TOO MUCH-I-pad

I can't believe this Pad called up and I was already signed in.  So dangerous!!!

I guess I didn't sign out.

This is so easy to use.  I barely touch the screen and it registers.  Maybe I'll get one later.  NO, I DON'T WANT OR NEED ANOTHER RESPONSIBILITY.

MORE THINGS TO OWN ME.

A. NEW. CHRISTMAS-iPAD

I got the I pad from the library and took it over to T's, since he invited me for Xmas lunch after I pointed out most places are closed.

I stopped at Luckys for the Sunday paper.  Closed.  The liquor store had sold out.  CVS was open and had lots.

He showed me how to use it with his router.  At home, it automatically connected to SV power.

So I'm having the best Xmas EVER!!!

This IPad takes some getting used to.  It automatically does extensions based on common usage like a spellcheck. And it provides three choices with a minimum of letters.

T thinks I want one, but I don't.  Not yet.

I can see why people think this is so great.  It's like it anticipates your thoughts.

SPOOKY!!

THANXGIVING BLUES

I COULDN'T SLEEP FROM DEPRESSION.  IT'S FUNNY HOW A CONDITION CAN PRESENT IN A BEHAVIOR AND ITS OPPOSITE.  I SLEPT FROM 9-12:30, AWOKE AT 1-4, SLEPT TIL 6:30.  MADE OATMEAL, DRESSED AND CAME TO SRS. 


TOO MUCH SLEEP, INSOMNIA IS THE SAME THING. 


THE HEALTHIER I BECOME THE MORE IN TOUCH WITH THE NUANCES OF MY LIFE.


...IF I CHOOSE TO EXPERIENCE AND ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. 


EVERYTHING IS CHOICE.

BRIGHT, SHINY DAY-POST TRUMP

LUNCH AND A BBQ.  KIMO GAVE OUT TICKETS THIS AM.  I GOT ART'S AND HELENE'S AND HE ASKED ME ABOUT E-M BUT I DIDN'T KNOW.

I TOLD THEM THE ONLY ONES TO SUFFER WILL BE THOSE WITH MONEY.  POOR PEOPLE ARE USED TO HAVING LITTLE.

THE B GOT ALL SNIDE ABOUT TRUMP AND OFFERED TO PAY MY WAY TO CANADA.  I MAY VACAY THERE.  WORLDMARK HAS PLACES.  FIRST, UPDATE MY PASSPORT.

IT'S ALWAYS GOOD TO HAVE AN EXIT STRATEGY IN PLACE.

BETTER TO HAVE IT AND NOT NEED IT THAN NEED IT AND NOT HAVE IT.

AND SOME CRAZY COOT STARTED TALKING TO PAUL THE SAME SNIDE WAY AND I SAID THE CRAZIES ARE ALL AROUND.  THE CC SAID I CHASED HIM AWAY FROM HIS TABLE WHEN I'VE NEVER TALKED TO HIM OR SAT AT THE SAME TABLE.  CRAZY.

THE NEXT TWO YEARS WILL BE STRANGELY THE SAME.

STILL INNER CHILD-HYPERVENTILATE

I'M STILL FUNCTIONING AS A CHILD SOMETIMES.  I COULDN'T SLEEP AND WATCHED DVDS. 

I WAS FEELING SAD AND DEPRESSED, HOPELESS LIKE I DID AS A KID.  I'M NOT HOPELESS ANY MORE.  JUST LEFTOVER SAD AND DEPRESSED.  I AWOKE SOO ANGRY AND HYPERVENTILATED TO RID MYSELF OF STRESS.  I MADE MYSELF DIZZY.  IT WORKED.  I STILL COULDN'T SLEEP BUT I WASN'T ANGRY. 

I EMAILED SILENT UNITY.  DIVINE ORDER PROMISED TO MAKE THE NON-FUNCTIONING WORK.  COME ON HOME REPAIRS!!  COME ON BLISS!!

THE OTHER SHOE DROPPED

DELLA INVITED ME FOR DINNER YESTERDAY AND I WENT TO TD'S AND HE GAVE ME A RING HE FOUND ON THE FLOOR AT CVS AND MAGICALLY THE M-BATH DRAIN PIPE STARTED LEAKING.  IT FIT PERFECTLY TO THE POINT I FORGOT I HAD IT ON.  HE WAS WEARING A WEDDING RING DELLA GAVE HIM. 10K, BLACK ONYX.  HE'S SOOO MARRIED TO HIS FAMILY.

