woke twice at 3 and 6. i'm feeling better. when i was sick the world seemed so far away. now i can focus and everything is present. all my childhood was spent hiding from my family to avoid abuse. all a child needs to physically survive is attention. that electrical exchange is necessary for sustenance. ignorance is death. john donne 'no man is an island' new meaning without attention children waste away and die like a dead battery. abuse is tolerated as a less desirable form of attention. that's why some people seek out abuse. any attention is necessary for life. attention is an anchor to life. any and every life lost is a missing piece in the universal tapestry.
subconsciously people know this. that's why abuse, bullying is allowed. goodness is perceived as weakness. wrong. the good are internally so much stronger than the bullies. bullies are chaff the wind blows away.
trump is an attention seeking black hole. he does and says anything to attract energy. he's an energy vampire sacrificing others to stay alive.
12;20 am lucid dream of alien and x in posh motel resort. she wants me to wear her shoes walk her walk. i refuse poisoned life force her to walk her choice. i'm strong, pick her up by her ankles, put her shoes on her feet.
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