lovely jubbly

I SO ENJOY FOOLS AND HORSES.  I'VE ALWAYS HAD A TV FAMILY.  AN UNLIMITED FAMILY OF CHOICE.  A FAMILY I CAN TAKE OUT AND PUT AWAY.

STILL HOT IN COMPUTER ROOM.  OH, WELL.  I HAVE A COOL PARKING SPOT. 

BOOK MOBILE DROPPED OFF 3 FOUND 3.  TWO ON REQUEST LIST HOORAY!!

LUNCH WAS NOT GOOD.  IF I'M HUNGRY ENOUGH I CAN EAT IT OR TOSS.  HELEN GAVE ME TOMATOES AND ZUCCHINI.  I CAN ADD TO LEFT OVERS AND MAKE IT DELICIOUS. 

I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO.  I CAN BE.  CANBY.  I JUST GOT IT.  GERDA BROUGHT ELSIE.  I DECIDED TO REPLACE MY SISTERS WITH CATHY AND KELLY. 

I'M OUT IN PARKING LOT HAVING MAXED MY MINUTES.  I MUST REMEMBER TO BRING WALTER'S DVD PLAYER.  SO MANY MOVIES.  IT'S A BALMY 82 o s. 

I THOUGHT OF GOING ST J BUT I CAN DO MY BANKING TOMORROW OR NOT AND SWING BY.  HOW HEAVENLY.

STILL HOT COMPUTERS

EH, MANAGEMENT DOESN'T CARE.  I MENTIONED IT TO DON-SAID IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.  OH, WELL.

I DON'T LIKE BEING TOLD I CAN'T READ A THERMOMETER.  AND IF THEY DON'T CARE, I DON'T LIKE BEING INCONVENIENCED.

WOW! I'M SPOILED AND I LIKE IT.  WELL THE SILVER LINING-THE HOTTER UP THERE THE COOLER DOWN HERE.

I'LL GO TO MISSION TO WATCH DVD.  PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE.

LUNCH WHAT THERE WAS OF IT WAS KAHLUA PIG, CHIMICHURRI, RED POTATOES, HORRIBLE SOGGY TASTELESS DICED CARROTS, A PLAIN PIECE OF BREAD, I GAVE THE OLD APPLE TO ART.

CREEPY MC CREEP

BACK AT SENIORS FEELING MORE MYSELF THAN EVER.  HE'S HAUNTING.  I'M OK.

CREEPY HAS SET THE THERMOSTAT AT 79 o s AND OPENED THE WINDOWS IN THE COMPUTER ROOM.  I'M JUST WAITING FOR THEM TO OVER HEAT. 

I'M REVELING IN LAST WEEK'S SUCCESSES.  AT LEAST I HOPE THEY WERE.  CHECK COURSE IN MIRACLES.  TUESDAY I FORGOT LOCKS ON DOOR AND THEY WAITED PATIENTLY FOR ME WEDNESDAY, THEN I LEFT DISC IN UPSTAIRS COMPUTER AND THURSDAY I WAS SICK AND FRIDAY I COLLECTED IT FROM WHERE I FORGOT IT.

MIRACULOUS.

HOME

FINALLY INTO BLOGGER.  I TRIED TO BLOG FROM CUPERTINO AND GOOGLE LOCKED ME OUT.  WANTED ME TO ACCESS TO Y-MAIL WHICH YAHOO WOULDN'T LET ME.  AND THEN I HAD TO UPDATE MY PASSWORD.  ROUND AND ROUND.

I'M STILL BABYING MY BACK.  I EXERCISED, BOUGHT PAPER, 2 JUICES, CHIPS FOR LUNCH .  I'M FASTING.  I JUST REALIZED.  I WANTED AND ATE CHICKEN NUGGETS FOR DINNER.

YAY!!

I FINALLY FEEL I'M HOME.

I WENT TO CUPERTINO LIBRARY TO BEAT THE HEAT AND RETURN 2 DAY LATE DVD.  NO CHARGE.  THE SENIOR EXCLUSION.