I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON; ENERGY.  I NEED TO NEUTRALIZE THE ENERGY.  MY RESPONSIBILITY ENTIRELY.

AN OPPORTUNITY TO LIVE DIFFERENTLY.

I TRIED HANGING IT ON MY PURSE AND THE CAR DOOR HANDLE BROKE. 

DOING WHAT I WANT

YESTERDAY I WATCHED CBS SUNDAY MORNING, WENT TO GYM SV, SHOPPED AT LUCKYS AND OSH, COOKED P CHOPS AND TERIYAKI ANGUS.  TOOK THREE HOURS.

TOOK OUT BINS, DID WHAT I WANTED. 

I WATCHED MY GIRL2 AND THERE WAS SO MUCH IN COMMON. 

I'M NOT USED TO HEAVEN AND I'M WILLING TO LEARN.

I AM AT THE LIBRARY.  I WENT TO ST JUSTIN AND FOUND A MOOD RING FOR$1.

OH! HAPPY, HAPPY CHILD

THE VIEW FROM THE LIBRARY. 

I WENT TO VALLEY VILLAGE FOR THEIR JUMBLE SALE.  FUN!
ROSEMARY AT CHURCH ALONG WINCHESTER DREAM CATCHER 25 CENTS.  FREE UNFINISHED LATCH HOOK RUG KIT.

AT SRS SPA, COSTCO BRITA FILTERS, 4 LED TO REPLACE FLORESCENT 4ft BULBS, FOOD SAMPLES, POLISH DOG, BACK FOR SODA REFILL INTO EMPTY JUICE BOTTLES.

AND NOW I'M AT THE MAIN LIBRARY ENJOYING COOKIES AND JUICE FROM THE GENEALOGY PAVILION.  THERE'S A "PRIZE" FOR HITTING 3 PLACES TODAY.  LUCKILY I SAW THE PRIZE, ANOTHER BOOK BAG.  I DECIDED TO SAVE MY BACK AND AUTO.

THE ATMOSPHERE IN THAT WING IS THE BEST!  QUIET, COOL WITH BENCHES. 

MY NEW FAVORITE PLACE.

AND I'M CHARGING MY PHONE.

YOUTHING

I ATE AND ATE CHIPS.  I ALSO ATE THE GOOD STUFF.  I WENT TO $ANC SATURDAY AND GOT LETTUCES, TWO BAGS, CAULI-GOLD, THREE KINDS OF CHIPS WHICH ARE ALMOST GONE.  FIRST I ATE SALAD, ARUGULA.  I COOKED CAULI AND ATE.  MUCH BETTER THAN GREEN CAULI. 


SUNDAY I WENT TO COSTCO GAS, GYM ARQUES, BOOKS INC. FOR PAPER AND FOUND WODEHOUSE, WHOLE FOODS MOCHI ICE CREAM; ICE CREAM BALL WRAPPED IN DRY MOCHI.  PLAIN SOY YOGURT FOR SALAD DRESSING. 


T CALLED ME AT 1 YESTERDAY FOR 4:30 DINNER.  WE ENDED AT MARIE CALLENDAR AND I HAD MOST DELICIOUS FISH TACOS WITH THE BEST BLACK BEANS.  I BROUGHT HOME THE CORNCAKE AND BEANS.  ATE PEACH PIE TOO.  CULANTRO AND CILANTRO.


LIFE IS IMPROVING.  I'M IMPROVING EVEN THOUGH I FORGOT LIME SLING BAG AT HOME.  I REMEMBERED LIBRARY LOANS.

AND THE BEAT GOES ON

WHAT A GREAT DAY SO FAR!

I SLEPT 10-4PEE, 5, 7 O,CLOCK!  NO BM BACK! 

I REMEMBERED SAVERS HALF OFF SUMMER AND WENT TO CHECK IT OUT AND GOT A HALF OFF FURNITURE COUPON FOR MONDAY.  I HAVE THE DONATION FOR 30 OFF TOO.

THEN $ANC, BLUEBERRIES, STRAWB, SALAD, ORANGE BROCC.

THEN SRS HOTTUB, AND HERE TO RETURN DVD.  I HAVE CHIPS TO SUSTAIN ME AND NEWSPAPERS TO GET THROUGH.

AND TODAYS PUZZLES FROM LIBRARY.

