUSE IS IMMERSED IN ANXIETY AND SADNESS. I AWOKE THINKING AND FEELING IT WAS MONDAY AND THE WEIGHT OF EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO. MY DOING AND BEING. MY BEING A CHILD OF GOD REQUIRES ME DOING, SERVING MANKIND. I'M EXHAUSTED. MY BODY IS DEPLETED. MY EMOTIONS ARE SHATTERED AND LYING IN SHARDS. YESTERDAY I WAITED ALL AFTERNOON FOR AUNTIES'S LETTER I COULD SEE IN THE ARRIVING USPS EMAIL. SHE'S TIRED TOO. WHEN SHE'S GONE I'LL HAVE NO ONE WHO LOVES ME. EVEN 3,000 MILES AWAY I CAN FEEL HER LOVE. 1991 DELORIS LUCAS LOVED EVERYONE. I COULD FEEL HER LOVE AND IT SCARED ME. I HAD NEVER FELT THAT BEFORE.
I ALWAYS CHOSE PEOPLE WHO FELT THE SAME AS MY FAMILY. I WAS ONLY COMFORTABLE WITH FAMILIAR PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T LOVE ME. INCAPABLE OF LOVE.
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