VERY UNCOMFORTABLE

I'M EATING MY FEELINGS.  LIFE IS ALL ABOUT FEELING. 

ADDICTIONS ARE ALL ABOUT DENYING, CHANGING, CONTROLLING FEELINGS.  CHANGING THE BODY'S CHEMISTRY.  EATING IN ANY FORM AFFECTS THE BODY.  CHEWING GUM HAS A CALMING EFFECT.  MAYBE WHY COWS SEEM CALM. 

I'M HAVING GILROY FLASHBACKS.  BOTHERING ME MORE THAN I KNEW.  AILEEN NEGLECTING, ABUSING HER KIDS.  LIKE MOM.  I COULDN'T BLAME AILEEN FOR MOM'S EXAMPLE.  AND YET MORE LIKE DAD.  ACTING OUT.  CHEATING.  BRAGGING.  SHE HAS MITZI OPPRESSED LIKE DAD HAD MOM USING FEAR, INTIMIDATION THREATS.  I'M SURE MITZI THINKS I'M UNAWARE OF THE EXTENT OF THEIR COLLUSION TO CHEAT ME OF MOM'S ESTATE.  IT JUST MAKES ME SAD.

MY ENTIRE CHILDHOOD WAS ABUSIVE AND SAD.  I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH BAGS AND PAPERS FROM 2014-15.  I'VE BEEN SO DEEPLY IN DENIAL HOW MUCH I HURT, HOW DEEPLY I'M SCARRED.  PROBABLY EVERY TIME MITZI MAKES AN OVERTURE I KNOW INSTIGATED BY AILEEN.  LIKE THE WHOLE ROOFING-HOUSE PAINTING ORDEAL ENFORCED BY THE HOME INSURANCE COMPANY BECAUSE OF AILEEN'S MACHINATIONS.  I'M FAMILIAR WITH HER PLOYS.

MY DISTRACTIONS ARE A BREAK FROM THE PAIN AND DEPRESSION.  NICOTINE GUM IS MADE IN DENMARK.