I FEEL UNLIMITED

AT THIS MOMENT: I WATCHED A MOVIE FROM THE LIBRARY AT THE LIBRARY.  IT'S SOO REFRESHING TO BE ABLE TO SIT FOR TWO HOURS. 

PRACTICING FEELING

I WATCHED SUPERHERO DEAFY DVD AND REALIZE LIVING RIGHTS ENCOMPASS PEOPLE AND ANIMALS. 

RESPECT
E XCELLENCE
S ANITY
P LANET
E DUCATION
C ONSIDERATION
T RUTH

RESPECT FOR THE ENTIRE PLANET, LIVING AND ENVIRONMENTAL IS THE SOLUTION FOR GLOBAL WARMING, ABUSE, BULLYING, CRIME.

I PICKED UP MY FREEBIE AT THE LIBRARY.  CHICK-FIL-A.

I JUST WANT TO CRY

WATCHING SLEEPING BEAUTY I REALIZED A WAS CHEERING FOR THE VILLIAN.

MAKES ME SAD TO ACCEPT HER CHOICE.  BUT I HAVE TO AS HER RIGHT TO CHOOSE.

SO I FEEL TIRED AND DEFEATED.  I STILL LOVE HER.

HOW DO I RESOLVE THE SADNESS AND LOVE?

JUST KEEP ON KEEPING ON.

AND HOPE SOMEDAY SHE'LL CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY.

YESTERDAY PRODUCTIVE DAY AND I'M O K

TALK OF MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE.  DROVE 30 MILES AND I'M OK.

I DROVE T TO THE AIRPORT FOR A 6 A M FLIGHT.  THEN......

SRS, ST JUST, ROSS, SAVERS, $AN C, MAIN LIB, HOME AT 6:30 FOR REST.  NO JEO DUE TO DEMO CONVENTION.  LAST WEEK REPUBS. 

I WANTED NEW BOTTOMS AND GOT THEM.  HOW MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE DO I GET WHAT I WANT.  NOT MANY. 

AND TODAY TO BEAT THE 93-100o HEAT I'M AT THE LIBRARY RESEARCHING LIVING TRUSTS. 

YESTERDAY I HAD A COLD HOT DOG THAT WAS BAD.  TODAY I DON'T KNOW. 

I PRINTED OUT THE CODE FOR SAVER'S $10/$25.  HURRAY!! I LOVE FREE MONEY.

THE CHILD IS EVER OPTIMISTIC

AT THE END OF EVERY MONTH I ALWAYS FEEL SOMETHING WONDERFUL IS WAITING FOR ME AT THE START OF THE NEXT MONTH, 

AUGUST WILL BE AWESOME!!!

AT LEAST THIS IS HOW I FEEL TODAY.

ZOOTOPIA GENERATION MAY BE THE ONE

THE MESSAGE FROM ZOOTOPIA IS THAT PREDATORS AND PREY CAN GET ALONG IF THEY CHOOSE.

I HOPE KIDS CAN INTERNALIZE THE MESSAGE AND LEARN TO GET ALONG.

DO AWAY WITH BULLIES=PREDATORS AND VICTIMS=PREY.

REMODELING MY WATERWORKS

DAVID FROM CAL PLUMBING SHOWED UP YESTERDAY PROMPTLY AT 2 AND STARTED ON THE KITCHEN SINK.  I CLEARED EVERYTHING FROM THE COUNTER AND UNDERNEATH.  THE BINS WERE CATCHING THE LEAK FROM THE FAUCET AND CORRODED PIPES.  THE CLEAN OUT UNDER THE SINK WAS FULL OF DIRT AND RUST.  IT WAS A MESS.  WAY WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.


I BEGGED MOM AND DAD TO LET ME PAY THE $300 EXTRA IT WOULD HAVE COST TO UPGRADE THE KITCHEN WHEN WE REDID THE BATHROOMS IN 1995 TO ADD SAFETY BARS.  THEY REFUSED. 


HE CHANGED THE FAUCET AND IT DRIPPED.  TOO OLD.  BRAND NEW IN THE GARAGE IN ITS BOX FOR MAYBE THIRTY YEARS. 


WE HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE FROM ORCHARD.  AND FOR THE MASTER BATH. 


DAVID CHANGED THE WASHERS IN THE MASTER SHOWER AND IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FINE.  I BOUGHT A NEW SHOWER HEAD AT SAVERS WHICH HE INSTALLED. 


