i woke in flashback. flashbacks all night. i'm still hurting. mom would sit me on rattan couch knowing i wouldn't move. the rattan will bite my infant flesh. i'd get so pain filled sitting in one position afraid to move i'd cry. eventually someone would come get me. that's what i know; to wait until i can no longer tolerate the pain. there's no one for me. crying for help is punished.
going back to the beginning my anxiety depression is less. my stomach hips are relaxing. i can breathe. no tobacco smoke.
i don't want to do anything. today i don't have to do anything. i'm not hungry thirsty. i'm feeling stunned. exhausted.
i thank god i have a routine. i went seniors 9;46 #5 car. mailed pch entry, main library drop off sonic pick up judy, chase withdrawal cu deposit, noon ate lunch cupertino drop off sonic 1776 harriet pick up murder he says trolls lucy and home 1;46 everything put away.
how perfect is that.
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