physics of prayer-all thoughts-Ramon excellent driver

all thought good bad or indifferent is electrical energy.  that energy is a command to the universe to produce.  if the thoughts are jumbled the creative machinery has nothing to focus on.  nothing is created the energy is spent.  

weirdest day ever.  Ramon picked me up as stated rather than 20-30 minutes later.  he dropped me in front and i was early.  i showered, swam, tub closed chemical problem.  lunch turkey loaf good.  trudy gave me pb cookies, kenny, fred, mike, toki.  i puzzled for a bit 'til my hair dried.  i called hopper first call disconnected.  second call christian said my name wrong.  refused to connect ride, no supervisor no help.  suggested i make another account with another phone number, credit card, e mail.  crazy.  support call back 2 days.  i need ride now.  i looked online for help decided to call again for rider support talked to gigi checked my account no problem connected my ride Ramon showed up 20 minutes later.  so if i hadn't been put off i wouldn't have gotten Ramon as my driver.

too weird for me.

8:30 pm i confuse easily.  my library account suddenly has a $14.39 fine on it.  i can't find anything itemizing the charges.  under the fees section it states there are no fees.  i e mailed after hours is this like the phantom juvenile graphic novel that suddenly appeared on my account that was later removed.  i don't know what's going on.  i confuse easily.

at least i have the wheel of fortune.  9 pm celebrity wheel mayim bialek from 5/10/2023.  regular wheel preempted by 'state of the nation' at 10 pm.  

8 am best pick up time

tam prefers real estate and has to drive part time for wife and 5 yr old girl.  later mostly students riding.  and gps directs drivers to the most requested closest location.  makes sense.  man is not rational but rationalizing.  practice makes perfect.  

showered, swam.  puzzled.  lunch ok.  salisbury steak and mash.  toki on time and fred late.  packed house.  no empty seats.  melvin offered a ride home yes, please.  i rested, fixed silk shirt, marked sizes.  building my courage i called carlos i'm ready to start repair.  i called juan left message.  i called anthem and unlocked benefits.  mary came through.  step by step.  

i'll forgo bookmobile

now i'm aware of schedule i can go anytime.  i called hopper 8 am and got a ride 20 later.  i showered and swam.  upstairs i puzzled and thought about calling anthem and benefits again.  i'm just too tired and bored.  i need more fun.  there's always tomorrow.  brain came by to talk to nurse.  

lunch was good.  Fred and oki.  then melvin came over asked if i wanted a ride home.  he was going to nob hill and cost co.  his 2005 suv is like new, his cousin's kept garaged.  100 k miles.  he must drive a lot.  his cousin drove only a few miles a day to work.  home early i started getting rid of paper.  for dinner i toasted last of friday corn bread.  i heated chicken corn chowder with cheddar cheese.  so good.  

no wheel.  preempted for politics.  like we can't wait.  boo....

finally my back hurts where i expected

between my shoulder blades from blade to blade.  like a pillow of pain.  different from my reaction to ibuprofen.  definitely connected to digestion.  

i was ready for bartolo to run errands.  he showed up with bro and adele to garden.  an hour.  said afternoon 2-3.  ok.  i removed pocket from hobo bag and added it to my bass fishing shirt.  an hour.  something i wanted to do since adding the first pocket.  i called carlos explained why i wanted to repair my tank car.  he'll have repair guy call me.  so i'm resting.

i called bartolo 2 pm left message.  called 3 pm talked him into driving.  showed up 4 to sunny then bank to atm paid cost co.  star one deposit and unity check.  cup returned 12 movies borrowed 2.  home 5 pm tired.  ate last salad w/cornbread and cheese.  

3/3 girl's day

reminds me of 6/6 boy's day.  i'm missing eric.  my 'brother', karaoke boss, car mechanic. best buddy.  just turned 61 on 6/3 and died 10 days later.  i visited him in the hospital every time he got sick. i tried to get him on a better diet but 5 years of 3 cancers and his old life was too much.  i'm finally ready to stop grieving.  i know how cruel japanese families can be.  i read tale of genji.  

considered walking to nob hill but rainy.  i decided to cook turmeric penne with cheese.  too much fiber or the chili paste.  i cooked lb of bacon in the microwave.  simmer an hour rotating and checking.  i used newspaper covered with parchment paper to keep from sticking and paper towel to soak up grease.  i used to collect the grease and never used it to cook with throwing it out.  i put 3 strips and a green salad, side of cornbread.  i've never had so much bacon.  i usually cut it up fry it in microwave for rice.  

i watched 'roise and frank' an irish movie in gaelic with subtitles.  pretty entertaining.  then 'the old maid' 1939 bette davis, miriam hopkins a woman's movie.  classic unusual for the times.  morals didn't change 'til 2000's. currently watching bette davis' first movie 1932 'the dark horse political comedy campaign election.

i accomplished a lot.  i located ss card, car pink slip, birth cert.  i perused tax return, many payment options.  i'm not entirely sure it's accurate.  irs will tell me.  

blessed to have time to heal-bartolo $70 garden $20 driving

woke with physical emotional pressure that moved from ab to chest.  looked for misplaced movie to return and the self criticism program started running how stupid lazy etc...  families criticize and humiliate to control and added with physical and emotional violence 100 % effective.  changing the chemical memories takes time and repetition.  trauma is a huge chemical imprint.  baby ducks on hatching imprint on the first thing they see as mother.  i'm learning to be patient and gentle with myself.  i was taught to ignore myself and sometimes this programmed energy spills over into my everyday life.  i found phone messages from 2 pm while i was safeway and going home.  

bartolo called 8:30 am outside ready to roll while i was getting taxes together.  i changed clothes, brushed my teeth, lucky's free coke big lots free water i picked up amino for toki.  discussed what i wanted to do bartolo had to take his brother to taxes.  got to chase i forgot my card drove back home.  withdrew then main 9:45 am i signed up for taxes.  11:15 my turn, done 12:30 i walked over to st just before rain.  15 minutes in front of church.  my phone didn't ring again.  missed call.  i saw hopper across street and waved my arms.  home safe.  

woo hoo

a new day, a new month, a new me.  

every day is an opportunity to start new.  every minute.  

via hopper on 3rd call i noticed volume zero.   seniors late, nice lunch.  i decided business more important than bingo, no bartolo for banking busy working.  took hopper to home Safeway bought 4 cheese, mac egg salad by mistake.  i finally remembered to buy dawn power wash with a new coupon 'free' refill (end cost $1.60), clearance cornbread, salad mix.  got Mandeep again for the ride home.  and gps sent him wrong directions so 25 minutes longer.  big hatchback shopping and laundry no problem.  

carlos knocked on the door with a 1993 corolla he's maintained for the last 20/31 years.  $2600 online worth kbb edmunds $1600 200 k miles.  i feel disloyal to my 2008.  so 16 or 31 year old car.  mine has better value.  bigger heavier better protection.  200 k compared to my 47 k miles.  and i can't find pink slip.