I TURNED ON THE NEWS TO SHOOTING IN GILROY ABOUT THE TIME I LEFT LIBRARY.  I THOUGHT ABOUT THE TWO YEARS I LIVED THERE THE TRUTH AND LIES. 

FAITH

I STILL BELIEVE THE BEST IS NOW IN SPITE OF HOW I FEEL.  I'M MORE MYSELF THAN I'VE EVER BEEN.  I SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE NUMBED OUT.  I COULDN'T FEEL.  I WAS CUT OFF FROM MYSELF.  I'D SHUT DOWN TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM THE ABUSE AND TORTURE.  TO FEEL ANYTHING BUT HUMILIATION SHAME IS NEW.  EVEN HAPPINESS CAN FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE WHEN IT'S NEW.

CHANGE

ALL THE CHANGES I'VE BEEN MAKING IN MY THINKING ARE CHANGING THE WAY I LOOK AT LIFE.  CHANGING MY LIFE.  I'M TAKING MORE TIME OFF FROM SENIORS.  THEY'RE MY FAMILY.  IF I'D HAD THE FAMILY LIFE MOM AND DAD KEPT FROM US I WOULDN'T BE HANGING AT SENIORS.

I ENJOY SITTING WATCHING LIFE.  PEOPLE COME AND GO.

MY STOMACH IS STILL A LITTLE IFFY.  THE SPAGHETTI MEATBALLS WERE NOT GOOD, BROCCOLI INEDIBLE, SALAD HAD BEEN FROZEN.  YUCK.  GOOD WAY TO DIET.

I TRIED EATING LEFT OVER NOODLES BUT TOO GREASY.  I HAD AN APPLE AND NECTARINE RAVI BOUGHT AT KAISER FARMERS MARKET.  NOTHING APPEALS TO ME. 

HURT MY BACK

I WORKED OUT TOO HARD AND AWOKE SUFFERING AT 1 A M.  I'M TRYING NOT TO THROW UP.

SIPPING GRAPEFRUIT AND NIBBLING CHEERIO O'S HELPED.  AGONIZING BACK PAIN STOMACH UPSET.  I'M TAKING WHITE WILLOW AND PASSIONFLOWER.

SPENT THE WHOLE DAY SLEEPING IN PAIN. 

BEST TIME

I'M SITTING THINKING AND ENJOYING THE PANORAMA OF LIFE.  I GOT SENIORS 6:58 A M AND #1 SPOT.  AT 2:30 MOVED CAR FORWARD TO STAY IN SHADE.

ASHWARI TOOK CARE OF CHROME FOR ME.  CHECKED IN AND OUT.  LITTLE WHITE GIRLS COUNTY AND CITY DO IT LIKE WHITE WOMEN AND THEIR BELIEF IN THEIR SUPERIORITY.  THERE'S A BIG RE BALANCING COMING. 

GER HOMELESS ALWAYS TELLING ME WRONG.  HE TELLS ME HE LEFT THE MERC PUZZLES ON PATIO WHEN HE LEFT THEM IN GYM.  STUFF OUT ON PATIO AFTER HE'S TOLD PIGGIES.   HE DELIGHTS IN MY DISAPPOINTMENT=DAD AND I KNOW HOW HE DIED SUFFERING.  GLAD THAT'S CLEARED UP.

I WATCH WHAT PEOPLE DO AND HOW THEY DO IT

PATIENCE

I USED TO WORRY NOT SLEEPING.  NOW I KNOW I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M TIRED ENOUGH.

JOHN BRIAN BROUGHT MC PIES I WANTED LEMON MERINGUE HARRY INSISTED I TAKE THE LAST PIECEAND TIN.  I PLANNED ON SHARING WITH ART AND GERDA THEN ROSE AND ELSIE SHOWED UP.  NOT ENOUGH SO I'M HAVING IT WITH DINNER.

I BACKED OFF ON THE NEW STRETCHES.  LESS IS MORE.

