Wednesday, January 16, 2019

eight

DEVELOPMENTALLY I FEEL LIKE ME.  THEY DID EVERYTHING TO SQUASH ME.  MOM ENCOURAGED AILEEN TO BULLY ME, ME TO BULLY MIT.  I COULDN'T DO IT.  IT MADE ME TOO SAD.  I LEARNED TO PUSH IT DOWN.  COMPARTMENTALIZE.

60 YEARS OF MISERY.  I'M COMING AWARE.  EVEN IF I NO LONGER EXIST THERE I'M TIRED.  I SUPPOSE I'M RECOVERING.  LIFE IS A SINE WAVE.  HIGHS AND LOWS.  CRESTS AND TROUGHS. 

I WAS A SCRAWNY KID WITH NO ONE TO LOVE ME.  GOD ALWAYS LOVED ME.

I FORCED MYSELF TO DO THEIR BIDDING TO SURVIVE, MINIMIZE THE ABUSE.  I'M TIRED. 

FALLING FORWARD AND CATCHING MYSELF.


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