I don't want to,I don't have to do anything=HEAVEN

I'm having my terrible two's today.  St. Nicholas rummage today and tomorrow or library.

I didn't know what to do today.  Feeling so tired from driving CJ to Fremont Monday.  Been napping nearly every day this week.  In fact I napped this morning.  Still able to do my senior thang. 

So at 930 I decided to come here to Northside Library for the official opening at 1030.  The google directions were WRONG.  Drove up and down Agnew Rd. looking and decided to just check out the shopping center and the library was at one end.

So I got my book bags and checked out the freebies.  Charged my phone and ate my lunch in my car.  75 * day here on the bay.



Heaven here.



Learned how to change the language again.
Go to Google page lowest right corner to change language.

Lovely Cool 7*1**14 tuesday

Started coughing, took a blog-break.  Got a drink of h2o and saw squash in the patio.  Woo Hoo!!


Found two pennies on table.  Doesn't take a lot to make me feel blessed. 


Still basking in the glow of Thursday 6*26 trip to Cache Crk. 


Best trip Ever!!!

Still struggling to get out of terrible two's too

Now I know I'm still getting the two's out of my body.  Started using organic cigs a month ago and I'd forgotten the detox blues.   


I felt like sitting and crying today.  In actual fact, that's what mom and dad did their entire lives.  Refused to admit the truth, lived in denial and finally died of it. 


Everyone dies of something.  I choose to die of happiness.  We have choice.    


Maybe that was God's gift.      

Well, happy death day mom

I'm getting over the hurt.

She owes me Big Time.  She picked on me to satisfy her sadism and power issues.  I was the scapegoat that allowed the others to live subnormal lives.  If she had been halfway smart she would have looked for a viable, sensible, not lazy way to function.

You chose to dysfunction because you were too lazy and stupid, yes mom, you were stupid to just look to your own comfort.  Having children is a responsibility that you volunteered for.  You had the option to let me go to possibly a better life and you listened to dad, the alcoholic, who you forced to move to California.  You were in charge and you failed.  You didn't trust him with the money yet you let him make stupid investments.  What was wrong with you?

You used us to ensure dad stayed with you because he was too lazy to rebel against his family.  You knew he'd stay with you as long as there were kids.  Then when we were all grown up, he was too lazy to leave. He never would have left you.  He was always a coward and a bully.

Read today's paper.  Josie died last Thursday the eighth.  Tomas and Della drove past and saw the cars on that day. They commented.   Another user.

Mission Library attempt-king&queen-makes me royalty

I tried to get into my account Tuesday because a heat wave was due and blogger was set in dutch.  Parked at mission library in the shade. So not trusting the portal, and after trying to reset the language for forty minutes at two different terminals I quit and notified the librarian.

So today I'm celebrating that yesterday was queen of denial's b-day and I didn't stress.  I didn't realize what day it was until I went to write in my journal.  Then I tried to remember what was "special" about it.  I'm the product of the king of the passive-aggressive and Cleopatra.  

I'm the Empress of Karaoke.

Terrible two's

I've been having more flashbacks of childhood depression.  From the outside the family probably looked dysfunctionally normal, since most families are dysfunctional. 

Maybe my aspergers resulted in my depression. 

Painful terrible childhood can be better

I''''ve endured sooo much pain and humiliation I wonder if I can embrace and transmute the damage.             

Breathing and sighing helps.  Deep breaths and letting go gently.  

Checked Daily Word, Understanding.   Another word for purpose.  The reason behind the cruelty.  

It has to stop.  

The story of the Garden of Eden is just a story told in archaic terms to archaic people limited in understanding by their environment and experience.  Can I transcend my environment and experience??

Reading opens me to new worlds and different ways.

I've experienced many miracles, coincidences?  Too many and too perfect to be coincidence.

Maybe I can't, but God can.