AAHHH......

I FEEL CONTENT.  IT'S SO NEW TO FEEL IT FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME.  I'M CLEARING THE FRIDGE A BIT AT A TIME.  ALL'S GOOD.

SO GOOD

I WALKED MY ROUTINE AFTER DOING THE BACK DVD. THIS AM.  I BOUGHT LETTUCE AND PORK AT LUCKY'S.  I FINALLY CLEANED THE CAULIFLOWER I PICKED UP AT SENIORS.  I HAD IT FOR DINNER.  LUNCH WAS LETTUCE KRAB WRAPS.  I HAVEN'T HAD SUGAR IT UPSETS MY STOMACH.  SO NO COOKIES, CAKES OR DONUTS.

OF COURSE I FINISHED THE ROCKY ROAD WHILE I WAS COOKING THE CAULIFLOWER.  BUT THAT DIDN'T UPSET MY STOMACH.  IT WAS DELICIOUS. 

BEAUTY

SO MUCH OF MY LIFE IS SERENDIPITY.  I WENT $ANTA FOR RINSE AND TO LOOK FOR CONCAVE MIRROR.  I GOT CHIPS AND PINEAPPLE STICKERS.  THEN WHILE CONSIDERING CHERRIES AT SPROUTS I REMEMBERED I RECEIVED LETTER FROM TARGET NOT USING CARD.  I BOUGHT SALE JERKY AND GRAPEFRUIT ICE DRINK.  I'M THROWING UP AGAIN.

IT'S LOVELY COOL OVERCAST.  I'LL HAVE TO CHECK WEATHER.

I'M SITTING OUTSIDE SENIORS.  I SWAM, PUZZLED, DID WHAT I WANTED UNTIL NOON.  THEN I SPENT THE AFT AT MISSION LIBRARY WATCHING EXERCISE DVD AND READING PAPERS UNTIL I DECIDED TO GO TO $AN CARL FOR CELERY.  I CHECKED THE $TREE FOR MAGNIFYING MIRROR BUT FOUND MORE STICKERS AND SEE THRU BILL BAG AND LIGHTERS.  I GOT MY FREE CVS ROCKY ROAD ICE CREAM.  I CAME HOME EXHAUSTED AND CONTENT TO KRAB AND QUINOA, 6 SCOOPS OF ICE CREAM.

IT WAS PERFECT.

UNLIMITED

BY TURNING MY LIFE OVER TO GOD I LOSE MY LIMITS.  I'M SITTING IN THE SHADE AT SENIORS THINKING, FEELING, DETERMINING MY LIFE.  I GAVE ART'S MILK TO ALEC IN EXCHANGE FOR THE PAPER.  I LEFT THE COUPONS FOR ALMITA.  I MAILED PCH.

DR CHUNG IS HAVING THE OPTOMETRIST IN SUNNYVALE SEND ME A LETTER.  I'LL BE AUTHORIZED FOR MY EXAM.  I HAVE THE PAPERWORK FOR BLOOD AND MAMMOGRAM.

TODAY IS LOVELY.  MAKES ME WANT TO WASH THE CAR INSIDE AND OUT.  I HAVE PGE AND CAMPBELL.  done.

I PUZZLED 'TIL FOUR.  CRUISED TO CAMPBELL LIGHT TRAFFIC.  PRACTICE FOR CLASSES I MAY ATTEND NEXT MONTH PAINTING AND EARRINGS.  CLERK WAS WEIRD.  SHE RENEWED CD 3RD TIME. 

I ATE 3 SMALL PEACHES FROM SENIORS.  2 LEFT.  DELICIOUS.  THEY ARE SO GOOD.  I WANT A TREE.  I HAD ANOTHER MEATLOAF SANDWICH FOR DINNER WITH CHIPS AND CHIPOTLE KETCHUP. 

TYGJ.