WHEN I GO TO THE CITY I SHOULD PROBABLY SAVE THE PIPE TO SHOW THEM.


(I FORGOT TO GO TODAY.  I HOT TUBBED AND I'M TAKING CARE OF ME.  I WENT TO COSTCO AND GOT GAS. 


I TRIED TO PAY AMEX AND IT SAYS I MUST CONTACT CITIBANK.)


I FEEL LIKE ITS MY HOUSE, MY WATER. 


FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.

RELEASING FEELING DOOM

EVERY TIME I FEEL HAPPY I FEEL DOOM.  I FINALLY GET THAT THE FAMILY DID THEIR BEST TO SABOTAGE MY HAPPINESS.

AND SOMEHOW I INCORPORATED THAT BEHAVIOR PATTERN AND LOSE THINGS.  MY ATTENTION DEFICIT GOES UP AND I LOSE THINGS UNLESS I SLOW IT WAY DOWN.

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN

I WATCHED IT YESTERDAY AND REALIZED THAT'S WHY I WENT TO COLLEGE.  B'CUZ THE FATHER'S DYING WISH WAS TO HAVE ALL HIS CHILDREN GO TO COLLEGE. 

TV RAISED ME. 

THIS DISAPPEARED

THE POST I HAD HERE DISSOLVED WHEN I UPDATED.  THIS JUNE HAS BEEN WEIRD ANYWAY.

THEN WHEN I TRIED TO RECOVER IT, IT DUPLICATED.

CLONE: SAME BAT TIME, SAME BAT STATION

SOMEHOW IT DISAPPEARED AND DUPLICATED.  NOTE THE SAME TIME STAMP.

SPOOKY....

FEELING THE HEALING

I'VE BEEN AMAZINGLY IN SYNC WITH DAILY WORD.  TODAY'S; DIVINE ORDER.

I'M AT THE LIBRARY BECAUSE THE CITY NO LONGER HAS PHONE SERVICE ON SUNDAYS.

THEIR LOSS. 

SO I'M HERE PLAYING.

MY RESISTANCE TO FILLING OUT THE IRS PAPERS IS THE SAME AS DIVORCE PAPERS.

AND I MUST TRUST.

DIVINE ORDER.

AND THEY'RE BACK

AGAIN TODAY I UPDATED A POST AND IT DUPLICATED WITHOUT CONTENT BECOMING A DRAFT. 


WHEN IT HAPPENED B4 IT WAS LOST.  AND NOW IT'S FOUND.

WOWIE, WOW, WOW!!!! KINESTHETIC.

I'M NOT VISUAL, I'M KINESTHETIC LIKE MOM.  SHE HATED HERSELF SO SHE HATED ME.

ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT I WAS VISUAL BECAUSE I HID IN BOOKS.

I WAS TRYING TO ESCAPE MY RELATIONS.

READING WAS MY SANITY SALVATION.


WAIT A MINUTE, SHE DIDN'T HATE ME, JUST HERSELF.

WAHH!!!!

I FEEL LIKE CRYING.  MAYBE I'M JUST HUNGRY. I DON'T KNOW.  LIKE A BABY.

IF I'D HAD SOMEONE TO TEACH ME TO DIFFERENTIATE MY FEELINGS I'D KNOW WHAT I WANT, WHAT I FEEL.

I JUST WASN'T ALLOWED TO FEEL.  I WAS BEATEN INTO SUBMISSION SO THEY COULD GO ON THEIR HYPOCRITICAL WAY.  THE SCAPEGOAT, FAMILY DOG, ENABLER.

WOW!!!!  I DO IT FOR EVERYONE I MEET.  I JOLLY THEM INTO HIGHER VIBES.

MY MINIMAL CONTACT ALLOWS THEM TO ABSORB AND IMPLEMENT CHANGES IN THEIR LIVES.  THE PROGRAMMED GUIDANCE COUNSELOR.  SO ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS ARE CURSORY.  I WAS PROGRAMMED TO BE ALONE.

THE PERFECT GROUP=CO-DEPENDENTS.  OH SO POLITE AND RESPECTFUL.

COUNSELORS, EVERYONE.

AND EVERYTHING I BUY STRIPS AWAY ANOTHER LEVEL OF GETTING TO WHAT I WANT.  WHAT I FEEL.

