nesia

poly- micro- map of the pacific is fascinating.  we're all little islands.

i'm running from mitzi towards my future filled with love.

i must have done a crap job raising her.  i was only 5 years older.  aileen made it into a competition and she's won.  mitzi never took care of mom either.  she's taking care of aileen like i told her.  maybe.  or she's playing aileen like she did mom.

10;41 mitzi calls from unknown number, knocks on door.  wants me to open garage door.  message says she can't get through weeds.  no way mit, when i needed help she couldn't be bothered.  she refused to drive me when i had exploratory operation.  she sneaked to my pre op doctors appointment when it might have been cancer.  i've always done everything asked of me when i could.  i can't keep doing this to myself.  and i'm clear i gave them permission to continually take advantage...

now i understand the lesson.  my back is vibrating.  this and no more.  if they'd helped with yard no problem.  if she'd helped with mom.  she broke mom's heart.  after dad died both evil daughters refused to take mom in.  when dad was sick both offered.

11;39 adrenaline rush i caught her stealing my fold up wheel barrow just as she was loading it in the back.  i yelled when she takes my stuff it's twice as hard to replace if i can even find one.  she said she didn't know, well she didn't ask.  she left 12 pk panda t p and donut.  gave me 2019 lam research journal as apology.     i don't want need the aggravation.  25 inch chain saw now 14 " anchor weighs a ton.  i called her on her new number picked up on second call and of course they have 'no idea'.  craig left the cloth covers and nets and holder.

she could have offered to bring me lunch.

i've been projecting myself onto nitzi.  she's not who i've hoped and believed her to be.  i've been foolishly believing her to be a better person.  she isn't.  i always do this and disappoint myself.