LOOKING FORWARD

BIT BY BIT I'M TOSSING THE OLD LIFE STARTING WITH THE FREEZER.  YESTERDAY I GOT GAS.  RESTED TAKING CARE OF MYSELF WANDERING THE CENTER.  THERE WERE TWO WOMEN; ONE IN NEW PT CRUISER ONE IN LEXUS SLEEPING IN THEIR CARS IN PARKING LOT.  I'M ONE OF MANY.

I PICKED UP ENVY APPLES AND SUPER LOTTO ON THE WAY HOME EASY PEASY.  AND I'M OK WITH WAKING AFTER 5 HOURS.  I'LL SLEEP WHEN I'M TIRED.  I WAS AFRAID OF NEVER SLEEPING FROM DEPRESSION.

CHECKED MY LOTTO.  NOT YET.  TOOK BACK RECYCLE $4.88.  NOW I HAVE ROOM TO TAKE LAUNDRY. 

I GOT TO SENIORS 6:39 A M AND SUMI HARRY INGE.  WOW. 

what a weird MARWEN day

GOBLIN TRUMP ALWAYS TRYING TO IMPRESS PEOPLE SPOKE TO ME AFTER I REMINDED HIM COMPUTER ROOM NO PROFANITY ZONE POSTED BY DOOR.  AFTER I SAT DOWN AND STARTED READING ONLINE HE PROBABLY USED UP HIS TIME AND WAS SH-ING AND EFF-ING UP A STORM.  SUCH A PITY.  NOT HELPING HIMSELF. I KNOW HE'S BEEN LOOKING FOR WORK.  HE SAID I TOOK HIS PAPER HE LEFT ABANDONED ON THE CHAIRS AND ASKED WHERE THEY WERE.  I SAID IN MY CAR.  MAGNANIMOUSLY HE SAID I COULD KEEP THEM THIS TIME.  I TOLD HIM HE SHOULD LOCK THEM UP.  LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO READS ABANDONED  NEWSPAPERS.  HE'S JUST LIKE AILEEN ATTACKING WHEN HE SHOULD SHUT UP AND LEARN.

SOME PEOPLE ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK WITH BECAUSE THEY RUN THEIR TAPES.

I GOT GAS AT COSTCO.  I DON'T KNOW IF I'M TIRED OR WHAT.  DEALT WITH BOOK MOBILE.  I DIDN'T WATCH SOME DVDS.  I'M STILL PROCESSING WELCOME TO MARWEN.  MARK HOGANCAMP WAS DENIED CONTINUED HELP AND DEVISED HIS OWN THERAPY.  FROM AN ALCOHOLIC HE BECAME OF SERVICE WITH HIS CONVOLUTED HEALING.  I'M STAYING STUCK.  I NEED ANOTHER OPTION.

DR CHUNG TOMORROW 1 PM.

AS I WAS LEAVING A MAN COMMENTED I LOOKED PRETTY.  I THANKED HIM AND SAID IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.

AM TIRE

I ALMOST LOST WHEEL SOLUTIONS.  I'M USING AM TIRE WI-FI WHILE I GET ROTATED.  I'M BEING RESPONSIBLE.  THEIR WEB SITE WHISKED ME AWAY.  I WENT ONE STEP BACK.

I DON'T KNOW HOW OTHERS PUT TRAUMA BEHIND THEM.  IT SEEMS ANTI SURVIVAL.  WE HAVE THE REACTIONS AS PROTECTION AGAINST A RE OCCURANCE.  THAT'S WHAT MEMORY IS FOR.  SURVIVAL.

$60 FOR RE BALANCING.  I COULD UNDERSTAND IF THE TIRES WERE COMING OFF THE RIMS.  I DON'T KNOW.

IT WASN'T ME.

I TRIED ALL DAY TO ACTIVATE ANTHEM PREPAID VISA ONLINE AND AUTO PHONE.  CALLED CUSTOMER SUPPORT AND ALLISON SAID SYSTEM UPDATE TRY IN 2 HOURS.  WHEW, IT WASN'T ME. 

MAYBE FREEZER ISN'T ME AND EVEN IF IT IS I'M OK.