THIS WAS BROUGHT ON BY THE NEW LUCKY'S WIN A TOYOTA CONTEST.  I WON A CADILLAC ESCALADE WHEN I WAS BEDRIDDEN AND TOO SICK TO DO ANYTHING WHEN THEY HAD THE INDY 500 CONTEST.  I KNEW I COULDN'T ACCEPT.  NON TRANSFERABLE AND SUBJECT TO THE SPONSORS.  BESIDES THE TAX IMPLICATIONS.
I WAS SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING ENTERING THIS CONTEST BY MAIL.  I DID THAT BEFORE AND WON.  BUT I DIDN'T EVEN PICK UP THE FREE AW ROOT BEER 2 LITER LAST WEEK.  DO I REALLY WANT A NEW CAR THAT WILL LOSE HALF IT'S VALUE THE FIRST YEAR.

NO.

WHEW!!!!

SO TYPICAL.  SELF SABOTAGE.


SO AS SOON AS I WROTE THAT, I COULDN'T FIND MY CHEAT SHEET FOR MY ONLINE ACCOUNTS.  PANIC. 


THEN I LOOKED FOR MY BACKUP AND IT WASN'T TOO OBSOLETE.  THEN I FOUND THE CHEAT SHEET IN MY BILL WALLET.  SO I UPDATED ALL COPIES.  I'M CURRENT.


I PRINTED OUT THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR 8962.  IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOUBLE SIDED.  NOT. 


SO I CAN FILL AND FILE.


I SPENT THE THREE DAY WEEKEND DOING NOTHING SATURDAY, SUNDAY-ONE LOAD OF LAUNDRY AT THE KIELY, SFWAY, DROP OFF MAIN LIB DVD+BOOKS, HOME.  MONDAY WATCHED MY OWN DVDS. 


AND TODAY I'M BACK AT SENIORS. 


THIS A.M. NO XWORDS OR OZZIE+HARRIET.  SO I WENT GYM-SV FOR A SOAK AND STRAIGHT HERE.


I WAS CONCERNED I WAS DEPRESSED.  MAYBE I'M JUST PEACE FILLED.

confusion

I'M FEELING LIFE IS TOO GOOD AND MY MIND REFUSES TO ENCOMPASS HOW GOOD I FEEL  I NEVER REALIZED HOW CEREBRAL I AM.  I CAN'T STAY WITH JUST FEELING GOOD.  I'M NOT USED TO FEELING GOOD.  THEY ALWAYS TOOK IT AWAY FROM ME WITH SOME KIND OF TORTURE AND I LEARNED IF I PUNISHED MYSELF THEY'D LEAVE ME ALONE.  .

THIS IS A NEW EXPERIENCE.  THIS IS THE LONGEST IT'S LASTED WITHOUT ME SCARING MYSELF.

I FILLED THE CAR WITH GAS AND THE TIRES WITH AIR.  I HAVE THREE DAYS BEFORE I HAVE TO THINK OF PAYING BILLS.  HEAVEN.  I CAN REMEMBER HOW TO SPELL HEAVEN.  THE CARTOONS HAD A SENIOR MAGICIAN WHO PUTS HIS KEYS IN A DRAWER, LEAVES THE ROOM FOR 5 MINUTES, COMES BACK INTO THE ROOM AND REMEMBERS THE KEYS!!!

I'D WORRY EXCEPT BEING ATTENTION DEFICIT, HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'M BECOMING FORGETFUL.  AND I CAN'T KEEP MY ATTENTION ON IT LONG ENOUGH TO BECOME WORRIED.

OK AT THE OK CORRAL

I'M REMINDING MYSELF NOT TO GARDEN IN THE HIGH WINDS WE CURRENTLY ARE EXPERIENCING.

WELL, WHEN I DO I'LL BE ENTHUSIASTIC.

I CAN GO TO SAFEWAY AND TRY FOR THE HOT DOGS AND DVDS.

BAD MOM-SUNDAY

BOTH MY SISTERS LIE AND STEAL BECAUSE OF THEIR ROLE MODELS. 

DAD APPROPIATED (STOLE) WHATEVER HE WANTED.  MIT'S THIEVERY.  BOTH PARENTS WERE PHD'S IN INSANITY.

I WAS LUCKY (BLESSED, THERE IS NO LUCK, ONLY KARMA) TO HAVE BABAN TO LEARN FROM.  I HAVE BETTER CHOICES.  I CAN BE MYSELF NOT MY PARENTS. 

