GOT IT

GINNY INVITED ME ST J BUT THEY CANCELLED SO I'M FEELING RESTLESS AND WHAT TO DO.

I DID MY REGULAR SUNDAY ROUTINE FREE LUCKY'S SPARKLING ICE.  GOT HOME AND THE FREEZER WASN'T FREEZING.

I FIGURED OUT THE MATERIAL SYMBOLS REPRESENT THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES.  THE MESS REFLECTS THE GARBAGE I CLEANED AND CLEARED FOR THE FAMILY.  THE HOUSE REPRESENTS MY FAMILY.  IT'S JUST A HOUSE.  THE FRIDGE IS NOT AILEEN.  SHE TRIED TO TAKE IT AND TORE THE BOTTOM SO SHE LEFT IT.  NOT THE FRIDGE'S FAULT.

THE YARD IS NOT MOM AND DAD AND THEIR CONFLICT.  TOM LEAVING THINGS A MESS.

THE FEAR I'VE BEEN EXPERIENCING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MATERIAL STUFF BUT THE EMOTIONAL SYMBOLS.  THE PHYSICAL THREATS FROM THE FAMILY.  THREATENING MY LIFE.

I FEEL SO DIFFERENT.  LIGHT AND AIRY.  FREE.

AND ... THE ANXIETY'S BACK.  WHENEVER I LEARNED SOMETHING NEW I WAS PUNISHED.  I'D BE SO HAPPY AND MY FAMILY WOULD SEE ME HAPPY AND FIND SOME WAY OF SABOTAGING MY HAPPINESS.  KNOWING ME SO WELL IT WAS EASY FOR THEM.

IT'S BEEN 16 YEARS AILEEN MOVED OUT AND 12 SINCE SHE GOT THE MONEY.  I'M STILL NERVOUS/AFRAID ABOUT THE SABOTAGE.  I KNOW MITZI STILL COMES AROUND.  THINGS GET BROKEN AND DISAPPEAR.  NOW I'M FEELING ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED.  SELF SABOTAGE IS EASIER SOMEHOW.  I'M USED TO BEING BLAMED.  THAT'S HORRIBLE.  I WAS BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING AND NEVER NOTICED 'TIL BILL BLAMED ME FOR GEORGE H W BUSH'S HEART ATTACK.  TYPICAL FAMILY INSANITY.