DEEPAK CHOPRA SAYS BEST HEALTH REQUIRES PERCEIVING OUR PLACE IN UNIVERSE DIFFERENTLY.  OK.

NOTHING TO LIVE FOR

MY GRANDFATHER, DAD'S FATHER DIED OF ASPHYXIATION 8/24/1949 AND MAYBE MY SUPERSTITIOUS MOM WAS AFRAID I WAS HIM COME BACK TO HAUNT THE FAMILY MY BEING BORN 1950. 

I MOVED BACK HERE 1989 WHEN DAD HAD PROSTATE CANCER.  I DROVE THEM BOTH.  DAD HAD FORCED HER TO RETIRE AND STOP DRIVING.  NEXT YEAR HE HAD COLON CANCER.

SHE SWALLOWED MY DAD'S BOTTLE OF SLEEPING PILLS A FEW DAYS AFTER TELLING ME SHE FOUND HER FATHER IN LAW HANGING IN THE FRONT YARD OF THEIR HOUSE THE FIRST YEAR THEY WERE MARRIED.  SHE TOLD ME WITHOUT ANY EMOTION.  SO MATTER OF FACTLY ASKING ME IF I KNEW.  I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.  I ALWAYS KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH OUR FAMILY.

WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH DAD'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY.  WE VISITED AND HOSTED HER FAMILY.  BOTH SIDES WERE WEIRD.   MY DAD'S SIDE SUICIDAL ALCOHOLICS, MY MOM'S VIOLENT ALCOHOLICS.   I GUESS ALCOHOL AND BEING BORN IN HAWAII KEPT THEM TOGETHER.  THERE WAS NO AFFECTION AND THE HUMOR WAS BASED ON HUMILIATION.  

I SURVIVED ALCOHOL I CAN SURVIVE SUICIDE.

GOT IT

GINNY INVITED ME ST J BUT THEY CANCELLED SO I'M FEELING RESTLESS AND WHAT TO DO.

I DID MY REGULAR SUNDAY ROUTINE FREE LUCKY'S SPARKLING ICE.  GOT HOME AND THE FREEZER WASN'T FREEZING.

I FIGURED OUT THE MATERIAL SYMBOLS REPRESENT THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES.  THE MESS REFLECTS THE GARBAGE I CLEANED AND CLEARED FOR THE FAMILY.  THE HOUSE REPRESENTS MY FAMILY.  IT'S JUST A HOUSE.  THE FRIDGE IS NOT AILEEN.  SHE TRIED TO TAKE IT AND TORE THE BOTTOM SO SHE LEFT IT.  NOT THE FRIDGE'S FAULT.

THE YARD IS NOT MOM AND DAD AND THEIR CONFLICT.  TOM LEAVING THINGS A MESS.

THE FEAR I'VE BEEN EXPERIENCING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MATERIAL STUFF BUT THE EMOTIONAL SYMBOLS.  THE PHYSICAL THREATS FROM THE FAMILY.  THREATENING MY LIFE.

I FEEL SO DIFFERENT.  LIGHT AND AIRY.  FREE.

AND ... THE ANXIETY'S BACK.  WHENEVER I LEARNED SOMETHING NEW I WAS PUNISHED.  I'D BE SO HAPPY AND MY FAMILY WOULD SEE ME HAPPY AND FIND SOME WAY OF SABOTAGING MY HAPPINESS.  KNOWING ME SO WELL IT WAS EASY FOR THEM.

IT'S BEEN 16 YEARS AILEEN MOVED OUT AND 12 SINCE SHE GOT THE MONEY.  I'M STILL NERVOUS/AFRAID ABOUT THE SABOTAGE.  I KNOW MITZI STILL COMES AROUND.  THINGS GET BROKEN AND DISAPPEAR.  NOW I'M FEELING ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED.  SELF SABOTAGE IS EASIER SOMEHOW.  I'M USED TO BEING BLAMED.  THAT'S HORRIBLE.  I WAS BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING AND NEVER NOTICED 'TIL BILL BLAMED ME FOR GEORGE H W BUSH'S HEART ATTACK.  TYPICAL FAMILY INSANITY.