BECAUSE MOM NEGLECTED AND ABUSED ME I DON'T IDENTIFY WITH HER.  MY UNIVERSE DOESN'T INCLUDE HER.  I HAVE TO SHUN CRAZY L.(MY SISTERS).  I WENT TO SAFEWAY YESTERDAY TO GET FREE PROTEIN BAR, HOTDOGS AND $5BOSTON CREAM STRAWBERRY CAKE.  CRAZY L WAS AT HOTDOGS, I RAN AWAY. 

I LEARNED TO SEW OR I'D HAVE LIVED IN RAGS.  NEITHER OF MY SISTERS ARE SELF SUFFICIENT.  THE DIFFERENCE FOR A SELF ACTUALIZED LIFE.  ABUSE.

MY LIFE IS SOOO DIFFERENT.  TODAY I WENT TO THE GYM AFTER CLASSICAL STRETCH.  I WAS GOING TO WEAR MY FLIPS AND CHANGED TO MY BOOTS.  TYGJ.  SAW AN ESTATE SALE AND LOOKED AROUND.  THE BACK YARD WAS DUSTY AND DIRT.  I FOUND NOTHING. 

I DECIDED THEN TO CONTINUE TO THE MAIN LIBRARY TO RETURN DVDS.  I FOUND LAMP AND TUPPERWARE.   AND HAD LUNCH AT ST. JUSTINS, WON $3 AT BINGO.  COVERS MY PURCHASE. 

MY LIFE IS SOOO DIFFERENT.

PTSD-JAN13-MAY13

MOM'S B-DAY IS HITTING ME PRETTY HARD.

I'M FEELING SAD AND DEPRESSED.  IF NOT FOR MY HABITS I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO MOVE. 

COMPULSIVE OBSESSIVE BEHAVIORS ARE GOOD FOR CARRYING ON. 

I WONDER IF THE VIOLENCE AND ABUSE CAUSED THE COMPULSIVE OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR?

HELENE SIMONE IS A GOOD MOM TO MALES AND ME.  SHE SHARED HALF HER PIECE OF CAKE AND GAVE ME HER DISCARD NEWSPAPER AND HER SAFEWAY MONOPOLY GAME PIECES.

TOMAS WAITED ON HER SATURDAY AND HE HAD TO CALL ME TO TELL ME AT 8:02 PM.

SO I'M HANGING AT THE LIBRARY R/T THE DEPRESSING HOUSE.

I HAVE SALAD AND CHICKEN FROM SENIOR LUNCH.

ALL I NEED IS A NAP.

VV JUMBLE-SRS

SLEPT 2-6:30.  GOT COCKY LAST NITE.  T CALLED 7:30 TO SAY HELENE SIMONE STOPPED BY.  I WATCHED ALFRED HITCHCOCK TIL 8:30. BARBARA BARRIE, MRS BARNEY MILLER.

WENT VF SAFEWAY FOR PUDDING CAKE VISITED CVS.  FELT SOOO GOOD.

THEN I COULDN'T SLEEP.  OH, WELL.  PROBABLY NOT THE LAST TIME.  SHE SAID WRYLY.

DOING WHAT I DO-ST JUSTIN YARD SALE-ME AND $

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S WHAT I LOVE. 

LAST NIGHT RETURNED DVDS 11:45 PM.  SO I WOULDN'T HAVE LATE FEES ON MY RECORD.  REMEMBERED AT 11:20 PM.

TODAY REMEMBERED ST. JUSTIN YARD SALE 9-2.  BOUGHT MUSEUM GRADE GLASS PUMKIN FROM JONATHON YAO.  $25.  SIZE OF A CHILD'S HEAD.  SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL. 

ENTERED ALL SAFEWAY NUMBERS FOR MONOPOLY GAME.  YESTERDAY I SPENT 3 HOURS GOING TO VF, $AN CARLOS FOUND 16 KAVA, SCU, RIVERMARK 2X, NORTHSIDE LIBRARY A NEW WODEHOUSE BK I HAVEN'T READ, BACK TO SCU.  2X GAME PIECES.  BOUGHT TURKEY SPAM.  MARIA AT 9:30 MORE SPAM.

I'M DOING WELL.  I STILL HAD ENERGY TO START VINEGAR/HONEY CHICKEN BBQ CROCK.  ADDED ONIONS AND TOMATOES THIS AM. BEEN EATING BROCCOLI STEM RAW.  SOO GOOD. 

