XMAS

I'M HAVING FLASHBACKS.  SLEEPING 6 HOURS AWAKING DEPRESSED.  I'M BETTER THAN 6 MONTHS AGO.  I HAVE MORE TOOLS FOR HAPPINESS.

AS A CHILD I ALWAYS GOT ONE PRESENT FOR BIRTHDAY AND XMAS.  THE RULE WAS I NEVER GOT WHAT I WANTED.  I GOT UNDERWEAR FOR THE YEAR, PAJAMAS FOR NEW YEAR'S AND MAYBE SLIPPERS.  THEY GOT TOYS, I GOT HAND-ME-DOWNS.

GOD MY FATHER, MARY MY MOTHER HAS GIVEN ME SO MUCH.  THREE LEATHER COATS, STRANGERS WHO'VE LOOKED OUT FOR ME AS LONG AS IT DIDN'T COST THEM ANYTHING.  PEOPLE LIKE MR RHODES MY HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR WHO APPLIED TO COLLEGES FOR ME WHEN MY PARENTS DID NOTHING FOR ME AGAIN.

I DON'T KNOW IF THEIR DISRESPECT WAS PURPOSED WHEN THEY DID ALL THAT FOR THEIR NIECES.  IT MUST HAVE BEEN.  VINDICTIVE WAS HIS MIDDLE NAME

1:30 PM-I GOT TO G2 FEELING DISORIENTED.  I SHOWERED, EXERCISED, DID MY ROUTINE.  TODAY IS COLD AND OVERCAST.  JUST THE WAY I FEEL.

THE POWER OF DENIAL.  MY LIFE WOULD BE TOO DEPRESSING W/O IT.  I'M JUST FEELING TIRED AND SAD. 

MY TINNITUS IS LIKE A HIVE OF BEES.  I THINK IT'S A WARNING SYSTEM, AN ALARM, A BS METER.