GROUCHY BACK

I GET USED TO THINGS WORKING MY WAY AND WHEN THEY DON'T I FRUSTRATE EASILY.  THE BILL PAYING.

MY BACK COULD BE FROM THE DONUTS.  OR MY MOOD.  I DON'T KNOW.  I JUST WANT A HEALTHY HAPPY BACK.

SO TODAY I'M PLAYING AT THE BERRY.  AND TOMORROW WHO KNOWS.  I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE ST. J.  I'M SO GOOD AT KNOWING WHAT I DON'T WANT.  I JUST NEED PRACTICE WHAT I WANT.

SUPER LOTTO!!

my pink marble mansion

I'M FOCUSING ON WHAT I WANT.  I PUZZLED, WENT ONLINE TRYING TO PAY CITY COULDN'T CONNECT.  I HAD LUNCH GOOD STEWED TOMATOES.  PUZZLED AND TRIED ONLINE AGAIN.  SAW THE 24 HOUR PHONE OPTION.  WENT OUT TO CAR FOR UTILITY BILL.  GOT KICKED OUT OF AUTO PAY TO AN OPERATOR, PAID AND FOUND FRESH DONUTS.  MY FRUSTRATION DISAPPEARED.  DECIDED TO GO TO CAMPBELL AND PICKED UP JACKIE CHAN MOVIES.  FUN, FUN, FUN.

TODAY'S DAILY WORD LET GO LET GOD.

GOD IS TAKING CARE OF ME

WELL, GOD IN ME.  THIS MORNING I STARTED TO FREAK BECAUSE I LEFT THE FRIDGE DOOR AJAR AND THE POOR MOTOR.  I MADE PLANS ON LIVING W/O FRIDGE.  JUST ANOTHER THING TO OWN THAT REALLY OWNS ME.  FRONTIER WOMAN.

I HAVE LEFT OVERS FROM LUNCH AND A PLAN TO HANG HERE 'TIL 4.  I'M READING THE TATTOOIST OF AUSCHWITZ FASCINATED BY HOW LALE SURVIVES.  I FEEL LIKE I LIVED MY CHILDHOOD IN A CONCENTRATION CAMP.  THE ARBITRARY CRUELTY.  THE PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE.  MOM BURNT ME WITH INCENSE.  NONE OF THE OTHERS.

IT'S OVER.

I MUST STRETCH MY COMFORT ZONE.

I WENT AND I'M NOT READY TO VOLUNTEER.  WHILE THE APPETIZERS WERE GOOD THE $10 PARKING WAS TOO MUCH.  THEY ONLY VALIDATED $5.  POOR PLANNING.  

RAISING MYSELF

I'M MY PERFECT MOTHER.  I CAN UNDO ALL THE HURT AND TRAUMA I SUFFERED WITH MY FAMILY.  MOM NEVER STUCK UP FOR ME.  SHE BLAMED ME FOR EVERYTHING AND DAD STOOD BY AND NEVER SUPPORTED ME EITHER.  TERRIBLE PARENTS.  I HAD TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF SINCE 8 YEARS OLD.

AND THEN I BECAME THE MAID SERVANT AND LOOKED AFTER 4 UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE.  I THOUGHT I WAS CINDERELLA.  I COOKED AND CLEANED FOR 60 YEARS.

MAYBE THAT'S WHAT I CONNECT WITH PRINCESS AND CURDIE.  WORKER BEES.  NOT TALKING HEADS.  LARGE HELEN DISSED ME AGAIN.  SHE AND MARILYN ARE SUCH RACIST HYPOCRITES I WONDER IF GERDA IS ANY BETTER.  INGA SEEMS TO BE.

FOOD

IS A BIG PART OF MY LIFE.  I WANT TO ENJOY MY LIFE.  I HAVE SO MANY SNACKS AND GOOD TOO. 