I'M HUNGRY, LATER.

MONDAY APRIL 25

AUNTY TOMIE CHANGED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY.  

I'VE ALWAYS WORKED HARD FOR WHAT I HAVE.  BY HER GIVING ME MONEY WITHOUT STRINGS I CAN SPEND IT JOYFILLED.

I WROTE AND TOLD HER SO.

FEELING LIKE A CHILD

THE LETTER FROM THE IRS LAST FRIDAY HAS ME DEPRESSED, SAD.

IT'S LIKE ANOTHER HIT FROM THE FAMILY.

EVERY BAD THING STARTED FROM THE FAMILY.

CAN I THINK OF ANYTHING GOOD?      GOOD QUESTION.

I DON'T KNOW-STILL SHAKEN-See Adult

FALLOUT FROM TRAUMA-SAW AIL SATURDAY 1-2.

I THOUGHT I WAS OK.  YESTERDAY IS A BLUR.  I'M GLAD I WROTE ABOUT MY FEELINGS.  I'M FEELING SURREAL.  I WENT TO SAVERS AND LOST ALL SENSE OF EQUILIBRIUM.  I CALLED T TWICE.  HE WAS WORKING?  I SOLDIERED ON TO SAVEMART FOR MY FREE BACON CAESAR SALAD.  I GOT HOME AND RESTED.  I ATE THE ENTIRE SALAD.  IN TWO STAGES.

I SUSTAINED SO MUCH ABUSE.  THIS A.M. THE FRONT DOOR WAS AJAR.  WHEN IS A DOOR NOT A DOOR.  WHEN IT'S AJAR.  LUCKILY IT'S BEEN RAINING AND WARM.  IT WOULD BE JUST LIKE A TO HAVE M CHECK UP ON ME.

I HAVE TO BE CARE FULL NOT TO ABUSE MYSELF.

I HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEPING SOUNDLY.  OR MAYBE I'VE BEEN WAKING WHEN DISTURBED.  MORE LIKELY GIVEN THE PAST HISTORY OF MY SISTERS.  GASLIGHTING MAY BECOME A HABIT.  THEY DID IT TO MOM.

YESTERDAY THE SIDE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED WHEN I GOT HOME.  SHE LIKES ACTING SNEAKY AND THINKS IT'S SMART.

IT MAY NOT BE ME.

WELL, TODAY OR TOMORROW I CAN GET MY FREE CHILI'S MEAL.

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

INTO THE NEW YEAR-MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE

TODAY'S DAILY WORD.

THIS A.M. WHEN I AWOKE I REALIZED I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY AND THAT AS A EMBRYO MY LIFE OF ASPERGERS WAS CREATED BY THE LEVEL OF STRESS HORMONES THAT NURTURED MY CELLS.  MOM AND DAD FIGHTING ALL THE TIME.

I COULD FEEL IN MY BODY THE MEMORY OF HOW I WAS BORN.  THEY THOUGHT I MIGHT BE BRAIN DAMAGED BECAUSE I WAS A BLUE BABY WITH THE HEART HOLE.

ANXIETY HAS BEEN THE NORM.  BEING RETARDED WOULD HAVE FIT MOM'S SENSE OF DRAMA.  SELF-PITY.  THE DESCRIPTION FOR MOM AND DAD.

SATURDAY THE 9TH WAS THE BEST!!!  I WENT TO VALLEY VILLAGE FOR THE JUMBLE TO FIND OUT IT WAS POSTPONED TO THE 30TH.

I CONTINUED ON TO THE SENIOR'S CENTER TO EXERCISE.

I THOUGHT I'D GO TO THE LIBRARY TO AIR DRY MY HAIR AND STOPPED TO SEE ST. JUSTIN'S.  THEY'D BEEN CLOSED.  THEY WERE FULL FROM BEING CLOSED.  I FOUND 7 DVDS-$1 EA, 3 SMALL PALLETES-$1, NEW MINI CAST IRON PAN WITH TWO BROWNIE MIX-$3, S/L ANN TAYLOR BEADED NECK TURQUOISE COTTON SWEATER-$3.  THE GENTLEMAN RANG UP THE DVDS AND PALLETTES AND GAVE ME THE LAST TWO ITEMS.  GOD IS GOOD.  THANK YOU GOD-JESUS!!!!

                              NO MATTER THE APPEARANCE KEEP ON.