GOT TO GO PAY BILL.

I'M HUNGRY

I'M WATCHING TOPPER.  THE ORIGINAL WITH CARY GRANT 1937.  COLORIZED.  MAKES ME FEEL YOUNG.  I WATCHED SO MANY MOVIES AS A CHILD ALONE.  I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FAMILY WERE.

 I HAD CHEERIOS AND MEATLOAF FOR BREAKFAST.  DELICIOUS.  JUST WHAT I WANTED.  SO MUCH NICER THAN DAD'S HOT MUSH AND HARD FRIED EGG.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD.

HAPPY SATURDAY

7 HOURS SLEEP FOR A CHANGE.  SO PREFERABLE TO 4-5 OR 6.  I THINK MY ANXIETY FOR THE END/BEGINNING OF EACH MONTH IS LEARNED FROM THE PARENTS.  IT HAS NO BASIS IN MY EXPERIENCE UNLESS IT'S THE NEW MOON.  I DON'T KNOW.

I TRIMMED KIWI & SOME WEEDS CLEARING THE WALK.  MY BACK IS FINALLY BETTER.  I WENT TO $ANTA AND FOUND PADLOCKS WITH MATCHING KEYS SO I HAVE THE SAME LOCK TOP AND BOTTOM.  BRILLIANT!!

I BOUGHT 4 PR ANIMAL SOCKS.  THE CUTEST.  4 5 X BLACK TEES.  HAPPY HUNTING. 

HAPPY GIRL

I GAVE CATHY THE EYE DROPS AND ACNE SAMPLE.  AND I TALKED TO KELLY SO I FEEL COMPLETE.  I HAVE MY GOOD SISTERS.

I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR MAKE UP AND GETTING BACK TO WORK.  I FEEL LIKE I CAN.  AFTER ALL I DID YESTERDAY AND THIS MORNING I FEEL OK AND SUNDAY'S SUPPOSED TO BE COOL.  EVERYTHING IS DRYING OUT.  I CAN CLEAR WEEDS. 

FREE

ALL THE SHOULDS OF THE YARD, EXERCISE ETC.   SHOULDING MYSELF.  AN ODD WORD SHOULD.

IT'S HARD KNOWING WHAT I WANT AND WHAT IS BEST FOR ME WHEN ALL MY EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN TO BE DENIED AND THWARTED.  THE FEAR, ANTICIPATION AND ANXIETY LINKED TO MY DESIRES MAKE WANTING UNCOMFORTABLE TO SAY THE LEAST.

I RE STACKED AILEEN'S PLYWOOD PILE THAT FELL OVER.  CUT KIWI BACK, CUT WEEDS.  STILL MORE TO DO.  I HAVE A PLAN AND I FEEL OK.  MY FEET HURT SO MUCH. 

G 2 AND SAFEWAY LARGE PUMPKIN PIE $1.99, $V 2 PADLOCKS/EAR BUD/FLY SWATTERS/QUEEN MATTRESS COVER/ MARIA 6 DONUTS $1.99, LUCKY'S 2 FROZEN DINNERS.  I ATE THE HOT CAJUN CHICKEN I WANTED THE MAC N CHEESE.  TOKI CALLED TO ASK IF I WANTED APRICOTS, YES!  SHE SAID SHE'D LEAVE THEM. I TOOK A NAP.

OPTIONS

SO MANY CHOICES OF WHAT I WANT TO DO AND BE.  I WANT TO DRAW.  AND PAINT.  AND WRITE.  DELORISE LUCAS SUGGESTED I WRITE.

I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING.  I'M REBELLING.  I'M HAVING MY TERRIBLE TWO'S.  AND ENJOYING EVERY MINUTE.  I HAD LEFTOVERS AND TWO DONUTS. 

BETTER

I DREAMED OF MRS LANSING IMPROVING MY YARD.  PROBABLY THE DVDS I WATCHED NOT SLEEPING.